SURVIVING THE EXPERIENCE
RYAN X
The name 'Ryan X' has nothing to do with Malcolm X. It simply came about because over the years I’ve possessed many different email accounts and was never comfortable with putting my full name on the internet, so it ended up being ‘Ryan X’. This book has changed a lot over the years. As I’ve grown so my words have grown with me. My writing is fairly blunt and to the point. This is because I haven’t spent much time describing characters, scenery, dialog and other such characteristics you'll tend to find in most books. It’s not that I purposely avoided these things - rather that this story does not require such extras.
My work is mostly auto biographical. Everything pertaining to myself in this story has happened just as I've said it has or to the best of my recollection. It’s worth taking into account that my writing stems from a certain necessity, not for pleasure or to prove any kind of literary skill. Also, when I say 'we', 'us', 'our', or 'people' - I’m simply generalizing. Lastly that my beliefs /opinions /outlook are just those... mine. It is neither the intention of my work to impose them on anyone nor to replace anyone else's values or beliefs with my own.
CHAPTER 1
I had a fairly normal childhood. My parents divorced when I was about 5 years old so I ended up sharing my youth between two households. I guess that's considered normal these days. I had a strong connection with my father. On weekends and school holidays he would take me and my brother somewhere off the beaten track, forests, deserts and everything in between - which in those days was as good as it got for me. He was an ardent music fan and would share with me the kind of stuff most kids would have to do behind the scenes, allowing me to watch horror films with him and not minding if I snuck a peek at some of his adult magazines.
As a kid I never much cared for clothing. I especially despised wearing trousers. Whenever my folks would make me wear trousers, I would protest by keeping my shorts on underneath. Shoes weren’t ever my thing either. I downright hated the things. I was forced to wear shoes for my first day of school. To say I had some problems adjusting would be putting it mildly. In the beginning I was a bit of a nerd. I excelled in math, played tennis and hung out with guys and girls that all went on to become top of their class in later years. Around the time I was ten - things changed. I started smoking cigarettes, hanging out with an older crowd and getting into trouble. It all hung in the balance.
Then along came high school and for lack of a better word - disillusionment. In South Africa you spend 5 years in high school and graduate around the age of eighteen. To put on a silly looking uniform and spend six hours a day sitting in uncomfortable wooden desks whilst being force fed a bunch of largely irrelevant information just didn't make much sense to me. My only motivation was to pass so I wouldn't be held back. I did well in the subjects I liked (the more creative stuff) and below average in the stuff I didn’t - which were 6 out of 8 subjects. My parents ignored my pleas year after year to take me out of high school and place me in a somewhere I could learn something that would be of real use. I don’t think they ever had a clue of how much I hated being there. They seemed to think it was just a phase - albeit that phase lasted five years.
In the midst of my high school years came an historic time. The year 1994 brought forth the long overdue transition and our school went from a predominantly white student body to multi racial overnight. Our desks were divided into 3 sections so you had the black kids on the one side, the mixed race kids in the middle and the white kids on the other side. There wasn’t all too much mixing going on but there wasn’t much tension to speak of either. It didn’t help matters that the picturesque suburb I grew up in consisted primarily of churches and old age homes.
It's the kind of place where people drive five miles below the speed limit - where if you go to the shopping center (not the mall, the shopping center) you’re bound to bump into people you don’t want to see. There was a place, an old theater house that had stopped operating. They could’ve turned it into a place where kids could hang out and have fun. They even had a referendum of sorts passed around the school where all the pupils could vote on what you wanted the building to become. Obviously all the kids voted for it to become an entertainment center but, bearing an unfortunate resemblance to the 2008 Zimbabwean elections - the results didn’t matter. Instead, the corporate ass clowns that owned the rights to the building bashed it down and erected office blocks which have stood half empty ever since.
I have two fond memories of high school… One was smoking a powerful strain of marijuana before attending our school sports day (I wasn’t competing and this was the one of the two times I smoked marijuana before school). The other fond memory I have was my second last day of school (and not because it was my second last day of school). I was sitting in the sports hall getting ready to hammer out my science final when an examiner walked past me and put the questioner on my desk. I looked down expecting to see a science paper but instead I saw paper I was set to write the following day! Before I could figure out what to do next, another examiner walked past me and dropped the science paper on my desk, so I wrote my exam, dashed home, memorized the paper and subsequently nailed the final exam of my school career. I later found out that 2 copies had somehow been leaked.
CHAPTER 2
Three years go by. With my efforts to study further proving futile and the local job scene growing decidedly long in the tooth, I decided to travel north and explore London. Preceding my arrival in London however would be the arrival of the new millennium. December 31st 1999… a group of friends and I attended a four day trance festival. Basically a party in the middle of nowhere, usually held on a farm or in a forest or something to that effect. This particular event was set in an apple orchard about an hour’s drive outside the city. The set up usually consists of an open air dance floor, a powerful sound system, a chill-out area, some laser lighting, fluorescent decor and various stalls selling everything from food, clothing and accessories to drug paraphernalia. About twenty top names in international trance music were booked to play over 4 days. This was without question, the biggest outdoor electronic music event in our countries history thus far.
We arrived on the afternoon of the 31st and the place was brimming with music lovers from all over the world. We watched as the sun sets itself down for the last time in the twentieth century and listened as the beats began to flow out of what was undoubtedly, the biggest sound rig I’d ever seen. The music started off fairly mellow, gradually gaining momentum and turning toward psychedelic trance. Musically what you have is an electronic kick drum of around 140 beats per minute, underlined with a driving hypnotic bass, layered with airy synthesized riffs and various electronic effects. It’s powerful stuff - not the kind of music you hear much on the radio, although it has been growing in popularity worldwide. Usually at a party the musical style will be fairly dark in the evening whilst steering toward a lighter, more melodic feel in the morning. It's modern computerized music yet it often has an ancient, almost ritualistic feel to it. It’s very well suited to the outdoors. The sounds seem to blend in effortlessly with the natural surrounds. On this night you could feel it building; carefully constructed like a time bomb set to go off as we cross millennia. As the big moment drew closer my best friend and I decided to indulge in something special. We each consumed a single paper square of LSD called 'Hoffman 2000's,' named after Albert Hoffman, the creator of L.S.D. We made our way to the pulsating rhythms of the dance floor where thousands of people are preparing for the big countdown. As midnight approached, the music came to a halt. The next sound you heard was of a ticking clock, followed by a psychedelic medley that just blew everyone away. Unbeknown to us at the time, the track had been specially written for that exact moment – 2000.
After a brief champagne celebration my friend and I headed back to the campsite to replenish. Whilst walking to the tent, some distance away, I began to feel the LSD take hold. I could hardly see a thing in the darkness that surrounded us.
The black of night became a swirling mass of color.
I began to feel light as a feather and started taking these giant like steps - suspended in the air like I was walking on the moon. This felt amazing, but I grew concerned, for in the back of my mind I thought I might be in over my head. We reached our campsite, did what we had to and attempted to make our way back to the dance floor. Along the way we were assisted by an array of folk lighting up the dark path with torches as we passed by. It felt as if we were being ushered in. We finally slipped into the mass of party goers heaving up and down, stomping their feet to the deep irresistible groove and throwing their arms up to the rhythms that fill the air. The next thing I knew, I was on my own. My friend would later reveal to me that we both fell down (in non-embarrassing fashion) and proceeded to crawl away from each other. I happened to find his girlfriend and this is when things get a bit weird. I seemed as if the whole party had focused in on me – as if all my thoughts, words and actions were public knowledge – on display for all. I knew not why this was happening but I tried not to let it bother me. After some moments shared I found myself alone and towards the back of the dance floor. That’s about when I heard a voice in my head. Not a thought or a moment of passing – an actual voice. I have never prior that evening heard a voice in my head nor have I since. It was a male voice - clear calm and plain sounding. Its message however, was most peculiar. It was instructing me to remove all my clothing…
This doesn’t sit well with me at all. I take offense at the request. 'What in the hell should I do that for?' I ask out loud. It seems like a test - like I have to prove myself. I’m anything but happy with this. At this stage of my life I refuse even to take off my shirt as I have a major complex about my body, so much so that I’d even wear a vest on the beach. So there I am, arguing aloud, bitching and moaning when all the while I somehow know what has to be done. Reluctantly, I begin to undress... First off are the accessories - my waist bag containing my wallet, smokes etc. that I nonchalantly toss to the side. Then the Reebok sandals, the t – shirt, the trousers, and the next thing you know, I’m standing naked amidst thousands of party-goers... I shout out repeatedly, 'ARE YOU HAPPY NOW....? HAPPY NEW YEAR!' giving no thought whatsoever to the people around me. I wish a pretty girl a happy new year as she passes by. After some time spent enjoying my new found freedom I begin to notice a change in the music. The overall sound becomes increasingly intense, way more than usual. I’ve never heard anything quite like it before. I’ve been to a few parties in my time and heard some pretty heavy shit, but this is different. Something is happening here - the music, the whole party is shifting, becoming something else and it isn’t good. The music slows down. It comes to a complete stop. There’s an eerie silence as I realize in horror what is to transpire. This is the other side, the dark side, the beginning of the end - the end of the world…
But this isn’t right!? Why now and why am I in the middle of it?
Confused and angry I yell out, 'WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!'
As I say this, my words are emitted out the speakers all bubbly and distorted, like talking underwater. It's too much. I do the only thing I can think of – I slam my foot down in defiance and start dancing and simultaneously the music slams back in. I don’t know what I’m up against or why. There’s no time to make sense of it all. My only concern is for survival. As I dance my body weakens. An intense pressure, a serious physical force is pressing down on me, trying to crush me, to squeeze the life out of me so that I’ll surrender and let it be. I’m surprised to find myself in such a desperate struggle to keep it all going. It seems as though everyone is aware of what I’m going through - like they’re all just standing there watching me, and whilst I impress with my efforts, it’s all in vain. The deal has been made, our time is up and I’m simply holding on to something that no longer exists.
Despite the odds, I persist and eventually strength finds its way back to me. I begin to feel like I’m winning - like we're going to survive. Soon after, and before I can even think about what has just transpired, the feeling of Armageddon returns - with a vengeance. In desperation I fall onto the ground, my face in the earth. Digging my hands deep into the dirt, I see the earth as a globe with the seven continents around me and underneath me. I scream, I shout, I laugh at the obscenity of it all. At some point whilst writhing around on the ground, I become sexually aroused. I may even have tried making love to the earth. Now I know that sounds weird, but when you’re naked and losing your mind at 3am in the middle of nowhere, you’ll do whatever it takes. Sex and death are closely related in that when a person senses they are about to die or someone close to them dies, they can become sexually aroused. An odd combination but one that plays close to my hand on this occasion.
What’s the plan here? Why is this happening and who or what is causing this?
Whatever it is, it seems to be happening for good reason – like we have it coming - like we deserve it. There are moments when I feel like no matter what I do, my death and everyone else’s will come regardless. By this stage I am completely alone - detached from everyone and everything. The music is no longer music, just a mesh of sounds and vibrations. My mind is hovering so far on the outer perimeters I’m surprised I don’t lose it altogether. The weather is cold and wet. Hours of madness in the orchard have taken its toll and my body is shaking dangerously fast. I don’t even want to think what my heart rate must be. Eventually the idea of crossing over becomes more appealing than writhing around on the ground whilst being kicked in the head and trodden over by party goers. (I can’t blame them as it was eerily dark out there.) All in all it’s a violent few hours. I don’t have much left now. Something’s got to give. I can’t last much longer. More time passes. It’s darker, colder, lonelier and so sad. I’ve done everything in my power. I’ve passed my breaking point ten times over. I have nothing left. I’m ready to let go. I lie on my back and await my death. I’m practically begging for whatever it is to have it over with. I cry out, 'FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY!'
Suddenly, amidst all the ensuing chaos and in an instant - all my pain and suffering is forgotten. I feel the warmth of the sun itself shine down upon me and instantly, my body stops shaking. Strength finds its way back to me and I rise to my feet. Another reality has presented itself. My eyes are closed yet I can see it in my mind. It looks the same as this world but IT couldn't feel more different. This is a world free from sin. No hate and suffering, greed or injustice, lust or defilement. It is in the very real sense - a perfect world. The air is soft and warm. All my imperfections are wiped away. I feel powerful - not in an egotistical way, just rid of the complexes and insecurities that have plagued me in this life. It’s like dream come true - heaven on earth. I hear voices urging me to open my eyes and I think to myself that if I do this, then this new world will become a reality - but I can’t. I’m not ready. It’s not an easy thing to comprehend when all your hopes and dreams are being offered to you in a manner that you can simply reach out and take them. My mind is being held back by thoughts of the familiar like my family and loved ones. How will this new world operate? I start thinking about the system we have in place now for how else would we manage? (Unfortunate side effects of being brainwashed by society.) And like that - it’s gone.
The first thing I see when I finally manage to open my eyes is a large security official staring at me in the most peculiar way. I can tell he thinks I'm nuts and I don’t blame him. I myself have seen a naked man parading around a dance floor and it’s a bit disturbing to say the least. Then there was the paramedic. She seemed relieved that I was OK. Last but not least a woman - a concerned citizen. She must’ve noticed me in my state and come to my aid. She had put a blanket around me which was not only keeping me warm but saving me a lot of embarrassment as well. Strangely enough not one person I know saw me at any time during my episode, which must’ve lasted between 4 and 5 hours and was very much a public display. The first person to spot me was a guy I went to high school with. I still see him from time to time and we chat about that morning. I laugh about it now but at the time it was no laughing matter. Seeing as I can barely remember anything of our encounter, maybe its better you hear his version…
In a clearing surrounded by ancient pine forests in the middle of a giant apple orchard in Grabouw, Cape Town, on the tip of Africa was a gathering of 8000+ people. We danced, ecstatic that we’d made it – 1999-2000 without the collapse of civilization. Towering speakers, three stories high entranced our souls with rolling growling beats, layered with an orchestra of notes and samples. The party pulled, it had a new journey for us. We were channeled towards a gathering surrounding a trio of fire spinners performing around a bonfire. I looked on, my virgin mind soaking up the fresh content before me, racing with questions and answers, too bewildered to speak. The head of dreadlocks obscuring my view turned to reveal a friendly face. 'You wanna drag brother?' 'Ahwe', I said as I toked on the perfectly rolled blunt. “Pollen?” I asked.
“Charras …Himalayan, you can offer your friend some if you like?' The Charras brought about the desire to relax and what better place to exercise this desire than the chill-tent. With hay bales as backrests sitting on a random blanket we sat, Caely and I exchanging verbal foreplay. I stared at her, taking in her beauty. She stared back. Our lips made love, causing the ecstasy in my system to overpower the LSD. I raced through the valleys of her mind as she allowed me full access to her energy.
Something ‘pricked’ the back of my brain near the tip of my spine causing me to spin around. 'A fucked hippy' I thought, as I gazed at the ranting heap not five meters from where we sat. I returned my attention to Caely, who was as annoyed as I was for the abrupt end to the moment. We quickly gave in to the urge and once again explored one another. The intrusion returned, severing my connection with the gorgeous women in my arms. 'How’s that fucked hippy?' I said, trying to excuse my lack of attention. We both looked this time. Wrapped in a blanket and cradled in the arms of what I can only describe as an angel lay a whimpering mass of despair and disillusionment. 'Stop the music!!!' was all I could make out from our distance. A bare, filthy foot, protruding from under a blanket, jerked uncontrollably. The LSD was beginning to dominate the ecstasy. My shimmering vision was replaced with a heightened sense of sight and suddenly it hit me who I was staring at…'RYAN', I yelled, in my internal dialog. I got up and stepped over the hay bale. The scene reminded me of Michelangelo’s Pieta. It was Ryan but it was not the Ryan I knew. He was the epitome of cool yet there he laid, fetal position, speaking in a strange code. 'Ryan', I said as I looked into his eyes. It was then that I noticed they had no color whatsoever, no fire, no sparkle, nothing but black pits where his pupils once were. They rolled around in their sockets searching for something to focus on. 'Stop the music, Skibba skabba skabba, diddle diddle diddle, ska ska, stop the music! Ska ska'. He was talking incredibly fast; no one could make out what he was saying. All the while his angel remained calm. Her face was flawless beauty, crystals for eyes emanating pure peace. She cradled him effortlessly; stroking his head like a mother would a child. I knelt down and gripped his arm tightly. 'Ryan', I said, my voice as firm as my grip. His black eyes sparked and in a split second, the color returned. He stared into my eyes. His eyes poured out every emotion in one moment as he rebooted after which one emotion remained – fear.
After recovering what of my clothing I could from the dance floor, some friends of mine spotted me and got me out of there. I was still quite out of it, slowly shaking loose whatever had possessed me for hours prior. I tried explaining to them what had happened but I was too confused. We did some coke, drank some champagne then drove to the nearby hot springs where we soaked up the earth’s natural goodness for most of the day. There was hardly anyone else there but the 3 of us. The spring water put some much needed life into my broken body. We returned to the festival later that day where I spent most of my time sleeping in the car.
I didn’t care much to see anyone, plus it was raining. I spent the last day of the festival recovering and putting on a brave face. What really happened is impossible to say. Was it all just in my mind - the combination of a bad trip and hypothermia, or did something really occur? I sometimes wonder what would’ve happened if I had let go of my fear and doubt and opened my eyes to that other world that lay before me. I guess I should have felt relief or been grateful to have survived my ordeal. Instead, from the moment I opened my eyes and realized nothing had changed, I felt only sadness.
About 2 years later whilst on a working holiday in London, my friend, the same friend who was with me over the millennium asked me the exact time, place and date of birth. I sensed he was up to something but I didn’t ask questions. A while later he handed me a chart done in accordance with the various planetary alignments and constellations relating to the exact time and place of my birth. It was a detailed horoscope, describing strengths and weaknesses, personality traits, as well as providing a sort of personal calendar for the year ahead. There was one quote in particular that caught my attention –
'You have the kind of mind which can easily incorporate things from the so called 'other dimension' - that outlying area in which dreams and reverie are said to reside. You can actually 'see' with your mind - this is simultaneously exciting and frightening - the latter because sometimes you may perhaps see too far before you’re ready.'
CHAPTER 3
May 2003 – after returning to Cape Town for summer, my best friend and I set our sights on the land of opportunity – America. I was keen on California but we had a connection in Aspen Colorado and so it was - after a 22 hour flight, a 72 hour bus ride and about 8 hours of hitching, that's where we ended up. A few months down the line and my friend was doing rather well whereas I wasn’t finding much opportunity at all. To top it off, I’d been in two minor infringements with local law enforcement. After taking stock of my situation I decided it best to leave small town life behind and move closer to the city. The move proved costly and it was a bad time of year to be looking for work. At one point my being so broke forced me into stealing groceries for sustenance. Whilst doing some temp work on the city streets one sunny winter’s day, I met a girl. We started seeing each other and it turned out she was a churchgoer but hadn’t been in a while. One morning at her place after staying up all night, I looked at my watch and the most random thought came to me from out of nowhere... 'Its 7am on a Sunday, why not go to church?' It’s not often I’m awake yet alone sober on a Sunday morning. I’ve never been particularly religious or gone to church on my own accord so I have no idea what made me want to go on this occasion. The first church we visited seemed a bit off so we went to my girlfriend’s church instead.
The pastor started off in a rather mundane manner and I was beginning to think I’d wasted my time when suddenly he shifted gears. He started talking about not being happy with the way things were going in your life, about starting over, letting go of your troubled past and giving God a real chance. It was so close to the bone that at times it felt like he was talking directly to me. He invited anyone who might feel the need to approach the front, get down on their knees and start anew with God. It wasn’t easy but I let go of my ever present ego and approached the front. I got down on my knees, bowed my head and surrendered myself to God. I acknowledged I was a sinner in the eyes of God and asked forgiveness. I accepted Christ as my Savior and the Lord God as the creator. People from the church began praying for us, first in English, then in what sounded like Latin. I’d made my choice. For the first time in my life, I had faith.
I felt much the same when I left the church as when I arrived – the difference being I had given my heart and soul to God and that moment on I would live in a manner as best to honor my faith. Afterwards we headed out to an apartment where some of my girlfriend’s friends and a few randoms were hanging out. There was some speed being passed around in a glass pipe. I had a small hit as not to be rude. Speed / crystal meth is an amphetamine and gives you energy and confidence and prompts you to talk a lot… generally a lot of shit. When we decided to leave, one of my girlfriend’s friends accompanied us back to my girlfriend’s house where he asked me if I was religious. I told him I had in fact become a Christian that very morning.
When we arrived back to the house I was staying at, he took the bible the church had given me, turned it to a passage and laid it open on my desk. He told me to read it once he had left. After they’d gone I stepped into the lounge where my house mates were getting ready to smoke some marijuana. I had 1 or 2 puffs and proceeded to my room. I’ve smoked since I was about 17 years old. When I started out I smoked fairly often but over the years I toned it down. From my mid-twenties onwards, I probably smoked weed about 3 times a year. I see it as more than a form of entertainment. I believe in the spiritual benefits of marijuana as do Rastafarian's, for whom I have great respect. Being Rasta doesn't mean you have to smoke herb. If it agrees with you then fine, but it must be done with respect. Rasta religion believes that through smoking cannabis, one is able to hear Gods message more clearly. They follow the Old Testament yet call God by a different name. Smoking marijuana can eradicate fear and doubt, those elements designed to keep you separate from God. On this occasion I believe it was necessary for me to transform my level of consciousness in order to understand more clearly that which is hidden. I know people are going to look at what comes next and say that whatever I felt / visualized / realized wasn't real because I smoked some weed and hadn't slept the night before and it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Most people are skeptical at the best of times. I proceed to read the passage that has been laid out for me...
ISAIAH 65: 17 – 26 “BEHOLD I CREATE NEW HEAVENS AND A NEW EARTH, FORMER THINGS SHALL NO LONGER BE REMEMBERED, NOR WILL THEY COME TO MIND. BUT BE GLAD AND REJOICE FOREVER IN WHAT I CREATE, FOR I WILL CREATE JERUSALEM TO BE A DELIGHTAND HER PEOPLE A JOY. I WILL REJOICE OVER JERUSALEM AND TAKEDELIGHT IN MY PEOPLE; THE SOUND OF WEEPING AND OF CRYING
SHALL BE HEARD IN IT NO MORE. NEVER AGAIN WILL THERE BE IN IT AN INFANT WHO LIVES BUT A FEW DAYS, OR AN OLD MAN WHO DOES NOT LIVE OUT HIS YEARS; HE WHO DIES AT A HUNDRED WILL BE THOUGHT A MERE YOUTH; HE WHO FAILS TO REACH A HUNDRED WILL BE CONSIDERED ACCURSED. THEY WILL BUILD HOUSES AND DWELL IN THEM; THEY WILL PLANT VINEYARDS AND EAT THEIR FRUIT. NO LONGER WILL THEY BUILDHOUSES FOR OTHERS TO INHABIT, OR PLANT AND OTHERS EAT. FOR AS THE DAYS OF A TREE, SO SHALL BE THE DAYS OF MY PEOPLE; MY CHOSEN ONES WILL ENJOY THE WORKS OF THEIR HANDS. THEY WILL NOT TOIL IN VAIN OR BEAR CHILDREN DOOMED TO
MISFORTUNE; FOR THEY WILL BE A PEOPLE BLESSED BY THE LORD,
THEY AND THEIR DESCNDANTS WITH THEM. BEFORE THEY CALL I WILL
ANSWER; WHILE THEY ARE STILL SPEAKING I WILL HEAR.
THE WOLF AND THE LAMB WILL FEED TOGETHER, AND THE LION WILL
EAT STRAW LIKE THE OX, BUT THE DUST WILL BE THE SERPENTS
FOOD. THEY WILL NEITHER HARM NOR DESTROY ON ALL MY HOLY
MOUNTAIN,” SAYS THE LORD.
As I was reading this tears began to welter in my eyes. When I had finished I flopped onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. Why had this guy I’d just met shown me this? Why did this particular passage resonate so strongly with me? Just then something happened. I can only describe it as being filled with what is referred to as the ‘Holy Spirit’. I lay there, unable to move, whilst for the first time in my life, everything made sense. My past and future collided and I knew exactly what I had to do. As soon as I could move I shot up to my desk and scribbled frantically till sunrise, trying desperately to transcribe what I’d just experienced. Hours passed until finally the rays of the sun peered through the blinds and snapped me out of a trance like state. I’d been writing at such a frenetic pace for so long that my left hand had gone into severe cramp. I looked back over what I’d written only to realize I hadn’t captured the essence of my understanding and subsequently threw it all away. I still retain the overall message from that evening, which is why I wrote this story. Put simply - I believe the world as we know it will soon be over. Life will go on, but not for everyone and not on Earth. I believe the end of life on this earth will be the dawn of life on a new planet, likened to Earth but nothing like the life we know. Unfortunately for there to be a beginning, there must be an end.
I’ve known since the beginning of the millennium that something wasn’t right and it would not be long before we would run into trouble. My problem was I couldn’t pin in down to a point in time or make sense of why any of it was happening. According to the Book of Revelations, the world descends gradually into a state of turmoil, ruled by the beast, (a one world government that create a currency where every man woman and child must bare its mark, a barcode or chip on the right hand in order to purchase goods and travel. Those who don't conform are persecuted, detained, and treated like criminals. Sounds a bit hectic, but if one pays attention, one will see how the America is pushing for a global currency, with Bush and Obama passing laws and creating wars enabling them to bash down any door they wish, detain anyone they suspect of terrorism without warrant or proof of any kind for an undetermined period of time at any location they wish. They're busy mobilizing civilian armies, setting up detention camps all across the continent, and when the time is right, nukes will be launched and in the aftermath, deals will be made and the Federal Reserve Bank (a privately owned bank) along with a few political elite will create a global village where refuge will be provided providing you’re willing to conform. So that’s one way it could happen.
On the other side of the coin is a theory known as Timewave Zero. Based on the 4000 year old Chinese divination system, the 'I Ching', the late Terence McKenna used this system as the basis for creating a timeline spanning over 6 billion years. He deduced that there has been some form of life on earth for about 563 million of those 6 billion years. Each significant event in time, (what he referred to as novelty) be that a human or geographic event is recorded on this graph.
Each time something important or progressive occurs, positive or a negative, the graph points downward. When it’s all traditional and there’s not much going on i.e. normal prevails - the graph points upward. It’s also set in epochs (era / period in history) and shows how everything is in resonance to an age gone by but much quicker - like a spiral twisting inward. If you measure out these epochs and compare events happening to past events, you get a span of 4000 years compressed to 57 years, (starting in 1954) then just less than one year and finally - 6 days. The graph then descends into the maximum possible amount of novelty (signified by a horizontal scale on the graph) and ceases to exist altogether on December 21st 2012. I am inclined to believe in the first of these two possibilities for a number of reasons. One is that only God knows exactly when the world as we know it will come to an end. Two is that the book of Matthew states that ‘when the good news has been spread throughout the world, the end will come.’ Clearly that is far from happening, so I think we’ve still got some time. Three is that the other day I heard a teenager in a park describe the whole ‘barcode on the arm’ thing and actually seemed keen for it to happen. He seemed to think it would solve a lot of the problems we currently face and that it would render us all equal. And he’s not alone.
CHAPTER 4
It's interesting to look forward and theorize, but what of looking the other way? Of all the theories how Earth came into being, one in particular resonates strongly with me. The original design behind this theory can be found on a piece of an ancient ruin somewhere in the area once known as Samaria, known today as Israel. Termed a 'Caduceus,' (2 snakes intertwined along a staff with wings above) it symbolizes things like balance, immortality, the DNA helix and deeper meanings still. The origins of this piece are unknown but even more mysterious is that when turned on its side; it becomes a map of our solar system, linking parts of the design with the 9 planets including an additional planet. The theory went on to say that an asteroid or meteor caused the creation of earth by colliding with a giant planet orbiting the outer solar system. The collision caused this planet to split it into two parts. Whilst one half shot inward and became Earth, the other spun outward. This tenth planet or twin earth, will, I believe become the new Earth. In 2007 European astronomers discovered a planet with many similarities to earth. They’ve dubbed it 'Glies 581c.' It’s about 5 times bigger than earth and is believed to host life sustaining temperatures.
REVELATION 21:1 - BEHOLD I SAW A NEW HEAVEN AND A NEW EARTH, FOR THE FIRST HEAVEN AND THE FIRST EARTH HAD PASSED AWAY AND THE SEA WAS NO MORE.
For me, finding religion wasn’t a huge turnaround in lifestyle. Sure there were things I cut out of my life, some immediate and some not so, but ultimately, it wasn’t a big deal. It's not like I turned my entire life around, I just ceased doing the things that offended my Lord. I used to blaspheme like a machine, I was a borderline kleptomaniac (not from people, just stores) and casual sex was just that. I don’t know exactly when or why I started shoplifting. I guess it began sometime in London with the odd chocolate and the odd CD but it progressed fairly rapidly. I once walked past a fabric store where they had these huge rolls of fabric stood up in display boxes along the side walk. I eyed one I liked so on my way back past the store I simply took the roll of fabric out the box, tossed it over my shoulder and carried on walking. If my kleptomania ever peaked, it was in America in 2003 where I got ‘beeped’ walking out this massive chain store. I’d forgotten to take the tag off of a Zippo lighter. I was followed out by an employee of the store. My friend and I had bought loads of stuff, but if I had been made to walk back inside, I would’ve been royally screwed. I had half the store in my pockets! I quickly gave the lighter to my accomplice whilst I turned to face the store lady, feeding her some bullshit line that got me off the hook.
Good a thief as I thought I was, I eventually got caught. I was fortunate to be let off lightly. That was my first run in with U.S law. My second came entirely by surprise…
My best friend and I threw a party at our place along the river just outside of Aspen. Later in the evening a bunch of us decided to move it over to a hotel bar where it was open mic night. I was set to sing 'Revolution' by the Beatles with this guitar player I'd met but upon my arrival, I found he'd decided to go with someone else because I was late and had been drinking. Incidentally the guy he chose was a terrible singer and I would’ve been a much better option. (I once finished 2nd in a karaoke competition.)
I was a bit disappointed but found comfort in chatting to a couple of girls. We were all smiles when suddenly the barman called me over to the bar. I go see what he wants and he looks at me and I’ll never forget it – he tells me to, 'Stand down.' Maybe I was standing on the foot rail of the bar, I don’t know. What I do know is not only was this unprofessional of him but completely unjustified. I’m not a trouble maker, I’m a reasonable guy, a gentleman and this was just ridiculous. I was merely talking to some girls so I gave him a kind of 'You can't be serious…?' look. The next thing he signals to the bouncer and I’m being called outside. I calmly follow the big guy outside and explain to him that all I was doing was talking to some girls and that everybody's happy and there simply isn’t a problem. He proceeds to tell me that the barman said I must go so I must go. I had to leave these two girls (one of which was probably loser barman's' girlfriend), a bunch of friends and a great night behind to catch a night bus home. I was pretty offended by all this, so as I was leaving the hotel via the long passage I purposely knocked over a few vases that were stood up on pedestals decorating the hallway.
Now it’s not like me to do a thing like that but I had just been screwed and I wasn’t taking it well. I lay outside on a bench, closed my eyes and waited for a night bus to arrive. A few minutes passed when I heard someone calling my name - my full name. I opened my eyes to see half the local police force standing above me. (It doesn’t take them long over there.) They even showed me a picture of myself in the hotel lobby only minutes earlier. I was charged with destruction of property, placed on a suspended sentence and given a $1000.00 fine. It made the local paper the following week where I was quoted as saying 'Yeah I did it, I know it was wrong but the barman was an a**hole'. I hope he read it.
Then there was the sex - the hardest thing for me to get under control. I was pretty reckless at one stage - so much so that whenever I got drunk and was without a girlfriend I would usually just find myself the nearest prostitute. That particular habit of mine started up late in 2001 also whilst living in London. At the time I was seeing a girl whose mother was down from Greece and staying with her for a week. One night we had some drinks at a restaurant and things got fairly heated. Obviously we couldn’t go to her place and she needed to get back so we couldn't do to my place either. We reluctantly said our goodbyes where on my way home I noticed a sign on a building that read, 'Models Upstairs'. After a slight hesitation, I went upstairs to meet a model. I paid way too much for a blow job but left happy. Easy and legal…I think.
It took years for me to overcome the allure of prostitutes and other niggles, but I’m not perfect. I have however come a long way and I make an effort everyday to go further. God helps those who help themselves.
If you believe in God in then you will believe that when God created man He gave him perhaps the greatest gift of all - freewill. He trusted us to make the right choices. He had faith in us. Sadly man chose to ignore God and concentrate rather on himself and his own personal gain. It's not God's fault all this chaos we see around us - it's our own. This tyrannical, racially oppressive, fear riddled society is a product of man - not God.
GENESIS 6: 5 THE LORD SAW THE WICKEDNESS OF MAN WAS GREAT IN THE EARTH, AND THAT EVERY IMAGINATION AND INTENTION OF ALL HUMAN THINKING WAS ONLY EVIL CONTINUALLY. AND THE LORD REGRETTED THAT HE HAD MADE MAN ON THE EARTH, AND HE WAS GRIEVED AT HEART.
According to the bible it wasn't much later that God flooded the earth, sparing only Noah and the life aboard the ark. The planet has experienced many deaths and rebirths -
the meteor showers that wiped out the dinosaurs, the ice age, the great flood and surely others. I believe we are experiencing the final cycle of time on earth. I believe the completion of this cycle will herald new life on a new planet whilst Earth shall be completely destroyed - not like in the past where a chosen few would survive the geographical catastrophe thrust upon them. I’ve experienced my own personal Armageddon and when it all came crashing down for me my biggest problem was that we had not been a chance. I believe we are now being given that chance.
Every once in a while someone comes along with the power to change things. People like JFK, Marin Luther King, Muhatma Ghandi and Steve Biko are prime examples. They sought to break long standing racial barriers and afford people the quality of life they deserved. They were great men – free thinkers...Many righteous die young whilst the tyrants rule seems endless. Some think that 2012 will herald some kind of golden age due to a sort of universal shift in consciousness and we will experience a thousand years of peace. In biblical terms this is seen as the reign of the saints, occurring only after much of the earth’s destruction. Post millenniusts believe that the 1000 years of peace will soon be over and we shall bare witness to the battle of Armageddon whilst pre millenniusts believe in the aforementioned. I don t foresee a global shift in consciousness and us entering a golden age, and for one reason - justice. There are a lot of bad people out there, people that must be brought to trial and face the consequences of their actions. I guess I’m more Old Testament – I don’t eat pork, I don’t work on Sunday and I don’t believe in live and let live. If you kill or rape for no reason, you lose your right to live – it’s that simple. If your actions in life ruin other peoples then you deserve to be held accountable. So, if anything does happen on that day, I hope it’s something to do with justice.
These are big things to contemplate but sometimes it’s the little things that remind me of just how badly we’ve screwed up. Maybe television’s to blame. I was walking past a television set in a mall a while back when I heard the words, 'Hi, I'm Dan and I'm a rich kid from Canada.' Are you kidding me? Forget Armageddon - when you’ve got Britney Spears singing 'I love rock n roll', you know it’s all gone to hell. This same girl said a while back in a magazine interview that she found an episode the animated show 'Southpark' offensive and sacrilegious. I guess losing your two young kids to your ex husband of your second marriage (the first lasting 48 hours) due to excessive partying and being a generally unfit mother is right up there with the good Lord’s wishes? I don’t hate these people as hate is like murder in the eyes of my Lord – I just wish they would do something pro-active with their talent... if they have any.
Entertainment these days is almost as sad as the news. I caught a few headlines on international news some time ago. First was 'Disaster in Bangladesh', about a cyclone in Bangladesh. Then 'Turmoil in Pakistan', about the constant unrest in Pakistan, followed by the headline 'Climate Change', about how it may be too late to reverse the effects of global warming. No shit. However the next headline 'Spice Girls Reunion Tour' depressed me more than all 3 headlines combined. Then there's radio – words escape me on just how bland, uninspiring and monotonous South African radio has become, and the DJ’s are the worst of all. It’s all news and traffic reports with shitty songs thrown in for effect whilst the DJ’s are in competition to bore you to death.
Every once in a while we’re provided with a glimmer of hope, like when one local station dared to air a morning rock show - praise the Lord. It lasted about a year only to be taken off the air and replaced with a show that sounds just like every other one. Radio in South Africa is just terrible. Of the handful of station on offer, maybe one plays a decent song every 2 hours. That’s about it, the rest is safe, commercial garbage with more news and traffic broadcasts than music and disk jockeys straight from lame land. Of course there is Christian radio, but ‘worship’ music isn’t my cup of tea. The way Christianity is portrayed via the mainstream concerns me. It’s very one dimensional and often comes across as sterile and alienating. Then there’s the credibility aspect. So many high flying fire and brimstone preachers have been caught with their pants down that it makes me wonder - 'What if they were never caught?' There they are on the stage or behind the pulpit belting out the word of the Holy One whilst all the while they’re a walking talking contradiction. We all make mistakes but there’s screwing up and there's absolutely throwing it away. I saw an insert on Ted Haggard - a powerful man that thousands looked up to. He consulted with the likes of George W. Bush. A shining light in Gods kingdom…? That was until his fondness for crystal meth and male prostitutes was made public. As for the Catholic priesthood - I suppose you can't expect much from the guys that brought you the Spanish inquisition, aka the brutal massacre 4 million Maya whose only crime was thinking for themselves. Maybe they, like Hitler, thought they were doing the right thing by means of ethnic cleansing? Doing the right thing – isn't that what they always claim? Before its scandalous collapse, Tom Schilling (former CEO of disgraced Californian energy trading company 'Enron') was quoted as saying, 'We're the good guys. We're on the side of the angels.' With questions being asked about their creative accounting methods and an investigation looming he abruptly sold his shares and resigned. Until it started to fall apart it was going all too well but no one said or did anything about it.
According to Stanley Milgrims shock study' done in the 1960’s, over two thirds of subjects tested were prepared to shock a total stranger to apparent death all because an authoritarian figure in a white coat said it was legit and they would not be held responsibility for their actions. Some of them were uncomfortable with it, especially when the subject receiving the shock (who was actually an actor but this was not known to the subject administrating the shock) started yelling and screaming in apparent pain but they kept on with it because an authority figure gave them the thumbs up.
Enron, Iraq, the whole world - no difference. Some power figure gives it the thumbs up then it must be OK right? We need to quit going with the flow because other's say it's OK. There are millions of confused, vulnerable souls wandering the Earth and people are all too quick to take advantage.
I may have some ways about me that traditionalists would disapprove of but I have God fixed in my heart and nothing can ever change that. I don’t pretend to believe. I was talking to a girl one day who she told me she had recently been baptized. When I asked her if she really believed that Jesus Christ was the Son of God - that He died on the cross for our sins, she replied with anything but surety. How many others feel the same way? They go to church, sing the hymns, eat the bread, drink the wine, clasp their hands and close their eyes when the only thing that matters - trust in Christ - faith in God...that is not real.
I came across a flyer advertising a week’s workshop on all angles of spiritual enlightenment for a little over R20 000.00 (about $3000.00). That’s nearly three thousand rand a day to tell you how messed up you are but not to worry because you are one with the universe – have a crystal. If these people are so enlightened why then are they charging so much money for their seminars? Surely they would recognize the need to help others to be of more importance than making money off them? Sometimes these congregations of a religious or spiritual nature are more like brainwashing cults that want to suck you in and drain you of your life savings. Sometimes it's much worse. When a whole bunch of teenage girls were taken into state custody off a religious compound somewhere in Texas, more than half of them were found to have children or to be pregnant. That’s some pretty sick stuff. My advice - don’t put your trust in man or his institutions - put your trust in God and God alone.
The late Malcolm X spent a large portion of his life following the teachings of a man who many revered as a 'Holy man'. Once he realized this man, whom he held in such high esteem was not what he seemed, he made the journey to Mecca, discovered the true nature of Islam and changed his tune. This didn't go down well with 'his holiness' and his band of followers and the next thing Malcolm X was shot dead.
Don’t let a church or a ministry become the extent of your faith. God is not in some building. He’s everywhere, in everything, in you. We all make our own sense of religion so we get differences that arise, but it boils down to one thing – faith. I’m not putting down anyone who believes otherwise or that Christ is not the Son of God but a prophet like Buddha or Mohammed. I’m not claiming to be a prophet, a wise man, a seer or any of that. I've read the bible cover to cover over a period of about 3 months and I did feel there were parts where man exerted his influence. The Old and New Testament sometimes clash, even contradicting themselves on a few occasions, but at the end of the day it comes down to faith, and that is not something you can just wake up with one day – it’s hard and it requires all of your being and believing. It’s not all happy days and love your neighbor, it’s a war, and the more one looks at it objectively, the more apparent it becomes.
CHAPTER 5
I have to you tell this real quick... At one stage they started showing this really annoying
Ad in movie theaters. It would start off like a movie preview then out of nowhere this guy would interrupt it and start talking banking. Mr. Cool in his suit and tie and half hip hairstyle talking business jargon that made me nauseous. I had to look away whenever it came on and I'm a big movie fan so this happened a few times. The next thing this guys face is all over the place - in magazines, on billboards etc. It was like a plot to annoy the crap out of me. As it happens the ad got splashed on a billboard near my work, forcing me to see this guy’s hugely annoying mug five days out of seven. So about a week later I’m driving around on a work errand and I see smoke in the distance. Lo and behold there’s a small fire right by the billboard. On closer inspection I see the fire has burnt the surface of the billboard away thereby taking care of my problem. I’ve seldom felt so elated. To me that billboard, well banks, corporations, governments, are all a part of the beast. Did I mention models…?
An anonymous quote sent to a local paper said it best, 'Put forward a motion of no confidence in the government. Those fat cats don't suffer like us ordinary people.'
After apartheid was abolished our new government went nuts, taking what they wanted when they wanted it. Nearly 20 years later and its much the same - corruption on all levels, political infighting and gross incompetence resonate thunderously throughout our government and our countrymen suffer as a result. Our new government lacked foresight and understanding and rather foolishly tried to make up for a shameful past by way of instant gratification. The poor are getting pissed off and taking matters into their own hands because nothing is being done to improve structural poverty, yet ask them who they voted for in the recent elections and the answer will probably be the same party that has done sweet nothing to help them. It doesn't matter what the ruling party does or doesn't do, the masses will vote for them time and time again because of the past and how the ANC (African National Congress, ruling political party) liberated this country from apartheid.
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