Twin Souls
Book One of the Twin Souls Saga
by
DelSheree Gladden
Smashwords Edition
*****
Published by
DelSheree Gladden on Smashwords
Twin Souls
Book One of the Twin Souls Saga
Copyright 2010 DelSheree Gladden
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Also by DelSheree Gladden:
Escaping Fate
Book 2 of the Twin Souls Saga:
Shaxoa’s Gift
Book 3 of the Twin Souls Saga:
Qaletaqa
Inquest: Book one of the Destroyer Trilogy
Coming 2012
For all my friends and family
who have helped shape this book
Table of Contents
Prologue
The back tire of the Harley tore at the earth, spraying gravel and dirt out behind me as I throttled the engine harder. I could not stop. Claire was waiting.
My vision blurred in and out as I tried to remain focused on the danger around me. The Matwau’s bulky grey form broke into view. No matter how hard I pushed the bike’s engine, the Matwau kept pace, its long wolf stride running parallel to the bike.
I could see the house where Claire waited, dying. I could just make out Quaile, now, standing outside the door, her face twisted with worry. Time was running out. The Matwau had almost reached me. Gripping the brakes, I pulled too hard, too fast, sending the bike over in a cloud of dust in my race to reach the house before the Matwau did. The bike slid across the hard earth, but whatever wounds the dirt and gravel inflicted, I could not feel them. Blood pounded in my head.
Free of the bike, I immediately jumped to me feet. I was sure that I was moving as fast as I could, but the world seemed to have lost its momentum. The trees slid past my view slowly and the breeze seemed frozen in place. Emerging from the dust cloud, the Matwau fixed me in its sights.
Fury at everyone and everything that had brought me to this point boiled under my skin. The creature was stronger, faster, more experienced than I. But I would not be stopped. I would reach Claire. If I was certain of anything, and there was precious little I was certain about at the moment, I was certain of this. The Matwau would not stop me from reaching Claire’s side.
The Matwau had reached its tipping point.
With a cry of deep frustration, he turned and launched himself at me. Quaile screamed for me to attack and my body responded before I could even think to move. Power built in my muscles, strengthening them beyond what was humanly possible. Propelling myself right into the creature’s path, I locked my arms around it. Fire raced through my body from the contact as I flung it into the ground. The snapping of bones echoed in my ears but did not stop the Matwau’s attack.
Claws and teeth raked the air as he tried to tear my flesh. Pure reflex snapped my body back and forth to cut off his attacks. My thoughts focused completely on Claire, I pushed harder than ever. I was so close. I had gone clear across the desert to find Daniel and bring him back to save her life. I couldn’t stop now. Smashing my fist into the creature’s side, I saw its ribcage collapse. Fury screamed out of the Matwau’s shattered body, but it did not give up.
Broken bones meshed back together as he shivered in my grip. He was trying to change again. I refused to let him heal his wounds and prolong the fight. I had to get to Claire. Nothing was as important as saving her life. Heaving the beast into my arms I threw him as far away from me as I could. His body slammed into the ground, a blast of sand spraying into the air far enough away that it was barely noticeable by anyone but me.
Releasing an infuriated howl that said he knew he was outmatched, the Matwau pulled himself up and raced away from the ranch with ground eating strides. I didn’t even wait to see where he was going. Claire was dying.
I stumbled into the house, hardly aware of anything but Claire. The antidote was ready, just waiting for Claire’s Twin Soul to give it to her. I had brought him so far.
“Give it to her,” I heard myself pleading, almost growling.
“It will only take a few drops,” Quaile said quietly. She leaned heavily on a walking stick as she strode to the center of the room. “But it’s not quite that simple.”
Quaile looked away, her fingers wringing her skirt nervously. The corner of her mouth twitched as she unsuccessfully tried to keep it from falling into a deep frown. Her eyes took on the glassy glaze of tears. “There is one more ingredient,” Quaile said with trembling lips.
My hands started to shake. Quaile had hidden more from me. I clenched my jaw to hold my hatred for her inside. There was something else, something that she knew would seal Claire’s fate. I felt my last particle of hope slip away.
“His blood,” Quaile blurted out. “The boy’s blood must be mixed in with the herbs.”
“What?” I exploded. Before I could stop myself, I was on my feet, my rage carrying me across the room. My hands gripped her frail shoulders roughly. She winced under my touch, but faced me regardless of her fear. “How could you?” I hissed. “You lied to me, Quaile! You told me there was hope, when all along you knew there wasn’t. How could you do that to me?”
Quaile’s frightened eyes pleaded with me for understanding. “I did not know if you would still go if I told you the truth,” she said.
I shoved her away from me, too angry to even look at her. My breath came in gasping chunks. My vision blurred, and I suddenly couldn’t find my footing. I sank to my knees. I thought I had prepared myself for this, but now that I was truly facing reality, my heart shattered. His blood. She was lost to me forever. “I can’t lose her, not now, not after everything we’ve been through. I don’t know if I can live without her.”
I wasn’t sure whether I was speaking aloud or not. I had lost all feeling except for the crippling pain in my chest.
Chaos streamed out of the double doors of the high school. The way everyone ran for their cars and sped out of the parking looked something like terrified masses running from a bomb scare. Nothing as interesting as that happened in San Juan Pueblo, though. It was just the last day of school. Everybody was in a hurry to start their summer vacations except for me.
Living on a ranch meant my summers were spent watering the alfalfa fields and looking after the sheep and horses we owned. Not to mention mucking out stalls, cutting and binding alfalfa, hauling stock, and a dozen other things. I didn’t really mind the work, but sometimes I wished for the freedom to go tearing off to Santa Fe on a whim like some of the other kids did. Like Claire Brant did.
I watched her long, chocolate colored hair bounce around her shoulders as she climbed into Jonny Begay’s Jeep Wrangler. I wondered if they were dating, now. She laughed at whatever Jonny said and reached down to help Dana climb up behind her. Turning back to look at Jonny, Claire’s eyes swept over me. Her smile seemed to brighten when she saw me but that was probably just my imagination.
There were plenty of reasons I should have caught her eye. I had more sports trophies than anyone else in the school, decent enough grades, good looks as far as I could tell, and the build of a football player, thanks to working on the ranch with my dad. For some reason, though, I had never managed to say more than a few words to her.
It wasn't that I was shy, it was hard to be too shy when sports constantly put me in the spotlight, but there was something about Claire that made it impossible for me to approach her. With any other girl, I was confident and comfortable. Claire was different, though. And since I was hopelessly in love with her, I didn’t date much.
Backing out of his parking space, Jonny let out an enthusiastic yell as they drove toward me. He revved the engine as if he was going to speed out of here, but the line of waiting cars held him at bay. Dana and Beth were standing up in the back of the Jeep with their hair flying around their faces. Spotting me, Dana leaned over the frame alluringly, and said, “Hop in, Uriah. We’re heading out to the bluffs for the bonfire tonight.”
She never quit. “Sorry, Dana, I’ve got stuff to do at the ranch. Hauling hay bales into the barn and things,” I said.
The exaggerated pout on her lips was amusing. She knew I wasn't interested, but she still tried. Too hard, most of the time. “Will you come later? I’ll be disappointed if you don’t.”
“Maybe, I don’t know.”
Dana looked like she was going to keep pressuring me, but my frown made her hold her tongue. I liked Dana well enough, but it really bothered me that she tried to push her attention on me when she knew very well I didn’t want it. Bouncing back quickly, Dana just shrugged and went back to talking with Beth. I started walking again, my gaze sliding along the Jeep to Claire. I realized she was looking right at me and froze. This time I didn’t have to imagine she was really smiling at me. Raising her hand she motioned toward the Jeep and said something but Jonny’s theatrical engine rev drowned her out. I took a step forward hoping to hear her better, but the Jeep jerked forward onto the main road.
Was she asking me to come along? She could have been motioning toward the car, or just pointing back at Dana and Beth. Jonny, and his stupid engine. I wished he could figure out how to not act like a total delinquent once in a while. What had she said? Dana asking me to go was easy to turn down, but Claire, I couldn’t refuse her. I should, but I wouldn’t.
I didn’t feel like hauling hay bales suddenly.
Abandoning the dirt road that led me home, I let myself wander toward the one spot I could clear my head and think. The river was completely out of my way, but I needed the quiet sound of the water lapping against the bank right now. Every time I saw Claire I felt different. Being around her made me feel weaker for some reason. It actually hurt me to touch her.
The first time it happened, when I bumped into her in the hallway in fifth grade, I thought she must have just shocked me. The next time I touched her I had tapped on her shoulder to get past her. My light touch had been like tiny daggers shooting through my arm. The affect she had on me was undeniable when she grabbed my arm by accident, her bare skin against mine. I lost every ounce of strength and had to cover myself by saying I had tripped. The few other times we came in contact were the same. It was as if my body was trying to tell me that it couldn’t handle being near her.
I didn’t think Claire had any idea about the way she made me feel, but she almost never went out of her way to talk to me or be around me. If I was too near her she would get up and leave. When we saw each other in the hallways she inexplicably found someone to talk to on the side furthest from me. She was one of the only girls in the high school who had not asked me out at least once. That was why her looking at me from the Jeep was so frustrating. The one time she sought me out I had no idea what she had said. I knew my own reason from staying away from her, but all the way to the riverbank I wished I could figure out what hers was.
My shoes and socks were left in a heap next to my backpack. The soft grass that grew naturally in so few places in the New Mexican desert rippled under my bare feet. Its coolness was such a stark contrast to the hot summer sun. Just thinking about the heat seemed to make it ten times worse. Slipping my feet into the lazy rills of the river, I contemplated tugging off my shirt and jumping in.
The thought barely formed before the sound of flying gravel hit me. Turning around to see who had invaded my favorite spot, I was surprised the see Jonny’s Jeep skidding to a stop on the side of the road. And even more surprised to hear Claire yelling at him as she jumped out of the cab and slammed the door behind her. Jonny was right on her heels.
Slowly getting to my feet, I walked toward the still running car. Claire’s raised voice caught my ear.
“Just leave me alone, Jonny! I swear if I hear another word come out of your mouth I’ll slap you,” Claire said.
“Knock it off, Claire, you’re acting like a total-” Jonny didn’t get to finish.
“Don’t tell me to calm down!” Claire yelled. And true to her word, she slapped him.
I went from a walk to run. I knew these two well enough to know where this was going. Jonny’s anger flamed in his eyes, carrying him toward Claire as his arm reached forward and grabbed her shoulder. She tried to break away from him, but he yanked her back.
“Let me go!” Claire’s other hand came around and smacked Jonny in the shoulder. She didn’t do enough damage to make him let go, unfortunately. Instead he grabbed her chin, pulling her face up next to his.
“Don’t you ever do that to me again,” Jonny seethed. “Now, get back in the Jeep.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you,” Claire said. Jonny’s free hand balled into a fist, but Claire stared him down.
I didn’t think he would hit her, but I had never seen Jonny this angry before. One more, quick step brought me to his side. Grabbing his arm tightly, I snatched it back. Jonny spun around as his other fist came up. I caught that one too and forced it back down. He stared at me in shock for a few seconds before letting his hands fall to his side. Dana and Beth, still huddling in the back of the Jeep, sighed in relief.
“Ur-Uriah,” Jonny stuttered, “where did you come from?”
“I was here before you were,” I said. “What’s going on? You looked like you were about to hit Claire, Jonny.”
His face paled and he started shaking his head vigorously. “No, man, I was just…I wasn't going to hit her. We were just arguing.”
“About what?”
“Nothing. It wasn't a big deal. I just got carried away, I guess. I didn’t mean anything by it,” Jonny assured me.
Claire’s narrowed eyes and attack stance clearly disagreed that it was no big deal. She looked ready to rip his spiky black hair right out of his head. No need to see that happen today. “I think you should probably apologize to Claire,” I said.
For all I knew Claire had started the entire fight, but Jonny nodded hurriedly and looked over at a still very angry Claire. “Sorry, Claire, I didn’t mean to piss you off. I didn’t mean it, okay? Let’s just forget about it.” Even though his apology was to Claire, Jonny looked to me for approval. I nodded and his shoulders sagged in relief. He didn’t waste any time trotting back around to the driver’s side. He was back in the seat before Claire had time to react.
His buckle clicked into place as Claire responded. Grabbing the side of the Jeep, Claire pointed at Jonny. “Where do you think you’re going? You just say sorry and take off? You’re such a creep, Jonny. Get back over here, you jerk!”
“Claire.” I took her hands off the jeep, feeling that odd, painful sensation sweep through me. I had to grind my teeth together to keep from letting her see the effect she had on me. I desperately wished I knew what it was that made me feel so strange. “Just let him go,” I said, “he isn’t worth the fight.”
Anyone else would have backed off, but not Claire. She yanked her hands away from me, making the pain evaporate and bringing my strength back immediately. She spun back to the Jeep, but Jonny had seen his chance to escape and taken it. He was already out of reach.
“Thanks a lot, Uriah. You let him get away. I wasn’t finished yelling at him yet, that stupid prick.”
“I…” My mind struggled to come up with anything to say to her. I thought I was helping. Shouldn’t she be thanking me? Yeah, she hadn’t asked for my help, but she definitely looked like she needed it. She had been half a second away from a nasty black eye. Sometimes it was hard to think around Claire, but I suddenly had a moment of clarity. This road was nowhere near the way out to the bluffs. Was there a reason she had ended up at the river. “You’re pretty far away from the bluffs. How did you end up here?” I asked.
Claire bottled up her irritation in a flash and replaced it with pure embarrassment. Her mixed Anglo and Native American heritage gave her lighter skin than any of the other Tewa Indians on the reservation. I loved the unique look it gave her, but now I had another reason to love her skin. The light color made it much easier to see her blushing. It was almost enough to make me forget that she hadn’t answered my question.
“Did you know I was here?” I asked. The blush spread from her cheeks to her ears. She turned away to hide it from me, but I had already gotten my answer.
Being around her made my thoughts fray into straggling bits of thread, and touching her sapped my strength and made my skin burn. Fate, or some other power, obviously wanted me to stay away from her. I was having a hard time listening today. I didn’t know how she knew I would be here, but it was apparent that she had led Jonny right to me. She seemed determined to avoid me most of the time, but when she needed protection, she thought of me. Whatever else loving her did to me, I would do anything for her.
For the longest time we just stood there in the grass, me in my bare feet, and Claire in a pair of designer sandals. She stared out at the desert landscape, or pretended to stare at least. Most likely she was avoiding looking at me until she calmed down. I didn’t have to pretend to stare at anything. I was freely staring at her. Denim shorts left most of her long, sinuous legs bare, but the soft curves of her shoulders were barely visible under the cascade of her hair. Every inch of her skin called to me. Even the defiant way she stood made me want to reach out and pull her into my arms. I doubted she would appreciate that, though, so I kept my hands to myself. Plus, I had no idea what having that much of her body in contact with mine would do to me.
When she finally faced me, every hint of her embarrassment had disappeared. Folding her arms tightly against her chest she looked at me in a way that seemed to dare me to ask her what all of that with Jonny had been about. Since I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of one of her slaps, I left it alone for now. After a few seconds, Claire nodded her approval and let her beautiful smile slip back onto her lips.
“Where are your shoes?” she asked.
I couldn’t help but laugh. That was really all she had to say to me? “There, over by the bank,” I said. “Let me get them and I’ll walk you home.”
Walking with me to get my shoes and backpack, Claire didn’t say anything. She just waited patiently while I tugged my tennis shoes back on and slung my bag over my shoulder.
“Ready?” I asked.
“Sure.”
We were about a mile out of town, with Claire’s house being on the opposite side of San Juan. The distance didn’t bother me any, especially walking it with Claire, but I worried that she might get tired or bored along the way. I wanted to say something to her. Nothing came to mind, though. Except for the one time we ended up in the same homeroom class, this was the longest amount of time we had ever spent together. Basketball and football games she came to didn’t count because I knew she wasn’t there for me.
“So, are you going to the bonfire tonight?” Claire asked.
I stared at her incredulously. After what happened with Jonny, was she seriously still considering going? “Uh, I doubt it,” I said, “are you?”
“Not anymore.” Silence fell between us again.
I was dying to know what had led to Claire jumping out of Jonny’s car. Claire never missed a bonfire or movie night. She was usually one of the ones organizing these get-togethers. And tonight was the annual end of the school year bonfire. Everybody went. What could Jonny have possibly done that would make Claire mad enough to miss it?
“Thanks,” Claire said suddenly.
“Huh?” I wondered if I had missed something she’d said.
“For, uh, getting rid of Jonny. I should have said thanks earlier.”
She was back to pretending to be extremely interested in the piñon trees crowding around the road. “No problem,” I said. And I knew I probably shouldn’t, but I made myself ask her again. “How did you know I would be at the river?”
“What do you mean?” Claire asked. The overly innocent tone of her voice made me smile. It wasn’t often I saw her on this side of an awkward conversation.
“So, Jonny just happened to be driving by the pullout to the river when he decided to piss you off? I thought you guys were heading to the bluffs, in the opposite direction.” My teasing brought a smile to Claire’s face. She knew she was caught.
Slipping her hands into her back pockets, Claire looked up at me, her guilt and amusement mixing in her eyes. “Okay, so maybe I tricked Jonny into driving to the river, but I had to get away from him and I knew he wouldn’t let me leave without a fight.”
“But what made you think of me?” I asked. I should have just been glad of the fact that the one girl I wanted most had dropped into my lap unexpectedly. Doing what I should wasn’t always easy. I should have been home hauling bales of hay into the barn. I wanted to know her reason before I counted myself too lucky. If she said it was because I could knock Jonny out for her, well, that wasn’t the answer I wanted.
Claire seemed surprised by the question. She took a few moments to answer, but when she did, it was my turn to be surprised. “Because I knew Jonny would back down if you told him to.”
“What? Why would Jonny do anything I said just because I told him to? We aren’t even that good of friends,” I said. Especially not after today.
“But he did, didn’t he?” she asked.
My argument died in my throat. She was right, I guess.
“Everybody does what you tell them to. Maybe it’s because they know you could break them in half if you wanted to, but everybody knows you would never hurt a girl, and the girls act the same way. Even the teachers and coaches listen to you,” Claire said.
What was she talking about? I hated to sound conceded, but Jonny, and other guys like him, probably only ever listened to me because I was twice their size. And girls, girls always went after the top athletes. My coaches were great, but they realized that I knew the games as well as they did, so when I made a suggestion, they respected me enough to listen. Claire was making it sound like something more than what it really was.
“Claire, I…” What did I even say to that? I had no response, so I went back to my original question. “How did you know I was at the river? You keep avoiding answering me about that one.”
I was avoiding answering to what she had just said, of course, but I hoped she didn’t think to call me on it. The hint of pink in her cheeks made me think she was too distracted to notice. “I saw you heading this way when we left the school. And I know you like to hang out at river,” she said, “so I figured this was where you would be.” She ended with a shrug, like everyone should have known I would be hanging out at the river.
Maybe it wasn’t that hard for her to guess, but I chose to think that maybe she had been paying a little more attention to me than I thought. Fear of finding out I was wrong kept me from pushing any harder. “Well, I’m sorry you have to miss the bonfire tonight,” I said.
“Oh, I don’t have to miss it,” Claire said, “I’m choosing to miss it. Jonny being an idiot isn’t what’s stopping me from going to the bonfire. I could make myself deal with him if I really wanted to.”
“Then why aren’t you going? I thought you liked going to stuff like that?” I asked.
Claire looked at me, not shyly, exactly, but more like she was considering something, then looked ahead again. I watched her seriousness soften as she turned back to me with a smile. “Because I think I found something better to do,” she said. Her steps brought her a little closer to me and I dared smiling back at her as we reached the edge of town.
We walked through town without speaking. I was too afraid to say something that might make her change her mind. Always nice enough to me from a distance before today, I knew there was something keeping her away from me. Today she had been the one to seek me out, and the one to admit wanting to be around me. Whether it was luck, or something else entirely, I didn’t want to lose this chance.
The big double doors of Claire’s massive house loomed before us more quickly than I expected. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do now. I had only offered to walk her home. Were the doors my cue to take off now that she was safe again? We reached the top of the short flight of steps leading up to the door before I could figure it out.
Claire hesitated, and then asked, “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”
Well, there was my answer.
“Yeah, sure, that sounds great.” I started to follow her to their den, but I stopped after a few steps. “Could I use your phone, though? My parents were probably expecting me home a while ago.”
“Of course,” Claire said. Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she tossed it to me. I caught the pearly pink, rhinestone encrusted cell phone with one hand. Letting my mom know where I was only took a few brief seconds. Her happily telling me to stay as long as I wanted and not to worry about the hay took a lot longer than it should have. I think it worried her that I didn’t date as much as she thought I should. Even though I tried to hide it, my mom knew how I felt about Claire. I said goodbye and flipped the phone closed before she could embarrass me too much.
Claire was already settling into the couch, the previews of whatever movie she had chosen playing in the background. The huge den had three couches to choose from. The only one I was interested in was the suede loveseat holding Claire. Sitting so there was plenty of room left, she looked over at me. I didn’t keep her waiting.
Making sure not to touch her, I sat down next to Claire. My heart was pounding, but I forced myself to relax, or at least look like I was relaxed, as I leaned into the soft cushions. I handed her cell phone back to her with my thanks, and asked, “So what are we watching?”
“Well, it was a choice between romance or zombies,” she said. “I thought you might like the zombies better. Cole chose it, big surprise. My brother loves anything with gore and undead people in it. This one was supposed to be pretty funny, though.”
“Zombie movies usually are pretty funny, even when they don’t mean to be,” I said.
“I know, right? We watched Night of the Living Dead in English and half the class laughed through it,” Claire said.
“What was the other half doing?”
“Sleeping.”
That was pretty much the same thing that had happened in my class last year. Claire was a year behind me in school, something I often forgot when I saw her since we were practically the same age. She had missed the school district deadline by two months. More than once I had wished she had been born in August, rather than October. Next year would be my senior year, but only Claire’s junior. The idea of leaving her behind for college made my heart ache. The previews finally ended and we both turned our attention to the TV. I was a lot more focused on the small amount of space between me and Claire than on the movie.
Twenty minutes into the movie, though, we were both laughing hysterically. I was enjoying myself so much that the few times Claire leaned into me to say something or brushed my hand with hers that I barely even noticed the pain-filled shiver that ran through me.
As the number of zombies dwindled and the sappy romance between the main characters took over Claire let her head fall onto my shoulder. Pain radiated through my side but reflex brought my arm around her shoulder before I could stop myself. I worried immediately that I had been too quick to move, but Claire only leaned against me more heavily, doubling the intensity of my reaction. I found myself very glad to be sitting down at the moment.
Her body pressed so gently against mine made my hand start to tremble slightly from the pain. Balling my hand into a fist and tucking it away where she couldn’t see it, I refused to move away from her. The feel of her against me was worth any amount of pain.
I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. Uriah freaked me out for some reason. Well, not for some reason, I knew the reason. In not so subtle terms I had actually told him today why I had never hung out with him before. He acted like the way people changed when he was around them was just because of his size, or something, but I didn’t believe that. The way people acted around him, it was almost like his mere presence had some kind of control over other people.
Being controlled was something I dealt with every day of my life. My dad had my entire life planned out for me, and was willing to do just about anything to make sure things happened exactly the way he wanted them too. What I wanted couldn’t have mattered less to him. I certainly didn’t need more of that from a boyfriend. Uriah flat out made me nervous.
But that wasn’t the only reason I usually kept away from him. When most girls talk about the man of their dreams, they were delving into the fantasy of who their perfect match would be. I never thought about the man of my dreams, only the man in my dreams. For as long as I could remember I had dreamed of his face. He was completely nameless in my dreams and his blonde hair and blue eyes did not belong on the reservation, but I waited for him to come to me in my dreams every night. My rational mind told me they were only dreams. My soul told me they were so much more than that. And since most people who know me would admit I was not always the most rational person, it should be no surprise to anyone that I chose to believe he was real. His image in my mind had kept me from getting serious with anyone, especially Uriah. Uriah was the one guy I was afraid could make me forget my dreams.
Why I was sitting next to him with his arm around me was hard to explain. Up until now I had carefully avoided Uriah as much as possible. Mainly because of the weird vibe, but also because I thought he was just about the most gorgeous, sweet, amazing person I knew. If I found myself doing whatever he wanted I wasn’t sure I would have the desire to stop. Lately, staying away was getting harder to do, though. Even without considering my dreams, something about the way people reacted to him told me that I should stay away from him. But when I had to get away from Jonny today, he was the first person I thought of.
Spending time with Uriah was nothing like I thought it would be. The only difference I felt at being around him was excitement. I didn’t feel like I was doing anything I wouldn’t normally do, or acting strangely at all. His arm felt good around my shoulder and I wanted it to stay there. And that was purely my own desire. The delicious throbbing I felt all over my body made me sure of that.
Sooner than I would have liked, the credits started rolling. Uriah didn’t jump up to leave, or try to make out with me like a few other guys had done. I appreciated his self-control even if I was a little disappointed he didn’t try to kiss me. Part of me wanted to see how long we could stay like this, but that would probably make Uriah uncomfortable after a while.
“Well, that was better than I thought it was going to be,” I said. “Did you like it?”
Uriah seemed to take that as his cue to let me go. He took his arm back and sat up straight before answering. I held in a disappointed sigh. “Yeah, it was pretty funny,” he said. “It reminded me a lot of Shaun of the Dead. Have you ever seen that one?”
“Living with Cole? Of course I have. I couldn’t stop laughing when I watched it.” I knew that awkward moment where Uriah would be wondering whether he should stay or go was right around the corner, so I tried to get a jump on it. “Do you want to watch another one? The only other new one we have is a romantic comedy, but there’s always more zombie movies, thanks to Cole, if you want.”
Uriah laughed. “I think I’m all zombied out for today.”
“Romantic comedy it is, then,” I said. Usually Uriah’s expressions were very easy to read. Not right now, though. I wasn’t sure whether Uriah looked relieved that I had asked him to stay longer, or worried, but he didn’t make a run for it either way. I took that as a good sign. Reluctantly getting off the couch, I looked toward the kitchen. “How about some popcorn and sodas to go with this one?”
“Sounds good,” Uriah said as he stood up next to me. “Need any help?”
For a brief second I considered telling him I was fine, I hated looking helpless, but I liked the idea of being away from him even less. And letting him put a bag of popcorn in the microwave was hardly going to make me look like a wimp. “Sure,” I said, “follow me.”
The honest pleasure in Uriah’s face made me smile. He seemed nothing like what a lot of my friends had told me. Dana and Beth both said he was outgoing and fun when they went out with him, confident, engaging. Dana said they spent most of their date talking and laughing. No girl that I knew of ever regretted going out with him. The only thing they ever regretted was that they never went out again. Uriah never dated a girl more than once, which left plenty of them wondering what on earth they had done wrong. I thought it was more like he was just trying them out, waiting for the right one to find him. Seeing Uriah so, almost shy, and quiet, around me was bizarre. It made me worry that I was doing something wrong.
Entering the kitchen, I went right to the pantry and pulled out a package of microwave popcorn. I stripped off the wrapper and tossed it to Uriah. He caught it effortlessly, of course. I had watched just about every home football, basketball, or baseball game he had ever played in. I could at least do that and feel safe. He was so much better at everything than everyone else it was ridiculous. If our tiny school wasn’t way below the college sports radar he would have scouts knocking down his door every day.
“Would you throw that in the microwave,” I asked. “Just push the Popcorn button.” He nodded and I heard the almost too loud hum of the microwave behind me as I opened the fridge. “What do you like, Coke, root beer, Crush, Sprite?” I asked.
“Um, Coke is fine.”
I handed him the soda and set my own on the counter to find a bowl for the popcorn. The warning beep that there was only thirty seconds left on the timer sounded. “Oh, shoot. Uriah, would you…” I was closer than he was. “Never mind, I’ll get it,” I said.
But Uriah had already guessed I was talking about the popcorn and moved to get it right as I turned around. I bumped into him, putting my hand on his chest to keep from crashing into him too much. He shivered and shook his head as if he had to shake my touch off. I snatch my hand away quickly.
“Sorry,” I said as the final beep rang. I could smell the faint scent of burnt popcorn emanating from the microwave. It burned every time if we didn’t take it out early.
“No, it was my fault,” Uriah said. “I’ll get it for you.” He hesitated for a second before brushing his fingers across my cheek. I swear he shivered again, but if he did, it was so slight I almost didn’t see it. Smiling with a strange kind of pride, he turned away and went after the popcorn. I had no idea what that was about.
Trying to hide my mixed up feelings, I busied myself with finding a bowl. Uriah was nothing like I thought, but that certainly didn’t mean I had any clue what he was really like. I was more confused than ever about him. I was still searching the cupboards when I heard the front door open. Cole was setting up for the bonfire. Mom was shopping with a friend in Santa Fe. That only left my dad. Cursing under my breath, I hoped he would head right back out. Maybe he just forgot something. The click of his dress shoes on the kitchen tile made me cringe. His feet stopped moving and I forced myself to stand up and face him.
Harder than usual, his eyes stared past me to Uriah. “I thought you were going to the bonfire tonight, Claire,” he said, still not looking at me.
“I was, but…” Should I tell him about Jonny? And why was he glaring at Uriah like that? “Um, I got in a fight with Jonny and didn’t feel like going anymore.”
He didn’t really seem to hear me. “Uriah, what are you doing here with my daughter?” my dad asked.
Okay, this was beyond weird. “Dad, what’s your problem? We’re watching a movie. Is there something wrong with that?” His eyes narrowed as if there was indeed something wrong with me watching a movie with Uriah. “Shouldn’t you be at work anyway?” I asked. “What are you doing home so early?”
“I thought everyone would be out. I came home to work in my study. There were too many distractions at the casino,” he said.
Of course, the one day my dad wants to work from home is the one day I actually want to hang out here. “Well, we’ll be all the way in the den. You won’t even know we’re here,” I said.
“I can go if it’s a problem,” Uriah said to my dad.
My dad was not going to ruin this for me. I said, “No, you’re fine, Uriah,” just as my dad said, “I think that would be best.” My eyes snapped to my dad’s with a threat he knew I could fulfill, but he was still glaring at Uriah. Uriah just nodded politely before turning to me.
“I’ve got chores to do anyway, but thanks for having me over, Claire,” Uriah said. He started for the front door, leaving me staring at my dad.
“What is wrong with you?” I hissed at my dad. “You wouldn’t have even been able to hear us in the den.”
“I would rather you didn’t hang out with Uriah Crowe,” my dad said.
“What?”
Dropping his keys and attaché on the table, my dad walked past me in his usual cold manner. “I don’t approve of him, and I better not see you together again.” Like that was the end of the discussion, he starting walking across the kitchen toward his study.
“Well,” I said sarcastically, making him turn back to look at me, “it’s a good thing I always do what you say, then, isn’t it?”
“Claire,” he warned, but I had already rushed away from him.
I threw open the front door and I spotted Uriah halfway down the driveway. “Uriah!”
He turned around quickly, but waited for me to approach him. I wanted to grab him and yank him back to the house, but I pulled up just short of him. “Sorry about my dad, he can be a real jerk sometimes,” I said.
Uriah hid a smile and nodded politely. My dad sponsored most of the teams Uriah played on, so he knew as well as anyone what my dad was like. Plenty of people respected my dad because he owned the biggest trading post in the area, as well as the casino outside of town, but I didn’t think you could pay any amount to actually get someone to like him.
“It’s okay,” Uriah said, “I have a truckload of hay to unload anyway. I had fun, though.”
It was probably the most laidback, kind-of-date I had ever been on, but it was definitely the best. “I did too,” I said.
As he started to turn away I had the strongest urge to sink my lips against his. I didn’t want him to leave, especially if this was the last time I would see him. That thought had nothing to do with my dad, but everything to do with Uriah’s track record. I didn’t want him being pushed out by my dad to be the last thing he remembered me for. I was considering how to stop him from leaving when he turned back.
He opened his mouth to say something, but frowned and closed it again. I waited with my breath held against fear of what he was going to say. Shaking his head once more, Uriah looked at me. “Can I see you again?” he asked.
Breathing out too quickly with relief, my answer got stuck in my throat. I swallowed, and said, “Of course, I would love that.”
“Great,” Uriah said. “My dad and I are cutting alfalfa this weekend, but maybe we can do something next week.”
“Sure, just give me a call.”
Half smiling and frowning at the same time as if he wasn’t sure about what he had just done, Uriah turned and walked away. It took some real effort to walk back to the house calmly. I had a million questions about Uriah, and a vague feeling that seeing him again wasn’t a good idea, but knowing I was the first girl he had ever gone on a second date with was so intoxicating it overpowered everything else. Even my dreams. I wanted to be with Uriah no matter what being around him eventually revealed.
It was the first night I didn’t dream of his face. Every second of my dreams was filled with Uriah that night. I woke up thinking about Uriah, and for some reason that scared me. Only after replaying the all too real dreams of Uriah in my head a few times did my mind bring my dream guy’s image back to my mind, as if trying to make me guilty for my lapse. For a brief moment I really missed not seeing him. My head was still too filled with Uriah to dwell on it for long, though.
Waiting for Uriah’s call was torturous. Only knowing that he would be baling and hauling alfalfa all weekend kept me from dashing over to his house for a surprise visit. I didn’t tell my mom what was making me so antsy, but by Saturday morning she knew I needed to get out of the house. Always happy to have an excuse to spend a day in Santa Fe, Mom told me to pack an overnight bag and whisked me off to her favorite hotel, the one that had a full day spa.
We spent Saturday getting covered in mud and cucumbers. It helped some. Eventually my mom wheedled out what was bothering me and we spent the rest of the day talking about Uriah. Talking to her helped more than anything the spa did to me. I spent most of my free time with Dana and Beth, but my mom was my true best friend. I never had to question the motives behind her love, and she battled my dad for me constantly. The only thing we didn’t talk about was my dad’s weird reaction to me hanging out with Uriah. That was barely even worth mentioning.
As soon as I fell into the plush hotel bed Saturday night my eyes closed and my mind conjured up the image of the wrong person.
At first it was just his hands sliding over my shoulders. Then it was his whole arms wrapping around me and pulling me against his chest. For a few moments we stayed there feeling utterly complete in each other’s arms. He was always the same age as me and he always knew what I needed. When I was upset he would hold me and stroke my hair until my worry or anger disappeared. If I was in a playful mood he would dance with me, spinning me and laughing until we both collapsed. And when I needed to know that someone truly loved me he would show me his love in every caress and kiss.
Tonight I was not upset or playful. My mind and heart were fully focused on love.
Gently his lips pressed against the hollow below my ear, making my head fall to the side so he could explore my skin more easily. His fingers joined his lips on my neck and slowly traced their way down to my shoulder. His touch felt familiar and inviting, but something about the way he kissed me felt different. More insistent than usual, more demanding. I didn’t respond right away and he noticed my hesitation. When his guiding hands turned me to face him, I saw the question in his eyes, the fear that I did not want him and need him as much as I once did.
I woke from the dream with a tremendous sense of guilt hanging over me.
Not even spending another day in the spa could relax me, then. Going back home Sunday night ramped up my anxiety even more. Every noise that night woke me from dreams that had nothing to do with Uriah. Sleep deprived hope made me reach for the phone every time. I woke up Monday morning tired and cranky, but all of that disappeared when my phone rang and I saw Uriah’s number on the caller ID. I stumbled excitedly through our conversation, barely even hearing him ask me to go horseback riding with him. Mom laughed as I tore through the house to change clothes. I was riding my mare, Daisy, off our property in record time.
Some of my pent up energy cooled as I reached Uriah’s house. Walking Daisy around to the front of the house, I slid off and tied her reins to the fence next to Uriah’s waiting horse. I had planned to go knock on the door, but I spotted Uriah in the sheep pen next to the house and headed over to him, all thoughts of dreams forgotten. He didn’t notice me until I climbed up on the fence and sat on the top rail.
“Claire,” he said when he saw me, “I didn’t realize you were here already.”
“Sorry, I’m probably a little early.” Would he realize just how quickly I had run out of the house to come see him? I hoped he didn’t think I was a huge dork if he did.
The lamb Uriah was holding bleated in his ear, making Uriah laugh. “No, it’s perfect. I could use your help actually.”
“My help?” I asked. My face must have looked incredulous. That was how I felt, at least. I knew absolutely nothing about sheep.
“If you don’t mind,” he said. “This rascal got in a fight with a bunch of burrs. I got most of them off, but there’s a couple I need to clip out.”
Climbing over the fence, I approached the lamb cautiously. “What do you want me to do?”
“Just hold Ishla’s shoulders so he doesn’t run off. There’s two burrs on his belly that I can’t get to while I’m holding him,” Uriah said.
The lamb’s cuteness didn’t lessen my fear any. I wasn’t afraid of the animal, just of accidently hurting it. Gently, I took the animal’s shoulders and pressed lightly. It wiggled under my grip so I pressed down a little tighter until it stopped moving around. Uriah smiled encouragingly, and picked up his scissors. The lamb flinched when Uriah clipped the burr out of it wool, but held still for the most part. Finished with his work, Uriah patted the lamb on the back, touching my hand as he did.
With a sharp bleat the little lamb tossed its head back and jumped right into Uriah’s chest. Falling back in surprise, Uriah made no move to catch the little guy as it scampered away. He stared after it looking confused. I reached out and pulled Uriah back up. He flinched when I touched him and I worried that he was hurt. “Are you okay?” I asked. “I’m sorry. I should have held him tighter.”
“Don’t worry about it, that little one is a handful,” Uriah said. “He doesn’t usually act like that around me, though.” Shrugging at the oddity, he forgot it and dusted off his clothes. “Let me just grab something from the house and we can get going.”
He hurried away before I could ask if I should go with him, so I walked back to Daisy and fed her a carrot from my pocket while I waited for Uriah to reappear. He walked back out of the house with his saddle bags slung over his shoulder a few minutes later. The edge of a blanket peeked out from under one of the flaps. By the way the other bag bulged, I was guessing there was a picnic lunch in that one. A ride through the bluffs could only last so long but a picnic could last as long as you wanted it to.
Trying to hide my grin, I let my hair fall over my face as I swung into Daisy’s saddle.
“Ready?” Uriah asked. I nodded, resisting the urge to push my hair behind my ear.
The ride out of town was filled with idle small talk that most people would have found unimportant. To me it was anything but. Talking about our plans for the summer, the books we were supposed to read, things we liked and didn’t like, and a dozen other things were all little bits of the puzzle that was Uriah Crowe. Nothing he said gave me any hints about some of the bigger mysteries surrounding him, but the way he laughed and talked so easily with me today gave me hope that he wouldn’t disappear on me like he had other girls.
By the time we reached a secluded valley that was perfect for a picnic I felt like I had been friends with Uriah for much longer than a few days. Uriah jumped down from his mare and took a step towards me. Expecting him to offer to help me down, I slid off Daisy before he had the chance and landed lightly in the sand. The corner of his mouth twitched and I hated myself for letting my dad control me once again. I couldn’t stand letting anyone help me because of him, but that just ended up letting my feelings for my dad dictate how I acted anyway. I couldn’t win against him.
Uriah’s quick frown tore at me. I actually would have loved to feel his hands on my waist as he lifted me down. Why didn’t I let him help me get off? Pushing him away was exactly what I was afraid of doing. I wanted to kick myself, but that would only embarrass me further, so I pasted on a smile and went to help him with lunch.
“So what are we having?” I asked.
His dark skin didn’t hide his blush. “I don’t know, actually. My mom packed it for me. Picking burrs out of Ishla’s coat took longer than I thought it would.”
That certainly wasn’t anything to be embarrassed about. Helping that poor lamb was more important. I spread the blanket out on the rough desert grass and watched Uriah set the saddle bag down in the middle. Moving the bag over some, I sat down on the side, making sure the only open space large enough for Uriah to sit was right next to me. Uriah sat down in the right spot but was far enough away that he wasn't in any danger of touching me. I really hoped he was just being polite.
“Well, let’s open it up and see what we have,” I said.
The roast beef sandwiches and potato salad his mom had packed were delicious. But what was even better was lying on the blanket with Uriah after all the food was gone. Still careful of the distance between us, Uriah laid next to me. The heat of the desert pressed all around us, attempting to burn away the desire I felt being so close to him. It didn’t work.
All the heat did was make me think of the soothing warmth I had felt come over me with Uriah’s arm around my shoulder a few days ago. I wanted to feel that again. He had yet to really touch me even once today. The sun beating down on my closed eyelids was a poor substitute. When I felt Uriah shift next to me, I opened my eyes to find him propped up on his elbow, gazing down at me. My smile was timid and shaky as I wished he would move in closer.
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