The Further Adventures of SapioSlut
The journal of a real-life BDSM love story, including lots and lots of kinky sex, S&M, bondage, exhibitionism…
Copyright © 2011 by The Fluffy Press
This free ebook may be copied, distributed, reposted, reprinted and shared, provided it appears in its entirety without alteration, and the reader is not charged to access it.
This book is nonfiction; however, individual’s names and identifying details have been changed to protect their privacy.
The cover art depicts and was drawn by the author. You can read more of her ongoing adventures at http://sapioslut.com/.
Smashwords Edition
ISBN 978-0-9876508-1-8
“I realised that this blog is one of my proudest accomplishments to date. Not just the words I’ve written but what they represent: my own personal journey of discovery, the amazing people I’ve met, self-awareness and, yes, self worth. A massive step-change in my understanding and enjoyment of my body, my sexuality and my life.”—Post Modern Sleaze by Electronic Doll
I feel very much the same way. Writing has helped me process and understand what has been happening in my head and in my body. I have come to appreciate my overt sense of sexuality, and have gotten away from the feeling that it is something to be squashed and hidden.
I am very proud of my blog. It began as a private journal, just for the two of us, but after a year and a bit we decided to take it public. That has been a fantastic adventure. It is a part of my life that has been fun and inspiring, and I’ve been delighted to share it.
The blog went from strength to strength, and at the end of the year we decided to do something rather special. We turned it into a book. We combined the best bits from the blog with the contents of my private journal to show the full path that my journey of discovery has taken.
But, of course, the adventures did not end there…
The more orgasms the better
Monday 3 January
A mini multiple orgasm challenge—with a few pussy slaps thrown in for fun—was what we had decided to do. It was the second day of my period, so from my point of view the more orgasms the better!
It took a bit for the power exchange to be established: he had to keep telling me to open my legs and keep my hands behind my head. It was hard. I was struggling with opening up to it all; I was terrified that he might let loose with some really hard pussy slaps. He kept the level tolerable, but it was still hard going.
So he decided to shut me up. I was told not to say anything, unless it was my safeword. That was a good idea! Pussy slaps and hard-core Fairy Wanding are staples for us, but it is the power exchange that is the hottest for me. That, and watching him feast upon my suffering.
About the point where it was edging towards just fucking hurting I began to focus on his face. I watched his eyes as the sound of each slap echoed the sensation going through my body. I saw the rapturous bliss of his inner sadist. He is a very bad man, and I like it like that.
I adore the intensity of sensation, to a certain point, but there is something for me beyond that in seeing his pleasure in my pain. It takes it to another level. I get off on him getting off—in this case when he cranked the intensity of the Fairy Wand right up.
He made me come and come and come. Sometimes with the pleasure of it, but mostly by sexualising the high level of intensity. Then he pulled my quivering body close, and we cuddled and eventually started talking once I was able to speak again.
He asked me if I had had enough orgasms. Strictly speaking the answer was no, so I said so. This time I held the Fairy Wand, but he was still in control. He told me when to turn it up, and only he could decide when to take it off. He stroked his cock while I did this and he had me turn up the intensity after each of my orgasms until he came. I was in a nicely subby space by now, so I was a very good girl and I did what I was told.
I have no idea how many orgasms I’d had, and I thought I was orgasmed out, but this is where the Fairy Wand rocks. He had me turn it up even further, which built up an orgasm to the point where it blew my head off. And then he still didn’t let me turn it down or take it off—I was almost crying when he reached over and turned it off himself.
If I thought I’d been subby and floaty before, now I was levitating as I walked. My brain was orgasmed mush. He is the god of O.
And yes, I’d had enough orgasms. At least until tomorrow.
Sparkle slut
Wednesday 5 January
I love sparkly things. (I used to sell jewellery.) When a friend sent me a link to the German Sparkle Party video I loved it and had to share it with everyone.
My friend Hylas made my sparkle party dream come true when he held a sparkly New Year’s Eve party. After my initial sparkly dress-up James sluttified it even further by making sure that as much of my ass was showing as possible. I think he did an excellent job. His taste in slutwear rocks!
It was so much fun with all my sparkly friends! They were wearing rubber waders, sparkly dresses, black and white rubber boots, sheer red sparkles covering frilly party pants, a red sparkly Mini Mouse bow, amazing purple eyelashes, black nails, and hot dance party pants. We had fantastic cuddles. When we went out for some dinner we invited people to show us their party pants—can you believe that no-one took us up on the offer?
After dinner I was graced with the honour of cakeifying the lovely Curvaceous Dee for her fifth blogiversary. One day we will be grown-up like her!
Then I went home and welcomed in the new year with James and delicious raspberry liqueur and his whispers of hot pussy slapping…
Dial it up and bring on the orgasms
Monday 10 January
He said “Let’s go cuddle,” but a pause in the bedroom doorway made me think that we might not get to the bed. He grabbed my upper arms, turned me towards the mirror, pulled up my dress to expose my nakedness, and began to grope my breasts, torso and mons.
Then he dragged me to the Black Room and splayed me naked on the Bug Board. He brought out the electrosex toys and eased my favourite insert into my cunt. Then he added a new factor: the microphone, which he fastened to the chest strap below my chin.
We experimented as to what level of sound would set off the zaps in my cunt when I spoke or made a noise. We found out that if James spoke loudly it also set it off—which was bloody unfair! Then he started up the Fairy Wand and put it right on my clit…
He didn’t have to tell me to be quiet. He just started cranking up the Fairy Wand and watched my expressions as we went. The ramp-up went quickly because he wanted me to put some feedback in the system and get my cunt twitching. But I didn’t want to, and game ended quickly with me about to spill tears—not from the pain of the zap but from the guaranteed ‘lose’. We’d talked earlier about having a non-bratty scene, with me trying to be as open as possible, but when I was trying to close down so as not to trigger the zap and he was pushing to overwhelm me so that I would, that was not the kind of dynamic we’d been looking for.
This is where our relationship really shines: James doesn’t close down the scene and pout because ‘it didn’t work’ and I don’t expect him to. Our mid-scene discussions are just realignments towards the desired outcome. I give him feedback on what isn’t working, and he manages the scene accordingly.
We tried another tack with him telling me to count the pussy slaps out loud. That was better, but it still brought out brattiness in me and I was ready to cry again after twenty light slaps. He recognised a fragility in me that needed a different approach.
He removed the microphone but continued with the pussy slaps. He still made me count, though, and my brat showed that it was alive and well when I started from a hundred and counted backwards. His delight at my high number made me change to counting in tens, and the intensity of the slaps increased as I counted down.
The Fairy Wand was incorporated anew—and vigorously. He rhythmically pushed it against my clit while the electrical waves flowed through my cunt. There was a significant amount of subconscious resistance to start with: I would get close to orgasm, and then my brain would kick in and hold it off. What the fuck? But at the same time my cognition was evaporating because of the high level of intensity.
James handled it brilliantly. If he had pushed hard and fast I would have shut down, but instead he went for a medium level and persisted, putting pegs on my nipples and alternating with medium-level pussy slaps until I started coming. He cranked it up until my emotional edge was close, and then he stopped to cuddle and reassure me. Then he started all over again.
He rocked the Fairy Wand against my clit, building up a good level of tension, and squeezed my nipples with his fingers or the medium-strength pegs as the orgasms started to build. Then he dialled up the Fairy Wand to bring on the orgasms, and kept that intensity going through the whole set of orgasms. When my orgasms started slowing down he took off the Fairy Wand and did some medium-intensity pussy slaps, which immediately made me want to fuck.
It was an excellent strategy; the incremental progression was the perfect foil for my guarded subconscious. He amped the intensity slowly as we cycled through, which allowed him to get to my soft, squishy release without shattering me. Sometimes hard and fast is a great way to go, but today a different approach was needed.
He put down the Fairy Wand and whispered to me “Six.” He was going to give me six hard pussy slaps to finish up. I watched his face, his concentration and his enjoyment of the first, second and third. The fourth and fifth ramped up more, and the sixth was loved and hated because it was the last.
The way he held me as he undid my restraints was lovely. He told me over and over again what a good girl I was. I needed to hear that. It was a salve to my subbie self that had been doubting my openness.
It was then that I realised how spaced out I was. I became aware of the brilliance of his plan, and the beautiful execution. He had taken me right through an entire catharsis process without triggering my resistance buttons. He had navigated us through an intense scene with exquisite precision.
My trust bucket just got deeper and wider. I didn’t know it could do that.
Naked by the jetty
Wednesday 12 January
Summer is awesome, and living near a gazillion beaches in summer is even more awesome. Being able to drive a few minutes and randomly pick a beach totally rocks!
When we arrived there was no-one there. Hooray! It was time for nekkid pictures. But we soon found that we’d only just beaten the after-lunch crowd, so we had to secrete ourselves around the corner from where children and dogs frolicked on the sand.
The jetty was encrusted with seashells of various kinds, and so were the rocks underneath it. I paid in blood for being stubborn about wanting to stay and take the picture there. (I cut my foot on a sharp-edged shell.)
It was glorious: sun, sea, skin. Well, someone has to do it…
Fucked at two hundred rpm
Monday 17 January
We now have a Fucksall. James has built a home-made adapter to connect our big black dildo to our reciprocating saw. It’s rough-and-ready, but it works just fine!
We tested it today. The first sensation was the dildo—it’s good sized, with both girth and length as well as a nice silicone texture. But it wasn’t an unfamiliar sensation; I’ve even worn it in my cunt and under my jeans to the supermarket.
Next was clicking it into the reciprocating saw. I was terrified of it starting up hard against my cervix and then taking off accidentally at a high speed, so we made sure there was plenty of safety margin. He gently squeezed the trigger and slowly got the dildo moving. Yeah, that felt nice. Then he ramped it up a little and it was even better.
“I think it needs to be in the other way around.” He unclicked it, flipped the whole saw upside down and then clicked it back in. After repositioning it he slowly started it up again. I glanced over at the Fairy Wand and he took the hint.
“Some of that too?” he asked.
“Yes please!”
He needed both hands to hold the Fucksall, so I put the Fairy Wand against my clit. I started it off low and slowly cranked it up to a good level of vibration, and combined with the steady throb in my cunt I knew it wouldn’t be long until I came—and it wasn’t. But what got me was how quickly the orgasms flowed. The steady pressure on my g-spot and the incessant vibration on my clit had me coming over and over and over with increasing intensity. Then he ramped up the revs and a whole new wave of orgasms took over.
As he turned it off and took it out I realised that I had been lost in orgasmic bliss. But he tells me now that he’d been running it at only a tenth of its top speed…
It’s the lazy woman’s dream fuck, I have to say.
Cable tied
Wednesday 19 January
Somewhat apprehensively I laid down on the bed. We had talked about this for quite a while: he was going to turn me into a stripy orgasm worm with his long black cable ties.
He handed me the Fairy Wand. It was the first time we’d used that with the g-spot attachment, but it still felt familiar because we’ve used it previously with our Magic Wand. I settled it comfortably in my cunt.
While I squeezed my knees together around the Fairy Wand he took one of the cable ties in his hand, and it just barely fitted around the top of my knees, digging in to my flesh. The second one went tidily around my upper calves, and the third secured my ankles together. Now I was half immobilised.
Next the arms. It was tricky to decide how to do it. Should we tie them together crossed at the wrist, or forearm against forearm? We tried both options, along with a loop around my chest and upper arms. But the wrist ties chafed, so got rid of them and instead went for another big loop around my forearms and waist.
Then he turned on the Fairy Wand and grabbed the camera. While he clicked away the grunt in my cunt started this little worm a-wiggling. My hips moved back and forth of their own accord while I gently strained against my bonds. Once he’d captured the essence of my bondage he sat down beside me.
I knew he would fuck with my head, and the tried and truly hated nipple flick was put to good use. I whimpered just as much from the realisation that this was true predicament bondage. Yes, I could wriggle, but that just made the cable ties cut into my skin.
He slipped a hand under my thighs and cranked up the Fairy Wand to what I found out later was full speed. This was intense, but not nearly as intense as when he holds it directly against my clit. I think the attachment helped to diffuse the vibration.
Trussed up and buzzing I desperately wanted to come. He reached under my thighs again to control the angle and pressure of the Fairy Wand, forcing it up into my g-spot and against my clit, which built the sensation into a series of rolling orgasms. I was pulling against the ties, and the discomfort was adding a lot to the stimulus.
He paused. It wasn’t until he started snipping through the cable ties that I realised how hard I had been pulling against them. The familiar pain of pressure-release pinged through me as he cut each one. Subspace fuck yeah!
Naked and vulnerable
Friday 21 January
It was the first time we had fucked this weekend. I think that had to do with me starting my period and seeing how much blood came out when we used the vibrator attachment. I guess we just didn’t want to deal with the mess.
I am so glad we did fuck today, though. I have been craving that intimacy. I’ve been getting very hot at the idea of any sort of intense insertion, and particularly having his fingers or cock inside me. Somehow when he is inside me there is a different level of connection. He inserts himself inside my head with apparent ease, and I love it when he does it to my body at the same time.
I myself don’t think about getting inside people, I think about surrounding them, about being their skin. When he gets inside me it is like he is peeling back the layers and opening me up. Having him take pleasure in doing that is important to me.
Biting, biting into, pulling back and tearing open—sometimes he does this to me, sometimes with his teeth, sometimes with a look, sometimes with his words.
Sometimes—no, not sometimes, often—I feel so naked and vulnerable with him, more often than not in fact. I feel like he sees more. I feel like he reaches in and swooshes away all the confusion so I can see what he sees. He is rarely wrong. Even when he is, it is with the best intentions and usually because he doesn’t have all the info he needs.
I have missed him, and I have missed his cock too. Part of me was wantonly selfish and wanted to fuck so badly. I could have been tempted by another cock, but it wouldn’t have satisfied me. I wanted that connection with him.
He ripped a string of orgasms from me, and then ramped it up
Monday 24 January
We tried out our Fucksall again, but this time with me strapped down on the Bug Board so I couldn’t control what was happening or help out. We discovered that if it isn’t so deep in me then it feels just so good. I had lots of orgasms.
The orgasms from the Fucksall in my vagina were quite different ones from the vibrator on my clit; they had a clamping element to them, whereas the Fairy Wand ones were the inside-out, head-exploding kind.
He fucked me with the Fucksall to start with, and I had several orgasms, but when he then switched to the Fairy Wand it was a whole other level of intensity. Not only that, but once he’d ripped a string of orgasms from me—the kind where your eyes are rolling back in your head—he kept going. He’s good at that. That place where most people would slow down or stop (and I certainly would) he kept going, and then he ramped it up.
My first reaction was Oh no, oh my god no, I can’t take this. Those were some long seconds, but then there was a new sense of amazement as I realised that I was about start coming again at a whole new level. These second stage orgasms obliterated all thought. My whole body and brain was in Orgasmland, and I was just coming and coming and coming. A small part of my brain wondered how long this would go on for. It went on until he said enough; I think it was when he started to hear the emotion in my screams that warned him of my impending overload.
He decided to have another go with the Fucksall, but this time he pulled it back a bit. That did two things: it took the dildo away from my cervix, and it increased the pressure on my g-spot. Now he was able to really rev it up, and I was greedy and wanted more. Apparently it was still not even half of its top speed, but it had me coming and coming. I thought I was going to squirt a whole fountain’s worth—but no, I didn’t, it just felt like I was going to.
He was feeling rather inspired because we had watched some of our Sunday Porn Update before playing, and it had contained the pussy slapping which I love and hate. He grabbed my throat and whispered intensely “I’m going to give you three medium-hard slaps.” Ouch and yum!
I think back to my vanilla sex life, and how long it use to take me to come. I would often get close but not quite get there, and sometimes I would just give up, thinking that it was all too hard. These days I come easily and often, but it is always in the context of higher intensity. I love having sex on that roller-coaster of sensation. If I think of it all as pain it still freaks me out; it makes me think Warning! Something is wrong. Warning! But if I think about it as intensity, I’m like Yeah, bring it on! Please do it. Pleeeease.
So he did. After he unstrapped me from the Bug Board, he took me to the bedroom and used his hard cock on my very tender pussy. He hurt me with his cock, and I became his fucktoy. Grinding against his body while I straddled him gave him easy access to my tender bits. My favourite was him fucking me into a rhythm, and then tweaking my nipples. All of a sudden he pinched them both hard, and all that squirt that had been bursting to come out before rushed out in a flood. I was blinded with the pain in that moment. Bless him for not letting go; I love it when it hangs there, past my ‘tolerance’.
After sponging up the puddles he took his fucktoy seriously to task, using my breasts for handles. James has large, strong hands. They were like vices around my breasts, and he used them to move his fucktoy up and down on his cock. His cock rammed across my cervix and I started coming again. He must have been close too, because it was about then that his own yell of pleasure came.
We quivered together for a moment, and then lay back panting. We needed some time to recover before we could walk to the shower. And by that time he was inspired to play again with his freshly tenderised plaything. He grabbed my hair and pulled my head under the water, and he fingered and rubbed my cunt until I was squirting into his hand.
Have you ever kept playing until you realise that you are just out of energy? The will and desire are there, but the battery is flat. We did that today. As I type now, I am wishing that I had the energy to play more. My cunt is greedy; it wants more Fucksall and more Fairy Wand, preferably together. But my energy level is zero. And even if I had the energy to do it myself, I couldn’t: the Fucksall is not something I can use on myself, sadly—not even with my toes!
What’s new, pussycat?
Wednesday 26 January
There was new pussy cat slutting around at Amie Wee’s birthday this year. The party was hosted by Hylas, and the theme was unicorns and rainbows. Amie’s edgy fashion sense inspired me to wear some high-top sneakers and trashy tights, along with a miniature tartan skirt and a lovely pink top that made me think of My Little Pony. I also found the cutest My Little Pony cookies to take along, that were in their own little packages and included the best fridge magnet ever!
Hylas has the most amazing dress-up wardrobe, and Amie got her own personal fetish fashion show. I felt like a big kid trying on all sorts of things, from a full-body fuzzy zip-front cat costume, a Frisian cow with amazing teats which I shoved forwards suggestively, to a frilly maid outfit in black and white with masses of netting skirts underneath. My kitty side loved the full cat mask, but it was extremely hot in there!
I’ve always liked getting dressed up for parties, but thanks to Amie’s birthday and Hylas’s hospitality it was a wonderful new experience that has given me a taste for something more!
His cock pummelled my tender cunt
Monday 31 January
We retired to the bedroom, and I was feeling tired but in need of some orgasms. I wanted to wank: to have a good old Magic Wand quicky.
I started playing with it on Low, but I soon noticed that my little clit was feeling rather tender. When I mentioned this he snaked his hand in and pushed the wand harder against my clit. Whoa! Never one to under-achieve, he also added in some nipple squeezing.
As he played with me I could feel myself getting hornier and hornier. He made me switch to High, which ramped it up some more and increased the ache in my cunt, and then he said “Turn it off.” He stripped off his t-shirt and boxers and said “I think it’s time to fuck.” I couldn’t have been more pleased!
I love how he has me suck his cock before he fucks me. As I started to slide my very wet pussy onto his saliva-slicked cock it felt like we hadn’t fucked forever. It was very tight, and I wanted to play with that special feeling when he first enters me—but he had other plans.
I quickly discovered that I had a very tender cervix too. I was grateful he didn’t start slamming into it straight away; he slowly built up the intensity until I was working it hard, and it made me come—a lot. He gripped my breasts to move my body up and down his cock, and those were tender too, so he didn’t have to do much to get me whimpering and coming.
Tonight had more of our D/s dynamic for me; but I guess it was just where we were at. This level of control continued right though our whole fuck. By the time we got to the point when his hands were wrapped in my hair, and he was using it pull my body hard onto his cock my subspace was complete. I was a living breathing fucktoy.
I remember asking him to hurt me. I wanted to dive into the pain, but he toyed with me. Sometimes he was more sensuous, with his nails scratching across my back, or his fingers stroking my hair. Sometime he fucked me greedily, enjoying the sensations on his cock as he pummelled my tender cunt.
Grabbing my breasts again he slowly increased the pressure as his rolled his cock over my cervix. It was fantastic. I knew my orgasm wouldn’t be far away, and I could feel his cock twitch in that familiar way as he got close to coming too. We were getting closer and closer…
“Stop!”
What the?!? I wasn’t about to start my orgasm, I had already started it! It was most frustrating. Right at that moment I happily hated him, and I told him so. Then he told me to get off his cock. Now I really was surprised!
“You can slap your pussy until you come,” he said.
“But I’ve never come that way before,” I replied.
“Well, you don’t know until you try, do you?”
As he started stroking his cock I began to slap my cunt. Slap. Slap. Slap-slap-slap. I increased the intensity by making the slaps closer and closer together until it was a slapslapslapslapslaspslap. It was rather hot, and I almost made myself squirt—but not before he did. He had a huge orgasm, with lots of semen.
As I lay there with a highly revved-up body he asked me if I wanted to finish myself off with the Magic Wand. I did not need a second invitation! This time my pussy wasn’t aching to be filled, so this time it was really quick. My body and my mind exploded with an orgasm that had me shaking and rolling.
Post-Christmas curves
Wednesday 2 February
In the last few weeks I’ve noticed that some of my waistbands have gotten tight. Yes, I have put on some weight, and no, I am not comfortable with it. It’s not a lot of weight, maybe a couple of kilos, but it’s enough to make a difference to how my clothes fit.
I have always been on the slim side, and my worry has usually been how to keep the weight on. When I gained four kilos during the first half of 2010 it felt good: I felt healthier and I had more energy. But this time it makes me feel fat; and I am not immune to societal pressure.
I feel like I’m facing a choice to either get some larger clothes or to lose that bit of weight. Part of me delights in having a slightly more curvy body, but part of me is desperate to get back into my comfort zone.
James thinks that I still look great. He wanted to take a photo of me that glamorises my figure as it is now, to help assuage my subconscious fear that I don’t look quite as good as I used to. He wants me to make my choice based on what I want rather than what I fear.
The mind fuck was an amazing roller coaster ride
Monday 7 February
Where do I start? He says it started last night when I was asking him to hurt me. That was music to a sadist’s ears!
This morning when he asked me if I was ready for him to start hurting me I replied “Huh? Those were night-time words. I’m just waking up now. It would have to be very gentle warmup, I think.” This of course meant coffee, breakfast, and catching up on our favourite blogs. I love these gloriously slow Sunday mornings after all the rush of day-to-day life. We didn’t head off to the Black Room but instead went back to bed to cuddle.
Then he started whispering in my ear about flogging my pussy, and he decided that we should do it in the bedroom because there was more space to swing the flogger. He would follow it up with walloping with his hand. Because it’s summer here, and serious bikini weather, I didn’t want to have marks in places that would arouse questions from my family and friends, so he decided to focus solely on my cunt.
I was stretched out naked on the bed when he returned with a variety of implements …including his crop and his cane. He told me to get spread-eagled on the bed, but my brat was alive and well and I went face down, spread-eagled on my hands and knees, which earned me a good slap on my bottom!
When I was properly positioned on my back he held the black suede flogger in his hand and started gently flogging my pussy, but because I was laying flat the tails flicked across my labia in the most painful way. He soon switched to the crop, just tapping me, letting me feel the mind fuck, because I know how much pain can be caused by a crop. A couple of firmer taps on my clit, and then he picked up the cane.
I’ve seen a picture of a cane being held just so over a woman’s clit, and I hated it and loved it, and I was curious about what it would be like. But this was not a picture on the internet; this was real, and the cane was hitting me. They were soft hits, but I knew they could get instantly harsher. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. My own mind worked overtime with every one: I knew that each time it could be the real ouchie hit.
I desperately wanted to grab at the cane to stop that potential smack. My hands shook as they started to move towards it, and then were forced back again by my own will. Again and again this happened, while the tap, tap, tap continued. My anticipation built and built. I hated it and loved it and could feel my cunt getting wetter and wetter.
Finally my anxiety began to spill over as the tears overwhelmed me. He stopped and comforted me, and he told me what a brave girl I had been. Something about the cuddling and stepping away from the mind fuck was like getting off an amazing roller coaster ride. That was fun!
Then he pulled out the Magic Wand. I thought I might get to use it, like in our lovely mutual masturbation last night, but he had other ideas. I was allowed to spread my labia and expose my clit for him, and then he switched the fucker on High and pressed it right onto it; and he watched me go a little berserk as he held it there. He helped me keep still by putting his other hand across my throat. That was fuck yeah hot! He built me up a few times nearly to orgasm, and then he turned it off to watch my frustrated wriggling.
But I did get a chance to hold it when he focussed on hurting my nipples. Most of the time I watch his face: it helps me anticipate what is coming, and it distracts me from looking at what he is doing. James knows this, so he decided to play with it. He positioned his fingers for flicking my nipple and he made me look at them. (Have I mentioned that I hate having my nipples flicked?) He talked me through the anticipation, then he flicked my nipple hard, and then made me watch while he did it all over again.
He would tell me to stop the Magic Wand, and then he would slap my pussy. Most of the time they were medium slaps, but sometimes they were harder or such a long stream of slaps that my instinct to roll away overwhelmed me.
We switched back to the flogger, and this time I raised my hips in the air and spread my legs wide. It was a much better sensation—thuddier—because the flogger was coming right down on my pussy. It was like getting groped hard but, erm, more so.
I was being a good girl. When he reached out his hand to rub my clit hard I began slutting myself against it, humping his hand. And when he told me to spread my legs for whatever implement he wanted to use on me, I did so.
My head was fucked, fucking fucked. He’d made my own fears ride high, and I fucked myself more viciously than he would ever have to. He grasped my nipples firmly, and he started to put more pressure on as I held the Magic Wand hard against my clit like he’d told me to. He told he was going to hurt me and make me scream. It was going to be blinding white-hot searing pain, making my nipples sing. My head fuck reached a peak.
I looked up at him, and I watched him as he fed upon my fear and my submission. My helpless squirming and whimpering was making him hard. I said, “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you? And watching you do this to me is getting me off too.” In that moment I felt an emotional release that found its way to my cunt. Then he squeezed hard and everything else disappeared.
He got naked. I love his body, and I loved stroking it all over. I gave him kisses, nuzzles, and all the vanilla stuff …until he grabbed my hair and shoved his cock in my mouth. Yeah, that works for me too. I knew that cunt fucking was not far away now, but first I got to enjoy a bit of cock worship with my lips and tongue.
Sliding onto him was tender, and when I told him that he roughed it up a bit to take advantage of each little wiggle as I adjusted to his length and girth. Then I got to grind against his body, and it was even better when he pulled me against him as he forced his cock head against my cervix. It didn’t take long to make me come.
“You know I am going to hurt you, don’t you?” Yes, I did know this, and I also know he likes to remind me. He likes to hurt me, and he likes it even better when I ask him to hurt me.
My endorphined brain can’t recollect all of the delicious details, but I do know that he spanked me, and he fucked me hard until I came and came and came. We fucked until we both ran out of energy. Time for more coffee and more breakfast!
Naked at the station
Wednesday 9 February
The moment where I struggle the most is when James says “Strip now.” In that moment I see where my edge is, and how easy it would be to crumble and give in to my fear. But in that moment I cannot accept the label of failure, and I am pushed to action.
I take my shoes off, my top off, my pants off. I stand up straight and look away. Part of my brain is reeling with Oh my god, is someone going to appear and walk past? What about the houses across the track? And the security cameras?
If I think about this logically it isn’t so terrible. What if you came across some chick stripped off at the station for a quick nude photo? Wouldn’t you just enjoy the sight and smile? But that’s not what goes through my head while I am standing there naked.
Have you got the photos yet? I am dyyyying here. I peek over at James and he is taking pictures and smiling. He pulls the camera away from his face and I immediately head for my clothes, but no, he wants a cuddle first. My body is pressed against his; he is caressing every bit of my skin and telling me what a good girl I am. Yum! Only then can I get dressed.
My sensitivity after orgasm was a springboard for his sadistic delight
Monday 14 February
As I prepared breakfast we talked about what we might do in our scene today, and we decided to try a co-operative scene, with me stimulating and hurting myself, and him telling me what to do. It was that point that my arousal levels took off.
Because it’s summer and I want to be able to wear skimpy clothes, we needed to make sure we didn’t mark my buttocks, so we decided to focus on my cunt.
I was still waiting for the bacon to start sizzling when he brought out the screw nipple clamps and asked me put them on. I was delighted. It was a pleasant level of sensation, and as I moved around the kitchen the chain swayed and added to the stimulation. It was especially good when I bent over to look at the bacon under the grill. He stood behind me and rolled the tips of my nipples with his fingers; I was intensely horny, and I wondered if I was going to come right there and then. He had me lift the chain and pull on my nipples just before I stirred the eggs, and then he got me to take them off when we sat down to eat.
After coffee we relocated to the Black Room, and as I prepared the bed James mentioned how he was enjoying watching my body move and stretch. When I was laying down on my back he had me warm up my pussy with a few meaty slaps across the labia. It’s quite different when he has me do it to myself—and rather good! Next I reapplied the screw nipple clamps, and then he handed me the Fairy Wand with instructions to use it until just before I orgasmed, and then stop. I got busy with my task while he focussed on my tense calf muscles, giving me a painful but most excellent massage. I did manage to almost come, though.
He lifted up the nipple clamp chain and pulled until one clamp slid off, and then the other. Of course, being the generous Dom that he is, he didn’t want me to go without nipple stimulation, so he pulled out the nasty black and white pegs and got me to put them on my already tender nipples. The sensation skyrocketed. Within seconds he’d also ramped up the Fairy Wand, and I knew my orgasm wasn’t far away.
This time the instructions were different: I was to hold the Fairy Wand on my clit right through my orgasm and beyond, until he said I could take it off. He gave me a helping hand by pushing the Fairy Wand harder onto my clit, and as my orgasm approached the waves flashing through my body echoed off the pain in my nipples. I felt a sudden, desperate urge to fuck, and then I was coming hard. It was intense enough to start off with, so when I hit that higher level of sensitivity after orgasm it was like a springboard for his sadistic delight.
I was a good girl. I didn’t yank it away, and the intensity stayed right on my clit. The brilliance of the Fairy Wand is that it always has more power in reserve. He dialled it up further. James often tells me that what he does will be more than I expect but not more than I can handle, and today was no exception. He removed one of the pegs, giving me another sudden spike of intensity, and then he held his fingers over the second one, building up the anticipation, teasing me, making me wait, making me want to grab it myself.
He pulled me in for a cuddle; my head was on his thigh as he stroked my hair. He found the nape of my neck, and he took me deeper into subspace by clipping the pegs onto the back of my neck. As I floated in that druggy sensation he stripped off and got ready to fuck.
I feel a sense of reverence when I see him naked like that, when I touch his magnificent body. I love his musculature, and I love the contrast between the smooth and hairy spaces on his skin. His hard-on was complete and ready, and as I lowered my mouth to the head of his cock I could see the gleam of pre-come across his belly. James doesn’t have a lot of pre-come normally, so I was delighted when I realised how long he had been hard.
“Fuck me,” he said.
The wetness of my cunt coated his cock with each stroke as we slowly started to fuck, and once he was thoroughly lubricated the grind began. I was reminded afresh how excellent our sex is: the combination of mind-fucking and body-fucking is superb, and by the time he has his cock buried inside me I am coming hard. He is the best fuck ever.
He got me to put the screw clamps back on my nipples again, and I could feel the chain dragging across his chest as we fucked. Then he reached for the Fairy Wand and slid it between our bellies to my clit. I knew I was going to lose it completely. I started coming and my brain shut down, my words were incoherent, and I couldn’t control my body so he used his grip to keep me in position.
I don’t know how many times he made me come because it all hazed together. He eventually removed the Fairy Wand to make space for more vigorous fucking action. I could feel his cock fucking me deeply, I could feel the sweat streaming down my body, and I could feel his girth increase as he reached a long and loud orgasm.
Naked in the middle of the road
Wednesday 16 February
As we drove out of town he asked me how I was feeling. I was in la-la-la-la mode (also known as denial): I was avoiding thinking about getting naked in a very public space.
We parked at a T-junction and got out to have a look around. There was a photogenic crossroads sign, but also lots and lots of cars—so many that you never quite lost the sound of one before the next one arrived. That was not what we had in mind.
Back in the car we kept driving and looking for a suitable spot, and we soon found a stretch of road with an equestrian farm on one side and a forest on the other. Yep, this was a good place.
I stood at the back of the car and waited until a carload of young men had zoomed by, and then I hurriedly removed my skirt, tank top and thong. Again I faced that moment of fear, and I rode it with the exhilaration of fuck you and look at me. I dashed out into the middle of the road and James snapped a few shots before we heard the distinct sound of another approaching vehicle. I had to quickly sprint back to the car and throw a blanket over myself until it had passed. Then I went back out there naked again.
The second time I really started to squirm. We’d already had one car come past so every second I was straining to hear the next one. A few shots later we were done, and I was back and getting dressed, but in my hurry to cover up I forgot to put on my thong and I had to go commando for the rest of the afternoon…
Now available, the dead tree version
Saturday 19 February
One of the things that brought James and I together was our love of reading. When I first saw his profile I was thinking “He’s smart, sexy and interesting, but even if we don’t click I would love to curl up on his couch and read his books.” Well, we did click, and now I curl up on his couch and read his books anyway…
And now I am publishing a book of my own! (You can see it on Amazon.) I’m really putting myself out there—and I’m nervous about how it will be received. It contains all the best bits from this blog, plus my private journal from before I started the blog. It’s the whole story of my discovery and exploration of BDSM, all thoroughly cleaned up and edited.
The paper version has some advantages. It’s low power, high resolution, totally portable—and it makes an excellent gift. You can write a dedication. You can read it in the bath. You can lend it to a friend. And you can hold it in one hand while your other hand is busy with your cock or clit…
Bloody good orgasms
Monday 21 February
There was a moment towards the end of breakfast when he began swatting my bum. I caught the movement out of the corner of my eye and I instinctively clenched my buttocks to absorb the impact. We looked at one another, and he followed it with another swat, and then another and another, until I could feel the warmth building in my cunt.
We went to the bedroom and I was told to get onto my tummy. The initial rhythm of the spanking was staccato and stingy. He added the Fairy Wand between my legs, and the warmup continued with him using his size to dominate me. “You are helpless,” he said. Yes, helplessly hot too. Breath on my skin, kisses and scratches, hands holding down my wrists as he stretched me out and dry humped me from behind. More spanking tattooed the building lust until he made me come as he pushed down on my hips, grinding orgasms out at will.
Today was about playing with the mid-menstrual sensitivity of my body, and he employed our rarely-used suction pump to sensitise my clit. It was not a comfortable sensation: it was like an ongoing pinch on the clit, but without the direct pressure. And as that initial sensation eased the throb of my pulse started its own cadence. He kept me from wriggling. That was incredibly annoying—I just wanted to move and relieve that pressure, that focus on my clit, I wanted to distract myself with other sensations, but no, I couldn’t. “Put your hands and feet flat on the bed and keep them still.”
The relief of the suction cup coming off was like stepping into a warm bath, but the addition of the Fairy Wand skyrocketed the temperature to instant hot. It wasn’t long before I had orgasms washing over me. As the first set abated he got me pinch my own nipples and in the same moment his pulsing of the vibrator sent me straight into a new, more intense set of orgasms.
The next set was similar, but this time I had clothes pegs nipping at my already sensitive nipples. By now my mind didn’t really exist: the extent of my being was focussed in my cunt, and especially in my clit. James was in control, and he pushed further into the rhythm of the Fairy Wand and the nipple clamps. When I reached my peak with them both together he made me remove the pegs—for a new peak—and as my mind was stretched out with that he dialled up the Fairy Wand, and my orgasms started anew, and harder still.
Coming that hard was hot work, searingly hot. My freshly inserted tampon couldn’t cope with the turmoil in my cunt, and the bloody mess was the result of all the orgasms he had extracted from me.
“Those were some bloody good orgasms!”
It was different from a Morgasm Challenge. The deeper level of submission that came from him having me cooperate added another level of deliciousness. After a week of pushing, controlling and making things happen in my day-to-day roles, being able to let go and have James be in charge was a luxury and a great stress relief for me. I felt loved with the amount of affection, and the unknown number of mind-blowing orgasms he had provided.
I loved hearing afterwards how much he had enjoyed it. I almost needed to hear that, because part of me felt so pampered and indulged. I needed to know that the scene worked for him too. He told me what a good girl I was for holding still, and I love hearing that. I felt a sense of achievement.
Mouse in the house
Wednesday 23 February
I’d been wanting to take some naughty photos of my new stockings, so I locked myself in the bathroom with my camera. The top-down shots were a bit blah, so I set the camera down on the tiles.
This image got my attention because it isn’t just a pussy shot. The little white tail says Look at me: I’m sexy and I am menstruating. It isn’t often that menstruation is acknowledged in erotic photography, and in society in general it tends to have negative associations.
Taking this photo has helped to tear away that negativity in my own mind. James has helped too; he’s been quite enthusiastic to fuck me during my period. For myself, I often masturbate when I am menstruating heavily because it’s the time when my libido reaches its maximum. Having lots of orgasms helps to hurry the process along, and they also ease any discomfort I might be feeling. I just make sure that I’m somewhere where it is easy to clean up—like in the bathroom…
The cute checkout girl browsed my bare cleavage
Monday 28 February
We have a habit of getting naughty in the supermarket and this weekend was no exception. It was just a warmup for the weekend ahead of us, but it was also James’s way of ripping me out of my control-freak week with his dominance.
Last week there was an earthquake that devastated one of our cities, and has left our nation in a sombre mood. I have struggled to maintain a sense of separation from that destruction of people’s lives. The simple act of being able to drive to the supermarket and have the full selection of groceries available to me is in marked contrast to their lives this week. I have been constantly on the verge of being overwhelmed by it all. I needed to get away from it, and James has helped by pulling me into his protective space.
He did this by taking me out of my suit and heels, letting down my hair, and having me change into a slutty micro-skirt and sheer top. He told me that he would remove my bra in the middle of the supermarket and leave it in our shopping cart for all to see.
From time to time he would hold me close and give me bitey kisses in the middle of the aisles. He raised my skirt and groped my ass whenever he felt like it, and at intervals he would check how juicy my cunt was and then get me to lick his fingers clean.
He reached under my shirt and undid my bra as we stood in an aisle with people all around, and pulled one bra strap down and over my arm. We walked to an empty aisle and he had me do the same on the other side; then he pulled the bra off and tossed it into the trolley. He paused at the end of the aisle to raise my top, expose my breasts and stroke them, and he had me wave at the security camera (which was facing the other direction).
We both noticed the tall, good-looking woman doing her shopping, and we made ‘meant-to-be-overheard’ comments about polyamory and threesomes and her looks. But, well, it’s hard to pick someone up as a couple.
I took the shopping through the checkout, and I had to do that with my bra lying in the trolley. I watched as the cute checkout girl browsed my bare cleavage (and probably all of my breasts) as I bent over to lift our groceries from the shopping trolley up onto the conveyor belt. She was ever so helpful.
When we got to the car park I wound up humping his leg, and I came as I rubbed my crotch against him. The orgasm was a welcome way to disengage my mind. It was a relief to disconnect from the wider world and its myriad issues, and to reground my senses in the reality of us.
Flesh and oil
Wednesday 2 March
We have been indulging our exhibitionism on a site called Voyeurweb. It’s relatively vanilla, and not too explicit, but it has long been a place where we have lingered and derived inspiration. We have only recently begun posting there, but today we did some play with Voyeurweb particularly in mind. It was another reason to go back and revisit our oily fun photography, but this time we took LOTS of photos. I enjoyed being able to see myself in the Black Room mirror, and I have to say that slicked naked skin is hot.
Remembering how hot it was last time was enough of turn-on to get my cunt wet before we even started. I remembered to take off my clothes early, and I ate lunch naked to allow time for the compression marks from my clothes to disappear. Laying towels on the bed with was another step in the preparation; and James was definitely keen, snapping away before the bottle was even open.
This time I knew what applying oil would mean—lots of it, with a generous squeezes of the bottle. What surprised me was how fast it was absorbed in my skin: the dryness of summer meant my skin needed more than last time.
All the time James was clicking away. Sometimes he would ask me to go slower, or pause, or adjust my positioning. We would get to an end of a set of photos for a particular position, and there would be a pause, wondering if that was the end. Then as I moved to whatever position seemed most natural James would often get inspired, or we would realise that Hey, this is good too, and off we would go again.
We took photos of my boobs, ass, legs, feet, and back. As I stroked my body or pushed my breasts together it sometimes felt like someone else was doing it to me. We focussed on the overall sex appeal, and I made sure I that covered my crotch so that shots would adhere to the Voyeurweb rules.
Oil is sensuality accelerator. One can grab more firmly and stroke harder and more smoothly without the friction. We didn’t stop taking photos until the data card was full, and by that time my muscles were cramping and I was breathing rapidly. I couldn’t tell if the wetness in my cunt was oil or sweat or my own horny juices, but it didn’t matter, I just knew I wanted James to fuck me now please…
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(Pages 1-23 show above.)