AND ON THE EIGHTH DAY
German Alcala
Published by German Alcala at Smashwords
Copyright 2011 German Alcala
Note: The $1.99 Special Edition of And On the Eighth Day which includes 50 poems is out now! If you enjoy this collection go to wherever you got this book and get your copy of the Special Edition for a deeper story, more on the story of Hurtful Boy, and fantastic poems not included in this free edition.
Intro - The Manifesto of Alcala
PART 1: WHEN THE WORLD WAS YOUNG AND NAIVE
Poem 4 - Disaster, Dust, and Dignity
PART 3: IF I SHOULD TALK AGAIN
Poem 14 - We Need To Rehabilitate
Poem 17 - The Edge Of The Ocean
Poem 18 - Finally Forgot Your Love
PART 4: AFTER THE NIGHT A SUN ROSE
Introduction
[The Manifesto of Alcala]
(Formerly Known As
The Manifesto of G.A.G.A)
This is the manifesto of Alcala
In the mind of a slowly deranged poet
G.A.G.A was born
German Alcala, a talented yet fragile being
He lived within the body of another
German Alcala, a beauty of night and crime
But the two minds were not two beings
They were slowly coming together as one
As the Notorious Criminal shot farther out
The Fragile Talent quietly lurked back away
And the criminal became fragile from inside
It was then clear that they would prosper
And thus began the power of two beings
Arms of strong evil wrapped around the delicate talent
As they flew high into the night sky in one body
They beard ambition, pure power, and boundless talent
However, as they flew higher into the dark
They found the source of all the darkness there
It was the hands of reason holding down the two beings
The darkness seeped into the one body’s mind
And it cried out in anger as the two beings separated
As the madness overcame the terrible darkness
A glint of light in the shadows appeared to help them
The two beings now safe only feared of higher darkness
“How would we stay the same with coming shadows?”
PART
1
WHEN THE WORLD WAS
YOUNG AND NAÏVE
1
[The Eighth Day]
Bursts of light go off in God’s mind
God opens the eyes of God
God sees and knows all things of time
Space and Insanity are his specialties
A curiosity is building inside of the heart
A thousand emotions rushing and everything
Everything you love begins in this moment:
The light bursts out of the dark night
Vapor turns from smoke into water
Rock was revealed after a watery tide
The sun and the stars shine brightly
The sky and seas began to come alive
God decided to rest after creating it
But what happened on the next day?
I had a vision, let me tell you
It is a story of sadness and fear…
The Earth was singing loud in pain during that day:
Money and greed will come. Throw it away like trash
This is the eighth day. A day on which I will be rash
Oh, my ex-lover, you’re going to regret hurting me
The eighth day is a day on which I will have no mercy
On the seventh day God decided to rest
And on the eighth day life became wild
The monsters in the sea began to stir
Finally monsters named themselves Homo Sapiens
Don’t underestimate these weak creatures
The eighth day saw the sun rise and fall
Over a world teeming with pure poison
It was the true beginning to the disaster
And on the eighth day nobody then knew:
The world had been created at very last
Things would fall apart surprisingly fast
Soon Adam and Eve would have sex
Humans would populate the Earth soon
Don’t underestimate what they will do
On the eighth day began all the madness
It was the start of all love and of all hatred
Sorrow and death will come. Move on with joy
This is the eighth day. A day on which I will be a boy
Oh, my sister, you’re going to be real proud of me
The eighth day is a day on which I will have no mercy
It was the true beginning on the eighth day
For God was at rest with his own conscious
Whilst the winds stirred back and forth in turmoil
And the creatures, monsters, and birds all felt
The world before them so green and so fresh
Would not last long with nothing but peace
They wished it so, but it was not to really last
On the eighth day the muses began to sing in the background
A million creatures screeching the words of love and hatred
God himself in the clouds fighting against the sounds of hate
He could have killed them all, but he was too lazy to do so
They yelled and screeched in despair and depression as muses
The muses sang in the background with burning pride
“You created the world for us, but it will be gone soon!”
“We could live long and happily if it were your will!”
“What is wrong with you to taunt us with a new world?”
The new world was bright and shining
Green and beautiful in all of its innocence
But naivety is a lie and a betrayal of history
The truth is that life was ashamed to predict
They all knew that this world would not last
The muses sang visions from their minds eyes
Of pollution, of extinction, of death, and loss
Their world was beautiful, and amazing
Their world was only temporary for it was good
Now no matter how hard you try to imagine
You will never see the green leaves and blue sky
The world was born on the eighth day
Hatred and tears will come. Come back with strength
This is the eighth day. A day on which I will go the length
Oh, my parents, you’re going to regret spawning me
The eighth day is a day on which I will have no mercy
It was the eighth day after all of the creation
But do not mistake it for the end of a grand fight
For what followed was a true struggle for Earth
The stars and the sky knew that they would soon
Be gazing upon a forsaken world after that one day
The wars would destroy everything to do with it
The humans would happily ravish at its very core
Do not mistake the eighth day as any victory
The world was made of gold, made of crystal water
The world would soon be hollow and used all up
Humanity itself was ready to tear away at it
Twenty one years would pass without a dent on history
But should the creatures of world live longer
The world would know all of sorrow and darkness
It could have been so great, it could have been
A world a true world so green and beautiful
We had the crystal clear geysers at our disposal
We had the green tall trees all surrounding us
Cancer and suicide will come. Don’t be sad too long
This is the eighth day. A day on which I will be strong
Oh, my friend, from heaven you’re going to applaud me
The eighth day is a day on which I will have no mercy
The muses singing “Oh, God above we don’t deserve
To be given something and have it taken away like this
We could have this world as our own for all eternity”.
Still they all felt the despair filling them inside
Sorrow would riddle the world after all the days
And day the world would see an exploding sun
“Do you have no heart? What is wrong with you?
Why the horrid will to give us pure misery?
Why create humans? Of all things to doom!
Why would you do this to us after the eighth day?”
The world was bent for greatness and strength
The world was ready to take anything possible
But decided to curse the world in this way
With death and despair to detain it from it all
The story of the world was filling with death
It was filling with rage, sadness, and lust
The world was made on that eighth day
It saw in its future amazing greatness of it
But Heaven forbid that happiness should reign
It was God that chose, to curse the world away
So the muses continue to sing in absolute shame
Turning the tides up and frothing with sadness
“Calling to all life, we could have been great.
But “No” so sayeth God”
The waves crashed upon rocks all life wept
The animals sat under wilting trees to cry
Homosapiens felt such shame to know it all
The muses sang to the wind and to God too
“As time will pass the world will fall away”
Redemption will come. Don’t get too comfortable
This is the eighth day. A day on which I will be vulnerable
Oh, my hero, you’re going to regret teasing me
The eighth day is a day on which I will have no mercy
Along the world everybody could feel a noose
Along the wilderness the tress all turned brown
The waters churned
The fishes began to boil with anger
The animals became so angry
That they fought and vowed to eat
They could have eaten fruit
But now in absolute rage inside them
They ate each other and fought with rage
Whilst others filled with sadness and cried
All sanity was lost and anarchy ensued
The birds squawked with sadness
And the waves beat into the cliffs
They gave the muses their beat of strength
“As time will pass… so will beauty
Calling out to all the creatures of life
Everything is lost. We’ll miss it all”
The muses yelled and sang in sadness
“Our hearts in pain it will all collapse
After the eighth day it will all fade
We’re going to miss all of it
Calling out to all the creatures who survive
After the eighth day and see it all fall
To the waves who will help it turn around
To the winds who will help it all fall down
To the land which will be abused by blood!
The world will fall apart after the eighth day”
Regret and blood will come. Don’t think badly of it
This is the eighth day. A day on which I will hit
Oh, my reader, you’re going to love reading me
The eighth day is a day on which I will have no mercy
See: on the eighth day things truly began
I tell you because I was there watching it all
On the eighth day the invention of fear came
And invention of love, hatred, and betrayal
For God had betrayed everything he had made
Poor stupid creatures hated God for it
For they loved the world that was present
But it would not last long after the eighth day
Despair and depression were on the horizon
Incest was forced upon them all
Betrayal and murder was soon to attack
Nature was going to make a fool out of them
On the eighth day the fear overtook the world
God kept his head in clouds not listening at all
On the eighth day, I have seen it, it was then
Not that it is now, but it surely happened then
On the eighth day, hold it true, it all happened
Life and abundance was beautiful but not long
We have no idea of what beauty they all saw
How angry they were to know we would not
Out of darkness came the power of light and life
Finally everybody knew to treat the world well
It was not going to last long, but their anger was gone
Instead it was replaced with misery and sadness
They all felt sad to know that we were coming
The world would fall away soon, after that day
On the eighth day the world knew psychology
The world knew the eighth day was the first
In a line of beautiful days, and even years
Nobody could forget the world’s notorious days
The days before the eighth day, but these
These were surely the world’s finest hours…
2
[Send Them To The Sun]
Gunshots are heard across the land
As you see the drugs change hand
Let the sounds of swords crashing
As a murderer stands coyly laughing
Time is a strange creature to behold
Forever is humanity just as bold
Consider if you will a world of ships
Space ships. And vintage languages…
I cannot believe how they make up a large portion of life
Terrible people filled with villainy and little respect
Heaven forbid that they should ever have empathy
They live in sin and crime with excuses so pathetically
By the end of their crime sprees they will be wrecked
But see I won’t wait for them to make dull every knife
So send every villain to the sun. Send them to the sun
Let them burn by the hands of their victims not God
Darling, send them all the sun to roast in absolute justice
Find them all and treat them like they treat me. Soulless
Send them each to the sun where they can spill no blood
Search the world so that there is nowhere they can run
They hide among the enormous metal buildings so high
They think that they will never be capture and be dead
Why must it be that we are cursed to carry with them?
I do not want more blood on my black dress’ hem
I do not want to roll around with worry in my tossed bed
I want to see them all leave the world in one innocent fly
Fill the busses and spaceships with people of no soul
Allow them all to plead their cases and escape fate
Should any of them be mistakenly brought to the sun
Then allow them to live, but no other criminal can run
I know how to smell people who are truly made of hate
People won’t be fooled by a painted acting troll…
The people will not be stupid enough to fall for acts
They all can see malice and blood filled history in eyes
Bless their souls they have no idea that I send away
All of the people who have seen me on a bad day
Criminals worldwide have heard of my many crimes
But see… I don’t think… that I left any foul tracks
I remember walking the streets with my white diamonds
All the people know me as the wife of the dead rich man
I can buy and sell everything that my eyes may come to see
Black tight dress and diamonds splashing all down me
I am a killer, but I am simply too beautiful and grand
To be sent to the sun or to be sent down to any mines
See the people all around me are ready for the blast off
Wearing their hats and their dresses how innocent of you
My mouth twists into a cruel grin and they see it all
They suspect me now, and they consider my own fall
They confront me with it I don’t know what to do
I have no need to beg, I am so rich that I can scoff…
Don’t send me to the sun, I beg you, I must live…
Just because I killed all of my husbands I’m not bad…
Don’t send me to the sun, it was my idea, but untrue…
If I leave this world you will all be truly blue…
Only because I killed so many people and left them sad…
Doesn’t mean I don’t have room in this world to give…
“He is pretty, but no… Send him to the sun”
“Send them to the sun” “All the killers. Go away”
“All the rednecks along with all the rapist priests”
“His reputation is blood splattered in the streets”
“He won’t see another crime in our Earth day”
“So send him off in a spaceship, send them to the sun”
3
[Imploding Heart]
There’s a revolution beginning in my life at last
My world will spread farther than my own mind
I feel the energy rushing with an anxious crash
No one knows it, but I can tell it is my time
I will rise, far beyond the moon, but how?
How will I be able to stay up there once up?
Which way will I take to get to my bow?
Even when everybody thinks I don’t do enough
In desperation towards the end of my grandeur
And at the beginning with illusions of majesty
I won’t let you underestimate my dedication
So I ask you what it is what you want from me
The darkness is fading away ever so slowly
Let me ask you before it comes rushing back
The light is becoming interested in my lowly
So let me ask you in which way I should attack
The things around my heart are pushing me
The pressure has my young heart imploding
The pressure is quickly becoming too much
I’ve reached a level I never thought I would touch
There is a pressure from inside tearing me apart
Allow me to ask this with my imploding heart
Would you like me crawl? I really would!
Would you like me jump for you? I would!
Would you like me to dance for you? I will!
Would you like me to die for you? It’s done!
There is a pressure from inside tearing me apart
Allow me to ask this with my imploding heart
Darling, my story is one of sad misery in all
But don’t you dare think I’ll fall back into it
The memories of an old life are making me fall
I would rather do this than be again hit
So to please all of you I’ll ask this
Before my name vanishes or appears
There is a reason for which I exist
You tell me what to do with my airs
There is a pressure from inside tearing me apart
Allow me to ask this with my imploding heart
For my heart is under attack with the pressure
Tell me how to get my name into the light
You see I have reached the level of a treasure
So how will I keep my body up here in flight?
There is a pressure from inside tearing me apart
Allow me to ask this with my imploding heart
Would you like me to dance? My hips can
Would you like me crawl in the dirt for you?
Would you like me to jump as high as I can?
Would you like me to die again and again for you?
Every time I die let it be so much slower
Let me wipe the makeup off of my young skin
I’ll bring my hips low for you every time lower
And my crawling will vibrate will all my sin
There is a pressure from inside tearing me apart
Allow me to ask this with my imploding heart
What would you like me to do? Before
Tell me before I die! Before I’m gone
I won’t leave until you realize my grandeur
I’ll never stop my fight I’ll go on and on
So what would you like me to do?
Would you like me to jump for you?
I will! I’m dedicated through and through
I’ll jump as high as I can would you like that?
There is a pressure from inside tearing me apart
Allow me to ask this with my imploding heart
Realize that I would die a thousand times over
May Satan himself take my soul from me now!
Would you like me to jump? Even stay in a hover?
I won’t dare stop afraid that you won’t let me bow
There is a pressure from inside tearing me apart
Allow me to ask this with my imploding heart
My imploding heart is begging for a chance here
In Hollywood, New York, and the world as a whole
So watch me jump as high as I can into the air
Would you like me to jump with the might of my soul?
Would tha then content you? Let me jump
Watch me jump would you like that? Watch it
Tell me to jump for you. You know I will forever
I’ll jump for you. To keep my heart from imploding
4
[Disaster, Dust, and Dignity]
When the sea will recede it will uncover their bodies
Should they be allowed to be forgotten
They will forever be lost to the dust from the tragedy
The disaster will have won over humanity
But see I don't think they will be lost in time
Disaster can come and strike us all
Disaster can ruin our economy and our lives
But Disaster does not understand one thing
Nobody will surrender, not at these heights
Not when a great world power is fighting.
In the wake of it all will come all the sorrow
The loss of life and the loss of loved ones
Let us not forget to look forward to tomorrow
For it holds the grandeur of the boldly living
It is only natural for us to want this gone
So let it all be dust, let the memory fall away
Allow the destruction to go back under the sea
Let the dead be remembered as if still alive
May the memory of sorrow fall away to dust
Hand in hand, arm in arm, let them walk on
Together the living continue to prosper after all
There is no time to look back at the crashing waves
There is no space for somebody to crumpled down
So may them all pick themselves up and dry off
And rebuild the buildings that they reign from
Dignity will reign once more just as it does now
For even in a pool of blood they hold their heads up
They don't show the bodies of the dead
And they will pat the dust off of their shoulders
Dignity will reign as it always has and should
5
[In Our Home]
In our happy home of Ireland it was unthinkable
Yet it happened, and it happened strong to him
To my little brother for whom I held love so unbreakable
For whom we prayed for with many soft hymn
It was so hard to believe and to understand
That such a large cloud was in a body so small
Or that at only six he would join the sand
The heavens work in mysterious and disturbing ways
It is hard to continue having faith in God
All I can do is hope for brighter days
Even though my sweet sibling will be gone
This all makes me wonder how God must have felt
On the day that sickness appeared
And the subject of death had to be dealt
How could his brain have filled with grime
Yet his mind continued as innocent as dust?
I don’t know. What I know is we’re out of time
And now his coffin’s lining turns to rust
I wish he knew how special he was to all of us
And wish that he is in the confusing lord’s arms
Odd it’ll be to not see him when I’m off the bus
He will never be gone from his brother’s heart
For his small fragile hand has already left me
If I try to forget him I will fall apart
How much I have and will cry now he must see
He’s with my lord now waiting for my ascend
I’ll one day join him and speak like the living
For now I must live and I will one day comprehend
6
[Lunar Children]
I’m starting to feel lonely. Is anybody out there like me?
Am I anything like you? Are you anything like me?
Or will I cry by the banks of a night covered river alone?
Are there any children like me who’s only light is a moon?
Did mother abandon you in the lands of sin and disaster?
Has it been years since you’ve seen your little sister?
Do not cry for the moon will shine your way into the day
Follow the darkness and hold no doubt. You are brave
In the light of the moon you will come to see the sun rise
You have limitless power like the dark sky in your eyes
Little Lunar Children, keep faith inside your heart of gold
It’s okay. You have a happy ending that fates have told
Hear me, my Little Lunar Children.
Out of the pain and out the sadness do not forget beauty
You are beautifully radiant, my darling child, like me
Are you like me? Were you raped in a third world country?
Are all your friends dying around you? People rarely agree
In this world all crimes are paid, and those who damn you
Damn themselves when they abandon, my child, be not blue
With your beautiful face you will one day rise like the sun
Damned is the sadness that you will one day forget, my son
Do not lose faith in the darkness. You are stronger in night
Look to the moon, and be guided by its light. Hold no fright
Little Lunar Children, do not cry. Hold your head so high
It will be well. You have the heart to pump the wings to fly
Hear me, my Little Lunar Children.
The sun will shine again. What are you doing with the knife?
Drop it, child. Nothing will be healed by taking your life
Why would you want it after fighting your way in the dark?
If in the dark you have lasted. Nothing can any longer mark
Don’t lose faith in the darkness. You’re stronger than them
Look to the moon, and in its light know that nothing is grim
Little Lunar Children, do not fret. Hold your heart strong
You will prosper. You know you have done nothing wrong
Hear me, my Little Lunar Children.
I know you cannot express it, and fight with more strength
Do not cry. You will be honored soon, so hold on the length
My darling, you are still innocent despite all of those acts
Don’t touch the drug. You’ll hate it no matter how it reacts
In the nights when you need cry. Sit in shadows a moment
Then look up the moon and know that life will be benevolent
In the night when you need cry. Know that a sun will glow
Know that in the nights when you to cry you are not alone
Know you will live the darkness. You’re stronger than tears
Look to the moon, and know that there is no need for fears
Little Lunar Children, you are not alone. Know that still
You will conquer the darkness. You know that is your will
Know this, my Little Lunar Children.
7
[August 3rd]
21 days before my thirteenth birthday day
Dark haired and still wrapped in baby fat
It was a bright and beautiful summer’s day
Then I walk out in a shirt that display my fat
The day started out thinking I was beautiful
It was a Korean Fish Market where I saw him
He was there with a smile wide. He’s beautiful
And I knew then that I will never forget him
Holding onto my a bottle of something sweet
I looked at him with an open mouth in awe
His smooth skin glowing in the light so sweet
With a walk that left me in an unbearable awe
Surely he’ll never know that I want to be him
When he walked by me he smelled oh so sweet
That day will be remembered. I want to be him
I want to be the epitome of handsome and sweet
“I just want to be you. I want to be like you
If I could wish upon a star I would be you
Would you like it if I switched places with you?
I want to look like you. I want to smell like you”
He had a body of slender proportions with long legs
His dark eyes were telling his age beyond soft skin
Compared to me with enormous thighs adorning my legs
I too have nice, but he had a strange soft supple skin
His hair in a sweet bright brown swoop made me stare
He was older than me, but I wanted to step up to him
But, I know that he would never look at me and stare
But from afar I would ask beauty tips out from him
“I just want to be like you. Boy, I want to be you
With slender legs and a spring in my walk like you
I want to have straight bright hair just like you
I want strange supple skin juts like the one on you
I will forever strive for nothing more than to be like you
From this day forward I will only aspire to beauty
Because I have now been forever traumatized by you”
All my life I thought I was good, but now I know beauty
Something in my heart is roaring with strength
Even two years later I continue to have flashes
Of being a handsome boy with youthful strength
And despite myself. I still want to hold those flashes
He doesn’t know that I only want to be like him
It was August 3rd when I started on a rage of diets
Because in all my youth I just want to look like him
I want to look like him. I want to be just like that
I want to be one of the boys that is seen as beautiful
I want to smell, walk, look, smile, and glow like that
I’m obsessed with someday being just as beautiful
PART
2
HURTFUL
LANDS
8
[Bloodline]
We all know that my dignity is stronger
Than your disrespect that gets wronger
I can feel the hatred or the fear in you
You are hallucinating what I will do
I see that my own family would kill me
Mother is only too bent on my misery
Father does not allow himself any dignity
My life has become like a Jew in the 1940’s
My family is too much to take for eternity
And my mind is falling away into calamities
Allow me freedom to wish not be this person
For everything I do good or bad is treason
To make this name of mine my own
This is not a game, there is no trophy to be shown
So let me escape this house, and run in the rain
Run away and watch my bloodline washed away
Far away from this home and this family creed
I will run away and plant my future’s golden seed
Why should I continue to fight my longings?
My family is allowing itself to lose all its holdings
Everything I once loved about my name is gone
As my mother’s hatred for me only grows strong
What is so horrible about not wanting this life?
Do I deserve it? Maybe I do, but I give it a knife
Even if I really do deserve it I won’t take it
I won’t stay for my soul to be again and again hit
So I’ll escape, run in the rain, I’ll run in the rain
I’ll look back and watch my bloodline washed away
I want to be far away from these people lost of mind
I won’t try to come back to give this a second time
I’ll escape from the darkness of my own blood
It is something that I know will result in only good
So I’ll run in the rain and watch my bloodline drip
I’ll run into the rain. Watch my family lose grip
One day I will run all the way through the rain
And I’ll see a world that is for me. A world sane
I won’t regret any of the acts I had committed
My blood will be bright red and no longer tainted
Clean me by letting me run away into the rain
I’ll gasp in relief when it washes my bloodline away
I won’t fall to the ground wanting to drink it back
I never want to be in position for another attack
Let me run away and run to freedom into the rain
My old life and the hatred will all be washed away
My mother will be happy to rid herself of me at last
When I am blamed for the divorce respect goes fast
I won’t be back to be horribly tormented anymore
May the water wash away the blood I never did adore
9
[Hurtful Boy]
My world has only a horrible gray sky
My heart is broken and I'll tell you why
There is a wound I've been harboring so long
Let me admit that I am no longer strong
My story starts with a boy and ends without him...
My eyes are always on the prowl since twelve
That is when I became aware of going to hell
I know all too well that I would be loved by few
But it is something I will never be able to undo…
The biggest catch of my whole school
Was brushing blonde hair, and looked oh so cool
Had a tragic story behind his nice looks
Suddenly upon my heart he had his hooks
So, I decided to catch his glance
Would have married him given the chance
I gave my heart to him whole and pure
He took it quickly, and of our happiness I was sure
Hurtful boy was abused throughout his entire little life
But he took my heart and squeezed it with all of his might
Hurtful boy spoke of me behind my trusting little back
By the end I felt like my heart was under air attack
Pieces of flesh had been shown that to the sun I didn’t show
My body had been played with and I had allowed it all to go
With each other we so many times came to bodily bliss
I was convinced that nothing in the world was better than this
This boy who I loved was mine and he had taken me
But there was a quiet game that my heart could never see
Hurtful boy was abused throughout his entire little life
But he took my heart and squeezed it with all of his might
Hurtful boy spoke of me behind my trusting little back
By the end I felt like my trusting heart was under attack
He had a past that was distraught
With tales of how he painfully fought
I thought I could trust him and his insight
My eyes did tear for him, but he stayed alright
I thought of him throughout the night with no sleep
Then he stopped me from falling too deep
He told me of forgetting me to his past unlit
He said he was resolved to leave my heart so hit
Hurtful boy was abused through his entire little life
He took my body, toyed with it, and he became a knife
I trusted him with my heart not looking behind my back
By the end I was left with a heart under attack
Every night now that I’m alone in bed
Nightmares flood back with all of the things he said
I always remember his sweet young face
And for myself I feel horrendous disgrace
I wish that I could turn back the clocks
And rebuild from heart shaped blocks
I wish I had a sense of slight coy
But I give my heart to be played with like a toy
Hurtful boy was abused throughout his entire little life
He took my heart and squeezed it with all of his might
Hurtful boy spoke of me behind my trusting little back
By the end I felt like my young heart was under attack
10
[I Hope He Hates You]
Hurtful boy, your drugs and your games
Have me at my wit’s end. I cannot stand still
You hate me with a burning hot passion
And I hate the intoxicated you even more
How much I gave is not what I got
Leave me here, and leave me cold and bitter
Go on and be happy on your own, I hate you
You better not return. I’ve had enough
I am growing out of my bitter ways, and then
Allow me to plunge back into it all
Now that the rumors have brought it to my attention
I hear that you are off with some brand new boy!
I hope he hates you as much I hate you now
And I hope he treats you badly so that you leave
Because the way you treated me you deserve it
Because you left my young heart so horribly hit
And I have been able to do is bitterly greave
So, I hope he hates you and doesn’t join your show
You left me here feeling so horrible and alone
I’m trying to pull out of my bitter ways slowly
But I know damn well that you should suffer
Because to apologize you could never bother
And I want you here with me if I’m so lowly
I hope he hates you when your true colors are shone
I hope he hates you like you let me know you hated me
I loved you so much that I let you walk away alone
Come down to the dark with me, you evil hurtful boy
How dare you leave me, and go off and find a new toy?
I hope he hates you before you’ve had your member blown
And a lonely bitterness is something you come to see
I know I’m pathetic and I shouldn’t wish you bad things
But see I don’t wish for him to abuse you, or to hurt you
I wish for him to hate you, and to not be with you, boy
Because goodness knows that you don’t deserve a new toy
So for his own safety I hope that you don’t leave him blue
Because for you my most bitter of muses willingly sings
She sings out to you “I hope he hates you and leaves you”
Goodness knows that you deserve it
You should not have another boy toy
Because you hurt this young boy
So I hope your heart takes a justified hit
In my bitter anger I hope that hates you as much as I do
11
[Repetition]
My few privileges you have stripped of me. I don’t know why
If I only look a little bit upset or enraged you could die
You want me to be a slave. You want a tamed good boy
You dream of me basking in the sun to be filled with joy
I gave every cell in my body to dreams you underestimate
I do not want to hate you but you make it so easy
I realize that everything about my life is already old
I see that every act is a repetition of a pas that was bold
Do you remember your oldest son? He hated you and left
He rather went to a third world place than stay here in death
Will I become a repetition of what he did in the past?
The emotions are already repeated. I could go like him fast.
See my life has become the repetition of a super stars’
I dream day and night. Working harder and setting new bars
I have seen my number of death threats on the net
But all I can do is continue to fight, and simply not fret
I’ve already been burned out by the continues stress
I only wait to see what I will do with ashes. I digress
I have become a repetition of history that I have seen
We are only pawns of a war that has already been
Holding so tightly you have become another dictator
Pushing everybody around, but you are free of pressure
You have allowed us all to become pawns of a game to you
But something you cannot understand that this is not you
It is a repetition of history, nobody can have control
I am not a fucking dog, damn it, I don’t to beg and roll
I am not a dog; slap me when I need it or so you say
Just like a dog that you have to quickly retrain today
Don’t underestimate me or my boiling rage that is new
You seem to not understand the love I have for you
And you seem to not understand all the betrayal I feel
But I refuse to bow and begin to pitifully bark like a seal
A repetition has overtaken our lives of history itself
I have become a Jew; you’ve become Hitler in stealth
I’ve become a country of my own that you fight for
But I am not going to let you have and control the floor
I will not repeat what has happened every day
I’ve been burned out by the stupid ridiculous way
That we handle the “problem” of a power struggle
The paper of human and son is one I will not juggle
12
[Egyptian Sorrow]
It has to end. His reign
He has brought too much pain
Plunging quickly into the dark
On an overthrowing we must embark
Down with the dictator! End his reign of malice
And with him he will take all the Egyptian sorrow
The time has come to take him, and ruin his name
For he has ruined our country too far into pain
End his reign, and with his reign will go sorrow
There is a history in our land of strong leaders who fight
And we must now fight for this idiot to take his flight
Egyptian sorrow has been known before in history
But never again must an evil man have any glory
End his reign, and overthrow his horrid ways of crime
With him gone our mother land will know better days
Send him far, to Dubai, or to the coldest known region
He can go where he may, but may he not be here
Send him far, because we have overthrown him
He has hurt his own people for the very last time
The poor are growing much poorer
And he continues to go ricer with age
But he must go far away where he cannot rule
He had his chance to befriend us and to treat us well
Now he has cursed us, and has abused this land
So end Egyptian sorrow, and let him die
For if he does not go on his own terms we will kill
We will kill him before he can destroy us completely
This grand land is no longer his, he lost his chance
Already we have made up our minds to forget him
We will find somebody else to have this land as theirs
But he could not take into his own hands of crime
End this Egyptian sorrow, end it now and forever
Our hearts cannot bear to have him here at all
Send him far away to Dublin or Dubai, but far
The farther away he can go the better we will be
Will be! Allow us to forget his name to bad times
We will not hesitate to forget him after everything
End Egyptian Sorrow for he has hurt us too much
So rid us all of his evil criminal ways before we die
We are starving for love, and for more from him
But he only lets us down and returns us to pain
So, for the last time we will beg to rid ourselves of him
Overthrow him! And free us from Egyptian sorrow
PART
3
IF I SHOULD
TALK AGAIN
13
[Damaged]
I cried and moaned
I felt abused and hurt
I was dethroned
I was left so burnt
Have been damaged terribly
My wish is for you to realize one thing
My wish is for you to not lose memory
Of how you broke me and used my soul
Because it all took a horribly expensive toll
Long gone boy, you have damaged me terribly
Your presence caused me untold calamity
Boy I loved, you damaged me too horribly
You left me and now I have no joy left in me
And to the boy who killed himself when I was his
I was falling for you and thought of faint bliss
I never knew that death was an option in life
And I wonder if I have the guts to pull a knife
Because I have damaged by your sudden leaving
Now I think that I may end all of the grieving
I have been damaged so terribly and now I wonder
If perhaps I have the stomach to commit my murder
But even if I never commit the unspeakable sin
I will writhe with these memories crawling within
My one wish is for the boy who I loved and denied me
To know how he left me with a broken heart in tragedy
All the people who have abandoned me hurt me so
It is all causing damage that I cannot let go
I no longer know if this damage can be repaired
Because I have been too extensively damaged
I could ask myself to forgive all the people who hurt me
I could ask my mind to return to the innocent naivety
But I wouldn’t get my wish as my mind is grinding away
And my eyes can only see in several dark shades of gray
You see, my darling, it just so happens that I am ruined
I have been beaten to a pulp and I have been damaged
No matter how hard I try to see the light and survive
I cannot pull out of the darkness in order to thrive
Happiness is not a mentality I can grasp after everything
Sorrow is the only thing I can still comprehend clearly
So I will cry, I cannot die yet, but I will loath existence
I leave only to go cry and miss your loving brilliance
14
[We Need To Rehabilitate]
Darkness and depression is constantly present
Please, go away. Go off to bother somebody else
Because my heart cannot bear to have you here
We need to rehabilitate, this heart and me, please.
I want to know that I am a human being again
Don’t stay here in this hot stuffy darkness, I plead
I miss feeling love… I miss having anger and fear
For when I should scream: I suppress it somehow
Then when I want to cry I suppress that as well
I am left with bitterness and no emotion in me
With no strength or humanity I need to live
So, leave me, darkness. Forgive me, but leave
We need to rehabilitate. We need to rehabilitate
15
[To Feel]
The year has come and gone
It took my friends with it
It took my will to try to go on
The year came and gave me a hit
It gave me the deaths of my friends
It gave me the heartbreak of pain
Drugs and alcohol became trends
All I want is to feel like a human again
I forgot all about love in my heart
I forgot all the sensations of a smile
My lack of humanity is tearing me apart
There is an angry mob giving me trail
Accusing me of not being a good boy
I feel only like a possession or loner
For my soul has been treated like a toy
And all I have now is terrible sorrow
I want to feel anything once again
I want to be loved just once more
I want to feel something not pain
I want something that I can adore
For nothing around me is peaceful
Everything I loved is far away gone
Everything I try ends up being awful
And that is why I can not go on
I want to feel like I am a teen
I want to feel like I am just a boy
I want a genuine smile to be seen
I don’t want to just be your toy
I am not a creature to lock away
I am only human, just unlike you
All I want is to be loved at least one day
I just want to not be so hopelessly blue
My world is gray and nothing is here
Only the cold, and only frustration
My world is lacking of any fresh air
All I wish is to have some redemption
I want to breathe again, not only survive
I want to feel at least the smallest thing
For I don’t know if I am truly still alive
16
[The Road to Hell]
Good intentions, good deeds, and good sentiment
They pave the road to Hell, they lead to the abuse
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions
When you commit yourself to changing the world
You show the world that you exist, and they attack
Forgive them when they speak for their own god
But it is your own fault. It is your own good deeds
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions and lies
However, the road to Heaven is paved with quiet dignity
The road to Hell, the road to suffering, and depression
Is one I have seen the burning coals of and the devil too
He is a hurtful boy, and he is king of all that is wrong
The road to Hell is paved with love and good intentions
We live in a cruel world, but it’s worse when you’re good
We’re all angels in our right, but angels can be fools
Then we fall in love with masked demons, and that’s it
They burn our souls and leave us filled of bitter ash
Only Seraphim purple angels are the ones that can live
But for the others we are so poor and bitter when left
We are only foolish angels who fall in love with demons
Despite our good intentions we are damned to burn
It seems to be the road to Hell is paved with our love
It seems to be our good intentions that damn us to pain
The road to Hell is paved with heavy plaster of good
Good intentions, love, good deeds, and good sentiment
They all pave the way and shine the light to Hell
It is the kiss of commitment that opens the gates
The gates of Hell are paved with love and angel’s blood
17
[The Edge Of The Ocean]
You have said more than enough to hurt me
My sense of happiness around you is gone again
Do you even try to make me love you more?
It goes without saying that I am deteriorating
Should I simply allow myself to go over the edge?
For words and abuse have me standing on a cliff
I am at the edge of the ocean for I want to cry
It is your fault, and the fault of my own haunts
It is due to everything that has scarred me before
So, my body’s cuts sometimes open again easily
Just once more I am at the edge of the ocean
Goodness knows that the world is one large asylum
I am one of those weaker patients that hurts easy
So it is easier to get me to refuse my medication
When I try to fight back, I get slapped
Too bad I suppose. I’m a pure fool
It isn’t you who has slapped me, you helped
I’ve in the past not been one to cry very easily
And still it takes a lot to have me shed a tear
But lately I stand still at the edge of the ocean
The breeze has caught me a few lone times
On the edge of the edge of the ocean I stand
It is not everybody’s fault, but you see
People rarely help me leave this sorry edge
People never bother with a fool who doesn’t want to cry
Goodness knows that I try hard to be happy
Yet every day brings a new pebble of extra weight
Still I stand at the edge of the ocean with you, love
The edge of the ocean is much too cold and dark
Oh, it makes me feel so weak with the breeze
Would it be intelligent to jump over the edge?
Should I continue to stand on the sorry end?
The edge of the ocean makes me want to plunge in
Even if it means I stay in the ocean for a few days
18
[Finally Forgot Your Love]
In this pain
I begin to cry
Broken heart
That we’re apart
I look at the sky
Will I go insane?
I want to see you again. You hurt me with intention
It was that beauty that made me fall in love with you
You set out to break my young heart with your beauty
And you left me here in this terribly lonely misery
I can’t say that you gave me the benefit of any option
It would have been nice to have a control over what to do
After all this time I just want to say that I can live
I know that I can continue breathe without falling
But I don’t know if I finally forget your love for me
I am so afraid that from your memory I won’t be free
And every time I try to smile I continue failing
So I will try to live, and try to never again only give
I finally forgot your love for a while, but like a wound
It stung again when I least expected it to awaken in me
And then I realize that I might never truly heal from you
In my pain after all the betrayal what is there to do?
There is a happy and fulfilled me that I wish to soon see
The smacking of another’s boy’s lips is a new sound
But will I ever live again? I don’t think I could bear it
I want to finally forget all of your lies and the love
My heart threatens my with a stinging that might not heal
There is innocence in me that you had to come and steal
For that innocence being stolen I have to thank God above
For I won’t want it to stay around only to be further hit
19
[Prince Charming]
Dear Prince Charming,
Where have you gone? Where are you?
I’m getting lonely; I’m becoming cold
My blood is not flowing well
I feel my youth slipping away
My youth dances
It dances out of my fingers
But I want to enjoy it.
However, I’m still waiting
To see if maybe you arrive…
Dear Prince Charming,
Some days I stand by the window
And I can almost see your horses
And I can almost hear them too
I need to be saved from this place
I want your arms to carry me
Carry me away from this boring tower
With all of your desire and warmth
You will guide me well, I’m sure.
Bring your horse back and take me
Across the world on your horse…
Prince charming…
Where have you gone?
Prince charming?
...
20
[Hero]
In the dark city of vice you shine a light
Little boy bent on ridding everybody of fright
Sad to see when all I do is cause anger
And from you I am in sudden danger
I see you in the night, and I know you’re watching
Just waiting for me to commit another brainwashing
Your loyalty to the world of innocence makes me sick
And sooner or later I’ll play a horribly cruel trick
Because running around makes you look so sexy
And all I want is to give you a kiss and touch your beauty
You stupid little hero, you commit to protection
But see I’m a terrible traitor, but I know seduction
When I see you in the night I want to trap you
And I have no idea what I should try to do
But I know that I’m a horrible madman in heat
And you are a hero, who makes me insane in a beat
Trap me with your ray gun, I want to get caught
I want your x ray eyes to scan everything that I’ve got
My pretty little hero, I want you to fight me down
When I’m pegged I won’t dare to break a frown
Your heroic senses can tell what I’m thinking inside
And I know that I’ve broken into your heated side
When you chase me you are faster than usual
And a love of tighter leather has become mutual
Goodness knows that its mind is becoming tainted
And all evil knows that you will never be sainted
So you’ve gone off to save the public from others
But then my face stuck in your mind bothers
My handsome hero, save me from the darkness
Or come join me in horrible crime sprees
You’re a beautiful muscular hero
And I’m more dangerous than a Mafioso.
You’re a stupid little super hero
I’m a seductive villainess weirdo
Be my hero; don’t worry about becoming an exile
You know that you want me, but I’m just so vile
In your secret lair where nobody can see our crime
Like in your dreams we’ll have a criminal time
You can bring your looks, and I’ll bring a pillow
Let me tear off your cape and become my hero
PART
4
AFTER THE NIGHT
A SUN ROSE
21
[God’s One Mercy]
“My good God, you know I doubt you exist…
And look at your world. It’s so hard to resist.
But I see one small light in the world I detest…”
“God, why you give me another child already?
I don’t have what it takes to raise him steady!
Good God, I cannot wait to see your one mercy”
“Blessed lord, I’m losing my house… I need time!
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