17 Dingbat Songs for Kids
By
Lenny Everson
rev
1
Copyright Lenny Everson 2011
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Cover design by Lenny Everson
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****
For Rebecca, my granddaughter
***
Contents
Grandma’s
Chicken Soup
The T-Rex Song
The Anatomy Song
Victoria
Park
Play in the Garbage
The Carpet
The Digestion
Song
Camping With My Parents
I Woke Up One Morning
My Pet
Collection
The Breakfast Song
Those People
My Mother Climbs
in Maple Trees
Pets
I’d Sooner Watch TV
The Food
Song
Grandpa’s Whiskers
Foreword
The lyrics in this book are all my own work. The tunes used by the songs are (to the best of my knowledge) public domain. They are as follows:
The
Battle Hymn of the Republic, or John Brown’s Body.
Home on the
Range. (Oh, give me a home, where the buffalo roam….)
Cielito
Lindo. A popular Latin American song. You may be able to find it
played on the internet.
The Ants Go Marching One by One. The same
tune as When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again.
Michael Finnegan.
(There was an old man named Michael Finnegan….)
Green Grow the
Lilacs
Down in the Valley
Whole World in His Hands. (He’s got
the whole world in His hands…)
Sloop John B. (We came on the
sloop John B…)
I Went to the Animal Fair (The birds and the
beasts were there…)
Tom Dooley. (Hang down your head, Tom
Dooley)
Done Laid Around (and played around this old town too
long)
If you download these songs, you can perform (and even amend) them without further payment of any kind. I ask that if you further publish them anywhere, credit for authorship is given to me.
I am aware that the dinosaur on the cover is not a T-rex, but it's the only one I had at the moment.
Lenny
Everson
lennypoet@hotmail.ca
****
Grandma’s Chicken Soup
[Tune: Sloop John B]
[C]
Gramma’s chicken soup is fine: I eat it alla the time
I like the
way it cures alla my [G7] ills
It’s got a lot of [C]lard,
grandpa’s leo[F]tard
End [C]even a bit of chicken, [G7]
somewhere, I [C]think
CHORUS
So
[C]here’s to grandma’s soup, grandma’s chicken soup
Here’s
to the way it cures whatever you’ve [G7]got
The measles and the
[C] flu, homework over [F]due
Even your [C] nose plugged with
[G7] buckets of [C]snot
It’s
got a few French-fried eels, it’s got some lemon peels
It’s
got a coupla metres of good hemp rope
It’s got scrambled eggs,
it’s got rabbit legs
And even a bit of chicken, somewhere, I
hope
It’s
got oyster chowder, it’s got talcum powder
It’s even got a
handful of curds and whey
It’s got some pinto beans, it’s got
my dirty jeans
And even a bit of chicken, somewhere, I pray
****
The T-Rex Song
[Tune: Green Grow The Lilacs]
I
[G]once had a T-rex and he was my friend
The kind of dinosaur
[C]I’d recommend
He [G]liked to walk free, so I [G7]left him [C]
unpenned
[D7]Everyone [G]told me - I was [D7]starting a
trend[G]
[or - that was a bad trend: - it wasn’t something
they’d really recommend: - I was going to meet a bad end]
CHORUS
You
won’t find it easy to live with T-Rexes
They won’t clean their
rooms and they won’t wear their specses
They’ll knock down
chimneys just scratching their neckses
And blowing their noses
takes a thousand Kleenexes
We’d
walk to the mall but he’d stomp on the cars
And leave all the
pick-ups with tooth-marks and scars
He likes to taste Holsteins
and smoke old cigars
And I write it all down just for my memoirs
But
worst of it all is the way that they eat
They won’t touch a
veggie – yes, it’s got to be meat
They think a lawyer is a
nice crunchy treat
Then they’ll stop and clean their teeth with
their feet
****
The Anatomy Song
[Tune: Whole World In His Hand]
I got
[C]lots of little carpals in my hand
I got [G7]five metacarpals in
my hand
I got [C]five phalanges in my hand
I got [G7]lots of
bones in my [C]hand
CHORUS
I got
lots of bones in my hand
I got lots of muscles in my hand
I got
lots of nerves in my hand
I got lots of things in my hand
[spoken]
Not to mention skin and tendons and fingernails
I got
midpalmers in my hand
I got thenors and flexors in my hand
I
got a few extensors in my hand
I got lots of muscles in my hand
I got
ulnar nerves in my hand
I got median nerves in my hand
I got
radial nerves in my hands
I got lots of nerves in my hand
****
Victoria Park
[Tune: I Went To The Animal Fair]
I
[G]go to Victoria Park [or, I like to play in the park]
But
[D7] never after dark
Cause the place where we wade, it gets
remade, and
Often contains a [G]shark
I
think the park’s alright
But not so much at night
The things
you see under a tree
Will give you an awful fright
When
other people sleep
Strange creatures creep
They mumble and sing
and say awful things
As they prepare to leap
At
midnight by the swings
You’ll see frightful things
Like a
crocodile with an evil smile
And a nasty tail that stings
You
can come to the park to play
But only in the day
Have some fun
beneath the sun
But when it’s dark – stay away!
****
Play in the Garbage
[Tune: Tom Dooley]
CHORUS
[G]Let’s
go play in the[D7] garbage
Let’s go play in the [G]trash
Let’s
go play in the [D7]garbage
Let’s go pick up a [G]rash
I
like to play in the rubbish
I like to play in the junk
I like
rotting old cabbage
Cause then I smell like a skunk
I
like stuff that’s real oozy
When you splash it on the
bricks
Garbage people can’t be choosy
And I like the way
that it sticks
I
like cockroaches that skitter
I like stomping them flat
The
street gets kinda sticky
But I like the way they go splat
I
like finding bottles
They’re always fun to smash
The ones
behind the hospital
Probably gave me this rash
[spoken] This one here, on my leg, the purple one that wiggles: hey! it’s turning yellow now. What gives? Now my leg feels funny….
****
The Carpet
[Tune: Green Grow the Lilacs]
We
[G]once had a carpet it was lovely and white
Dad bought it for
mother one [C]cold Christmas night
My [G]mom thought it [G7]made
the [C] living room bright
[D7]Now it looks [G]best when we
[D7]turn out the [G]light
Our
dog rolls around when back from some ditch
And drags his bum there
when he has an itch
Dad just calls him a son of a… dog,
which
They blamed on me so I just had to snitch
The
cats track in mud and shed gobs of hair
And when they barf
furballs they’re glad the rug’s there
But mom loves her cats
(which is rather unfair)
And furballs cover my gum so I don’t
care.
Dad’s
friends drop pizza when they’re watching football
Most goes on
the rug, though some finds the wall
Some spots are large, but most
are quite small
Now the rug looks like a scene in the fall
I
remember that carpet, so lovely and white
And how dad bought it
one cold winter night
We watch TV in there, which I guess is
alright
We just make sure we turn out the light
****
The Digestion Song
[Tune: Down in the Valley]
I [G]
ate two tacos
My teeth chewed them [D7] small
I soaked them in
saliva
Then swallowed it [G] all
It
fell down my gullet
Into my stomach it plopped
And in that
acid
It churned and it slopped
Well,
my small intestine
Took out the good stuff
And the guck then
left over
Was smelly and rough
Food
does me good, eh
Makes me taller and wiser
But the stuff in my
large intestine
Is just fertilizer
So I
sit on the toilet
And squeeze out that mush
I remember those
tacos
Then I stand up and flush.
****
Camping with My Parents
[Tune: Down by the Station]
[G]In
the early springtime
My [D7]family goes [G]camping
Daddy gets
out the cornmeal and
[D7]Feeds it to the [G]birds
[G]We
eat chickadees for supper
And [D7]robins after [G]dark
We all
love the birdlife
That we [D7] find in the [G]park!
Munch,
[D7]munch, crunch, [G] crunch
We [D7] love the little [G] birds
In
the early summer
My family goes camping
Daddy feeds the
chipmunks
With peanuts that we bring
We
have chipmunk steaks for supper
And chipmunk stew for lunch
And
chipmunk feet are a special treat
We like the way they
scrunch
Munch, munch, crunch, crunch
We love the animals, too
****
I Woke up One Morning
[Tune: Battle Hymn]
[G]I
woke up one morning with a bee upon my nose
I [C]said you must be
here for [G]breakfast I suppose
But these red things are my lips,
they aint no bloomin’ rose
I [C] wanna go [D7]back to [G]sleep!
I
woke up next morning with a robin on my chin
I told her that’s
no way to have my day begin
Then I said my tongue’s no earthworm
so quit that silly grin
I wanna go back to sleep!
I
woke up next morning with a coyote on my chest
I said my nose is
not a gopher and I just want some rest
Yes, I see that you have
nice big teeth but I’m really not impressed
I wanna go back to
sleep!
I
woke up this morning with a grizzly on my lap
Just what’s a
person got to do to get himself a nap
If this doesn’t stop real
soon I think I’m gonna snap!
I wanna go back to sleep
[monologue]
I mean, what’s the point of lying down trying to sleep
if you
just going to wake up with a grizzlybear on your lap, even if
he’s
eating salmon and not my arm. I’m a growing guy and I need
my
sleep, thank you…..
****
My Pet Collection
[Tune: Michael Finnegan]
[G]I
got myself a little spider
I fed her [D7]flies and she got
wider
One [G]day she left with me inside her
[D7]Darned old
hungry [G]spider.
Went
and caught a yellow hornet
It had a stinger like a thorn. It
Stung
me through the coat I wore. It
Was a nasty little hornet.
I
trapped myself a little bunny
I thought it was really funny
Then
she spent all my money
That silly little bunny
I
know an old cat named Tina
One day she went to Argentina
There
she married a hyena
Silly old kitty Tina
One
day I went to the water
I caught myself friendly otter
But he
looked like Harry Potter
So I threw him back in again
****
The Breakfast Song
[Tune: Battle Hymn]
[G]I
shouldn’t eat beans for breakfast ‘cause I’m told they make me
[frrt*]
I [C]shouldn’t eat beans for breakfast ‘cause I’m[G]
told they make me [frrt*]
But I like the taste of kidney beans and
I find it’s fun to [frrt*]
So I [C]eat them [D7]any[G]way
I
shouldn’t eat bacon either ‘cause I’m told it makes me fat
I
shouldn’t eat bacon either ‘cause I’m told it makes me fat
But
I like the way my fat rolls wiggle when I dance around
So I eat it
anyway
I
shouldn’t eat chillies for breakfast cause they really make me
sweat
I shouldn’t eat chillies for breakfast cause they really
make me sweat
But I like the way my sweat drips upon the ground
So
I eat them anyway
I
shouldn’t drink coke for breakfast ‘cause I’m told it rots my
teeth
I shouldn’t drink coke for breakfast ‘cause I’m told
it rots my teeth
But I like the little bubbles when they spurt out
of my nose
So I drink it anyway
Now
I’m fat and sweaty and my teeth have gone away
You can find me
when you want me cause I go [frrt*] all day
No one wants to meet
me when I come out to play
But I sure do like my breakfasts
*make farting sound
****
Those People
(Tune: Cielito Lindo)
[G]Aye
aye aye [C]aye
The [D7]Kitchener boys are quite [G]silly
When
the wind blows they [D7]cover their nose
And go swimming whenever
it’s [G] chilly
Aye
aye aye aye
Waterloo boys are quite crazy
They take funny pills
then run up the hills
At least you can’t call them lazy
Aye
aye aye aye
Cambridge boys are all funny
They’ll laugh and
they’re joke and blow clouds of smoke
And throw away most of
their money
Aye
aye aye aye
Everyone on North Drive’s a peasant
They use
their toeses to pick at their noses
But otherwise they’re all
rather pleasant
Aye
aye aye aye
The people on Stirling are pretty
They’re lovely
and fair but they’re covered with hair
Which I think is kind of
a pity
****
My Mother Climbs in Maple Trees
[Tune: the ants go marching one by one]
My[Am]
mother climbs in maple trees, oh no, oh [G]no
My [Em[mother climbs
in maple trees, oh no, oh [G]no
My mother climbs in maple
[D7]trees
[Em]Wearing her cross-[B7]country skis
So she Em]
always falls right down, oh [G]no
My
mother tries to play with bees, oh no, oh no
My mother tries to
play with bees, oh no, oh no
My mother tries to play with bees,
Then they sting her on the knees
Mama please don’t play with
bees
My
mother dances in the street, oh no, oh no
My mother dances in the
street, oh no, oh no
My mother dances in the street,
With
sixteen cats tied to her feet
Mama don’t dance in the street!
My
mother likes to watch cartoons, hurray, hurray
My mother likes to
watch cartoons, hurray, hurray
My mother likes to watch cartoons,
She likes shows about baboons
Mama let’s watch TV some more
My
dog drinks from the toilet bowl, oh yuk, oh yuk
My dog drinks from
the toilet bowl, oh yuk, oh yuk
My dog drinks from the toilet
bowl
That’s where we keep our pet tadpole
Doggie please don’t
drink our pet
****
Pets
(Tune: Battle Hymn)
[G]I
had a little garter snake, he lived on worms and slugs
One [C] day
he ate my father and [G]also two small bugs
I told him if he
didn’t stop that he’d get no more hugs
But I [C]liked him
[D7]any[G]way
Then
I got a Doberman who swallowed up my snake
Then he ate my mother
as she sat down by the lake
I told that dog of mine that he’d
made a big mistake
But I loved him anyway
When
I became an orphan I had to live on slugs and worms
I learned to
eat grass and leaves and even things with germs
My dog and I had a
talk and we finally came to terms
I ate him for my lunch
Now I
have a little pet snail and he’s really rather slow
It takes me
nearly a week to get wherever I want to go
But I’m in no real
hurry, I just follow him and so
I like him anyway
****
I’d Sooner Watch TV
[Tune: Done Laid Around]
[D]I
don’t want to go outside, I’d rather watch TV
In front of the
TV [D7]that’s [G]where I’d rather [D]be
I don’t want to go
outside, I’d rather watch [D7]TV
So [G]mama please [A7]go
aw[D]ay
I
don’t care how bright it is, out there in the park
I prefer the
dark, yes, inside where it’s dark
I don’t care how bright it
is, out there in the park
So mama please go away
I
don’t wanna play on swings, I’d rather watch cartoons
All my
friends are stupid jerks, I think they’re all baboons
I don’t
wanna play on swings, I’d rather watch cartoons
So mama please
go away
I
like to watch the sort of things that they advertise
O that
wonderful merchandise, and tasty things likewise
I like to watch
the sort of things that they advertise
I don’t want any
exercise.
I
don’t want to go outside, I’d rather watch TV
In front of the
TV that’s where I’d rather be
I don’t want to go outside,
I’d rather watch TV
So mama please go away.
away,
away…
****
The Food Song
[Tune: Home on the Range]
[G]Oh,
give me a slice of [C]something real[D7] nice
Like [G]cheese, or a
piece of a [A7]pie
If you [G]make me eat peas, I’ll[C] fall on
my knees
And[G] probably just [D7]lay down and [G]die
[G]Food,
oh [C]I want [D7]real [G]food
That [D7] tastes like [G]Burger
King [D7]stuff
What I [G]want for a snack is a [C]Coke and Big
Mac
Yes, [G] that would be [D7] quite good [G]enough
I
like to eat cake down by the lake
And chocolate any time of day
I
like to drink pop; till I burp and can’t stop
And pizza, did I
happen to say
If
you make me eat beans then I’ll puke on my jeans
And yell for a
burger and fries
Don’t make me eat bread; I’ll fall over
dead
And my brains will ooze out of my eyes
****
Grandpa’s Whiskers
[Tune: 99 bottles of pop]
[G]This
is a song about grandpa’s whiskers
The [A7]ones upon his
face
You’d [D7]think he’d leave them safe at home but
He
wears them every [G]place
He
wears them every place
And people often say
Why do you have
those whiskers –
They’re always in your way
CHORUS
Always
in your way
Always in your way
Why do you keep those
whiskers
They’re always in your way
He
loves those darned old whiskers
cause they make him look so
fine
He goes downtown to show them around
He thinks he looks so
fine
They
make him look so fine
They make him look so fine
He goes
downtown to show them around
He thinks he looks so fine
[CHORUS]
We
couldn’t find Thomas the snake
We searched everywhere
We
finally found the serpent
Beneath that facial hair
[CHORUS]
Grandpa’s
whiskers got so long
That he can hardly chew
Now they’re full
of bugs and birds
And last night’s barley stew
Last
night’s barley stew
Last night’s barley stew
Last week’s
mushroom soup
And last night’s barley stew
[CHORUS]
We
sometimes search his whiskers
To see what’s hidden there
We
pulled out some bottles of whiskey
And someone’s underwear
Someone’s
underwear
We found it under there
Cottage cheese and bumble
bees
Under all that hair
[CHORUS]
This
is a song about grandpa’s whiskers
The ones upon his face
You’d
think he’d leave them safe at home but
He wears them every place
He
wears them every place
And people often say
Why do you have
those whiskers –
They’re always in your way
[CHORUS]
****
Finding Music for these Songs
Generally it’s (at this time) possible to get versions of the tunes from the web by searching the song name and adding “mp3”, “Youtube”, or“video”, as in “Home on the Range Youtube”. That's good for singers.
If you need guitar chords, you can search "Home on the Range chords" or "Home on the Range tabs", but I'd be suspicious of anybody at a wedding reception with a guitar.
Music with the notes is often available from the local library (ask the librarian) for free, or from the web (for a price) by searching, say "Home on the Range Sheet Music".
What About the Chords?
The chords here are the ones I use. Other people use different chords, or sing in a different key. That's okay. Or you might find you have to add or remove or change a word to get the rhythm to work out. That's just fine.
Lenny
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