Those First Steps Down The Aisle
By Marige O’Brien
Copyright © 2011 Marige O’Brien
Smashwords Edition
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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Other Titles by Marige O’Brien
How To Have An Amazing Wedding On A Budget
Scam Alert: The Ultimate Scam-Busters Guidebook
* * * * * *
Table Of Contents
Introduction: Take A Step Back
Introduction
Take A Step Back
The basics of any wedding are simple. They consist of a ceremony officiating the vows, with at least two people to bear witness. Anything and everything beyond that is done for sentimental or traditional reasons.
This is not meant to denigrate sentiment or tradition. Both are important in their own way. Rather, it is a sensible reminder of what is absolutely necessary.
A good marriage is not based on a fabulous, over-the-top wedding. Nor should the details of a wedding become so important that they cause arguments, stress or hard feelings to those involved.
A wedding should be a wonderful, memorable day, celebrating the joy of a couple's union. However, due to unexpected events and/or unrealistic expectations somewhere along the line, this is not always the case.
From the moment a girl says, "yes," a couple begins down a path that many recall later with fear and dread. There are many unexpected twists and turns. Very often, the first few decisions will make the difference between whether your wedding is a smooth and enjoyable event or a nail-biting, hair-pulling, screaming-out-loud nightmare.
To begin navigating the mystical waters of wedding preparation, The First Steps Down The Aisle explains the various aspects of a wedding, pointing out the least expensive, the traditional and the over-the-top ways of each point.
And, of course, once you have finished this, be sure to get your copy of “How To Have An Amazing Wedding On A Budget” by going to
http://www.marigeobrien.com/budgetwedding/
Cheers!
Part I
Who You Gonna Tell?
The parents of both the bride and groom should always be the first to know. Not that you to need pull out your cell phone and speed-dial your parent's the minute the ring is on the bride's finger (nor is it necessary to ask the bride's father for permission), but it's also not a good idea for them to learn the news second hand, from their nephew, either.
So plan on meeting with your parents (or, in the case of extended families, sets of parents) before telling friends and other family members.
After they have been told, you can shout it from the rooftops-- or, post it on your blog or myspace page.
Some families will expect the couple to have a formal portait done and place an announcement in the local newspaper. While this may sound expensive, this can be easily accomplished by visiting a local department store (such as Sears or JC Penney's) that offers portraits. These usually cost between $25-50 dollars. The local newspaper will charge for an announcement placement and this should be done ONLY when a firm date has been secured.
The Parents
Though few still cling to the old tradition of the father/family of the bride paying for or making all arrangements for a wedding, many people still want to be involved in some way.
And, while this tradition has been fading steadily with the rise of the average age and income of young adults (along with the price of the average wedding), aspects of this sentiment can still be felt. Many couples are surprised by their parent's reactions. They had no idea, for instance, that the bride's mother had her heart set on having her daughter's wedding at her home. Or, that the groom's father intended to play his accordion at the reception. In fact, many people discover a great deal about their families during the course of planning their wedding.
And, too, the couple often finds their own tastes quite different from their parents, and those with a fixed idea of each detail may be in for some unpleasant exchanges with the family. The best thing to do is decide which aspects are the most important and, if a parent feels strongly about something, be reasonable. While it is true a girl only has one wedding day, so a parent only enjoys watching their child marry once.
Even when the couple is financing their own wedding, they may find it wiser to respect their parent's wishes related to the occasion. At the very least, be prepared when making the initial announcement, that parents may respond with surprising ideas of their own. If not at first, then within a few days or weeks.
For this reason alone (though there are others), it is best to tell the parents before anyone else, first the bride's family, then the groom's. It is also a good idea to plan some time for discussing basic details with them and keep an open mind to their requests.
The Other Significant Others
The only exception to this rule is in the case of any children the bride or groom may have from previous relationships, especially if the coming wedding will impact their living arrangements. If this is the case, understand that, however they may like the new partner, the aspect of change in their lives may cause them to feel some anxiety. Also, try to be sensitive to the fact that most children secretly wish their own parents would re-unite, even in the worst situations. So this may not always be good news, and is not necessarily a reflection of their feelings toward the new partner.
Because of this it is a good idea to include them in the planning process as well as the ceremony. Include them in the bridal party if possible, but be prepared to let them drop out, too. They can also help pick out invitations, flowers, choose the cake or the music. They may vacillate between joining the wedding party or not.
The best reaction is to let them choose-- right up to the day of the wedding. They are handling a lot of internal baggage, most of which they cannot begin to express directly. Even adult children have trouble with these issues. So it is best to simply support them, re-assure them and try not to judge too harshly.
Part II
A Question Of Money
It is said the cost of an average wedding in the United States today is approximately $21,000.00. That's a lot of zeros. But, a couple can have a very nice (small) wedding for $1,000.00 or less. Before making any firm plans (i.e., having your heart set on any one item), it is best to decide on a realistic budget. The questions below will help you set your budget:
How Long Are You Willing To Wait To Be Married?
Saving up for a wedding is one option for those that would like a large, showy wedding. If you can save $50-100 per week ($2,500-5,000/year), plan on saving for two to four years before setting a date. (Bear in mind that most services -- caters, halls, bands, photographers, etc. -- require deposits AT THE TIME the reservations are made.) This time frame is not uncommon and gives the couple time to think about each detail carefully.
Is It Worth Going Into Debt?
An alternative is to borrow the money for a wedding, either by putting most of it on credit cards, taking out a loan, or borrowing from a family member. And, since most halls and caterers book more than a year in advance, you may find yourself paying off the debt before the wedding takes place.
However, the down side of this option is that you will begin married life in debt. Since most couples are anxious to buy their first home after marriage, this may delay those plans. Also, many couples are already paying off college loans or credit cards, so they will add to that debt, making it even harder to get a mortgage when the time comes.
A Coordinated Effort
While most parents cannot afford to finance a whole wedding, many are happy to help out as much as possible. Or, they may want to contribute something else besides money such as something that is part of their business. Other family members may also wish to help out, such as grand-parents, siblings and aunts or uncles that are particularly close.
Realistic Expectations
Most of all, be realistic. If you and your fiancée are still in school or if you are currently making less than $20K per year, the chances of having a dream wedding are not very realistic.
However, that does not mean you cannot have a wonderful wedding. Some of the most beautiful weddings take place in back yards with family members donating most of the services.
Do you NEED A Wedding Planner?
Heck, no! Until just a short time ago, there was no such thing as a wedding planner. Now, they may seem essential, but even large weddings can be planned without too much fuss-- and certainly without a wedding planner.
The most important point is to set a realistic budget and stick to it. Only then is it possible to proceed with the wedding plans themselves.
Part III
Setting The Date
Deciding on a date is one of the first important decisions a couple must make. Though many couples would love to just choose a date that works for them, several factors go into this decision. In fact, many couples find that setting the date is one of the first major goals of the wedding-- and not due to any lack of commitment on their part! But because so many factors go into the decision.
Your Current Situation
If you are still in school, have multiple debts (for instance, from car loans or school loans), or have other commitments such as a work project that takes you out of town for several months, it is best to put off choosing an actual date until these prior arrangements/goals have been achieved. At the very least, plan on a minimum of one year after the end of that responsibility, for your wedding date.
For instance, if you are due to graduate in June of this year, plan to marry in or after June of next year, at the earliest. Why? Because there will be after-affects of the current situation.
Following the same "after graduation" scenario, there will a period of time needed to find a job, plus make new living arrangements around that job. You may find a job miles from your current living situation. Then you will need to move, as well. Since much depends on the job you take, everything (including wedding plans) will have to wait for that.
Or, if a current job requires that you work out of the area for any length of time, that's also a good reason to wait on setting a specific date, mostly because both the bride and groom needs to be available for much of the wedding planning.
Family Situations & Considerations
Another important aspect of deciding on a good wedding date, is ensuring that all close family members will be able to attend. Is your fiancée’s brother in the army and stationed out of the country? Is your mother recovering from surgery? These are important aspects when deciding on a wedding date.
Travel Considerations
If you have moved away from home, deciding whether have your wedding in your new location or back at home is another factor. If you have it in your new location, allow plenty of extra time (6 months to a year) for family members to comfortably make travel plans and arrangements. If you decide to return home, allow extra time and money for trips home to make the arrangements locally.
Your Budget & The Guest List
Finally, allow plenty of time for your budget to include the size of your guest list. The most economical wedding for 200 people will still cost more than a wedding with only 25 people attending. It may be unavoidable to need time to save up for the big day.
Other important aspects affecting the date include the ceremony and reception venues' availability, especially if you wish to be married in the family church or synagogue, or if you want a particular hall or restaurant. Both of these should be secured before the date is announced. Also, if you or your fiancée have any other particular favorites in mind-- a specific band or DJ, a photographer, etc.
Coordinating the date is one of the first major hurdles involved with planning your wedding. But once that is done, you know you are well on the way to walking down the aisle.
Part IV
Making A List
The following checklist will ensure that nothing important is overlooked or forgotten during the planning stages. Print this and the next page up and keep it handy.
Legal Stuff
Marriage License
Blood Test
Officiate
Bridal Party
Bride's Maids/Maid of Honor / Flower Girls
Groomsmen/ Best Man/ Ring Bearer
Guest List
Rings
Bridal Gown and
Something Old ______________________________
Something New _____________________________
Something Borrowed _________________________
Something Blue ______________________________
Hair/Make-Up/Nails
Groom's /Groomsmen's Tuxedos
Venue Details, Ceremony
Ceremony Locale
Ceremony Floral Decor
Invitations
Transportation
Limousine
Venue Details, Reception
Reception Locale
Caterer
Seating Assignments
Entertainment
Flowers/Decorations
Photographer
Videographer
Cake
Wedding Favors
Bridal Party Gifts
Thank You Notes
Post-Reception Arrangements
After Party
Honeymoon
For
a complete time line and schedule, be sure to get your copy of
How
To Have An Amazing Wedding On A Budget. This
72-page ebook offers practical advice on every aspect of planning a
great wedding on a budget, from the wedding favors, to the after
party.
Click Here For Your Copy
http://www.marigeobrien.com/budgetwedding/
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