Mr. Psychologist, Tell Me How to Be Happy!
Author: Stélio Inácio
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2011 Stélio Inácio
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Short Play in 4 Acts
There are two characters: the Psychologist and the Millionaire.
The psychologist is called Mario,
The Millionaire is called David.
Scenario: The psychologist’s office, it has a divan where the patient lies on his back and behind a chair where the psychologist sits; a bookcase, a desk secretary, fine tapestry, some pieces of art on the table and scattered throughout the room. The two characters talk mainly seated in their chairs.
Act I
Love
David and Mario
Scene 1 = First Session
David: Am I supposed to sit here?
Mario: Yes, please.
(David sits on the divan and looks at Mario)
Mario: You have to lie down facing the other side.
David: I like to look at people when I talk to them.
M: I’m sorry but you really have to look to the other side, it is part of the process that we are starting.
D: Okay, right to the point, I like that.
M: So, David...
D: Let me get up and shake your hand.
M: No...
D: I insist.
(David gets up and shakes hands with Mario while the dialogue continues)
D: I like to feel the hands of the people I do business with. You see, to create a bond, a bond of trust.
M: You have a very strong handshake Oh! I think we can...
D: Take it easy, learn this. Many people do not know but a handshake says a lot about a person with whom we do business. We can see if he is a charlatan, if he is honest, if he will value our money, and I've paid all you asked in advance, so I’ve put my trust in you...
M: My hand is...
D: The thing is, this is what brings me here: I'm a millionaire, I add some million dollars ever trimester to my personal bank account, I have over 50 people working for me, I have everything well organized, no worries in business. I go to work when I want, I can satisfy every desire that comes to my mind, I can buy whatever I want, I use the best brands in clothing, appliances, I eat in the best restaurants, I live in the best building of this city, at the best flat, with the best view, I drive my dream car, if I want to go eat a hamburger under the Eiffel Tower or the Statue of Liberty, I could go right now without any money constraints, but...
M: But...
D: But I'm not happy. I got where I wanted to get, I have everything I ever wished for, but I'm not happy.
M: I see.
D: And I need you to fix that. I want you to tell me how to be happy.
M: Okay… Yes... I see... Well... Uhm...
(David stares at the psychologist waiting for a response)
M: Oh! You don’t expect me to tell you in five minutes how to be happy!?
D: It would be better if you could do it in less time, I just need a formula.
M: Uhm! Very funny... what... Are you serious!? Please calm down, that’s not how things work.
D: Why not! They told me that you are the best in your field, and if there is one thing life has taught me is that success always comes from working with the best. Some time ago I realized that my company could make more profit and I consulted with the best marketing team; in two words they gave me a solution, I implemented it and the next month my profit rose by 100 percent. I don’t know if they were wrong but some people told me that you are the best in your field.
M: Mr. David, please sit back and let's start our session.
(They sit, David at the divan, Mario at the chair)
M: What if I told you that you are happy, that you can make come true a lot of wishes that 90 percent of people live and die without ever being able to accomplish, that you have health, sanity, good looks, the best view in town, a car that is impossible for anyone to see and not envy, what if I told you that everyone likes you because you pay well, you probably give good tips in restaurants, and everyone would like to have the lifestyle that you have ... What would you say?
D: I would say that I am not happy. I feel an immense solitude; I have nobody in my life, if only my parents were alive, then all this wealth would be worth it. I could give them all I ever wanted to give them. My relatives are a bunch of lazy people who just want to exploit me. When they contact me is because they need money. I have no friends, my childhood friends are all poor and I can’t keep any relation with them, sometimes it gets weird, and sometimes it's as if they feared me.
M: Maybe you just need a woman in your life.
D: All the women I meet are interested in my money.
M: All? That is impossible!
D: Those who aren’t I don’t find them interesting enough and how do I know that even them are not really only after my money?
M: Don’t you think you are being too rigid. Everything is a game of interest. Often we fall in love with a woman captivated only by her physical appearance and the desire to know how she is in bed, or how much more beautiful she is in relation to the other women we know, that is, without any emotional connection. And we must also take into account that there are recorded cases of people who marry only for interest but that can have a completely normal life and even a passionate life with their millionaire partner. This people end up transferring the love for money, to an ever-increasing love for the person who provides them with the rich life they have. So, you could well find a woman that at the beginning would be more interested in your money than in you, but who could really love you in the future.
D: Mr. Mario, that doesn’t fit in my head. Like I said, I just want the best for me, the genuine, the original, only what is done with care and expertise. I want a completely true passion, one that lacks any interest; I want a woman who could love me even if I was a street beggar.
M: Do you realize that what you just said is an exceptional rarity. Biologically a woman needs to feel safe, financially, physically, emotionally and a beggar is not a good candidate for any of these items.
D: If it is not like that, then it doesn’t suit me. I want to live a true love; I want a woman who could die for me. A woman that loved me so much that she couldn’t be away from me. I want a woman who wishes me intensely; that liked me so much that I would feel sorry for her, one that would love me no matter how many millions I had in my bank account.
M: And you prefer to spend the nights alone without having anyone to laugh with, not having anyone to comment on the trivialities of daily life because you can’t find this woman?
D: I prefer.
M: But you can still find your true love. Maybe you will meet someone you can trust, in whom you will recognize true love.
D: Do you guarantee that when I leave here I will find her around the corner?
M: No!
D: I need a certainty. I just want to love like normal people. To have someone I can call my baby, my sweetheart! You know I often feel discriminated for being rich. People do not treat me with friendship and love, it's like I'm a walking bank. People always expect money for everything they do for me. And there are people who flee from me, who avoid me, who stay as far as they can from me when I’m climbing the stairs, it's as if people feared that if they stepped my shoes or spoiled my suit I would get them killed or something like that. It's like I'm all alone, abandoned on a treasure island.
M: And pleasure, casual sex, prostitutes?
D: For a while I was into that sort of things. I used to impress the girls with my car, my money, and I took them to bed, but in the end it was just sex. When I started to get rich, I used to imagine a future in which I’d sleep with a different woman every day, but the truth is that I only stayed on that kind of life for a month. There is nothing so special about sex when it doesn’t transcend. I got tired of it. All those girls had empty heads, each of them had their oddities and sex is so easy for them, almost automatically, without any real warmth and affection and they asked fortunes for a service that the more I analyze, I do not see much in it. What I always wanted and looked in each of these women was a company, an honest company that was not worth in cash for each second I got of it.
M: And being rich, being the boss, running your business. Doesn’t make you happy?
D: How! I'm rich but I am alone. People, including my family, treat me like an ATM machine, being the boss is good but everyone talks behind my back and not to my face. Everyone is afraid of losing their jobs and running the business is a simple exercise. I have everything well organized; I just have to make adjustments to the accounts and figures that are presented to me. I don’t like being in the office and my presence is not even required; I can do everything from my home computer.
M: Today we are going to end here, see you at the next session.
Act II
Celibacy
Scene I = Second Session
David: So how can I be happy?
Mario: I've been thinking about your case and our immediate concern is your happiness. Here is the problem David, you are unhappy because you are always thinking about how sad your life is because you can’t find anyone, because you think that nobody has affection for you, so let's address these points and relieve you from your misery. All that you have been thinking is depressing; unfortunately you are in the situation that you are, but that doesn’t mean you have to be miserable. No one should live a sad life because there is something lacking, but we must enjoy what we do have. You can’t find the love of your life, patience! There are many people who live without love in involuntary celibacy. Starting today I want you to assume yourself as an involuntary celibate.
D: I see.
M: Starting from today I want you to act as if you had come up to me and I had diagnosed you with a condition that prevents you from having a woman, and from having someone falling in love with you. I am now giving you the sad news that condemn you to be lonely; so, you just have to accept them and adjust your life to the reality that I present to you.