I Want to Be Happier Right Now!
By
Jackie Wells Smith
SMASHWORDS EDITION
* * * * *
PUBLISHED BY:
Wells-Smith Partners on Smashwords
I Want to Be Happier Right Now!
Copyright 2011 Wells Smith Partners
Smashwords Edition License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.
****
“If you observe a really happy man you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden, or looking for dinosaur eggs in the Gobi desert. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled under the radiator. He will not be striving for it as a goal in itself. He will have become aware that he is happy in the course of living life twenty-four crowded hours of the day.”
W. Beran Wolfe
****
The Happiness Lifestyle
Most people think of happiness as an emotional state like joy, excitement or loving feelings, but happiness is more than feeling good. The positive emotions normally associated with happiness are actually the end result of becoming a happier person. Lasting happiness is a lifestyle choice. It's a set of skills that can be learned and applied in your own life.
Many people assume that happiness is getting the things they want like recognition, nice possessions or love. All of those things, as wonderful as they can be, are not happiness. Happiness is the starting place for getting the things you want from life. It begins within yourself, by knowing who you are and what you want and need. If you are feeling happy for a reason, it's probably not true happiness, but a temporary emotional state.
What the happiest people have in common is not cars or money or good looks; they have a mindset or an attitude, for approaching life. This happiness mindset is a way of thinking about yourself and your life that attracts the kind of good feelings and positive results most people crave. The happiest people remain open to life. They're not single-minded in their pursuit of a goal or object, believing this one thing will make them happy.
This happiness mindset can be learned, but it does take some time and attention. Like any skill, it must be practiced. The more you practice the skills of the happiness mindset, the more enjoyment, success and love you have in your life.
But what about right now? What if you need a little infusion of happiness today? Well, there are things you can do today — this very moment — that will immediately increase your feelings of wellbeing. This booklet is kind of a quick happiness makeover. It has tips and ideas that you can easily include in your daily routine for whenever you need a happiness pick-me-up. With this happiness makeover, we are looking at the seven areas of your life that most impact your happiness. Examining these areas and then applying some of these quick, uplift tips will get you immediate results in boosting your mood and lowering your stress levels. The effects are cumulative. The more you practice these makeover tips, the better you are going to feel about yourself and your life.
These tips are not self-soothing behaviors. Many people mistake a dish of ice cream or a shopping spree for a happiness boost. Happiness is always the result of the satisfaction you get from meeting your needs. Distractions, however pleasant, stop making you feel better as soon as you stop doing them. The tips in this book are intended to meet a specific need that we all have and the effects of lifting your mood are lasting.
Some of these ideas may seem like platitudes or common sense. There has been a tremendous body of research con-ducted on happiness in recent decades. All of these tips have been studied in some way and proven to be effective. If you practice these happiness skills, however small they may seem, you will start to feel a lot better about your life over the next 30 days. As you shift how you interact with the world, you will start to notice a dramatic shift in how the world interacts with you!
****
Gratitude
When we are facing the everyday problems and challenges of life, we can get very focused on what is going wrong. One of the fastest ways to feel happier is to express gratitude for what you already have and what is going right for you. The happiest people have an attitude of gratitude. Expressing gratitude is one of the most effective ways to interrupt anxiety, depression or anger. It takes your attention away from unproductive thoughts and refocuses them to more constructive thinking patterns. The effect of gratitude is immediate. You'll feel your mood improve and your outlook on life shift within minutes.
Here are a few ways to use gratitude to create more happiness, right now:
Remember to say thank you to everyone who performs a small courtesy like opening a door. The more opportunities you find to say thank you, the better you will feel about your life at the end of the day.
Smile at every cashier, bank teller and bus boy and say “thank you.” The effects of gratitude are contagious. When you show it to others, they will immediately mirror it back to you. Try it and see for yourself.
Find a reason every day to say thank you to the most significant people in your life — your family. The more gratitude you express to the people you live with, the more they will reflect it back to you. Gratitude can have a profound impact on your household. It's like setting off a happiness explosion that permeates every room of the house.
Thank your children for doing their chores. It recognizes their efforts and models polite behavior. The more gratitude you show for your children, the more confidence they have. Their appreciation for you will also increase.
Teach your children to be grateful by thinking of three reasons to be thankful when they are upset. Gratitude is a great way to interrupt tantrums in small children by playing the “thank you” game. Instead of sending them to time out, sentence them to think of three things for which they are grateful. The results will be more effective in changing their attitude and recovering their composure. This one skill is like giving them a happiness pill that lasts for the rest of their lives.
For one week, thank your spouse for all the good things she or he does without complaining about all the things you would like them to do. You will be amazed at the results of noticing and appreciating the work your spouse puts into building your life together. You'll find gratitude is a great way to rekindle the love you have and keep it burning. At the end of the week, you are likely to continue this practice indefinitely!
Start your day by saying “thank you” to life (or God, if you prefer) for at least three things. These can be small things like a great cup of coffee, or big things like good health. Take a moment to feel the appreciation as you say them. When you establish an attitude of gratitude at the be-ginning of your day, you're also setting up the conditions for the kind of day you are going to have — a happier one.
When something painful happens, think of three things that resulted from this event for which you can honestly be grateful. This can be something like being grateful for a skilled physician in times of illness or having a little bit of savings when your job is eliminated. This is hard to do, but finding the good in the bad motivates you to keep going when you might be tempted to give up. It also prevents you from seeing the bad as being worse than it is.
When you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself, stop and find three things about yourself for which you are grateful. Interrupting your destructive self-talk with gratitude helps to build your confidence instead of tearing it down.
****
Caring for Your Body
One of the most overlooked keys to establishing a happiness lifestyle is taking care of your body. It's really hard to be happy in a sick body. The happiest people are committed to keeping their bodies running as efficiently as possible, even if they are facing an illness. These happiness tips are effective at boosting your immune system and helping to combat illness.
Here are a few suggestions for having a happier body right now:
Research from a variety of sources shows that a positive attitude supports healing. Try to keep your thoughts on the positive parts of your life.
You may have heard marathon runners talk about the “runner's high.” There is nothing like cardiovascular exercise to boost the endorphins and other positive mood generating chemicals in your body. If you need to lift your spirits, take a walk. Take a brisk walk daily and you will keep your spirits up.
Regular muscle building exercise helps to burn stress hormones (cortisol) from the body. Lift a few weights or walk the stairs a couple of times to release the stress in your body.
If you are feeling depressed or stressed, stop and take three deep, slow breaths. The increased oxygen in your blood helps to energize and boost your mood. Our mothers were right all those times they told us to sit up straight. Be aware of your posture to avoid shallow breathing.
Eat at regular intervals today to keep your blood sugar even. A drop in your blood sugar lowers your energy level and can depress your mood. Eat at regular intervals again tomorrow, and for the rest of your life to maintain the energy level required to be happy.
Eating a complex carbohydrate snack is a mood lifter and much better than sugary treats to even out your blood sugar. Try something like a whole grain cracker, popcorn, fruit or an ounce of dark chocolate. Sugary snacks raise your blood sugar quickly, but in less than an hour, you'll crash to a level lower than before your snack.
If you are feeling tired you may be thirsty! Before you reach for that soda that will crash your blood sugar in about a half an hour, drink a small glass - 6 to 8 ounces of water. If you still want that soft drink, limit yourself to half of what you normally consume. Some research indicates that artificial sweeteners can crash sugar levels just like a regular soft drink. Watch your intake of diet soft drinks, too.
Omega 3 oils found in fish helps to stabilize your moods by boosting serotonin levels. If you don't like fish, the supplements in capsules will also help keep your moods stable. Plan some grilled salmon for dinner today.
B vitamins, particularly B6, are important to keep your moods even. Fruits and vegetables and some enriched cereals and breads are a good source of the B vitamins. Have a salad with dark leafy greens to go with your salmon tonight and a banana for dessert for a real happy meal!
Have you ever heard the expression about “waking up on the wrong side of the bed”? That is just what happens when you don't get enough sleep. Getting at least seven hours a night is essential to a happiness lifestyle. The less sleep you get, the less you are able to handle stress, conflicts or manage your anger. If you are feeling sad or anxious, closing your eyes for a nap might be just what you need to wake up happier.
Establish a regular sleeping schedule and stick to it. Getting up and going to bed at the same time every day helps to fight insomnia. Establish a regular bedtime today and wake up rested and happier tomorrow.
****
Make Time for Relationships
The happiest people have deep, satisfying relationships with friends, family and an intimate partner. When they're sad, they reach out to the people around them for love and support, instead of withdrawing into self-soothing behavior. One of the best ways to get happier is to look for ways to improve your relationships.
Here are a few ideas for things you can do today to give your relationships a happiness boost and feel closer to the people you love:
Make plans to have fun on a regular basis with your loved ones. Playing together deepens feelings of intimacy and balances out the moments of tension that happen in every relationship.
Schedule time every week to sit and talk with your spouse or take a walk together. The happiest people in the world are married to someone who is also their best friend. Talking about the details of your life and your interests strengthens your friendship.
Focus your attention on ways that you can contribute to your closest relationships by thinking of one way to show your love every day. Ask yourself what can you do today to demonstrate how much you care.
Spending time daily with the people you love keeps the connection strong, but, don't just use them as a dumping ground to talk about your day. Ask specific questions about their day to broaden your relationship and deepen the connection.
Telling someone why you love them is one of the greatest kindnesses you can give. Not only will it make them feel loved and appreciated, it helps you remember all of the reasons you love them.
Loving thoughts promote happiness. Avoid nagging or criticizing your loved ones by reminding yourself of one positive trait they have before you say anything about the negative.
Be willing to accept that you may not always be right by admitting the times when you are wrong, or have done something hurtful. Follow that up with an apology and you'll relieve a lot of the tension you feel within yourself and in your relationships.
People who are physically touched daily are happier people. Make it a point to give and receive hugs from all of your loved ones.
A healthy sex life boosts endorphins and serotonin levels, the chemicals that regulate your moods. It burns the stress hormone, cortisol, from your system. Oxytocin, the hormone that bonds you to your mate and promotes feelings of love is released. If you have had a bad day, making love goes a long way toward helping you feel happier and more loved.
Couples who have a happy sex life begin outside of the bedroom with emotional intimacy. When you are willing to talk about your feelings, and those of your partner, your physical intimacy will increase and so will your feelings of love.
Learn to manage your anger by realizing that loving you doesn't mean always doing things your way. The happiest couples are the ones who are the most willing to allow their partner to take the lead sometimes.
Remember the three relationship killers are trying to control others, perfectionism and deceit. Make a decision right now to let go of those behaviors and your relationships will immediately improve.
Don't take your bad moods out on your family. The people you love the most are the most deserving of your best self. Decide right now to put your best foot forward for the people you most love.
When you are in a bad mood, smile and act as if you are fine and your mood will often follow your actions. But if you reinforce the bad mood with brooding, being short-tempered and sarcasm, then it will grow stronger. The happiest people master their emotions and don't allow emotions to become their masters.
When you're feeling stressed, talking about your problems with others will comfort you and increase feelings of close-ness. Keep the conversation constructive by expressing your feelings and then brainstorming for solutions.
****
Experiencing Life
Many people believe that happiness can be found in material possessions. While it is great to have a new car or house, you'll be a happier person if you focus your attention on stimulating experiences according to the happiness research-errs. People who experience life are happier than people focused on material acquisition. The positive feeling from an experience lasts longer than the excitement of a getting some-thing new.
Here are a few ideas for how to fully experience your life and increase your happiness:
Take the time to be aware of your senses. Many people focus on multi-tasking and miss out on the more pleasurable moments in life. Take the time to stop and be aware of the taste of your food, the feel of a soft sweater or the beauty of a sunset. Right now, give your complete attention to this moment and you'll feel happier.
Today, take the time to do something badly! So many times we are afraid of new experiences because we don't want do it wrong. Giving yourself permission to do something badly frees you to enjoy the experience of learning something new without worrying about it having a purpose other than your happiness. Try doing something for the pleasure of try-in and enjoy the feeling of messing up just for the fun of it.
Take regular joy breaks. This is especially helpful when you are under a lot of stress. Stop in the middle of your day and close your eyes. Recall one of the happiest moments of your life in as much detail as you possibly can. Remember what you saw, felt, heard, tasted and how things smelled. Relive the emotions of that moment in your life in as much detail as you can recall. Joy is available to you in your memories whenever you choose to recall it.
Remind yourself that whatever you are experiencing today will pass into tomorrow. All experiences, both the good and bad, are temporary.
Take the time to nurture the happiness that is already alive in your life. Spend as much time as possible experiencing the happier parts of your life and ask yourself what are you doing right that can be applied to the areas that aren't going as well.
Spend your money on adventures or interesting classes. New clothes, cars, bigger houses, all lose their shine quickly. However, the positive feelings of an experience remain with you for a lifetime.
Treat yourself to one of life's simple pleasures every day. Too often, we focus on all that we have to do. Put off some of the items on your to-do list and make time every day for something you enjoy like a good book, a long slow kiss, an interesting television show, a nice relaxing bubble bath or eating a few strawberries very slowly while you watch the sun go down.
Vacations are an important part of happiness. Taking a break from your life to go someplace new and interesting can be a stress reliever. Whatever your restrictions of schedule and budget, set aside time and money for trips and a little fun.
If you can't afford a vacation, take inexpensive day trips near your home. The state and national park services are a treasury of affordable adventures. Your county convention and visitors bureau has hundreds of brochures for attractions in your state. Many of them have special discount rates. Fun doesn't have to cost a lot of money.
Hobbies can add pleasure and satisfaction to your life. Choose something that absorbs your attention and you will have something to look forward to doing every day.
When planning social time, spend it around an activity. Most social events focus on the food, but get-togethers where people play cards and games take some of the social pressure off. Standing around trying to make conversation is hard for many people. Activities can facilitate conversation.
****
Giving
It may surprise you to know that one of the best ways to be happy is to make someone else happy. As social beings, giving of your time and talents is more emotionally satisfying than giving money because you can see the good you are doing in someone's life. The feeling of emotional satisfaction lasts much longer than pleasurable moments according to re-search studies.
Here are a few ways to give to create happiness for yourself and others today:
Volunteering for a charity or community service is a terrific way to chase away the blues. Putting your attention on the troubles of those less fortunate makes you much more grateful for the good things in your own life. Today, look for a volunteer commitment of a couple of hours a month and watch your happiness grow.
Perform a random act of kindness. The positive feelings of kindness stay with you for days. Even very small kindnesses like helping someone at work with an extra assignment can make you feel great.
Going above and beyond with your family lowers the stress levels in your household and boosts feeling of connection. It has the added benefit of being a good model for the kids.
Meaning is essential to a happy life. One of the easiest ways to find meaning is to look for opportunities to help someone you know. It can be as simple as cooking a special meal for a sick friend or helping your child with his math homework. Finding ways that you can contribute and improve the lives of people you care about makes you feel instantly happier.
The happiest people are those who have found a way to use all of their gifts and strengths to some constructive purpose. Giving contributes to your happiness, but giving in a way that only you can give is especially satisfying.
Mentoring someone younger than you who is eager to know what you have learned is a gratifying experience. This can be a professional situation or with an organization like Big Brothers/Big Sisters. It can also be very personal like teaching your child how to make some secret family recipe you learned from your grandmother.
****
Financial Happiness
One of the keys to happiness is making sure that your basic needs for survival and security are covered. The happiest people earn enough money to pay for a reliable car, a comfortable place to live and have a little left over to pay for a few adventures. Many people ignore this important aspect of happiness because there is nothing like financial problems to cause you to feel afraid.
Here are some ideas to consider for improving your financial happiness:
Open a savings account. Even if you start small, watching the amount grow as you add to it increases your feelings of security.
If you haven't covered the basics, start today by looking for a career that will pay the bills. The financial services department of colleges can help you find a way to pay for additional training to boost your earnings. They can also give you information about careers that are in demand.
Studies have consistently shown that wealth does not equal happiness. Learn to accept what is good enough by taking your attention away from status brands or other luxuries you can't afford. Ask yourself if you can even remember the things you just “had to have” one year ago.
When you are feeling down, avoid the shopping channel and the mall. Most impulse buying happens when you are trying to make yourself feel better or distract yourself from feeling an unpleasant emotion. Watch a funny movie instead and you'll feel a lot happier today and tomorrow.
Face your debt. Many people who are in financial trouble avoid thinking about their situation by not opening mail or answering the phone. If you are in financial trouble, there are free consumer credit counseling services that can help you bring yourself back into a healthier and happier financial position. Pick up the phone and ask for help.
Live within your current budget. After the loss of a job, many people avoid making the hard decisions to cut back on expenses to adjust to their new income level. The faster you make the adjustments in your budget, the less stress you'll feel until you have replaced the income. Sit down today with a list of expenses and ask what you can cut to free yourself from financial stress.
Practice regular giving. Whenever you have an extra ten dollars, donate it to a worthy cause. Collect your change and donate it once a month. There are places in the world where $25 can change the lives of an entire family by giving them a way to earn a living. Every time you give money, stop and remember that you have just altered the course of someone's life.
****
Nurture your Spirit
Our brains are designed to have a spiritual connection according to Andrew Newberg, M.D, director of the Center of Spirituality and the Mind at the University of Pennsylvania. Whether that is a belief in God or simply that you are part of something more, you will be happier when you attend to your spiritual needs. In recent decades, there has been a lot of research done on the effects of spirituality and happiness. Most people do believe in a higher power and the happiest people have an active faith.
Here are a few ways to connect to your spirit starting today:
Quiet reflection for a few minutes every day is a habit of the happiest people. This allows time for your mind to stop and process the events of your life and your reactions to those events. Take ten minutes today to quietly reflect and you'll be happier and sleep better.
Meditation has been around for thousands of years. In re-cent decades it has been studied extensively and the benefits are astounding. The physical benefits include lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system and adding as much as 15 years to your life span. Psychological benefits include relief from depression, anxiety and increased emotional stability. Sign up for a class today and you'll feel calmer after the first session. Many yoga centers, wellness centers and cardiac rehab programs offer classes on meditation practices.
Prayer has been shown to accelerate healing and has many of the physical and psychological benefits of meditation. This is especially true for prayers of gratitude.
Listening to music can be inspirational and lift your spirits. It doesn't have to be hymns or church music. Any style that sounds uplifting to you or inspirational can lighten the darkest moods.
While listening to that music, sing along, especially to inspirational songs or songs of love. Singing is another instant happiness-maker with the added benefit of feeling a deeper spiritual connection.
There is a form of meditation based on laughing for a few minutes every day with a group of people. When you least feel like it, this is the very moment you most need to break out into laughter. Better still, laugh will your friends and family today and no matter what is going on in your life, you'll feel happier.
Many religions use the practice of chanting to slow racing thoughts and refocus attention. This is done with a simple statement reflecting your beliefs and then repeating it for several minutes. An example might be, “I am grateful to God for all of my blessings.” Repeat this for several minutes and you'll feel a little calmer and happier.
Walking in nature is very calming and a way to remind yourself of the beauty that is always around you, if you take a few minutes to stop and notice. Many people feel the strongest connection to their spirit when they are in nature.
Inspirational reading is another common practice of the happiest people. Filling your mind with positive, uplifting thoughts helps you see the world from an inspired perspective.
Studying or just reading the sacred scriptures of the major religions of the world not only strengthens your faith; it can help you understand the perspectives of other people of faith. You might be surprised how much we all have in common and you'll feel better about the world around you.
The happiest people avoid negative and depressing media and books. They're protective about what they put into their thoughts and choose only the things that help them feel good about themselves and their life. If you are feeling down, be careful about what you listen to, read and watch.
Take a yoga class for beginners. This ancient style of movement meditation is good for your body and your soul. Movement meditations are good for people who have trouble sitting still. Aligning your body and spirit helps you become more aware of the tension in your body - and yoga feels great!
Tai Chi is a martial art that originated as a practice for warriors to improve muscle memory for combat tech-inquest. Its slow, steady movements are also an excellent movement meditation. Classes are available at community centers and martial arts studios, and just a phone call away.
Qi Gong is another type of movement meditation that originated in China. It's a practice that aligns your breath with the movement of your body. This practice is useful in lowering stress levels and blood pressure. You'll find classes at community centers and the wellness centers of many hospitals, particularly cardiac rehab programs.
Creative expression such as flower arranging, writing poetry or painting is considered a spiritual practice in some religions. This practice involves expressing your appreciation of God through art. Spend a little time getting creative with God today to feel empowered in your life.
****
Quick Happiness Makeovers
Good happiness habits establish a lifestyle that invites more happiness to you. If you use just a few of these ideas, you'll feel the benefits immediately, and the effects are cumulative.
The happiest people have lives that are full of meaning and purposeful activity. They have deep, satisfying relationships. They're confident in themselves and secure that no matter what the circumstances of their life, they can manage their problems and challenge. It's also true that the more happiness you allow yourself to experience, the more you attract into your life.
Researchers describe a set point for happiness that is part genetics and affected by life experiences. However, by learning certain happiness skills, you can adjust this set point and expand your ability to be happy.
****
About the Author
Jackie Wells Smith is the developer and writer of "How to Create a Happier Life," a home-study program that uses the process tool of the Enneagram of Nine Personalities symbol to discover how to use the strengths of your personality and develop a happiness "mindset" and achieve your goals.
Stay In Touch!
Stay informed about our products, programs and free publications. Sign up for our free monthly newsletter, or learn more about the happiness mindset, visit our website at
www.HowToCreateAHappierLife.com.
****