Where Did my Fairy Tail Go?
By: S.C. Williamson
Copyright S.C. Williamson 2011
Published at Smashwords
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Where Did My Fairy Tail Go?
There are very few little girls who don’t think about growing up to a fairy tail wedding and life and getting married to their prince charming. A man just like their daddy. Or even some rock star or movie star that has become sensationalized in their eyes. Some start the dating game early, some choose careers first, others just marry as soon as they’re legally able. There’s nothing wrong with any of these scenarios. But, if you don’t approach it right, you can end up an emotional wreck, completely out of God’s will, heading straight down a path of self willed, self absorbed destruction. In this lesson you will see what God expects of you while you search for your soul mate, how to reclaim the joy you used to feel in the role of a virtuous wife, and being blessed in that role.
I originally came from Oklahoma, born and raised. Went to college late in life, around 28 years old, at University of Central Oklahoma and received my degree in Special Education. Taught in Oklahoma for about 7 years until the R.I.F. (Reduction In Force) happened around the year 2002. I lost my teaching job so we moved across the Red River into Texas and got a job in a very small town. I taught there for another 5 years.
I have 4 children, 3 boys, 1 girl, ranging from 27 to 3 years old. My little boy is the youngest. I’ve been married 3 times. Yes, you read that right, 3 times. I’ve divorced twice. You are probably asking how could a woman who has been married three times tell me how to be happy in my marriage. Well, I was on a path of self destruction when God thumped me on the head and asked me, “Are you ready to do it My way yet?” I had backed myself into a corner. I could continue on the same path I was on and utterly destroy my life and those around me, or let God take control. I chose God, obviously. Four years later after traveling a very emotionally hard, but God centered road, here I am. Happy, blessed, content, God fearing and loving mother, wife, friend, and now author.
I will share with you the traps Satan sets for you to lead you into a discontented and unhappy marriage through some of my experiences, and through God’s word. I pray that what you learn from me will keep you from learning the hard way.
Ok, you’re asking, what does dating or courting have to do with being blessed in my marriage? Well, I did say at the beginning I would tell you what God expects of you while searching for your soul mate. Dating or courting is a precursor to marriage in most instances. It’s important to touch on it. So I’ll just toss a couple of things at you.
First you are probably asking, “so what’s the difference between dating and courting.” Dating is having a relationship with an individual that you spend time with alone and actually have some physical contact with (I’m not talking about sex, but kissing and touching are apart of it). Courting is where there is absolutely no physical contact and you are never alone with the individual you are courting. The time spent with this person is always in the presence of your parents. I kind of like a mixture of the two. Courating, if you will. (I crack myself up!) This is where you can spend time with the individual away from your parents but always in the presence of others. You can hold hands and hug, but no kissing unless it’s on the top of the head or cheek (no lips). This will give the opportunity to be close, but not allow an opportunity for sin to sneak in. Of course this is not a word in the dictionary because I just made it up. But, I like it.
I did not date Christian men. For that matter I didn’t know any. I was drawn to bad boy partiers. The ones with the “reputation”. I always felt I had the power to change them. I was so naive and deceived. Which led me to nothing but heartbreak and life changing decisions. With it also came low self esteem, shame, and disrespect for my parents. Of course I didn’t know that’s what would happen, I just thought I knew what I was doing and could handle anything that would come my way. Leaving God completely out of any decision I made that had to do with relationships was a major mistake. A mistake a lot of us make.
Now, here’s a thought to ponder. Why do we think we can date a guy who isn’t a godly man and think its “OK” with God? We have these thoughts, “I can change him” or “He’s so sweet and he treats me so good.” Why!? Why are we so dumb!? Now follow this; We’ll fall in love with him, the sun will rise and set in him, and before you know it we will be putting him before God. He will probably have some questionable habits or friends. But it’s not like he does drugs or anything, right? I mean, he and his friends aren’t part of a gang or anything like that, right? Just little things, like, he drinks on the weekends. But it’s just the weekends. He and his friends like to get just a little drunk, you know, to relieve the stress of the work week. Oh, and his friends, they aren’t Christians. But they are good people. He and his friends only go to the bars once in a while. He does use foul language, but never the Lord’s name in vain, so it’s all good, right? We’ve been dating for a few weeks now and he thinks we should take the next step in our relationship. You see, he loves me, and wants to show me how much he loves me. He says if we are to be completely committed to each other then we should have sex to make it that way. That will show him how much I love him and how much he loves me, right? He goes to church, well, sometimes he goes to church. But he loves God and believes in Him. I know this because he says so. Man! He’s just awesome!!!
Wow! Are you asking is this for real? Of course it is! You know you know someone like that! I was someone like that. I know women like that. Did you notice the progression of poor judgment to really bad decisions? It seems as though all the red flags the Holy Spirit puts up for us we just foo-foo away. We have to pay attention and take heed to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. The Bible says in (NLT) Ephesians 5: 6,7 “Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey Him.” (NLT) 2 Timothy 3:1-5 “You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that.” (NLT) James 4:4 “You adulterers! Don’t you realize that friendships with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself and enemy of God.”
Dating or courting in Biblical times was pretty much non existent. A man saw a young woman he wanted, told her father he intended to marry her, money and gifts were exchanged, and a couple of ceremonies later, wallah, they were married. In the instance of Jacob and Rachel in Genesis 29:15-30, Jacob makes a deal with Rachel’s father Laban. He worked for Laban 7 years to be able to marry Rachel. When the 7 years were up he is tricked by Laban and is wed to Leah first, Rachel’s older sister. Then 7 days later he is given Rachel with a promise he will work another 7 years for Laban.
During the Renaissance there was a time of courting. But that was usually only between the peasants and poor, and was accomplished during regular, everyday interactions. The rich were usually arranged and negotiated between the parents. The negotiations could go on for months. During which time the couple could spend some time together.
Wow! We have come a long way. When I was dating in my teens, wait a minute, I didn’t date in my teens. My father required a young man to come to the house and meet him before he took me out. They were all too afraid of him so no one asked. I didn’t “date” until I was 18 when I moved out of my parent’s house. Then I wouldn’t even call it dating. We just kind of “hung out”. Needless to say I had NO significant relationships. When my daughter started dating I wanted to meet the little harry legged boy who wanted to take her out. He had to pick her up at the house, come to the door, and come in for just a moment to speak to me. I wanted to get an understanding of what their itinerary was and let him know when I expected her home. I wanted to know who his parents were, where they lived, and what they did for a living. If his father ran a porn shop or owned a beer store, she wasn’t going out with him. Unfortunately we were not in church and she didn’t know any Christian boys. Praise God she had no idea how beautiful she was and was more interested in studying, books, and her college future than in boys.
Things have changed dramatically since then. We have evolved from meeting someone in person to online dating. People can carry on a relationship for years through cyberspace. Though I have no problem with online dating sites, I just don’t believe God intended for us to have a long term relationship with someone “on-line”. But, that’s probably another lesson.
Looking Biblically on the correct way to date or court is not as easy as one would think. There are no clear rules on how to “date” in the Bible. But there are clear rules to conduct which leads to marriage.
Let’s start with a very common verse my mom used to throw at me. (NKJV) 2 Corinthians 6:14,15, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (If you are a born again Christian you have moral convictions and standards you live by, your life is not your own and you are a witness for Christ.) for what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? (What kind of fellowship could you have with a boy or man who isn’t a born again Christian? I can tell you, nothing holy or blessed. I’m not saying there aren’t good people out there that don’t know Christ, but these people don’t serve Christ. They serve the world.) And what accord has Christ with Beila? (Belia- one of the many names for Satan.) Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?” This sounds pretty cut and dry to me. But what if they profess to be a Christian? Is it ok to date, court, or courate them? The Bible says it several times through out the New Testament that you will know them by their fruits. Check them out. See what their fruits are yielding. Let the Holy Spirit be your guide and look for those red flags.
Have you noticed how our everyday life seems to separate us from our spouses on a daily basis? If you are a stay at home mom you are the caretaker and he is the provider. You are separated from each other the majority of the day. If you work outside the home and your husband does too, you are still separated from your spouse the majority of the day. In an ideal world we could be so fortunate to work together. I realize that for the majority that is not the case. But what if it were possible? Would some of you say, “Oh my gosh! There is no way I could work with my husband! I couldn’t stand to be around him all day long! We would kill each other before the day was done (figuratively speaking of course).” I can not tell you how many times I’ve heard that. And truthfully, it makes me sad.
Do you remember when you were first dating; you couldn’t get enough of each other? How about when you were first married? How hard was it to get out of bed together only to have to get ready and leave for work without each other? You just couldn’t wait till the work day was over so you could get back home to your love. You had tunnel vision. All you could think about was that beautiful, hunky man you married waiting for you at home. You were so focused on him you didn’t even notice the guy from the office that keeps trying to flirt with you. Or the guy at the grocery store that was checking you out in the frozen food section. As a matter of fact, it turned your stomach to think of anyone other than your husband giving you that kind of attention!
Ah, the good ol’ days. As you sit and ponder on this are you wondering where that passion went? Are you wondering how it could have slipped away and you didn’t even know it was happening? Are you feeling a since of loss right now? Regret maybe?
I know a woman who is in the middle of a divorce. By the time anyone reads this, it will be all said and done. We’ve talked about where she thought things went wrong and she just didn’t know. Now this couple had known each other since child hood. They were high school sweethearts. His family couldn’t stand her and wanted him to have nothing to do with her but that didn’t stop them. They were crazy in love. As soon as he graduated from college they were married and became inseparable. She had been moving up the ranks in her retail business job and he had become established in his career. Her job began demanding more time from her requiring her to travel and stay overnight and some weekends away from home. When she wasn’t traveling it seemed as if he was sucking all the attention and emotion from her and not giving any back. She began to feel as if she was the only one always giving and never receiving. The next thing you know he and she didn’t feel like they were getting enough attention from each other, the passion disappeared, blame started being laid, and the infidelities began. Now, after 14 years of being together, they are getting divorced through an internet company. Neither of them know Christ. It’s sad. So sad.
Why do we become unhappy? Because we feel as though we are not respected? Taken advantage of? Feelings not considered? Put second or lower on the list of importance? Egos not stroked anymore? Attention not given anymore? Just not feeling as though you are loved anymore? Which all leads to “just not caring anymore”.
I’ll share more about me. In my first and second marriage my point of “not caring anymore” came with something stupid. I was so prideful, so arrogant! I had always said that if you make a promise to me and break it, I’m done with you. I meant it. Even my daddy knew it and told my first, second, and third husband that very thing. Well, you guessed it, my first and second husband broke promises to me. This is where it will seem stupid. My first husband and I built on to our little house, enlarged our kitchen and built a loft and laundry room. One of the things I wanted more than anything was a dish washer. I made him promise that when we rebuilt the kitchen I would get a dishwasher. He promised we would. When the time came, he said no. I reminded him of his promise but he said I didn’t need one and could do dishes by hand. I was devastated. Seriously, I was. I know, over a dishwasher!? After that all the little things began to bug me and started becoming inexcusable. Small, tiny ant hills became moles hills and then eventually big ol’ mountains I just couldn’t climb. If I had been walking with and serving Christ like I should have been this would not have phased me much. But as it were, I was not, and it did. That was what started my “not caring anymore” and I justified it by a broken promise.
In my second marriage my “not caring anymore” moment came with another broken promise. Before we married I made him promise we would never be at different schools. He was a coach and history teacher and I a teacher and cheer coach. I never wanted to be employed at different school and all our activities be separate. Four years into our marriage he chooses to leave the school we just moved to the year before here in Texas. The promise is broken. To add insult to injury the very next year he takes another job 3 hours away. My daughter had one more year before she graduated, if he felt he needed to get another job, why not closer so he could be home? (My form of reasoning) There is an old saying that the absence makes the heart grow fonder. All I have to say is who ever came up with that one was flippin crazy! It opens room for resentment and time for discontentment to grow. In comes my “not caring anymore” moment. I was too prideful to accept the changing role of a coaches wife. Though they are not all so susceptible to change, if I had been walking with and serving Christ like I should have been, this would have just been something else we would have dealt with and moved on. As it were, I was not, and I did not.
The Bible says a virtuous wife’s worth is far above rubies. Did you know that rubies, good rubies, are worth more than diamonds? The name ruby literally means King of Gemstones. And they say diamonds are a girls best friend. Shoot! I told my husband that from now on, I want rubies! Not only are they beautiful, but they represent virtuous. Very cool!
I used to watch my mamma wait on my daddy hand and foot. She would put his socks on for him even before he got out of bed. Before there were remote controls, guess who was the remote and who was the control. Mom would be clear in the other part of the house and dad would holler, “Sharon!” She would stop anything she was doing and run in to see what he wanted. Change the tv channel, get him some Pepsi and chips, bring him a spit cup (my daddy smoked and dipped). Made no difference, whatever he needed, she would take care of it. I thought, “Man! That’s horrible! He treats her like a slave! I will never marry a man who treats me that way!” One day when I was in my early twenties I asked my mamma why in the world she did those things for my dad. She just smiled and said, “Honey, I’m not doing anything special. You’re daddy needs to be taken care of. I don’t mind it at all.” I so didn’t get it then. But at the time, I didn’t know I was witnessing a virtuous wife at work. This June they will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
How many places in the Bible does it speak of the wife being submissive to her husband? I counted four. I apologize if there are more. For some reason we think, or have been taught by society, that the word submit or submissive is a bad word to be used in conjunction with a human. Mostly we hear the word submissive being used when speaking about our dog. Caesar Milan, the dog whisperer, says we want our dogs to be in a calm submissive state of mind. And when we hear that word when speaking about our dog we like it, it appeals to us. But when we read it in the Bible and it’s speaking about the wife to her husband, mercy sakes, our temper rises and our defenses go up! You must understand that being submissive does not mean you’re groveling at the feet of your husband and he has a foot on top of your head holding you down. It means loving your husband unconditionally and being the help mate God intended you to be; being that sounding board and business partner, being that vessel and caretaker of his children, showing ultimate support when no one else does and being his motivator. You are to be that person who speaks positive declarations into his life, telling him daily you believe in him. You are that tender lover behind closed doors that soothes the stresses of the day away. You are the virtuous wife, whose worth is far greater than rubies.
Ok, now you get that part. But you are saying, “Girl, I just don’t have that desire to be so loving toward my husband anymore. I’ve lost that ‘lovin feeling’.” Have you had that “not caring anymore” moment? Do you want to know how you got there? Do you want to know how to get it back? Keep reading.
A couple of weeks ago I was having coffee with a woman I know. She has been unhappily married for 20 plus years. Wow! That’s a long time to be unhappy. During this time she has had a couple of affairs here and there just trying to find that happiness she doesn’t have with her husband. She’s really not willing to leave her husband because she has become accustomed to all the perks 20 plus years of marriage usually brings; security, financial stability, big house, nice vehicles, vacations, friends, family. But now she has found a great church she really likes. Along with the new church, she has found a new “someone”. She and this new “someone” are now attending the same church. She feels as though she’s in love with him and thinks she could have a life with him. She thinks she has found that happiness she no longer has in her marriage with her husband.
You might look at this situation and say that maybe this guy is better for her because he goes to church with her. I will not judge her or this man, but I will tell you what the word says in 1Peter 3:1&2 (NLT), “In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.” If I had only been serving God as I should have I could say this never happened to me. But, as it were, I was not, and it did. Are you a victim of “unhappiness”?
This takes me back to the questions I had asked before. What is it that makes us so unhappy? I’m going to show you five areas of your life that are “joy stealers”! Places you would never think would affect you the way they do. Places where Satan sneaks in and starts to whittle away at your marriage and role as the virtuous wife.
Let’s talk about your friends. Do you have a group of girl friends, a best friend, maybe even a guy friend? ( I’ll address the guy friend separately.) Are your girl friends motivators? Do they share scripture for motivation? Positive words for motivation? Do they kick you in the pants when you start to slack? Do they get in there and help you keep your focus on Christ? Or maybe these girl friends are motivators of a different kind. Encouraging you to sleep in on Sunday after the evening at the bar they talked you into going to for girls night out. Give you positive feed back on the low cut blouse that shows off your ta-tas. Telling you how great it looks on you. Maybe these are the kind of girl friends that call you to tell you the latest gossip. Do they listen intently while you bash your husband and tell you you have every right to feel that way? Have they told you someone, other than your husband, thought of you as beautiful, maybe even sexy? Have these friends encouraged a relationship with someone other than your husband?....(NKJV) 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Do not be deceived, evil company corrupts good habit.” (NLT) Colossians 2:8, “Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.” (NKJV) Proverbs 12:26, “The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.”
Anyone (of or pertaining to any person). This word encompasses every individual you know, even right down to your butcher. Ok, you get the picture. It also certainly means your girl friends. Get away from them! They are pulling you down in sin. They are toxic. The Word says to beware of these people.
When my son turned his life over to Christ he knew he had to make some life changes. He would sit at his apartment after work night after night, weekend after weekend, doing nothing but playing his video games. His friends would call and try to get him to go out, but he wouldn’t go. He knew it was time to make a change. He wasn’t for sure what to do but he knew for sure that these people would pull him back away from Christ. He chose being alone verses displeasing God. He has been greatly blessed because of his choice. Praise God there were people at his church that reached out to him and would not relent.
When I finally turned it all over to God, I had to completely change everything. I had already lost about every relationship I had, and the only ones left were the ones that weren’t good for me and my walk with Christ. They had to go. Evil company corrupts good habits.
Right now you may be saying, “Are you serious?! My very best friend in the whole entire world may not be a Christian but she’s always been there for me! She’s held my hand through every tough time I’ve every gone through! She was my maid of honor at my wedding! She covers for me at work or when I need an alibi. I can tell her everything! Anything!” Well, sister, have you told her about Christ? Did she receive it, or did she reject it? (NKJV) Romans 1:18,19, “God shows His anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people, who push the truth away from themselves. For the truth about God is known to them instinctively. God has put this knowledge in their hearts”.
Do you have a guy friend? I said I would address this so let’s do. Is there someone, who happens to be male, that you hang out with….frequently? Maybe it’s a co-worker. Maybe it’s a friend of the family. Maybe your husbands best friend. Maybe your sisters husband, a softball buddy, the father to one of your children’s friends, your personal trainer, your boss……your pastor. If it’s your male pastor, we so need to talk!
When God made man and woman, it’s not so they can be buddies outside of marriage. He made them to be mates. We have that inherent desire to be connected or joined to the opposite sex. It is very dangerous to be placed in a position of spending a lot of personal time alone with a man who is not your husband. I have yet to hear a story where a relationship like that did not cause a problem or destroy a marriage. You may pipe in here now and say, “Hey, no worries. My guy friend is gay.” Then I would pipe in here and say, “Hey, have you shared the gospel of Jesus Christ with him?”
Let’s talk about your taste in music. I used to loooove my country music and those videos! They were beautiful men and women falling in love with each other, driving down a beautiful country road, drinking an ice cold beer. No cares, no problems, no worries. Man! That was so enticing. And man oh man!!! They make those singers look down right eatable, right?! I’m not picking on country music in general. In every genre of music, except true Christian music, they know that desire and sex sells. They push for that, promote it, put it on their CD covers, and incorporate it in their videos. It makes – them – money!!! It also corrupts your mind set. Have you every heard the saying, “Trash in trash out”? I know you have, and it’s true. The Word says in (NLT) 1 Corinthians 12:16, “And if the ear says, ‘I am not part of the body because I am not and eye.’ Would that make it any less part of the body?” Well of course not. The Word goes on to tell us that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit and it was bought at a price. We are to glorify God in our body and spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19,20) So what you allow in is supposed to glorify God. This part can get sticky because as a society we love our music. But you must remember what this lesson is about. Right now I am exposing a huge pitfall. A place that can cause us to imagine our lives in a different light other than what God had intended for us.
Secular music can add to the wanton desires of the lonely, sad, or angry. If you do not feel as though you fall under one of these categories and when you listen to secular music it only makes you think only of your husband, you have no unholy thoughts, and you can sit down with Jesus and sing the lyrics while He taps His toe to the beat, then this part is not for you.
Grant it, every secular song isn’t bad. I was watching television the other day and a familiar Keith Urban song, “I Wanna Love Somebody Like You”, was being played in a commercial. Immediately my mind wondered off to a fuzzy, white field filled with little, yellow daisies and me and my husband holding hands and running through it while this song played. I KID you not. It was really rather cool. But it was the tune, not the lyrics that caused my imagination to flourish. You have to be careful and be aware of what you are listening to. Change your music to up beat Christian music. Change your radio station to one the plays nothing but Christian music. Purchase some great praise and worship CDs like Hill Song, Mercy Me, Toby Mac, or Chris Tomlin. Start praising God in song. It will help change your countenance for the better each day. It wont leave you “wishing” your worldly life were different, only a hunger to strengthen your spiritual life.
One of my favorite TV shows was about some very rich women who were housewives and lived in major cities. I would record every episode so as not to miss a single one. The more money they spent and the more drama they were involved in the more I liked it. That is, until God started to deal with me about watching it. Nothing on that show glorified God, just envy and strife. Letting that kind of stuff into your home only causes a foot hold for satan. You find yourself wishing you could have a body like that, or have money like that, or drive a car like that, or eat out like that, or get your hair fixed like that. All which cause you to become unsatisfied with your life. Watching TV shows or movies that have or insinuate sex and excess, that glorifies demons, that shows excitement for murder and violence, or show disrespect for any human being is not ok. There is no way to stay heavenly minded while watching something like that. Once again what you allow in defines you.
When I have a little down time I love to read. Not just the Bible, but spiritual books by spiritual leaders. John Bevere books like Driven By Eternity and A Heart Ablaze. Lisa Bevere books like Fight Like a Girl or Lioness Arising. Weird and Christian Athiest by pastor of Life Church, Craig Groeschel. Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick, pastor of Ellevation Church. Books like these teach and feed the soul. But I wasn’t always like that. My favorite books to read were trilogies. I loved the ones about dragons and mid-evil times. I really thought dragons were the coolest thing. When I was so unhappy and stressed during my second marriage that I couldn’t sleep, I would go lay on the couch and get lost and carried away in one of my books. I would fall asleep dreaming about flying away on the back of a dragon with my knight in shining armor. The knight was not my husband. No joke, I really did. These books certainly didn’t keep me heavenly minded.
Do you read romance novels? Do you sometimes wish you could have that kind of passion or be in love like that? Problem for most is they don’t have that. That’s where the devil likes to come in and nurture the seed of discontentment that was planted by the literature we read. Once again it gives him a foot hold to our heart and feelings that he shouldn’t have. It’s just another way to cause unhappiness in your marriage. Get rid of the books that cause you to wish your life were different, and pick up a book that will feed your soul with Jesus food.
After having my youngest son I became a stay at home mommy. I couldn’t fathom leaving my little boy with a baby sitter because how could anyone understand him like I do. My husband and I sat down and looked at our finances and made the decision for me to quit work and stay home to raise our son. We knew things would be tight but believed God would meet our needs. So here I am, not working for the first time in 22 years, staying home with our newborn son. It was awesome, at first. With my husband working a full work week and sometimes on the weekend to make up for my lost salary I was alone all the time. Just me and my little guy. My older children suggested I get a “My Space” on the internet so I could converse with other people and them everyday. So I did. And it was fun, for a while. Until everyone started using Face Book instead. So I decided to follow suit. Shortly after I acquired by Face Book page I had and old boyfriend request to be friends with me. I messaged him and told him though we are both married now I felt it not in our best interest to be friends. Our relationship had been a terrible one where my heart got broken in the end. He didn’t accept my refusal and continued to request me. After a few months I decided to accept him. I thought if nothing else he would read my bio and see I’m on fire for God and maybe want to hear about that. I was wrong. He caught me on line one day and started a chat with me. The conversation was pleasant but odd because he was complementing me left and right. Telling me how much he used to love my cooking and how beautiful my smile was. I started to feel uncomfortable (which was really the Holy Spirit sending a red flag up) so I attempted to end the conversation. Then he said my eyes were gorgeous which confirmed to me he was flirting with me. That was “not ok” and I told him so. I told him we could not be friends if this was what was on his agenda. Needless to say we never spoke again. I eventually deleted him.
Then there was another time I accepted a guy that graduated with my younger sister. He was a nice guy and always had a soft spot for my sis. He would catch me online every now and then and we would talk about his job, family, etc. and my world in general. Seemed innocent enough. The problem was, I found myself getting online hoping he would get on too so we could talk. That sent up another red flag with the Holy Spirit and I got the message. He didn’t flirt with me or ever said anything inappropriate. But just that small, seemingly insignificant thought of when I could talk to him again was enough to know I had to delete him. It was a trap. Satan couldn’t get me with the old boy friend so he brought in a new face. Praise God I am in tuned with the Holy Spirit and listened to His warning. I was lonely, my husband was working all the time, and I had no friends to confide in. Satan was using that sneaky little door to plant the seed of discontentment like he had done so many times before. Because I’m living a Christ centered life and put God first daily, Satan’s little plot of marriage destruction 101 didn’t work. I have since decided I really don’t need a face book page that identified me and have rendered that one “inactive”.
If you have found yourself in a similar situation with a Face Book friend, My Space friend, texting buddy, email or IM’ing contact, stop it right now! It may seem so hard and not fair to the other party, but it is breeding discontentment in your life which leads to nothing but trouble. And you already know it’s wrong. 1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”
Now you have to make the decision whether or not you’re ready to make the change. Getting rid of all those things that cause Satan to have that foothold in your life. Recap on those things; worldly friends, secular music, ungodly TV shows, magazines or books that fantasize unrealistic lives, and contacts through technology that are secret and not holy. If you are ready to start fresh and commit to the difficult road ahead, read on.
First, you HAVE to put God first daily! We are talking about getting up in the morning and going straight to prayer. Spending time with God in prayer and reading of the holy Word. Meditating on the scriptures, being still and listening, surrendering your self to God each and every day, first thing in the morning.
Now if you’er going to say, “Lady, I already get up at 4:00 a.m. in the morning just to get ready for work. I just don’t have time to read my Bible first thing.” Hum, so that means you are telling me you don’t have time for God? You are telling me that you can not make that extra 15 to 30 minute sacrifice in the morning for God even though He sacrificed His son on the cross for you? I’m sure you understand what I’m saying here, you have no excuse. But yes, we can be realistic. Getting up uber, super early in the morning is difficult but you can make the most of it and still put God first in your day. Get an audio Bible cd or download You Version on your smart phone, i-pad, i-pad equivalent, or computer. Listen to the Bible as you get ready for work, as you drive to work, while you’re at work. Find at least 10 minutes in your day to be still and quiet and surrender yourself to the Lord. If you miss one morning due to unforeseeable circumstances then no worries, pick up the next morning. I became ill one afternoon, hardly slept that night, and was sick and in pain the next morning. I didn’t crack my Bible all day. I was, however, praying all day. The next morning I was worlds better and I got out of bed before my 3 year old did and had my special, private time alone with the Lord.
Let’s also be clear about the amount of time you spend with the Lord. If you can not manage anymore than 15 to 30 minutes first thing, then on the way to work plug in that praise and worship cd or put in that audio bible. The more time you spend with God, the better. (NLT) Exodus 34:14, “You must worship no other gods, for the Lord, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about His relationship with you”. God desires that special time with you. And for heaven sakes, be in prayer all day. Just be consistent. Commit. The Bible says in (NKJV) Psalms 37:4,5, “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.”
You have to walk in the spirit daily. Focusing on only what’s good and pure. “I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (NKJV) Galatians 5:16-21. Your flesh will fight you all day long and even sometimes in your dreams. You have to make the Holy Spirit stronger in your life so He can do the fighting for you. When we walk in the flesh we loose the battle. But when we walk in the Spirit daily, the battle is won daily.
Now how do you do this? You have to flood your system with Jesus. You have to stay in constant prayer all day long. I know you’re saying, “WHAT?” But I’m telling you, every moment of day be in prayer. Talk to God the entire day. All your thoughts should be directed toward Him as if He were standing right beside you. God is real, sister! So talk to Him like He is. Everything I have said up to this point will help you do that. This is not an easy journey, but if you want to get the joy back and be that virtuous wife and woman in Christ, these things you must focus on. I am not showing you how to be happy, I am showing you how to be blessed in the divine comfort of our holy God. To have that joy within that surpasses all understanding.
Pastor Craig Groeschel of Life Church just completed a series of messages titled “Re:”. The last message really hit home with me. It spoke of ways to Remain in Christ. Everything I have written here speaks of that but Pastor Craig said it better. So I’m going to include some of his message here. In order to “remain” in Christ we must;
Remain in God’s word.
Remain in Christian fellowship.
Remain constant in prayer.
Remain amazed by God’s creation.
Remain faithful in service.
Remaining in God’s word is making sure you are taking in the Holy Word everyday. Any question you could possibly have concerning your life is in there. Remaining in Christian fellowship means just that. Surround yourself with Christian friends. Separate yourself from the worldly crowd and immerse yourself in the fellowship of those who are heavenly minded. To remain constant in prayer you have to do as I stated before. Talk to God all day long! Be reverent because He is holy but He hungers and desires your fellowship. And don’t be surprised if He talks back. To remain amazed by God’s creation is simply taking time to see what He has done. Have you ever wondered how the heck light could refract in such a way that snow appears blue in the early mornings before the sun actually comes up? I have. And man, it is awe inspiring to see such a sight! It’s not man made. God made all that which causes that to happen. The last thing Pastor Craig tells us is to remain faithful in service. If you do not attend or belong to a local church, get in there. Become seeded in a congregation where there is a Christian support group. And get in there and help. Serve anywhere it’s needed. Make yourself available to the church to be used. You will be blessed beyond measure.
All These things are possible by doing one thing; Remain attached to the vine! (NLT) John 15:4-5, “Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.
To be that virtuous, contented wife you have to remember who you are. (NKJV) 1 Corinthians 6:20, “For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are Gods.” And God doesn’t leave you hanging. (NKJV) 1 Corinthians 10:13, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” Watch for those red flags the Holy Spirit puts up. Be still and listen.
God tells us in His word, “Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy meditate on these things” (NKJV) Philippians 4:8. Focusing on good things causes us to feel good. When you feel good, you are more content. Hanging around those who are not will only infect us. (NJKV) Psalm 1:3, “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of the scornful, but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season whose leaf also shall not wither, and whatever he does shall prosper.”
I feel the need to interject in here at this point to tell you not to expect sudden change. You probably will not immediately begin to feel like you used to about your husband to start with. As a matter of fact you will probably being to feel worse. You will miss all the worldly things you did, read, watched and the friends you had. Like a drug or pain killer you’re addicted to. You will feel as though you are worse off and lonely. You might even become depressed. But I’m here to tell you sister; Dig in!!! Stay the course!!! It takes time to tear down all those walls Satan has built up around you. You did not get in this shape over night and it won’t get better over night. Satan will tell you lies and try to make you believe this is not going to help. But remember, you will not be tempted beyond anything that is not “common” to man. God always makes a way of escape. He has already overcome this world. (John 16:33) I want to recommend a book to you called The Love Dare. It’s a great book to implement into your new life as a virtuous wife.
Put God first in your life and get rid of those things that cause you to focus on anything other than Him and what is noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, or praiseworthy. Your life will change, you will have peace, and your light will shine. (NJKV)1 John 1:5, “This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.” Amen.
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