“Burp.”
Scratch.
“Burp, burp.”
Scratch, scratch.”
“Burpity burp burp.”
“Scratch scratch.”
“Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp!”
Scritchle.
“What’s that? Burp.”
“It’s a little scratch,” scritchle.
“How stupid! I’ve never heard of a scritchle before. Brip”
“What’s a brip then?”
“Sorry, my burps seem to be off, it must be that lasagna I had last night.”
“We didn’t have lasagna, we had curry!”
“No wonder I’m burping. It’s a good job my cousin isn’t here.”
“Who’s that then.”
“Flatulence, they call him Flat for short.”
“I know, he’s my cousin too. I sometimes call him Trump but he doesn’t like that because it makes him think of Donald Trump.”
Suppresses giggle then guffaws, “Ha, ha, ha fancy being named Donald Flatulence.”
Scratch, “He’s not. It is only some people who use the word trump for flatulence, nice people.”
“Are we nice people?”
“I don’t know yet. Can we be? We burp and scratch in public which isn’t nice.”
“Even polite people have to burp and scratch in public sometimes. Buuuuuurp.”
“But then they say pardon.”
“Pardon? I’ve never said pardon when I’ve scratched.”
“I know, but I’ve said pardon when I’ve burped. Burp.”
“Oi, that’s my domain.”
“No, I think that’s my curry from last night.”
“Are you sure it was curry? It tasted like lasagna to me.”
“You made it, you must know?”
“I think I mixed two ready meals together, one curry and one lasagn…burrrrrrrrp…a.”
“Say pardon then.”
“Paaaaaa…buuuuuuuuuuuu…….don…..p!”
“That’s disgusting,” scratchitty scratch scratch.
“That’s psoriasis.”
“Granddad’s fault, faulty genes.”
“How come I haven’t got it?”
“Different gene pool.”
“But we have the same parents?”
“One must have more dominant genes.”
“I bet it’s mum, she is the one with the blue eyes. Blue eyes are more dominant over recessive brown eyes.”
“I thought this was supposed to be a children’s story?”
“No, how could kids understand about recessive and dominant genes?”
“So what kind of story is this then?”
“The introductory Burp and Scratch story.”
“Oh, is that all it is. I wonder how long this is going to keep up?”
“Buuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp.”
“For as long as you burp I suppose,” scritchity scratchity scritch scratch.
“Or as long as you scratch, buuuuurpity brippty brip brap. Excuse me!”
“Likewise, I’m sure.”