Death in the Eye
by
Kalyan Pilla
SMASHWORDS EDITION
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PUBLISHED BY:
Kalyan Pilla on Smashwords
Death in the Eye
Copyright © 2010 by Kalyan Pilla
Smashwords Edition License Notes
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Death in the eye
This is the happiest moment of my life. My first achievement. Tonight, I am going to correct all mistakes of my life. I am ready to prove that even I am special. Next time, I would do all that I couldn’t do now. I will be eternal.
I am 50 feet above ground, my heels still in touch with the parapet wall. My eyes looking from sky to trees to the grass beneath, but watching something else…
My first day at college, when seniors ragged me as I said I was the Captain of my School Football team, a pro at Chess. How they showed me the life of a football. How I sat outside the football field for the last three years afraid of kicking the ball. The day my professor pushed me out of the class for solving the given problem in a way shorter than his. My ignorant friends always said there was an end to my problems. 'Motu' never even considered them as problems. He always said I was making things bigger than what they were. Silly friends, Ritu once stood against Karan for spreading rumors about me and Shweta being more than friends. Well, Karan was the guy who brought us together, no one else could have made it better than him. Shweta was a sweetheart. How we used to enjoy going together to 'ooty'. We wrapped well in the chill of the place. The weekend at the Hotel in Kodaikanal where we had all the fun on earth. The ambience of the place we had our first kiss on the previous night at dinner. The food in Pondicherry when I and all my friends, 'motu', Sunny, Ritu, had all the Vodka and Wine for a lifetime…
Well,
my Life is one floor down, my knees hit the sunshade, My heads turned
lower to the ground.
I remember my first birthday at hostel with the forceful shower as I was drenched in cake by my friends. Akshay's painting, the best gift possible, portraying blossom of a dry tree, Sri Ram's chocolates and Sunny's gift-pack of Marlboro, perfect refuge for Happiness. Those evenings on the Hostel terrace with packets of fags burning down. The morning jogs, gym and badminton game never let me realize that I missed Football. The food at the mess had its own taste though we never took a bite without cursing the cook. The last minute attendance check before leaving for college. Lame reasons for delay to class, Fun at the labs, proxy targeting and those breaks when I followed Shweta all around the campus. The bunks for watching matches, late night movies, missing the hostel roll call for trip to a close by village. The exam time with the pre-exam horror movies, 11th hour book view before entering the hall. The way I cleared every subject without arrears. The positive image I maintained on every lecturer.
I am halfway down, vertical, my head closer to the ground than my feet, I feel pain in my knees as the pain in my heart fades away.
Love my friends, these, and those I had earlier in age. They made every moment fun and fantastic. I wasn’t so useless after all. I never needed to copy in Exams to get grades. I am here only because of the cool grades that I got in my Engineering Entrances. The number of theorems I devised as a child. The folders back in home filled with certificates I never took the pain to count. Those awards that set me apart in School. Yet I was the street king, exploring every road, knew every way, been to every restaurant… Understanding parents who never put a prohibition on what I wanted to do. They never missed an opportunity to make living better. My sister, soul sister, was the person I never had to think before sharing something with. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, how are they going to take what is to come in less than second from now.
As a kid the immense pleasures given to me by my parents, love from every person. Caring hands that would now be empty.
Farther from life I go as blood trickles up my knees, its first drop on my toe…
How could I forget all these cherishable moments of my life just because of a row with that bastard. The worst thing that could happen to me was an expulsion, which would be worthless in front of the limitless love from everyone.
This is the most meaningless and sorrowful end to any life. My last failure. The biggest regret, leaving everyone so special to me. I can see the dry dusty soil with small stones two inches from me. I am ready to give anything to get back the last three seconds, but...Thud__