Spare Key Store
by
Kevin Crain
SMASHWORDS EDITION
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PUBLISHED BY:
Kevin Crain on Smashwords
Spare Key Store
Copyright © 2011 by Kevin Crain
Smashwords Edition License Notes
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Spare Key Store
_______________________________
Lost a key and in despair?
Please don’t fret or pull out hair!
Come to the Spare Key Store and this I swear:
You’ll always find a matching spare.
When you don’t have a backup plan
To get inside your minivan,
Come to Spare Key Store and
Give the store one real quick scan.
Spare Key Store is sure to astound,
And I’d be more than happy to let you look around
If you would help me search the ground
‘Cause the store’s key is lost and can’t be found.
My Bike
_______________________________
My bike is homemade
It’s easy to do,
Just get some duct tape,
A vacuum, and glue.
Next take a fan,
A skateboard, a shoe,
Fasten them down
Inside a canoe.
Attach an umbrella,
And a comfortable chair.
Don’t forget the two wheels,
Now you’ll go anywhere.
You can travel on water,
Or fly if you’d like,
Revolution in transportation?
No. It’s a homemade bike.
Snow Tower
_______________________________
It snowed and snowed one wintery day,
I asked Kip, from next door, if he wanted to play.
Angie, the cutest neighborhood girl,
Who could make any two boys over her quarrel,
Asked what we were doing.
I wanted to wow her.
We decided right there,
To build a snow tower.
I got the snow,
Kip packed and shaped,
It started to grow,
Angie’s mouth fell agape.
That tower we built
Was fifty feet high,
With only one flaw,
Kip started to cry.
Somehow in our planning
With each passing hour,
We never considered
Escape from the tower.
The tower went up,
Kip was still in it,
He packed and shaped,
Until it was finished.
“How will I get down?”
Kip said through some tears.
“Don’t worry,” I said,
To lessen his fears.
Boxes and ladders,
We piled and stacked,
Until our great junk heap,
Could not stay intact.
“I’m sorry,” I said,
“We can’t do a thing,”
So Kip’s still atop our snow tower,
Just waiting for spring.
Australian Striped Zebra Fish
_______________________________
Just there, I saw it!
Gone with a blink.
The Australian Striped Zebra Fish,
Long thought extinct.
Now quick, bait the hook!
With provolone cheese.
When the fish bites,
Reel in with ease.
Catch it and hold it,
Rarest of rare,
To the Australian Striped Zebra Fish,
None can compare.
Nick the Knight
_______________________________
Nick was allergic to metal,
It gave him a rash from head to toes,
So whenever he went into battle,
He didn’t wear any clothes.
He was lighter without armor,
And quicker than most,
But once he faced a dragon,
Nick the naked knight was toast.
Belinda
_______________________________
Belinda can fly,
But not very high
She hovers above the ground,
Instead of soaring in the sky.
Belinda can fly,
But only at night
And it’s quite hard to see
When there isn’t any light.
Belinda can fly,
But not if she tries
She hovers at night
When she closes her eyes.
Catching Things
_______________________________
I caught a bug in a jar,
But I shouldn’t brag too loud,
Cause Dad caught a deer in the headlights,
And Mom didn’t seem very proud.
Tooth Fairy
_______________________________
“Place each of your teeth,”
My mother once said,
“Under your pillow,
On top of your bed.”
“A dollar you’ll get,
For each white one he finds.
So turn off the lights and please close all the blinds.”
I needed some cash
For a bike or a kite.
Under the pillow
Went my whole head that night.
Next morning I woke,
So surprised by my luck,
Cause I was all gums,
But I had twenty bucks!
Picky Crocodile
_______________________________
We know a picky crocodile,
Who swims the mighty river Nile,
And he’s got quite an interesting style.
The things he eats
All rhyme with “worthwhile.”
“Otherwise it’s not worth it,”
He says with a smile.
His diet, however, is not versatile.
We’ve known this now for quite awhile
Because all of our names are Kyle.
Danny O’Det
_______________________________
Danny O’Det made me a bet
That he’d go over a waterfall
Without getting wet.
And I must declare
He completed that dare
And he won it fair and he won it square.
But Danny O’Det made a bet he’ll regret
‘Cause he kept floating downstream
And couldn’t come back to collect.
Human Zoo
_______________________________
I’m the main attraction,
At our city’s Human Zoo.
I get too much attention,
Cause of all that I can’t do.
I can’t catch bugs with my tongue,
I can’t dangle from my feet,
I can’t breathe long underwater,
Or catch Frisbees with my teeth.
I can’t hide in my own shell,
I can’t balance things on my nose,
I can’t grow impressive antlers,
Or light the darkness with my glow.
The animals are all amazed,
That I can’t fly or swim.
So come see the site that causes animal awe,
The attraction’s name is Jim.
Three Areas
_______________________________
My teacher asked
In what three areas I want to improve.
She started to laugh
When I said “math.”
Sid Sprocket
_______________________________
He’s Sid Sprocket, the world’s greatest pickpocket.
And if you doubt it,
I beg you don’t mock it
Cause when you’re not lookin’,
He’ll steal your pocket.
He won’t take your money,
Your watches, your lockets
But if you aren’t careful
He’ll take your pockets.
A quick snip of his scissors
During a history lesson on Davy Crockett
And your teacher’ll need a place for the note you passed
That isn’t one of her two missing pockets.
He’s Sid Sprocket, the world’s greatest pickpocket.
And when you’re looking to see
If it’s seven o’clock yet,
Be careful and wary or
He’ll steal your pocket.
Ladder to the Moon
_______________________________
I built a ladder to the moon
And climbed for days ‘till I reached the peak.
When I scaled back down I found
My burger was cold
And didn’t need my moon cheese.
Wishing Whale
_______________________________
Sometimes I don’t hear so well,
But I’m not quite sure Dad “wishing whale.”
How many wishes will come true, if any?
I think Dad told me to close my eyes and throw in my sister, Penny.
Quicksand
_______________________________
Oh no! It’s over my toes.
Well, shoot! It’s over my boots.
Oh jeez! It’s up to my knees.
It’s making haste up to my waist!
I’m highly distressed. It’s up to my chest!
Oh heck! It’s up to my neck!
Eek! Soon I won’t be able to…
Ladybug
_______________________________
The signs above the bathroom
Seem simple enough,
“Bug” or “Ladybug,”
But for Frank the Ladybug
The situation is really tough.
Matilda Kumquat
_______________________________
Matilda Kumquat
Ain’t never heard a word she ain’t forgot
She can recite any of Reverend’s sermons,
And she ‘members the pest man’s advice on vermin.
Any spoken word which once was a thought,
Will most assuredly be ‘membered by Matilda Kumquat.
Whatever movie you like she can act out
Or perhaps you’re keen to hear a lecture
On rainbow trout.
She’d memorize the dictionary A to Z
‘Cept she got to H
And learned humility.
Her memorizin’ skills can’t be beaten
So listen up to Matilda Kumquat
When she says she’s got somethin’
That’s really worth repeatin’.
Shampoo & Conditioner
_______________________________
My shampoo smells quite like honey,
My conditioner’s made from pears,
Now something’s happening that ain’t funny,
I’m attracting all these bears.
Idea Store
_______________________________
Bottled ideas, one-of-a-kind
We sell, you buy,
They come from your mind.
Inventions, contraptions,
Gizmos galore
Bottled ideas from The Idea Store.
Time-machine, hover car,
Teleportation
Discover an idea and complete your creation.
Find any idea,
If you’re willing and able
‘Cause it may take some time
Since our ideas aren’t labeled.
Watermelon Mother
_______________________________
A watermelon’s growin’,
Inside my little belly.
I was dared to eat that melon seed,
By my annoyin’ sister Kelly.
Vines are comin’ out my ears,
Green leaves obstruct my smellin’,
No one’s really helpin’ me,
Not even my Aunt Helen.
Don’t you swallow melon seeds,
If dared by sister or brother,
‘Cause plants grow and grow and soon you’ll be
A watermelon mother.
Wormhole
_______________________________
I discovered a wormhole
The first one ever found
Scientists flocked to see it
From hundreds of miles around.
“It’s fragile,” one said,
“There isn’t much time,”
So I raised my hand
And said, “If ya’ll don’t mind,
I’m the one who found it,
And I’d like to travel through it.”
Seems that was a reasonable case to them
Cause they told me to do it.
I jumped into that wormhole,
That rarest jewel from space,
Sadly, though, I came back there
To that same time and place.
The scientists were baffled,
It had happened all so fast.
Why was I in the present,
And not the future or past?
The answer came quite quickly
From a man outside our group.
“That ain’t no special wormhole,
It’s a normal hula-hoop.”
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