The Notorious Duck
By Meghna Mundkur
Copyright 2011 Meghna Mundkur
Smashwords Edition
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Have you ever tried to catch a duck? Or even a hen? If you haven’t, take my advice…DO NOT try to. It is the single most exhausting and frustrating activity you can think of.
Here I am, lying face down in the mud contemplating murder….yes I am thinking of killing a duck. Don’t get me wrong, I love animals…but this duck, aptly named “Duck” has caused a whole lot of havoc. He now stands in front of me quacking intermittently and ruffling his tail feathers. “That better not be how ducks laugh!” I yell at him. He just stares at me indignantly and quacks.
You’re probably wondering how I ended up face down in the mud huh? Let me start from the beginning.
My name is Meghna a.k.a Mongo, and I am a city girl. My parents, my sister and I travel to India once every year to visit the relatives. My dad’s sister Moni and her husband Jamie, own a farm in a small village some distance away from the main city. And it is in this farm that I currently lie face down in the mud.
I love visiting the farm. Mainly because there are 7 dogs, 3 cats, 1 rabbit, 5 hens, 1 duck, 2 buffalo, 2 cows and one cute billy goat called Vanilla Boots. Everything is so fresh and untainted here. The birds chirping away in the trees, the cattle grazing peacefully in the fields, the sound of splashing water coming from the small waterfall, it always makes me want to bow down to the awe-inspiring power of Mother Nature! Anyway….I digress, I turn 13 tomorrow and we decided to celebrate on the farm with a barbecue, some singing and dancing and maybe a little sketch show that my cousin Yami loves putting up.
So, I had been left alone on the farm with Yami while the adults went out and did some shopping for the party. Yami is the kind of girl who never stops chatting. She always wears her hair in pig tails because she says it tickles her ears when she shakes her head. She is a cute, plump little girl with extra large teeth and a personality to match…and she had been left in my care. We decided to play hopscotch in the drying yard and so I asked Yami to go and find some chalk. The minutes ticked by and I started to wonder what might be taking her so long. I suddenly heard her laughing from somewhere within the house. Curious, I got up and walked towards the laughter. I found my cousin in the kitchen laughing at a hen that seemed to have flown through the window.
“Why is there a hen in the kitchen?”
“She comes here everyday to lay her eggs!” giggled Yami.
I had to yank her pigtails to stop her from giggling so I could find out more about this hen. “ OK, OK! she comes into the house everyday because she likes laying her eggs on that wicker chair!” she pointed at the dust covered chair that the hen is contently clucking away on. “She won’t do it anywhere outside because the dogs always chase her.”
“Oh, um…ok then. Did you find the chalk or have you been standing and laughing at the hen all this time?” I ask. She stuck her tongue out at me and stomped off into the dining room. I roll my eyes and follow her..why did I have to get stuck with the 9 year old?
I came to the dining room still grumbling and bumped into Yami who seemed to be rooted to the floor staring ahead. “Now what?” I asked. She lifted a trembling hand and pointed towards the little bunny sitting on the floor.
“That’s called a rabbit…Raa-bit” I said, condescendingly.
“I’m not pointing at Peter bunny” she whispered.
I followed her gaze to the potted plant in the corner of the room, there seemed to be something moving behind it.“Oh crap, its the cat!”
Now, in case you’re wondering why we have suddenly become immobile, it’s because the cat has always had it in for poor Peter bunny. Maybe it’s because the bunny is so much smaller and looks like a mouse. Whatever the reason, we were given strict instructions to keep the bunny safe. The cat looked ready to pounce..its tail is swishing from side to side with its bum wiggling as it readied itself. Just then, I heard a loud squawk behind me, and Yami shrieked.
“Who let the dogs in?!” I screamed.
“Who, who, who, who” laughed Yam.
I smacked her on the back of the head “This is not the time!” because charging towards us and heading straight for the hen, were 3 of the 7 mongrels.
We had 6 animals in the house, 3 canines that were trying to make a meal out of the hen and one feline that wanted to grab Peter bunny and drag him away to do God-knows-what with.
“Grab Peter!” I yelled while I turned and ran after the dogs that were knocking down everything in the kitchen. I found 2 of the dogs in the corner barking up at the hen which had flown to higher ground for safety and was now clucking loudly and turning round and round. Where’s Tuffy? I wondered, looking for the third mongrel. I found him under the wicker chair trying to get chicken feathers out of his mouth.
“Tuffy, you bit the chicken!” I yelled at him. In hindsight, this was not such a good idea because now, I have managed to scare Tuffy who, in an attempt to bolt from under the chair, knocked it over. I ran around the chair to get him and slipped on something slimy and fell on my backside. “Ewwww” I moaned. I tried to stand up and put my hand on the floor into the slime. Great… she managed to lay her eggs! I stood up, my jeans covered in egg and managed to hold on to the counter for support. Yami was standing in the doorway with the bunny in her arms, laughing at me. “Shut up!” I yelled, “go find me a towel or something”.
She covered her mouth in a futile attempt to stop laughing “ We have a small problem”
“Now what?” I asked exasperated.
“Duck” she grinned.
“What about Duck?” I asked.
“ He uh… he is annoying the cat!”.
This should be interesting to watch, I thought as I dragged my feet along to walk into the living room.
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Sure enough, there was Duck in the doorway of the living room…flapping his wings and stretching his neck out and quacking loudly at the cat. For some reason, the cat was scared of Duck. We only had to wait 1 minute to see why. The cat meowed loudly and crept towards the doorway trying to leave the room. But Duck, flapped his wings and snapped at the cat’s face! The tabby took a swipe at Duck, hissed at him and then backed away slowly. “Would you look at that!” I exclaimed, “The cat is actually afraid of Duck!”
Yami and I stood and watched the back and forth a little longer until Yami sighed, “We have to go clean up the kitchen”
“I hate cleaning” I moaned.
“OK you get the animals out and I will clean”
That’s a good idea, I thought. “Put Peter in a safe place first.”
We walked into the kitchen and everything was as we left it…a complete mess. The hen was on top of the fridge and looked a bit calmer now, 2 of the mongrels were sitting down in front of the fridge in the hopes that the hen would come down and Tuffy for some reason is standing in front of the pantry barking at the closed door.
“Alright guys, that’s enough now, time to get out”. The two mongrels by the fridge got up and came up to me and excitedly licked my hands and pawed my jeans. They’re adorable, I thought. Tuffy on the other hand continued to bark at the pantry. I walked up to him and grabbed his collar “Lets go Tuff!” but he wouldn’t budge. Instead, he started scratching the pantry door and whining. Maybe he’s hungry, I think. All of a sudden there was a crash in the pantry and something banged against the door from the inside.
“S#!t!” I yelled, jumping back. FYI, that is not considered a bad word in India so don’t look so appalled.
Yami came running towards me “Oh No…it’s the ghost!”.
“Not the time for jokes Yam, there is no such thing as ghosts….I hope”
From behind us we heard a cackling and we both jumped and turned around. “Oh, its only The Bat”.
Now, before you think that it’s a bit weird to have a bat as a pet, the “Bat” Yami is referring to, is the maid. We started calling her “The Bat” because of her leathery skin and because she always sticks to the walls and creeps around corners to enter a room. She would make a very good witch in some children’s film. She is hunch backed, is missing many teeth and smells like something that died.
“The ghost only comes at night,” she wheezed at us.
Yami put her hand on her hips in her best grown up pose “Then what’s in the pantry?”
“Let’s open it and find out shall we?” she hissed
She had a maniacal grin on her face and was creeping towards us. I could smell her from all the way here, so I just stepped aside and held my breath while she shuffled past us. She knocked on the door 3 times and said “Ehhh”. Then came a loud bang on the pantry door from the inside and the sound of things falling off the shelves.
My heart was thumping fast and I could barely breath. What if it is a ghost? What if its a burglar? What if… “Baa-aa-ah” came a sound from the pantry.
“Um, is it possible…that this ghost is a goat?”
The bat turned and glared at me, “Don’t be silly child, of course the ghost is not a goat!”
She was starting to get on my nerves with her witchy ways “Then explain the bleating!”
She just chuckled and moved towards the handle on the door. Yami squealed and hid behind me. Where am I supposed to hide? I thought. The bat put her hand on the door handle and swung it open. All of us screamed in unison as out bounded Vanilla Boots (the goat), covered in flour.
She charged past us and knocked the Bat over. “How the..” I started but Yami was already charging after the goat.
The Bat tried unsuccessfully to get back on her feet and grumbled “Why do I continue to work here..”
I decided not to help her and turned towards the 3 mongrels “OUT…NOW” I yelled at them and pointed towards the living room. All 3 of them ran Scooby Doo style out of the kitchen and into the living room where a cacophony of sounds seemed to be emanating from.
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I walked into the midst of feathers and fur, barks, growls, quacks, squeals and hisses. My jaw dropped in shock at the devastation in the living room. The noise was deafening…the dogs were barking non stop, the spooked goat was bleating in the corner, aiming kicks at whatever was nearby, he had already broken a few pots and the soil was all over the place. Yami was standing on the sofa with Peter in her arms and squealing. The cat was balancing on the beams overhead meowing loudly at the canines below and Duck was chasing the dogs around the living room snapping at their heels! All I could think of at that point is that Duck seemed to be extremely bossy, none of the animals came near him for fear of getting pecked.
I turned to look at Yami, “I really wish I knew how to whistle loudly”.
She grinned, sucked in a breath and emitted a high-pitched whistle that resulted in immediate silence. I looked at her in shock wondering how this little giggly girl managed to whistle like a village boy. She pointed at her mouth “One of the very few benefits of having buck-teeth!”
“Right, canines…move out!” I shouted.
Not one of them moved until Duck quacked loudly and Yami slapped one of the dogs on its rump. It yelped and bolted out the door. “Who’s next?” Yami shouted with her hand in the air. Even Vanilla Boots was quiet now and the dogs obediently left in an orderly fashion with their tails between their legs. That left Duck, who had now hopped onto the coffee table, the cat who would not come down until everything had settled and Vanilla Boots who was bleating quietly in the corner.
Yami jumped off the sofa “Whew! What a racket that was!”
At that point Duck decided that it was way too quiet and made a beeline for Vanilla Boots. I walked towards him “Hey, shoo!”. Now the poor goat was truly terrified and promptly emptied its bladder on the floor while Duck attempted to peck at its hooves. “Oh you are so dead!” I yelled and dived for the duck..missing him completely of course. I chased him into the dining room, “Get the goat out of the house, we are having roast duck for dinner tonight!”
Now this is where it gets tricky. I grabbed a jumper off the dining table and attempted to throw it over Duck, but to no avail. I figured it might be best if I just chased him towards the door, at least that way he’s not wrecking the house. So I screamed my lungs out at him, running like a crazy person behind him at which point he decided that this was as good a time as any to defecate while running. I realized my situation too late and slipped on his droppings, my arms flailed while I tried to stay upright.
I skidded along for a bit and stopped “You devious little bird, I am going to ring your neck!” I ran after him and finally managed to chase him out the front door.
But do I stop there, having achieved what I originally set out to do? Of course not! I am as mad as can be, I am seeing red and I have the bird in my sights. He was half flying, half running (he had his flying feathers clipped) towards the paddy fields. I ran after him and tripped over one of the watering hoses and fell flat on my face. And that is how I ended up in the mud.
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“I give up!” Duck just stands there, looking pleased with himself.
All of a sudden, a net descends, as if from the heavens and falls on Duck, trapping him. I look up to see where this saviour of a net came from and my jaw drops. Perched high on the top of a coconut tree is a skinny boy, about my age with a wide grin on his face. His cargo shorts and tank top tell me he is not one of the farm hands.
Just then Yami skips along to where I lay, looks up and squeals in delight “Chonga!”
“Who?” I stand up trying to wipe the muck off my face.
She waves at the boy on the tree “That’s Chonga, he lives on the farm up the hill”
I watch as Chonga expertly makes his way down the tree, only with the aid of a rope.
He jumps the last few feet, lands gracefully on his feet and saunters towards us with the rope thrown over his shoulder. “Glad to be of assistance!”
I look him over and smirk “What made you think I needed any help?”
He tilts his head and says “ Oh I apologise, I wasn’t aware that spending time in the mud was part of your skin care regime!”
We will definitely get along, I think to myself
“I climbed up here to get a better view of the chase”, he grins sheepishly.
Chonga walks over to where Duck is trapped in the net and coos softly at him, while gathering him up gently in his arms.
“Let me at him” I growl
He just laughs at me “Oh please, you wouldn’t hurt a fly. If you were capable of hurting him you would have done so already. Instead, you just chased him around the farm in a futile attempt to catch him.”
I shrug “I guess you’re right, but that doesn’t make me any less mad.”
He hands over Duck to me, “Be gentle.”
I hold him in the crook of my arm and stroke his head. His feathers are so soft and silky, its hard to imagine that only moments ago I wanted to strangle him.
Chonga turned and looked towards the house “The adults are back, let’s put him back in the pond”
The three of us walk towards the pond, release him into the water and then head back towards the house.
“What the hell happened in here?” yells my uncle Jamie.
“And why are you covered in mud?” asks my mum.
“Animals gone wild!” Yami screams and the three of us burst out into peals of laughter.
Moni aunty walks up to us and shoves a mop into my hand and a bucket into Yami’s “I want it all back the way it was, no cutting corners.”
I groan “It was the animals fault…”
Moni aunty just looks at us and says “If you can get them to come and clean up, then by all means do that. But until then, you brats are the cleaners!”
Chonga laughs “I will help. Ask Yami to bring you over to my farm someday, I guarantee a fun time!”
“Will do!”, I smile happily. This is one day I will never forget!
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