The Rifle Carousel:
Hint Fictions
By Samuel Rippey
Copyright 2011 Samuel
Rippey
Smashwords Edition
Smashwords Edition, License
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The
Rifle Carousel: Hint Fictions
by
Samuel Rippey
“I’ll
Follow You Across the World like a Puppy Through All Your
Lifetimes.”
Scrawled in an airport bathroom
stall. My handwriting. In Berlin, where I arrived after fearing
Germany for ninety-six years.
Where Does the
Cat Go?
After two months, Pickles came home. After
a bath and food, she was fine. When she began speaking Latin, I
wasn’t.
Short Ode to
an AK-47 with a Girl’s Name, 20:47, 1 April 2019, Hartford
Territory, CT.
“Alive or no, they understand when
she speaks,” said Yuri. He thrust Veronica out of the railway car.
When she spoke the shadows screamed.
More Like
Pigment-Based Discolorations Than Scars
From the accident,
I told her. When Diane asked why they formed the letter D, I
reattached my prosthesis and stared her question away.
Fantasy Novel
Club Night at Keith and Dan’s House
I, Mr. Bonestaff,
wrote ten pages this week. Mr. Koboldh, eight. Mr. Dragon wrote a
narrative comprised of eighty-six rhyming couplets. I hate Dan.
Real Footage
From an Actual Soulmate.com First Date
“Fun job. Me, I
won’t work,” Bunny said, gulping a cosmo that had cost Seth two
hours of his life to purchase.
Wedding
“Because
I’m a bride of Jesus,” slurred Sister Carry, slapping his/her
nun’s habit trimmed with pink lace. “At the bar. See him? Jesus
Cardona.”
5,000 Gallon
Aquarium
The piranha swam around confusedly when I dumped
him in. I thought he'd assault the koi but he picked Mark's leg.
Letter
Fragment Found in the Trunk of a 1955 Ford Fairlane
Come
back to Groton, Delia. Gordie sleeps in the shelter now. He draws
burning people on the walls.
So Did I
“I
preferred your old limbs,” she said.
Spaghetti and
Meatball Night at the Bigamist’s Trailer
Before
desert, each of the three Mrs. Pfizers had tried to hold my hand
under the table.
Apprenticeship
Only Gets Easier at BloodKult Industries
At first,
I could only iron the red robes by convincing myself they were
tablecloths.
0.0%
APR*
*With 60 (sixty) year commitment. Succulent
Bank, L.L.C., not responsible for pest elimination expenditures, if
any.
SRY ABOUT TH $$$
BUT B GooD 2 DaDS CHRCL GRILL B/CUZ hE luvD it HAV 2 GO
baCK 2 San FRAN MYBE then 2 SGNApoR C-U SOON BRTHR THX
Harlan
read then text, then he set his iPhone on Dad’s Weber and dialed
her number. Her irritated voice masked the hiss of propane.
Misandry
I
died for you and you still call me a pig.
Inlaw
Apartment
When our tenant Mr. Sully died, we
painted the walls white. Looked great. Next morning they were black.
My Only Notes
on the Investigation
After touching the ghost,
three of us ended up in the hospital. Jerome and Janis, who were
married, died.
Counterfeits
Tim
printed fake money. Saturday, he flew to San Francisco with a bagful
of bills. Sunday, his twin returned with a case of coins.
At the Women’s
Weapon Expo
At the pistol range, Jerusha bullseyed
the head of each target. "I would aim for the groin," she
told Jimmy. "But then they wouldn't die."
Written in
Green Crayon on the Basement Lab Bulletin Board
DOCTOR
FIST: DO NOT USE BAGS FOR NERVES!!!!!!!! For blood vessels only!
Nerve tissues in iron boxes ONLY!!!!!!!
Marriage is
Like a Wild Carousel Ride, My Therapist Told Me
“Red
horses. Sharp hooves.” I woke up saying that every night for a
month, until my wife began sleeping in the guest room.
“You Cannot
Have Moral Failings at Four Years of Age.”
Found
the note today. I wrote it to myself when I was ten. I erased ‘four’
and wrote ‘thirty-three' but remain unconvinced.
Ninety Percent
of Indoor Dust is Shed Human Skin Cells
Five rolls
of paper towels and three bottles of lemon Pledge this month. Our
apartment remains uninhabitable.
Three
Caskets
Two for the dogs, one for her. She wanted
four but I kept the goat alive.
Sentiment
Gerri
watched man after man die. When the only dog in the movie got hurt,
she said, “Aww.”
666
I
was not cast out. I left.
Goth Night at
Club Hell
He arrived at midnight, wearing white. He
bought wine, watched the dancers. Communion began at one-thirty.
Su Doku
The
gentile on the train drew swastikas instead of numbers. For long
moments I stared. When he started weeping, Rabbi Feldman touched his
shoulder.
Lightning
Rain
brought new birds. They were statues until the next storm, when
lightning struck. Now they won’t stand still.
The Genesis of an
Ascetic, or,
People Always Ask Me: When Did You Know
You Wanted to be a Monk?
Ronnie deftly filleted of
the bluefish with a dull butter knife. “Order any flesh, fish or
otherwise, to cooperate,” he said. “And it will.”
Only a Poor
Performer Blames His Instruments
My strings
withered. Wires grew. I played that night and I will not play again.
Surrealist’s
Vacation
The pills afford me dreamless nights.
Here, the beach is bright. The sky is not red. Animals remain
animals.
Theresa Kelly
Lee
Primary complaint: strange dreams. She revealed
her use of Lovecraft’s portrait for a bookmark in her Bible. As a
precaution I resigned as her therapist.
The ‘Name
Rock’ on Merchant Street
Tradition demanded that
all passerby write their spouse’s names on the boulder. Eleanor and
I passed it daily. Eventually I threw away our pen.
Sass-E-Miss
Magazine Presentz: Fun Wayz 2 Express Luv 2 Your Man!
A
paper chain hung on my door. Her handwriting covered every link. I
mailed her a metal chain, its only writing the manufacturer’s
stamp.
Neoplasia
It
is a disciplined growth. I will not excise it. In fact, I wish it a
better life than I had.
Theology 101
Essay Question: If You Were God, and had Power to Create One
Immutable Law, What Would It Be and Why?
“I’d
make teachers build me churches. Hahaha.” I disregarded Keith's
asinine, course-failing answer until I bought a truckload of mortar.
The Old
Engagement-Ring-in-the-Cake-Proposal Idea
I paid
for the bridgework. Fucking bullshit cost me more than the diamond.
At the rehearsal she smiled at everyone but me.
Drug Test
Our
shared camera arrived yesterday. Ninety-nine pictures of his right
pupil filled its memory card. “Side effects minimal,” he wrote.
“And I see everything.”
Kind of Like
the Pied Piper
The only animals that followed her
were stuffed animals, not rats, and she used a referee’s whistle,
not a flute.
Impulse
Purchase: Dental Mirror, 99 Cents at CVS
I finally
saw it after feeling it for months. It smashed the mirror before I
could pull it out of my mouth.
Mike’s
Twentieth Script Pitch Since Eleven-Thirty: “THE SKILLER”
“The
ski slope killer, prowling the hills of...no?”
Short Ode to
an AK-47 with a Girl’s Name, 21:01, 1 April 2019, Hartford
Territory, CT.
I yanked Veronica from underneath
Yuri and we fled the silent shadows.
Ingrown
Three
feet long now. If I touch it twitches like a nerve.
Facial
Piercing
Guru Stevenson insisted on anesthesia.
When M.C. awoke, damp metal stung her eyelids.
8.75/Hour
I
fold shirts for a living. This disappoints my family. Thank God.
Dear Leader at
Midnight
He kneeled before his statue. He smiled at
its mustache, touched his own bare lip. In the dark the sniper on its
shoulder coughed.
Kid’s
Duckpin Night at the Cranston Bowl-A-Rama
“When
the ball hits, they quack,” said Mean Uncle Ben, his breath like
nachos and Bud Light. “Then they fly away!”
Tim bowled a
zero.
The Last
Revelation to Jon Cross, aged 14, at Life Lake Ministries Summer
Camp
I Am That I Am, the Lord G-d. Lie with Counselor
Lucci. Christen your daughter Judas Iscariot.
The Rifle
Carousel
Every night: AK-47s, saddles on their breeches,
gilt hooves for grips. Father Nemerow thinks it's a
swords-into-plowshares dream. I know better.
###
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