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St George at Denbies

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21.04.12

Chapter 1: The Background

About the venue

Denbies English Vineyard is situated in Dorking, Surrey. An all weather destination, the "Indoor Wine Experience" tours operate all year, the Outdoor Vineyard Train runs daily from March - November.

This beautiful estate set in 265 acres is the UK's largest single estate vineyard. Whether you are visiting Surrey or live locally Denbies offers a wide range of interests for all.

About the event

We English can be a bit reticent about celebrating our heritage, and in particular our National Saint’s Day. To rectify this, Denbies English Vineyard have been organising an annual St George’s Day Celebration Medieval Cellar Supper each year on Saturday 23rd April, with
minstrels, jesters and magicians to royally entertain guests during a sumptuous medieval feast held in the atmospheric Denbies cellars.

As the regular guests at Denbies tend to be a pretty bright lot, it has become the practice to hold a little creative competition. With no advance warning, and armed only with pencils and a bit of paper, they are invited to compete in a literary challenge, the prize of a bottle of Denbies’ finest sparkling in no way detracting from the kudos of being chosen and acknowledged by one’s peers. The winner is chosen by popular acclaim from a short list drawn up by the resident minstrels and jesters, but the final choice is made by the guests attending on the night

Chapter 2: 2012

A rather lively night(!), with many of the guests dressing up for the occasion. The competition this year was just for Limericks, so although some prose was submitted, only entries in the correct format got through to the final. Here is the overall winner, together with the finalists: PLEASE NOTE not for the delicate of temperament – as I said, it was rather a lively affair!

Bob

The maid drove along on her wagon

But was trapped and enslaved by a dragon

St. George slew the beast

And she said that the least

She could give was a jolly good sh….

(sorry I couldn’t think of a rhyme)

Julie

St. George was quite the dandy

Some say he was seriously randy

The dragon he slayed

Before he got laid

But woke up with a wench called Andy

Liz

The dragon was not very nice

He captured the maid in a trice

But St. George killed it dead

And the couple were fed

On crispy fried dragon and rice

(R.I.P. dragon)

Nick

St. George was a fine man indeed

Just a little partial to mead

Found drunk in a trench

With a fine looking wench

But was unable to sow his seed!

Alan

In Portugal, Brazil and Spain

Each year a day off they all gain

‘cos on their Saints’ Days

They sit in the sun and laze

But we Brits have to work in the rain.

Diane

There was a young chap and a dragon

A knife, a cup and a flagon

Things got a bit jolly

And George realised his folly

So he fled double quick on his wagon

Estelle Bibby

A knight whilst dining at Denbies

Considered his bevy of wenches

He tried his luck

But scored a duck

And got relegated to the back benches

Mistress Soupisle

St. George he was a saint

Took a dragon out on a date

The last kiss of the night

Gave him a terrible fright

Left his meat and two veg on a plate

DLL

A chap called George was a saint

Who always makes the ladies faint

He got them to pose

Without any clothes

Then got out his brushes to paint

Chapter 3:2011

In 2011, the challenge was to create a 50 word saga (50 words exactly) on a theme relating to Saint George and the dragon. The runners up and other entries are listed in alphabetical order following the winner (well done, chap!) and two examples by the performers are given at the end, together with the odd limerick that arrived a year late.

The mini sagas are reproduced as far as possible as they were written, apart from adjusting the lines where necessary. Artistic integrity has been given precedence over my inclination to tweak, ‘correct’ or adjust punctuation or spelling (ed). Apart from one mini saga that slipped on to the short list even though it didn’t have exactly 50 words, all other entries that failed to meet the one and only rule of this format have been disqualified. Fortunately, this included the ruder entries!

The winner

Hopkinson

Here are 50 words to slay your dragon

Step on its tail, Gail

Leave it on the bus, Gus

Smack it in the head, Fred

Don’t let it get free.

Extinguish its flame, James

And make it a myth, Smith.

So here it is – 50 words to slay your dragon

The short list

Mrs Adams

George is a lovely name, it looks a bit like gorgeous, and speaking of gorgeous there is George Clooney!

However I don’t think he has a dragon, but expect he has tamed a few.

Maybe Boy George saw a few dragons and probably George Best did too!

I Love George!!!

Sumeer Aggarwal

Like all stories, this story is about heroes, princesses and demons.

But like some stories, over time, who’s the villain and who’s the hero can get confused.

Is the dragon actually the hero saving the princess from a boring life with St. George?

History says otherwise but dragons are misunderstood.

Albert

St George at a challenge would never bark

Not even in ancient days, when evil dragons did lark

A fair damsel in great tribulation and awfully great distress

He would aid and save and finally totally skillfully undress

But she had precautions vital.

Totally equipped by a Saint Michael

(Later found to only be 49 words long, so unfortunately invalid)

Stephen Johnson

St. George and the dragon, the legend and man,

A story I’ll tell as best as I can,

Our hero St. George, full armour and sword,

The kings lovely daughter, which he adored,

A terrible dragon, (the daughter for lunch)

St. George pierced his heart and had him for lunch

Keith Mildon

St George’s day mistakenly thought to celebrate the birthday of a bloke that never came to England.

In reality a celebration of a famous pub that sells cheap ale and sausage and mash with gravy.

The George and Dragon Peckham.

The landlord is a saint his wife is a dragon.

Cassandra Stewart-Gillham

The Legend of St George and the Dragon, retold from the point of view of the dragon:

“Long ago there lived a poor dragon who suffered terribly from allergies.

One day, whilst trying not to burn the villagers with his sneezes, he befriended a maiden.

Unfortunately, his life was tragically cut short when he was maliciously murdered by a young boy named George who sought eternal glory.”

Other entries

Fran Adams

George who!!!

Not to sure what he did or who he is!

Is he famous? Not sure is he similar to George Michelle?

Does he have “faith, faith, faith” too?

Or famous like George Best? If so why have I not herd of him!!!

Hears to you! Happy DAY, Gaye.

Mrs Adams

George is good

George is great

George is grand

George is gorgeous

George is generous

George is gallant

George is grumpy

George is groany

George is growing

George is grouchy

George is grim

George is grimey

George is glorious

George is greedy

George is gay

George is gracious

St George!

Sir John B

Oh what a bore. Camping again. Julian George loathed the Lavant. The midges. the ghastly latrines, and those pesky dragons. But there was a maiden, she fair turned his head! Oh cripes, a dragon as well. What was one to do? Oi gorgeous, mine’s lizard, she’s saved but I’ve pulled!

Lynette Cheesman

Once upon a time, a long time ago, in a far off land. There lived a Princess in a high tower. She saw lots of things from her high tower and because her heart was pure she decided to sacrifice her self for the children. But brave George saved her.

Lauren Johnson

The story of St. George is a cool one. He dresses up in an outstanding outfit

He kills scary things called dragons. He rides around on horses which is fun

St. George had so much fun, he got all the girls, but never made it to England for more fun

Anthony Morton

St George was a Roman officer in the Praetorian Guard. He converted to Christianity and was executed by the Emperor Diocletian for refusing to renounce his faith. During the crusades he appeared to an English army, after which they won the Battle of Acre. He then became England’s Patron Saint.

Brigitte Morton

George was a Roman soldier,

a Christian who died for his faith,

virtuous, courageous and true,

he lived in Minor Asia,

but his fame grew far and wide.

Inspiring the crusaders,

Richard the Lionheart brought him home,

To England’s shores where he soon replaced

St Edward as the favourite saint.

Jan Sheader

St. George was nice guy so he didn’t really want to kill the dragon but like most men he was under the spell of a damsel in distress and as there was a shortage of meat in her village he did her bidding hoping she would agree to marry him

John T

Who is this callow youth on a hungry horse?

He’s got his eye on the gentle maiden who is my mistress and holds me by a silken tether.

I’ll show my evil side with some heavy breathing. He’s coming at me with a lance.

My mistress utters his name: George!

Miles

Long ago there lived a dragon.

This dragon terrorized the good peoples of this land.

The King he decreed that whosoever could rid this land of the dragon would become a Saint to the many lands around the world.

So a knight called George was the man bros. high five

Paul Hurst

Fifty word. FIFTY WORDS! You really expect me to tell you the whole story of St. George and the Dragon in FIFTY WORDS! You must be joking! I mean, come on now, get serious. You’re having a laugh. Oh, Okay, very well then. Distressed damsel, muscular hero, dead dragon. Sorted.

At Silene, Libya, a plague-bearing dragon eats two sheep daily, then the children. Sabra, the King’s daughter, is chosen by lottery. St George, arriving by chance, wounds the dragon. With Sabra’s girdle he placates the beast, then forces fifteen thousand inhabitants to convert, before slaying dragon with his sword, Ascalon.

And a couple of Haiku

A maid in distress

Enter St. George, our hero

A Lizard kebabbed

A warning to maids

When facing a big dragon

Best bring a spare saint

Chapter 4: 2011 Limericks

J.Britten

George, the trusty knight,

First, had a dragon to fight

Before to his lair

Could he take maiden fair

His etchings to show her all night

Simon Edmands

St. George once a dragon he slayed

As a gesture to an honourable maid

But she’s turned out so frigid

‘twas her mum got him rigid,

Still at least the old bugger get laid!

Chapter 5: 2010 – From our archives

The competition in 2010 was to come up with a Limerick relating to St. George and the Dragon. Unfortunately, the entries were not saved, but here are a few we wrote as examples, together with one of our other little efforts for the evening.

2010 Limericks

St George was a hero of old

A knight who was brave, strong and bold

He fought with a dragon

And soon fixed its wagon

At least in the story we’re told

St George was a champion, I’ve heard

Whose actions leave everyone stirred

When a dragon for lunch

Planned a maiden to munch

He killed it – and so got the bird.

If a dragon you wanted to slay

Then St George is your man, so they say

He’ll chop it up neat

From its snout to its feet

Before he would call it a day

A maiden, once chained to a pillar

Saw a dragon who was fixing to kill her

She screamed until sick

St George turned up quick

And the dragon quite quickly got ill-er

A maiden, a dragon and knight

Were involved in a bit of a fight

That is, the dragon and knight did

But the maiden, being bright, hid

And it all seemed to come out alright

If we’re going to be perfectly frank

The actions of Saint George must rank

As absolute folly -

Oi, George, you great wally,

Fight a dragon? You absolute crank!

You may think St. George had a reason

And killing the dragon hardly treason

But it’s really quite sad

He was a rotter, a cad

For the dragon was quite out of season!

If a dragon you want to make dead

You must be a bit thick in the head

If you take a sword and tin hat

You’re a bit of a prat

Bring a bazooka instead!

St George, the modern version

Paul Hurst

Imagine the setting, the time’s long ago

St George, our hero, gets ready to go.

His task it is simple, a maiden to save

The dragon to vanquish, and send to its grave.

His broadsword lies ready, and helmet and lance

Plus a longbow and quiver – he’s taking no chance

Asbestos long-johns, his limbs they attire

For when dealing with dragons, watch out for the fire

Our hero is ready, and in full armour dressed,

A call to his dogs to join in the quest

With yelping and barking they answer his shout

And soon hounds and hero all boldly set out

The journey is long, and though ‘tis hard

Anon they arrive at the lair of this lizard

The dragon is slaughtered, hurrah and hooray!

A maiden set free – St George wins the day

But now, dear friends, how would things unfold now?

Would our damsel be rescued, or turned into chow?

In our Brave New World would this tale be as great?

Let’s follow our fellow and find out his fate

He starts, as before, with a trusty big sword

But who’s this approaching with pen and clipboard?

An inspector, his tape measure holding

Chanting the mantra “Three inches and folding”

The sword is a no-no, so now he must battle

With that old army penknife he won in a raffle

And the long-johns are out; he must stick to a vest

For another inspector is sure he knows what’s best

So armed with his penknife, the journey can start

With a trip to the kennels before they depart

“Come my brave boarhounds, to the rescue we’ll go”

An inspector appears …“Oh deary me no!”,

That’s hunting with hounds, they must stay in their dog’s berth

I can’t let them out, it’s more than my job’s worth

George pleads and he argues, but it’s like hitting a wall

“You’ll go on your own, or you won’t go at all”

With road works and potholes the journey’s not pleasant

And blocked off lanes, yet no workers present

But our hero’s a Brit, and thinks ‘mustn’t grumble’

‘til he arrives at the cave, ready to rumble

Is he free to continue? Is he free – ‘like as hell’!

For yet one more inspector arrives for to tell

‘That creature’s endangered, you must cease and desist

It’s just now been put on the R.S.P.D. list’

So the maiden gets munched with George chomped just after

Not a tale told of heroes, but one of disaster

And we all soldier on, with the occasional mumble

Through stiff upper lip – ‘mustn’t grumble…’