SHAMANS AND HEALERS
The Untold
Ayahuasca Story
from a Shaman’s Apprentice
Andrew Osta
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Copyright
© 2010-2011 Andrew Osta
All rights reserved. Excerpts of this book up to one page in length may be reproduced for not for profit purposes, as long as due credit is given. For longer quotations, please contact the author for permission.
Cover design by ShinyHouse Media
www.ShinyHouse.com
Book design by Andrew Osta and Johan Fremin Paintings by Andrew Osta Back cover photos by Gordon Fry
Andrew
Osta needs your help and support.
Paypal donations of any
denomination can be made to:
andrew@SpreadLove.ca
Second Printing: USA, February 2011
ISBN 978-0-9866940-2-8
To
All Lovers,
Truth Seekers,
Whose Path is Dedicated
to
Kindness and Goodness,
and Whose Hearts are Innocent.
May
Laughter,
Beauty, Gentleness,
Trust, Patience,
Joy,
Wisdom,
& God’s Infinite Grace,
Love and Peace
Be Ever
With You!
E
Contents
Acknowledgements
....................................................................1
A Biographical Note
....................................................................2
1. Unexpected Events in Iquitos, Peru .................................... 9
2. Conversations with the Real Don Juan ..... ....................... 23
3. A Close Encounter with Death ..... ......................................37
4. International Shamanism Conference ..... ……………….49
5. Becoming a Shaman’s Apprentice ..................................... 63
6. Deep Down the Rabbit Hole .............................................. 73
7. Love versus the Spirits …..................................................... 99
8. Spirit World versus Real World …................................... 113
9. Doubting Everything ......................................................... 127
10. Two Roads........................................................................... 139
11. On the Border of No Return............................................ 149
12. Alone in the Jungle............................................................ 163
13. Final Weeks in Peru.......................................................... 173
14. Madness and Miracles in Mexico .................................. 187
15. Ceremonies and Indigenous Grandmothers …........... 201
16. Christian Healing and Liberation.................................. 217
Conclusion..................................................................................243
Appendices
1. The Self Liberation Method.............................................. 249
2. The Myth of Javier DaSilva .............................................. 253
Photos..........................................................................................260
Acknowledgements
My
heartfelt thanks goes out to all who have assisted me during this
journey. Above all, I thank God for the guidance and inspiration
along the way, for all of the gifts He gave me, and for His unending
love. I am only now beginning to realize how much grace I received,
and I am deeply grateful.
I am thankful to Javier DaSilva for allowing me to live in his house, where I could observe his life and work. I am equally grateful to Juan Chotta, Don Juan Tangoa, Ron, and all of the other healers mentioned in this book. It is difficult to believe how many incredible prophets and healers blessed me and prayed for me during the past year. I am very grateful for your support!
A
huge, heart-felt “gracias” to Jose and Ela from El Refugio, for
the fantastic work they do. The things I saw, felt and learned while
in the company of these two very special people really changed my
life.
Ninfa,
thank you for your love - I felt it half the world away. I’d be
lost if not for you. Isaura, thank you for accepting me like one of
your own children and for all of your prayers! I am now fully
convinced they worked.
Thanks to my family for their unchanging love and support. And to all of my friends around the world. This book would not have been possible without your help!
Much Love, Many Blessings!
Andrew Osta, Toronto, 2011
A Biographical Note
I WAS born in Kiev, Ukraine in the summer of 1982. My childhood was for the most part very ordinary. I spent a lot of my time in nature, got into numerous fights, and had many accidents, all of which were the result of my own clumsiness and inattentiveness. The most severe of these accidents resulted in 26 stitches and a week-long hospital stay.
Both of my mother's parents were doctors, and were artistically inclined. My grandfather was a homeopath, a hypnotherapist and a dietician, as well as a registered physician. The funny thing about him was that he stubbornly refused to take pills, shots, or any other synthetic medicines, no matter how sick he got. He was a doctor with no faith in western medicine and spent much of his time lecturing about the dangers of refined sugar and white flour.
My mother’s great grandfather was a Russian Orthodox Christian priest. He was shot and killed by the communists during the 1918 revolution, along with his wife and 10 of his 12 children. My mother’s grandmother survived by virtue of being a tiny baby at the time - the revolutionaries did not see her. Nobody else in my immediate family was religious or spiritually oriented.
My
father's parents were both engineers, and their parents were farmers.
When I was eleven, my parents decided to immigrate to Canada, and
this early experience of international travel probably inspired some
of my later adventures. For a few years following my arrival in
Canada, I was huge materialist. Faced with such an unbelievable
excess of material goods, I spent most
of my time devising ways to make money.
Once I learned English, I became an avid reader, especially of fringe literature. For whatever reason, I was attracted to everything that was outside of the mainstream. I became interested in magick by the age of 13, and in various New Age practices after that. By the age of 18, I had done a lot of research on plant medicines and had my first entheogenic experience, inspired by John Lennon and Timothy Leary. I continued to research consciousness-altering plants and spirituality for the next 10 years.
Although I had no idea what I wanted to do, my parents sent me off to the University of Toronto. My formal studies of computer science and philosophy did not particularly interest me. It only took me two months to realize that I would not be programming software for a living. Soon, I also became completely disillusioned by the meaningless, merely intellectual bickering of western philosophers. They never seemed to reach any clear conclusions!
I
completed each year of my studies in the top ten percentile of
students, but most of my time was spent studying books on topics that
actually interested me. Those topics were: eastern spirituality,
healing, plants, psychedelics, meditation, yoga, astrology,
music and consciousness. In less than 5 years, I read over 200 books,
familiarizing myself with most of the major religions and spiritual
traditions of the world. I also spent a lot of time in meditation and
met with a number of important and powerful gurus.
Due to all of my spiritual practices, I experienced kundalini11 awakening when I was about 20. The first time it happened, I saw my life flash before my eyes in great detail, like an extremely vivid, quickly moving slideshow. At the same time, intense heat rose up my spine, accompanied by a buzzing sound. It felt like a bolt of electricity went up my spine and drilled into my head. The feeling was not exactly pleasant. While this happened, I stopped breathing and did not feel any necessity for oxygen. This experience would repeat hundreds of times during the next few years.
Yet contrary to what I read in spiritual books, kundalini awakening did not fundamentally change me in any way. At least not to my knowledge.
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In 2001, I discovered the wonderful salvia divinorum22 plant, which I quickly abandoned after a few bizarre experiences. Four years later, feeling lonely, bored and depressed, I purchased salvia extract, hoping for relief. This led to about 2 years of experimentation with small but frequent doses of the plant. Salvia taught me how to express my feelings through drawing. Without any previous artistic experience, I was suddenly able to create beautiful and intelligent drawings and paintings. In this way, after graduating with majors in computer science and philosophy, I decided to become a painter.
All of my art up to April 2007 was created while chewing salvia divinorum. Chewing the leaves as I painted allowed me to access the innermost depths of my subconscious mind and was highly therapeutic.
Consciously, I had no idea what I was drawing or what the finished product would look like. Yet not once did I draw something that needed to be fixed or thrown in the trash. Everything I created had artistic value - this was confirmed by several established artists, who encouraged me to continue.
In April of 2007, I moved to South Korea, where I taught English and art in a private school. There, I painted for a year without the aid of any consciousness altering plants. When I returned to Canada in April of 2008, I knew that my work with salvia was finished. I no longer needed to work with the plant in order to make great art - on the contrary, it became an obstacle. At the same time, I began to feel drawn to Peru, wanting to experience another powerful plant in its native environment. I became interested in ayahuasca.3 3
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I first visited Iquitos, Peru in the summer of 2008. At that time, the airport in Iquitos consisted of a bathroom and a large main room where the baggage was eventually brought. There was no security and no checking out. I just took my bags, walked out into the street, and took a three-wheeled motorcycle driven carriage to the house of the legendary Alan Shoemaker, my contact in Iquitos.
“You like ayahuasca?” asked the driver, almost before I got in.
“Yes,” I replied, smiling. Wrong answer. Fifteen minutes later, I was sitting inside an ayahuasca tourism agency, flipping through a catalog. A Peruvian lady just out of the shower was watching me intently.
“Want to go to the jungle?” she asked. “It's only $1200 for ten days!”
It turned out that the driver dropped me off at a completely different location in hopes of making some commission money.
“I already have my retreat booked,” I explained in broken Spanish. “Get me put of here!”
We drove back towards the airport, and in another 15 minutes, I was dropped off at Alan's front door. Alan was talkative and full of stories. We spent the entire afternoon talking in a pool-side restaurant. He was drinking whiskey like water and telling me about his wild experiences.
“How many times did you drink ayahuasca, Alan?” I asked, curious.
“I stopped counting after 500 times,” he chucked. “But I don’t drink anymore, because it’s always the same now. I just see my family and how I could be a better father to my children...”
My enthusiasm about shamanism must have been obvious, because Alan decided to warn me. “Shamans are not saints,” he said. “You have probably done more personal work on yourself than any of them will ever do. Have no illusions, drinking ayahuasca will not make you enlightened.”
I chose to ignore those words, secretly hoping that he was wrong.
Next morning, Alan introduced me to shaman Percy Garcia. Percy was only a few years older than me. His clothes, sneakers and hat were all name brands, making him look more like one of the popular college kids than a shaman. Percy was not very talkative and kept his distance, but I was excited to have my first authentic experience with ayahuasca in a jungle setting.
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During my first ceremony with Percy, I found out why I came to Peru. I thought that I had come to learn, but I actually came to be healed. That first night, my suppressed feelings came to the surface and I realized that I had been depressed for about six months without even knowing it. I saw that I was still extremely attached to my Korean ex-girlfriend, and that this unhealthy attachment was literally draining the life out of me.
After the ceremony ended, I went back to my little wooden hut in the middle of the jungle. Lying there in my hammock, I had a vision of my ex-girlfriend and suddenly became aware of all the darkness that surrounded our relationship. We had been getting together to do nothing more than drink alcohol and have sex. We told each other “I love you” infinite times, yet I knew that I would not marry her. She had a boyfriend, yet she cheated on him with me.
Suddenly, the girl shapeshifted into snake. A feeling of intense disgust overtook me and I barely had time to lift my head when my stomach churned and a torrent of vomit came out, spilling all over the floor. I got a bucket of water and started cleaning up. Another vision of my ex-girlfriend and our immoral relationship came up.
Again, I could not help but purge. It seemed that my negative thoughts and emotions were becoming converted into matter! Whenever I had a negative thought, I had to run to the toilet.
Sitting in the bathroom, with a notebook in my hand, I wrote down everything I wanted gone from my life on a sheet of paper and set it aflame. All around me, night birds and crickets sang their songs. Once in a while, I seemed to hear the distant roar of a jaguar, which both exhilarated and frightened me. That night, my sadness and attachment disappeared. There were no thoughts of the past in my mind, and it felt good.
I was ready to go home after that first night, but continued drinking with Percy three times a week for another 14 days, having already paid in advance. Some nights, when Percy went to town, I drank his ayahuasca by myself, with his permission. As a result of this experiment, I discovered that the effects I experienced from drinking Percy’s ayahuasca alone were at best a quarter as strong as when I drank it under his guidance in ceremony. Eventually, I gave up drinking alone because it only made me tired.
During my second week of retreat, I decided to take a trip out to town. Percy said that it would be better for me to stay at the center, but I did not take his advice very seriously. I didn’t understand the reason for his caution. I went to the city and came into contact with all kinds of people. My energetic field was so open that I could feel all of their darkness entering into me. Anger emanated from one person, lust from another, greed from the third.
As a result of that day trip, I lost my peace of mind and came back to the center filled with negative energies. For the first time, I was unable to sleep, spending the night struggling with inner darkness. This negative phase continued until the end of my stay, getting increasingly more difficult. Every remedy I tried was ineffective, and I felt worse with each coming day.
This difficult experience came to a climax one night during ceremony, when a sharp pain appeared in my stomach, growing worse as the night progressed. I hoped that the discomfort would pass, but the pain grew so strong that I became frightened for my well being. Knowing that something was seriously wrong, I had no other choice but to get out of bed and wake up Percy. “I need help,” I told him in broken Spanish. “Pain in my stomach...”
Percy led me to the ceremonial hut and had me lie down. There, he lifted my shirt, placed his lips near my belly button, and began to suck something out. This continued for several long minutes. When we began, my stomach was bloated, but by the time Percy finished, it returned to normal. Finishing the extraction, Percy spit something into a bucket with great disgust.
“Did everything come out?” I asked.
“Not everything, but I can't do anymore work today,” he answered. “I'm very tired. I will continue tomorrow.”
I thanked him and went back to my hut. Most of the pain was gone and I was finally able to sleep.
In the morning, I spoke with Percy's assistant, Carlos.
“Percy says that you have pulsario,” Carlos told me. “It is a buildup of negative energies that you have collected over a number of years. These energies are old, maybe between 5 and 10 years old. You must have felt a lot of anger and other negative emotions when you were younger... “People in the west don't know anything about pulsario. But from the shamanic perspective, it is responsible for many illnesses, including cancer.
When people don't take care of their emotions, the negative energy builds up inside the body and eventually bursts like a balloon, spreading everywhere. While the pulsario is small, it is relatively easy to deal with, but once it bursts, it is almost impossible to help the person.”
Percy was too occupied with other things to do any more work on my pulsario. Still, after his extraction, I slowly recovered my emotional wellbeing. When it was time to return to Canada, I knew that I would visit Peru again very soon. I could not get the experiences I had out of my mind.
In Canada, I had a promising career in art therapy. I worked with refugee children and youth, helping them relieve stress and get through their traumas using art. As much as I liked the job, I felt that the help I was offering was very limited. I wanted to be able to do something more than just touch the surface of the problem. It was a very difficult decision, but I decided to submit my resignation in order to study shamanic healing in Peru.
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As 2008 came to an end, I celebrated New Years Eve quietly and alone. That fateful evening, while walking outside and smoking Peruvian tobacco, I received a very clear message.
“You need to study Spanish to be ready for the trip to Peru. You should post an ad looking for a language exchange partner on the Craigslist website.”
That week, I posted an ad and thought nothing more of it.
Ninfa was the first to respond. She wrote in all capitals, and the energy communicated by her style, along with her unusual name, interested me very much. When she finally called me, the sound of her voice made me want to meet her. This was at a time when I was very reclusive, preferring to spend most of my time alone. I felt that people only drained me of energy, but Ninfa immediately felt different.
That day, we went out for a cup of tea at a cafe where I was showing my paintings. Ninfa offered me her cheek to kiss when we met. This was the traditional Mexican way. She talked rapidly and without stopping, mostly in Spanish.
We met two more times over the following weeks, and immediately felt like old friends. During our third meeting, we watched a movie together at my apartment. That night, she came into my dreams. “I am going to sleep over next time,” she told me, communicating psychically. When I awoke, I felt a strange and unusual combination of fear and exhilaration. “Am I falling in love with this girl?” I wondered. “Could it be possible?”
We watched another movie several days later, once again having a great time. Then, Ninfa said she had to go, and I checked the bus schedule. Surprisingly, the buses were no longer running because it was Sunday.
“Oh really? Then I will call my aunt to pick me up,” she offered, dialing the number. She talked for a few minutes in Spanish, while I practiced my Spanish comprehension skills.
“My aunt is working,” she finally informed me. “She can’t come. I'm going to have to take a taxi...”
“You can stay over if you like,” I suggested. “I have a big bed.”
“It's no problem for you?” she asked.
“No problem at all!”
After we said good night, I felt like there was an invisible wall separating us. Ninfa was lying next to me, but I could not reach out and touch her! My mind kept going over the situation. I thought about my dream, then remembered a certain look she gave me, then a certain thing she said. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to reach over and hug her, but I could not! I imagined what kissing her would feel like. My heart was beating fast.
“Ninfa, are you sleeping?” I finally broke the silence. “No, I can't sleep,” came the reply. I described my dream, then the way I was feeling. “Really? I feel the same way too,” she whispered. Slowly, I reached over that invisible wall and touched her body. Kissing her felt much better than I had imagined. Her lips were so soft and full.
“Do you want to do anything more than just kissing?” I asked after a while.
“No. Not tonight,” she answered. We said good night for the second time, and I closed my eyes, this time holding her close to me.
“Actually, I do,” she suddenly said, taking me by complete surprise.
Soon, our relationship was as comfortable and beautiful as relationships can get. The beauty continued increasing with every coming week. Soon, we were virtually living together, and everything was absolutely perfect.
Ninfa was the first person with whom I could spend all day and all night without feeling the need to get away and be alone. It felt like we had been together forever and I was ready to spend the rest of my life with her. But the time to go to Peru came much too quickly and I had to leave my newly found love behind.
“Don't worry,” I told her. “I will be waiting for you in Peru. Come and join me as soon as you can!”
“I had a dream about us,” Ninfa confessed. “In the dream, I was a princess and you were a shaman, and because of that, our love was impossible.”
“Don’t be silly,” I answered, paying no attention. “Nothing is impossible!”
She accompanied me to the airport with tears in her eyes.
Chapter
1
Unexpected Events in Iquitos, Peru
I ARRIVED in Iquitos a month prior to the start of Alan Shoemaker’s annual International Shamanism Conference, at which I was scheduled to speak and display my paintings. My return ticket was for seven months later. Other than presenting at the conference, I had no definite plans for my immediate future. I only hoped to find a good shaman and study with him.
The heat, humidity, and noise of Iquitos hit me full force as I rode in the three wheeled moto-taxi. There were no glass windows to shield me from the outside. It felt like some kind of a metaphor of the times to come.
Alan had invited me to stay at his new house, which looked like a four star resort, complete with palm trees and a big swimming pool. When I arrived, Mr. Shoemaker wasn't home. I was welcomed inside by an aging Australian woman. “Since coming to Peru, this woman lost about 60 pounds and looks much younger,” Alan later told me.
Once I put away my things, I joined the Australian woman on the patio by the pool. She was chain smoking cigarettes and playing with her two baby monkeys. One of the monkeys had apparently chewed on a branch of the toxic chiric sanango44 tree, and was now in a semi-comatose state.
“This poor monkey had been tripping for about 54 hours now,” laughed the woman. It's probably going to evolve into another species!” “Or become a shaman and start healing other monkeys now!” I joked.
My plan that night was to have a ceremony with Percy Garcia, but Alan called and said that Percy wasn’t feeling well and his ceremony had been canceled. Instead, I could go see a Brazilian medium, Javier DaSilva. “You should go. He is really fascinating,” the Australian woman told me.
“Sometimes people are brought to the ceremony in wheelchairs and later walk out without help. He also sometimes takes out his invisible sword and fights with the spirits! And he takes on other personalities, speaking like a woman or like an old man. It doesn't happen very often, but you might get the chance to see something if you're lucky.”
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When I arrived at Javier's house, about 40 people were already there. Everyone was local, except for myself and a big man from Sweden. Only about 10 people would actually drink ayahuasca. The rest just came in for healing.
Those drinking sat near Javier in one room, while the others waited in the hall. Packs of cigarettes were sold, then collected together and distributed to each of the people drinking ayahuasca. Javier explained that smoking tobacco served as protection from negative energies.
After we drank the ayahuasca, Javier opened the ceremony with a prayer. Then, he started to whistle and sing complex and fast paced melodies. Once the ayahuasca started working, my perception of sound improved and the melodies became breathtakingly beautiful. Several of Javier’s apprentices whistled and sang in harmony. Overall, it was an otherworldly experience.
The first visions I had were of traditional Shipibo5 patterns. One that I remember most vividly had a cross in the middle. I also saw stars, cosmos and something resembling flying saucers. I was immersed in these visions for some time. Then, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, I picked up the bucket at my feet and expelled approximately two tablespoons of something into it. Following the purge, feelings of love enveloped my entire being and I sent love to all of my family and to Ninfa.
I realized that nothing good can ever come from bad thoughts or feelings.
“All evil begins with evil thoughts!” It was so obvious, yet so easy to forget.
With this realization, I dropped whatever grudges I held and forgave everyone against whom I had any kind of sour feelings, sending them all love. A lot of the time, I thought about Ninfa, feeling completely united with her.
The foreigner who accompanied me had a very difficult time. He left the ceremonial space early on and remained in the bathroom for several hours.
Many people attempted to bring him back, but nothing came of it. When I went to use the bathroom, he got up from the toilet and immediately collapsed on the floor outside the bathroom, where he remained for about an hour. From what Javier was saying, I understood that an evil spirit was preventing the man from returning to the main room.
People in need of healing came up to Javier one by one. For each person a song was sung, probably lasting about 5 minutes on average. Then, Javier conversed with the person in front of him, telling them what was wrong, why they were suffering, and how he would help them.
“Go home and sleep,” he said to a young male patient. “I will come to you in your dream. You're going to see an old man. That's me. Don't be afraid. Go home and I will come to you tonight. Tomorrow, you will be better.” To others, Javier gave different advice:
“Your operation will be on Monday. You must spend Tuesday in bed.” “You must have a liver transplant. Your operation will be on Thursday.” “You are an evil person. Go out and clean your heart and your mind!” “You drink ayahuasca with sorcerers. Who are you in love with? Leave him. Forget him. He will only bring you more evil and more harm.”
I later found out that when he spoke of operations and transplants, Javier was speaking about operations on the astral body. Although these procedures are performed spiritually, they apparently have real physical effects. “After a time, whatever is done with the astral body begins to reflect in the physical body, like in a mirror,” Javier explained.
Eventually, Javier went outside to help the other foreigner, who was still on the floor near the bathroom. I followed and sat beside them, watching.
“Your ex-wife paid 3 or 4 thousand dollars to a very strong sorcerer in India to kill you and your new wive,” said Javier. “That sorcerer sent two spirits to harm your body. Be quiet everyone, I want to speak with the spirits!”
Everyone hushed down.
“Who are you? Who sent you? Why are you making this poor man suffer? Leave my house! Why don't you come into the temple? Why don't you come into the main room? What are you doing hiding here in the back?”
Javier was having a long conversation with invisible spirits.
Suddenly, suffering from an invisible blow, he moaned in pain and doubled over. His breathing became labored, and he opened his arms wide.
“What was that, devil serpent? You can't kill me! I am stronger than you. Now get out of here before I kill you.”
Javier gasped, then cleared his throat. His voice had changed to that of a woman.
“Should I kill these evil spirits?” asked the female voice.
“No...” responded the foreigner. “Don’t kill them... Don’t kill anybody...”
The female spirit inside Javier then began to reason with the offending spirits, asking them to go away. I was amazed at what I was seeing.
“Now you will hear the song of a mermaid,” said the female voice. With a soft feminine voice full of vibrato, in subtle and beautiful tones, Javier sang an otherworldly song. That song sounded like it belonged to a woman who was destined to be forever alone. It was filled with sadness and beauty, which were greatly amplified by the effects of the ayahuasca.
When the song was over, Javier declared that one of the spirits had left. He then pressed his lips against the sick man's head and began to suck out his illness. Holding his mouth shut with both hands, he continued sucking, trying hard not to vomit. Finally, he produced a sound of great disgust, moved away from the foreigner, and projectile vomited a bucket of liquid all over the floor. Then, still gasping, he gulped down about a liter of water from a huge container which somebody readily handed him.
A few minutes earlier, the sick man was incomprehensible, babbling and mumbling to himself. Now, he could actually speak. He thanked Javier and moved himself into a sitting position. Then, Javier put him on a mat to rest and we returned to the main room.
People continued to come up for healing for another three hours. A group of latecomers came knocking on the front door and Javier yelled at them. “Who opened the door? If you are late, you cannot come in!”
Once all of the sick people were served, Javier gave audience to those of us who drank ayahuasca. He sang me a prayer about Christ, during which I clearly saw a vision of the cross with Jesus on it.
“You have something bad in your stomach,” I was told after the song was over. “You are a good person, but this thing is causing you bad luck. Somebody’s bad intentions are making your life difficult. Clear this thing, and everything will get better!”
“I’m aware of the problem in my stomach,” I said. “I have pulsario. Last year, Percy Garcia took some of it out, but he could not remove everything.”
“Percy can't take it out!” laughed Javier. “He doesn't have the power!”
I was then told that it would cost 100 dollars to clean up my stomach, and we made an appointment to get it done. When I came home that night, a quartz crystal given to me by Percy fell off my neck, having untied itself after being in place for nearly a year. It felt like Percy had withdrawn his support from me. I decided to not put the necklace back on.
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Next evening, a guy in his 20’s and a girl in her early 30’s came over to visit Alan. They had just returned from a trip down the river, and the girl's legs were all swollen with mosquito bites. The visitors sat around the table with Alan, drinking rum and coke and discussing shamanism, ayahuasca, and personal experiences. I came up and asked Alan if he could recommend me any healers who were not in shamanism for the money.
“You don't need a shaman, you can cook your own medicine,” answered Alan, evading my question. “I don't say this to everyone, because I make money from them too, but you can do it. You don't need to keep any diet, or follow any rules that you don't understand. I want to see people drinking ayahuasca all over the world, becoming their own shamans, and holding their own ceremonies. And don’t bother about the rituals. It’s superstition. I intentionally broke every traditional rule just to see what would happen... Nothing ever happened!”
I listened, but could not agree. I had come to Peru to learn from the masters.
If I wanted to drink by myself, I could have just as easily stayed home. “There is so much to learn from the elders,” I thought. “There are traditional ways of drinking ayahuasca. To dismiss all of the songs, diets and rituals would be to lose a lot.”
I tried asking Alan about the traditional ways of using ayahuasca, but he was not at all interested in traditions. “It’s just a bunch of bullshit,” he insisted. The visitors nodded their heads in agreement.
“We are going to go to Alan's jungle property and drink there,” they told me. “You should come with us!”
The night was hot and humid, and everyone was intoxicated with alcohol. “Let's go swimming,” the girl suddenly offered. “It's gorgeous out there and the moon is full!” Nobody seemed excited enough to get up.
“I'm going by myself then,” concluded the girl. Taking off her clothes piece by piece, she stood in the moonlight, a few feet away from us. She had no bathing suit and entered the swimming pool nude.
I joined her a few minutes later. We swam under the gorgeous full moon that was only visible from the pool. The girl danced in the water like some kind of mermaid, probably trying to seduce me.
When she got out, there were no towels anywhere, and Alan did not express the slightest desire of looking for one.
The three of us sat and stared at the nude girl. “Isn't anyone going to bring me a towel?” she asked. Alan could not refrain from commenting. “Que bonita! Que linda! Isn't she beautiful?” In that moonlight she was.
That night, as we were saying goodbye, she came in for a hug and tried to kiss me on the lips. I quickly turned my head and she only got my cheek. The air was restless with excitement, and I couldn’t help remembering Ninfa.
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In my dreams, I saw Percy Garcia. “I am planning to drink ayahuasca alone at Alan's property,” I told him. “I don't think you need that,” he answered. “You can come and stay for a week at my center instead.”
Then, I heard screaming, and together with Percy went inside a house to see what was happening.
Something dangerous was coming. Percy took my hand and hid me under a table, while himself hiding underneath another one. The dream obviously indicated danger, but I thought nothing of it. When I awoke in the morning, Percy Garcia was chatting with Alan in the
next room.
“Yes, you can come to my center,” he said after I told him about the dream. “You can stay for two weeks, if you want.”
Later that day, I went to my appointment with Javier. The waiting room was filled with local people, all of them waiting to be healed. I felt the energy of the place as soon as I stepped in. Yet something inside me felt uneasy.
“It's hot here, and I am the only foreigner,” I reasoned. “The locals are paying with packs of cigarettes, but I have to pay 100 dollars. It's not fair! With that money, I could buy my own ayahuasca and drink it for a month!” With these thoughts, I flipped a coin and it came up tails. I decided to leave. “If I still have that thing in my stomach after I get back from Percy's, I will ask Javier to proceed with the healing,” I thought.
Earlier that day, I asked about good curanderos6 in Belen market and was given the address of a man named Golbert Grandez. Since I wouldn't be receiving a healing from Javier, I decided to go and meet Golbert instead. I found him in his office behind a storefront. He looked like a rather ordinary middle aged Peruvian and had a picture of Sathya Sai Baba on his altar.
“What did you come to me for?” he asked. I told him that I wanted to help people in some way.
Golbert took out a necklace of Indian rudraksha7 beads and put it around his neck. Then, he extracted a pack of tarot cards from a drawer. “Cut the cards,” he instructed. Without me asking for it, he was doing a tarot reading.
I turned on my voice recorder.
“The first card says that your psychic powers are dormant. You need to awaken them,” he began. “The second card says that you have very green healing energy in your hands, but that you need to meditate more to connect with the plants and learn their language. The third card says that you will promptly have new knowledge. You need to drink the plants, to sing to the plants, and to smoke the plants.
“You have a lot of karma that needs to be cleansed and let go of. The cards say that you represent the face of plants in the world. God has a plan for you to travel the world spreading a message of hope. But you need to raise your consciousness, learn ancient knowledge, and work hard. The plants will clear your old karma and the bad intentions of others that are still affecting you. There is an old energetic disturbance in your stomach, the result of someone’s bad intentions.
“When you drink the plants, you need to call to them and ask them to give you their knowledge and powers. You have to do this with every plant you work with. You will travel to many parts of the world, bringing healing. You will meet many important people who will help you with your projects.” I didn’t have any time to ask questions. Golbert kept talking.
“The spirit of music is present in your body and soul. Many people will record music with you...
“An angel of nature is going to enter your body and heal through you. You will need to wash yourself with plants and take plants internally for this to happen.
“Many people from other places will come to see you, asking for advice and healing. You can bring ancient transcendental healing to the physical world. People will help you bring healing to every corner of the planet. The world will accept you quickly. Your words will find acceptance and love. Many sick people will look for you to restore their health.
“There is a fermentation in your intestines that needs to be purified. In your feet, there are many stored negative energies that need to be removed. You have a lot of mucous accumulated. You need to clean your lungs and throat, and to purify your blood. Then, you will be able to heal people through your hands.
“But first, you need to have health in your body. You need to energize yourself with flower baths. You need to meditate alone, to communicate with the spirits of the plants and the elemental forces. You need to lower your intake of sugar and salt. When you diet, other spirits will present themselves to you and talk with you. The spirit of tobacco loves you. You need to smoke and blow the smoke on your body to harmonize your energies...
“The plants of the Amazon want you to start dieting right now, today, to connect with them. We will have a ceremony tonight to begin the process, and then you will take a purgative to clear the old energies out of your body.
“You also need to take some plants for your nerves to have good health, then clean your pancreas and your urinary system. You need to take out all the garbage and purify your blood. You need to practice songs, icaro8, chants, sounds. The first thing is to purify your body and clean everything out. Afterwards, you can take ayahuasca, chiric sanango, mapacho9, and other purgatives. That is all for now.”
Golbert paused, then asked me for $70, to “buy the medicine.” I paid him and went home, instructed to come back again in the evening.
When I returned that evening, Golbert led me to a bathroom and gave me some perfumed water to bathe with. He also told me the name of my guardian angel, which I immediately forgot it. After my bath, some sort of a mini-ceremony was performed for me, and I was sent home with a laxative drink and a set of rather generic instructions. I drank Golbert’s medicine, but the only obvious effect was that I did not sleep very well that night.
The following day, I ran into Javier in the market. His eyes sparkled with obvious spiritual power. “Why didn't you come yesterday?” he asked. “Nevermind! I am working today, you can come!”
I made some excuse, saying that I wouldn't be able to make it - I was eager to get to the jungle. Later, changing money on the street, I was robbed of ten dollars. By the time I realized what happened, the money changers had already disappeared. That night, I again slept poorly, waking up many times. When morning came, I packed my bag and went to Percy's center, planning to stay there for two weeks, while keeping the strictest possible diet.
e
Walking through those familiar woods, with the sounds of birds and other wildlife all around made me feel very much at home. After being shown to my hut, I carefully arranged my things on the table and went for my flower bath. Bathing with perfumed water was supposed to remove negative energies from my body and attract the plant spirits. At 7 PM sharp, everyone headed to the temple for a ceremony. As I was heading out, I wondered whether I should lock my door or not.
“The plastic mesh on the windows is very easy to break,” I reasoned. “If anyone wants to break in, this lock will not prevent them from doing so. Besides, I stayed here before and it was safe. I’ll just leave it open.”
In the ceremonial temple, we waited for Percy for over an hour. During this time, my initial excitement about the ceremony faded, and I lost all desire to drink. The mere thought of ayahuasca made me nauseous. My mind travelled to Canada, to my co-workers, family and girlfriend.
When Percy finally brought the brew, I drank a cup and threw up immediately. For the rest of the ceremony, I just lay there, not really comfortable, slipping in and out of dream states. In a brief dream, I saw two Swiss gentlemen who were opening a cafe. “What’s missing here?” they asked each other. One word came into my mind: “a safe.”
At that exact moment, I woke up and opened my eyes. The temple was dark and silent. I wanted to immediately return to my hut, but then saw that Percy was still there and that the ceremony was not yet over. I resisted the urge to leave and lay back down.
When I finally arrived at my maloca10 after the ceremony, I immediately saw that my camera and Ipod had been stolen. I ran to Percy's hut and told him about the robbery. He said he would investigate in the morning.
This began a restless night for all of us at the center.
Back in my hut, I examined my backpack and found that my rented cell phone was also missing. “It's better to not have anything, to be nobody, to live simply,” I thought.
I also thought about the possible causes of my misfortune.
“I don't know how moral or immoral these shamans are,” I realized. “They all want a lot of money, and they all have a lot of power, which they could easily use to take advantage of the people who come to see them. While I was vulnerable in the ayahuasca trance, Javier could have easily put a spell on me, tweaking my destiny. And what is the point of these ceremonies? Tonight, I didn’t even have any visions...”
I got up and looked again at the table - my cabin key was also missing.
A moment later, Percy's voice called me from outside my cabin. “Andrew, are you OK?”
Being too restless to sleep, I went outside and joined him. We moved through the darkness from cabin to cabin, checking all of the locks. One after the other, we found three more cabins that had been broken into. Inside them, things were scattered all over the floor. I saw credit cards, clothes, and empty wallets.
We hurried back to the central maloca, where everybody was still lying on their mats, totally unaware of what had taken place. Percy braced himself and announced the bad news, speaking in Spanish.
Nobody understood him, so I began to translate.
Soon, everyone went to their rooms to assess the damage. One man lost $300. A Swiss couple claimed to have lost an astonishing $5000. Another man had nothing of value, so he lost nothing. The fourth man had all of his valuables in his backpack, which he brought with him to the ceremony. That’s what I should have done.
I spent the rest of the night in the relative comfort of my own space, while the other visitors grouped themselves inside two of the largest huts, afraid to sleep alone. During the next few hours, every sound seemed menacing. In particular, the falling papaya leaves sounded like approaching footsteps.
It was about 2 AM when Percy and his apprentice, armed with machetes, started walking to the closest police station. The rest of us went to sleep. The same day, Ninfa had her cell phone stolen in Canada.
e
Waking up nice and early the following morning, I prepared to go to Iquitos to cancel my Visa and my cell phone. Percy was still out. Before I could leave, the Swiss couple approached me and the man began to interrogate me.
“Where are you going? Why? What's in your bag?” he questioned. I gave him my bag to look through.
“What is this?”
“It's a flashlight,” I replied.
“What's that?” The guy was relentless.
“It's herbs. Leaves. Medicinal plants,” I answered.
The man kept me there for about 15 minutes with his questions.
“I don't think you should go alone,” he finally said. “I think we all need to stay together until the police get here.”
“That's a great idea,” I replied sarcastically. “Unfortunately, I have things to do. I need to cancel my phone and my credit card.”
“Then we will go with you,” concluded the man. “But we first I need to change my clothes and get ready.”
The guy slowly walked to his hut and disappeared inside. If David Icke was right about the existence of lizard people, this guy must have been one of them! The way he moved, talked, walked - everything about him took ages.
He still wasn't ready when I suggested that instead of going to Iquitos, I would call Alan from the nearest pay phone. The lizard man agreed, but sent two people to accompany me. They followed me like bodyguards.
A strange feeling accompanied me everywhere I went. Every turn of events and almost every conversation seemed to be right out of a really good movie. I had just lost a lot of valuable stuff, but I had to admit that I was having fun.
e
Next morning, I awoke to sounds of rain beating softly against the thatched roof of my hut. The drops of water falling from the giant banana leaves sounded like footsteps. With my eyes still closed, I imagined that Ninfa was coming to see me.
That evening during ceremony, Percy rang the closing bell over and over, pausing for long intervals. It seemed like he was waiting just for me. Finally, I went outside and purged. When I came back, the ceremony was officially closed, but I was offered a second cup of ayahuasca, which I accepted.
After drinking a second serving of the brew, I hurried back to my hut. I knew that very soon, walking would become impossible. Even if I could still move my legs, it was likely that I would either get lost or just wonder off into the jungle, hypnotized by the moon.
In the safety of my bed, my thoughts turned to the possibility of going back to Canada. I no longer felt so sure about staying Peru.
“I could just live simply in Canada, close to all of my best friends,” I thought. “Do I really need all of these adventures?”
Just then, I felt something very large was approaching. A powerful energy hung over me and the silence was so profound that it felt uncomfortable.
I began to mentally chant a mantra to fill the silence.
Then, something started to pull me downwards and to the left. I resisted because I did not know where I was being taken. A few moments later, I saw faint black and white outlines of various kinds of fish swimming in front of my eyes. I was evidently in an underwater world. There, I encountered many beings who were chatting excitedly. In a flash, various plant spirits presented themselves to me. These tiny spirits greeted me and I understood that I was being accepted into a school.
After this, I was brought in front of a spirit whom I could not see. We communicated telepathically. Ninfa also appeared, in the form of a little baby.
“Teach me,” I asked the being. “Help me on the way, give me strength.”
“First, hand that baby over to me,” the spirit replied.
I reached for baby Ninfa, but she pulled away, afraid and crying. I reached for her again, and the same scene repeated. Eventually, I abandoned communication with the spirit, preferring to keep Ninfa.
During the entire journey, I was listening very attentively to the sounds all around - inside and out. I heard two kinds of sound made by the spirits - the sound of blowing and the sound of spitting. In addition, I kept hearing the sound of saliva hitting the floor. Spirits were present in the room, and although I could not see them, I could definitely hear them. Outside, a little night bird was singing on top of my roof.
I became aware, as the effects of the ayahuasca faded, that a clean and pure a body was necessary in order to communicate with the spiritual world. I also saw that pollution of every kind served to prevent communication with the world of spirit.
Unnecessary pollution had penetrated everything - our air, water and food, as well as our minds and our senses. It became clear to me that this pollution was a weapon used by the dark side, playing a big part in the constant battle between good and evil that rages all around us.
The following morning, the Swiss man came to my room and began to apologize for suspecting me earlier.
“Don't worry about it, it's OK,” I said without lifting my eyes from the painting I was working on. He kept silent for a few moments.
“Actually, we still suspect you,” he finally said.
“Is that so?” I asked. “I don't want anyone to go to Peruvian prison... Maybe we can keep it private and not go to the police,” he went on.
“Keep WHAT private? What are you talking about?”
“When the insurance comes in, if you just give us the money, we will not go to the police,” he droned in his dull monotone.
“Are you serious? Didn't I already tell you that I didn't take your money?”
“Well I just don't want anyone to go to jail here,” he mumbled.
“I got nothing to fear and nothing to hide. I already told you that,” I said.
“I'm just making you an offer...”
It was fortunate that I was deeply engaged in painting at the time, which allowed me to divide only a tiny fraction of my attention to this most unpleasant personality. Otherwise, he could have driven me mad.
“If you're gonna go to the police, what will you tell them?” I finally asked.
“You left the ceremony first, and your key was found in another cabin.”
The fact that my key was later found in another cabin was strange. In fact, the entire series of events was strange, but I had already given up thinking about it.
“I don't know why my key was in another room,” I admitted. “But I know that I didn't put it there. Maybe it's some kind of a setup.
“There is nothing you can say to defend yourself if you go to prison... I just don't think it's fair,” said the Swiss very slowly in his lizard-like manner.
“You're right, it's NOT fair if I go to prison. Cause I'm innocent!” I snapped. “Well, I'm sorry that this funny situation happened. I have to go now,” he said, opening the door. “It's not funny,” I objected.
“I have to leave now. We won’t do anything. Sorry we suspected you.”
e
The Swiss disappeared and the air seemed to regain some of its freshness. My painting was finished. I packed all of my things and headed back to Iquitos, planning to return to Percy’s center as soon as possible.
It had been raining for days - long bursts of torrential rains lasting hours. It rained many times during each day, and the jungle road was so muddy that a group of men had to pull in entire tree trunks for making walkways.
They pulled their loads on a rope, puffing, yelling, and laughing. I had to go around, through the thick of the jungle, as the path they were working on was impassible. Navigating through the thick of the forest, I found something resembling a footpath, and after trekking through the mud for an hour, came out near the highway. In my mind, I was considering the possible causes of my recent bout of bad luck, and making future plans.
e
Over the course of the next few days, I found out that no crime is investigated in Iquitos unless someone pays off the cops. But even after you hand over the cash, nothing is really done. The police only demand more and more money.
I called my phone company and was informed that a number of phone calls had been made from my cell after the robbery.
“Great!” I thought. “It will be easy to catch the robbers now, with these Iquitos phone numbers in hand!” Wrong.
“We can't get the names of the owners of these cell phones,” a Peruvian cop told me. “That information is private. What I can do is call the numbers from my cell, pretending to be a drunk member of the gang. This way, I may be able to get some information. But first, I need some money to buy credit for my phone.”
I gave that cop a $20 bill.
“I can also try to pay off the phone company and get the names of the people that way,” he continued. “But that will cost $100 and there is no guarantee.” I refused to pay and never heard from that cop again.
Percy said that he was paying off the cops, but there were no results. The Swedish couple continued blaming me, going as far as to say that Alan was the mastermind behind the robbery, while I was his puppet, responsible for doing the dirty work. Several months later, Percy finally told me that the theft had been committed by his cook, who disappeared shortly after.
My things were never recovered.
“Don
Quixote” (Peru, 2009) | Previous: “Scared Girl” (Peru, 2009)
Chapter 2
Conversations with the Real Don Juan
THE ACADEMIC community now largely agrees that the Don Juan of Carlos Castaneda was a fictional character. Yet in Iquitos, Peru, I met a real healer with the same name. Don Juan Tangoa had been Alan Shoemaker’s maestro for nearly two years.
I did not recognize Don Juan when he first welcomed me into his house because he looked so ordinary. “Some people like to wear feathers and color their faces to impress the tourists,” he explained.
“They pretend to be indigenous, but they are not, and neither am I. Why should I wear feathers, paint my face, and all that nonsense?”
That night, there were only four people present when Don Juan started to serve the ayahuasca. “It's tasty!” he told me. “Are you hungry?” I drank my cup, chasing it with a slice of orange. The taste wasn't at all that bad, and it didn't linger in my throat like Percy's brew. I sat and waited.
The door opened and a group of Peruvians entered to join us. They were the first such group of several. Don Juan chatted and joked with his Peruvian friends for about half an hour before finally turning off the lights.
I sat in the darkness, awaiting the icaros. Soon my field of vision exploded in brilliant color. The geometrical patterns before my eyes were exquisite, and the colors were otherworldly. Don Juan went outside and spent the next 20 minutes violently coughing and spitting. Everyone in the room was silent.
Then, many high pitched voices began to appear around the room. Each voice had its own unique character. Some made gargling sounds as they spoke, others produced a certain characteristic sigh. They did not appear to be speaking Spanish.
“They are voices of spirits but they have no real power,” Alan later told me. “They can't do anything, but they come to watch. One time I blew smoke at them and they all went away,” he laughed.
There was celestial music playing in the air - somewhere above me and to the right. I felt like the whole world was a flute, like the fabric of space-time itself had holes, through which some spirit blew these celestial melodies. They were of a higher frequency than any man-made instrument and consisted not only of a melody but also of a harmony of at least three voices.
I concentrated on my third eye and was taken further and further in, greeted by ever changing patterns. I traveled through what seemed like a crystal world, then felt my body expanding until it became enormous. I remained in meditation for some time and realized what is attained by Zen Buddhist masters. By training their attention in extensive meditation, their attention remains in the same heightened state during waking hours. With my eyes closed, I felt like a Buddha sitting on top of the Himalayas.
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