BARBIE DUEL
SHE SEEMS NICE
BUT SHE IS NOT
by
Darrel D. Miller
SMASHWORDS EDITION
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PUBLISHED BY:
Darrel D. Miller on Smashwords
Barbie Duel
She Seems Nice but She is Not
Copyright © 2011 by Darrel D. Miller
Smashwords Edition License Notes
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This essay is of personal interest for me, because I have always been kind of interested in Barbie (She was the same size as the original GI Joe, who was the same “size” as Ken.). I think my interest in Barbie peaked around the same time my dick did, and has stopped only because I can now get porn on my phone. (Perhaps you read my other essay “Cannanite Barbie”, they call those stone idols fertility gods for a reason. (hint: that reason were the same as the stains on the blue dress). Of course now my interest has popped up again, because I am married (hint: its like being a Catholic Priest) and I only have a rotary phone.
The original idea for Barbie came when her creator, Ruth Handler, was overseas somewhere in Europe (the story changes sometimes she got the inspiration in Germany or Switzerland) where she found a doll by the name of Bild Lilli. This German doll was in turn inspired by a comic strip featuring a baby faced working woman. Originally Bild Lilli was a baby, but the comic's creator couldn't sell a comic with a cute baby, so she became a baby faced adult woman, because nothing sells comics like sexy babies (still popular today). Bild was a liberated working woman who used men, once Mattel bought her, they renamed her Barbie and she became a working woman used by men.
Ruth came up with the idea for Barbie when she was watching her daughter play with paper dolls. She wanted her daughter to be able to do more adult things with her dolls (no doubt something her child and children, especially boys, have accomplished ever since). I say Ruth nor her child had much of an imagination, I could make paper dolls do all kinds of adult things with just a paper punch and pipe cleaner. Barbie was an immediate success with children, who loved to dress her (and adults (men) who loved to undress her).
This was in 1959, and at 52 Barbie doesn't look a day over 20, proving to everyone everywhere that plastic surgery works. As long as you are a doll. Since her birth her appearance hasn't changed much, something most 52 year olds can't say.
Despite her cheery demeanor though, Barbie has had it pretty rough. She has not survived this long without a few controversies popping up.
One of the earliest complaints by parents (mostly women, okay only women) was that she had boobs. They were offended that her boobs were so perky. (I say they were just jealous). This lead to an inspection of her body dimensions (leading to many jokes about Inspector Two, alright no jokes) in which it was determined that no woman could realistically achieve this body shape (but whats the harm in trying, right?) Eventually in 1997 Barbie's waist had been widened along with the rest of the country's.
During the raging debates (remember among mothers) about Barbie's body image (does she ever have body image issues?) Mattel did not help themselves any, for in a couple of different packages they provided weight control advice that included, among other things, this piece of advice to lose weight: “Don't Eat”. In another package they provided a weight scale that read 110lbs. It has been estimated that Barbie, in real life, would be 5'9”, and in 1971 (when the scale toy came out) this would make her 35 lbs underweight, today she would be considered 35 lbs overweight. Some even claim she promotes eating disorders, which is a lie, you cannot get her fingers into her mouth (much to the dismay of perverts everywhere)
The controversies did not end there, Barbie has plastic mold injected herself into many other issues as well.
In 2004 she divorced Ken saying “He just can't do me anymore. No I'm serious, he has no dick.” (She didn't really say that, Barbie can't talk, unless she is Teen Talk Barbie, who also said, “Math is Hard, Unlike Ken.”)
This lead to a makeover for Ken sponsored by Viagra (he was blue and inspired a flaccid movie created by James Cameron). Now parents, mostly men, were upset by Ken, its a case of plastic penis envy. However, in an odd turn of events parents, mostly women, okay only women, are upset that the change was made stating, “Before he was the perfect man.” Especially since they noted that at 1/6th scale it is even creepier than at full size.
Probably her biggest blow out came early in her career when she appeared as an African American. The model was cast in dark plastic, yet retained white features. Proving to children everywhere that blackness is just skin deep. Mattel redoubled their racism when they later teamed with Oreo in a marketing campaign (bringing together two things perverts love, and prompting these folks to pose the question “Which one should I dunk in the milk, first?”) to create both a white AND black barbie. This was not, as you can imagine, anywhere near as popular as bringing together chocolate and peanut butter (something else perverts also love on Barbie)
Ultimately the reason for all of these criticisms and controversies is the fact that critics think children will think Barbie is a role model (something no one has actually asked children if they think), and they are right. She is a model that has taken on many roles in her lifetime. One positive thing that critics should note is that researchers have found that Barbie may not always be a role model (if she ever is). In some studies they have found that little girls will do very mean things to their Barbies (such as decapitation or microwaving her). The researchers suggest that this is an effort on the part of these girls to leave their past behind. But I think the researchers are wrong, I think the girls who torture Barbie are preparing for their future, in high school.
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