Choosing Joy
#1: Valentines Day
By Roger Wyer
And
Joyce S. Kaye
Published by Spirit-Works Enterprises at Smashwords
Copyright 2011
Learn more about Roger Wyer at https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/RogerWyer
Roger and Joyce's Related Blogs and Websites:
www.ChoosingJoyForYourWedding.com
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Contents
Renew Your Vows
Rekindling Joy
Love Yourself
Renew Your Vows
Besides your wedding anniversary, what better day to renew your vows than Valentines Day? Whether you remember them or not, your vows can serve as the foundation for your marriage. Why not take a few moments to recommit yourselves to your relationship?
Craft your vows in two parts - what a joyful marriage means to you, and your promises to each other. You may want to write your vows together and commit to the same promise, or write them separately and surprise each other. We encourage you to dream, to be romantic, and to be truthful. We'll provide some guidance and examples to get you started - then let your hearts lead the way. We add our love to yours as we celebrate together the Joy of Marriage!
What marriage means to you
In this section, you present your deepest thoughts and feelings about your marriage. Paint a picture of what your marriage will be through the coming years. What’s most important to you? Perhaps you’ll want to include a quote or story that captures the spirit of marriage for you.
Most couples don’t spend time deliberately co-creating their marriage – they’re too busy planning their wedding. We know you talked about it, but did you dream about it? Together?
Now that you’re married and you’ve got some history under your belt, we encourage you to set aside some time to consider reinventing your marriage together. Is your marriage all you hoped for? Have your hopes eroded over time?
See if you can be a stand for your dreams. First though, you’ll have to get clear about what you want your marriage to be. Then you’ll have to get on the same page as your partner.
In this section of your vows, please do not be tied to the-way-things-are-today. Your goal, should you both decide to accept it, is to set a new course, make a commitment, and take your first step. That’s what we offer you today.
Promises
In this section, you repeat your sacred promise to your partner. You may make different promises, or share the same promise. This is the one that will form the basis of your relationship. It will show up on mementos and keepsakes for years to come, and perhaps even be posted on your bathroom mirror as a loving reminder. We deeply want to keep our promises.
Here's an example from our wedding:
Roger: I, Roger, promise to do my best to always see the Light in you. I promise to do my best to be your perfect shelter, where you can be reborn in safety and in peace.
Joyce: I, Joyce, promise to do my best to always see the Light in you. I promise to do my best to be your perfect shelter, where you can be reborn in safety and in peace.
Your promise can be as long or short as you’d like. It can include promises like picking up your underwear every day or snuggling before bedtime. Make promises in a way that you can hold yourself and each other accountable. Don’t make promises you can’t or won’t keep. It’s better to take a few strong steps and keep at them than to promise the world and then be overwhelmed by the delivery.
Holding your partner accountable to their promise doesn’t mean waving it in their face. In a loving relationship, we hold our partner accountable by holding the space for them to be accountable.
Writing your vows
Here are a few tips for personalizing the words you’ll use to define your marriage:
Start early
Use this process as an opportunity to share with your partner your deepest thoughts, feelings, and expectations about marriage – to bring you closer together
Plan to come together regularly as you explore and create your partnership, and find the words to describe it
Make it a romantic and fun adventure together
Connect with Spirit, your Higher Power, to provide inspiration
Do a little research – read other vows and talk with your loved ones
Craft words that reflect who you are – short or long, simple or elegant, gentle or strong
Don’t settle – work on it until the words ring true for both of you – you’ll want them to work for you powerfully
Putting it all together
Here's a little ceremony you can do together. Modify to your heart’s content – literally!
Set things up beforehand. Light those candles!
It’s ok to read what you wrote – it’s also ok to speak from your heart. Before you begin, sit in silence together. Get connected to your Source. Ask for guidance. Choose peace.
Blessing
Dear Spirit: On this day, we bless each other and our recommitment to each other and to God as the foundation of our marriage. We give thanks for this moment together with You and with each other. Please help us feel Your Presence in this beautiful setting and in our hearts, and guide us as we grow together in Your love. Amen.
Recommitment
Life brings change and so tests our faith. Are we able to lay aside our errors and refocus our lives on Truth, or do we remain mired in dysfunctional habits which separate us from each other, from God, and from those we love? We welcome each new beginning as we once again turn our minds and hearts toward God, seeking guidance in our awakening to His presence. At each new beginning we take forward that which is of greatest value in this awakening: our connection to each other, to Nature, and to God. And we recommit ourselves fully to the task of deepening these connections. Let us step forward in a state of grace, knowing that we will support each other in upholding our commitments.
Words
Today we feel, in a real sense, the presence of Christ in our relationships - caring for us, guiding us, encouraging our peace and joy. The vows we speak today not only acknowledge the presence of Christ as the third part of a holy relationship, but also give voice to our intention to place this presence at the center of every one of our relationships. We now see only one way to build a union that works and we freely choose that way.
Recommitment vows
Remember to look into each other's eyes and speak slowly - and from your heart!
Gift to each other
Here's where you exchange gifts with each other as symbols of the commitment you just made. Your gifts need not be fancy - a flower will do nicely. Just think of each gift as representing your feelings and dreams about your partner and your relationship.
Closing prayer
Thank You for this moment together. We bless our family and our life together. Help us remember You in times of laughter as well as times of pain. May we be renewed daily in the commitments we made here today. Thank You for this opportunity to serve You. Please guide us joyfully into this new adventure together. Let us go forward in Your peace and love. Amen
Rekindling Joy
To settle you into the mood for Valentines Day, here are some ideas to help you quickly reconnect with your joy. Holidays are all about providing fantastic stimulation for our senses. Use your senses to help you rekindle joy stored in your memory - or to create new associations.
Sounds
For some of us, the right music can bring joy instantly. Maybe it’s a song with a special association for you. Maybe it’s a tune with a faster or slower tempo that breaks the rhythm you’re in. Maybe it’s a lullaby. Maybe it’s just very beautiful.
Perhaps for you it’s the sound of someone’s voice, or the rustling of pine trees, or the rush of running water. Sounds definitely resonate with memories. How can you use sound to boost you into a Valentines Day state of joy?
Sights
What is it that, when you see it, brings joy? A scene in nature? A beautiful work of art? A smile on the face of someone you love? Your favorite stadium before the big games? A cartoon? A flower? Your dog running to greet you?
We don’t have to go there physically. Close your eyes. Crank up the movie in your brain. Use your imagination. Be there now.
Tastes
Can tastes bring joy? We think our bazillion-dollar food industry would be delighted to answer that one! What could it be for you? Your favorite dessert perhaps? That special dish a loved one prepares just for you? Steak? Potato chips? Freshly baked chocolate chip cookies? Strawberries dipped in chocolate?
Go for it! Remember, you just need a bite or two to help restore your joy. To make it easier, close your eyes and see if you can make it happen in your imagination. Imagining tastes powerfully takes practice. You’ll know you’ve got it when the saliva begins to flow. And the joy!
Smells
The right smell can instantly awaken memories with joyful associations. What is that scent for you? A certain perfume or cologne? A certain odor wafting from the kitchen? Apple cider perhaps, or popcorn? How about the smell of rain? Or a gardenia?
You may use an odor to tie together an entire joyful scene including sights, sounds, and tastes. One cool clear morning on a backpacking trip way up in the mountains, Rog awoke to the smell of bacon cooking across a meadow filled with wildflowers. Deer in the meadow paused with me to enjoy that smell too. If I close my eyes, I can be there in an instant. The air was charged with joy that morning!
Touch
How about a comforting hand on your shoulder? Or a hug? It’s ok to ask for these. Just be careful. There’s nothing like touch to connect with another, to help us feel we are not alone, to reassure us things are ok.
Can you imagine that touch now? With enough clarity and force to bring a smile to your face?
How about the sensation of holding hands, touching your pet rock, or stroking the soft fur of your cat, or feeling the water as you shower? Any of these will break the fading of joy for an instant and allow you a moment to choose again.
Make it happen
What sensations do you associate with Love? With your honey? See if you can create a setting that brings forward as many powerful memories as possible. Don't forget to emphasize those sensations your partner loves!
Love Yourself
If Valentines Day is about love, and love begins with loving ourself, Valentines Day is a moment to honor yourself. We often hear it said that we cannot give what we do not have. Take time now to fill your tank with love.
Begin by giving yourself a little peace and quiet. Find a place to be alone where you will not be disturbed.
Breathe slowly and deeply. Inhale love - exhale your cares and distractions.
Remember that you are a Perfect Child of God. Think about it deeply for awhile. Feel the love of your Creator flowing through you now and always.
Give thanks for you. Express your gratitude for all that you are and all that you are becoming.
Feel yourself filling with Love Energy. Extend this Love Energy to all your brothers and sisters.
Feel the Love that You Are.
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End Stuff
Thank-you to readers
Thank you for choosing and reading this e-book! And more importantly, thank you for your commitment to choosing joy. Your intentions and actions along the road to awakening make vital contributions to the world. These contributions cannot be measured and may never be fully understood by you or me. Blessings to you!
Remember that you are never alone.
See you on The Road!
Roger and Joyce
About the Authors
Roger Wyer
Roger Wyer discovered his personal mission inscribed by his Sunday school teacher on the inside of the Bible he received in fourth grade: “Let your light so shine before men that they will see your good works and give glory to your Father in Heaven.” He’s been learning about and practicing this mission ever since.
Rog is a writer, teacher, and speaker – one known in ancient times as “scribe.” His first book is entitled “Choosing Joy at Work.” Rog is engaged in an all-in experiment in faith, in which every action is guided by Spirit.
Rog is a researcher by nature, and a systems guy by bent, so he was always trying to figure out how things work and how to get them to work more effectively – until he gave it all over to Spirit. His years devoted to generating meaningful conversations and his training as a teacher make him well-suited to developing and sharing healing knowledge.
While working in landscape design and installation, Rog realized he’s part tree. He’s fully embraced a gift from Nature – a new gardening paradigm – and the calling to share it. He’s laying out this new paradigm on his website GardeningWithNature.org.
As co-founder and partner in BizWorks Studio, Rog expresses joy through working with nonprofit organizations to help build strong volunteer programs.
Joyce Kaye
As The Computer Spirit, Joyce provides computer coaching, publishes beautiful e-newsletters to help clients reach out to their community, and creates a practical array of online and hardcopy marketing materials. As the founder of Spirit-Works Enterprises, she provides support to clients through wedding coaching and serving as a wedding celebrant.
Joyce earned her Master of Social Work degree from Fordham University in New York City, and is an ordained non-denominational minister. She is a Certified Microsoft® Office Specialist and co-author of Labyrinth Publications’ “Microsoft® Outlook 2003 Essentials” book.
Joyce has served in both public and private sectors for more than twenty years. Her tenure in the transportation and financial industries includes experience in operations, staff training, customer service, business planning, statistical analysis, credit analysis, database design, and contract administration. Joyce served as an adjunct faculty member at Santa Fe Community College, where she became known as “The Computer Therapist.”
Roger and Joyce
Roger and Joyce were married in February 2005, after meeting on Match.com and a subsequent flurry of joyful emails. Those in attendance at their wedding still remark about the almost tangible feeling of joy in the room during the ceremony and reception. Since then, they multiply their joy by sharing serving as Wedding Coaches and Celebrants.
Connect with the Authors
Connect with Rog Online
On Linkedin
Rog’s blog at: http://bizworksstudio.com/blog-page/
Rog's blog at: http://rogerwyer.com/
Rog's blog at Heal-Life.org: http://heal-life.org/?page_id=16
Rog's blog at Gardening With Nature: http://gardeningwithnature.org/?page_id=69
Connect with Joyce online:
On Linkedin
Joyce’s blog at: http://joyceskaye.com/