Death Of The Sun
Emily Ward
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2010 Emily Ward
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It's hard to believe it was so long ago. I sat in my car, parked at the lookout spot we used to come to. Beyond the cliff the city lights were spread out for a few miles. The silence was strange and yet comforting at the same time.
I rolled down my window. There was a slight breeze, but the summer air was still warm. Tomorrow I would get in my car and drive to Portland. Tomorrow I would leave this small town, and everything in it, behind me. But tonight I was still here, still haunted by the things that had happened two years ago.
I ran a hand through my hair, closing my eyes. It had been a day like today, hitting the eighties, only a few days before school started again. I remembered calling everyone about a half hour after walking up, around one, so we could hang out.
I heard a car roll up behind me, breaking into my memories. I turned my head and recognized Brandon's headlights. His red truck pulled up next to me. The engine became silent, and he flicked his lights off so I could see his silhouette in the front seat. He opened his front door and walked towards my car, miniscule in comparison to his truck.
Brandon leaned down to look at me through the open window. I was surprised to see a small smile on his face. "Hey," he said.
"Hey," I replied. I motioned to my front seat. "Wanna get in?"
Brandon just nodded. He walked around the front of my car and got in the passenger’s seat. "How's it going?" he asked.
I shrugged a little bit. "All right," I said. "I leave tomorrow."
"My little Sadie, going away to college," Brandon said. He reached across the space between us to pinch my cheek. In spite of myself, I smiled a little bit. I pushed his hand away.
"I'm only a few months younger than you," I said.
"Age is relative," Brandon said shortly.
I rolled my eyes, staying silent. Brandon drummed his fingers on his knee. "Did you read the article today?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said. I had found it while eating breakfast – two years ago, on this day, Trudy Harrison's body washed up on the shoreline of the river. The article talked about her life, her manner of death, and the investigation, which was going nowhere. My parents were surprised. They said things like, ‘It’s been two years already?’ Over the past month, though, my stomach stirred as I gazed at the date on the calendar. I didn't doubt her parents had been counting down the days.
Brandon sighed. "Kinda crazy, huh?" he said. "Two years..."
"Two years," I repeated.
We hadn't even entered our junior year yet. Now, we were finished with high school. Three of us were enrolled in college. Alex had been in Iraq for two months now. All of us were registered voters. Growing up was such a strange part of nature. Life went on, even past the events that should stop the world for a little bit.
"I talked to Melody the other day," Brandon said.
"Oh, yeah?" I feigned interest. "When does she leave for UCLA?"
"In a few days," Brandon said. He cleared his throat. I watched him shift his knees.
"What?" I asked. "What did she say?"
"Oh, nothing, really," Brandon said.
I rolled my eyes. "Come on."
Brandon turned his head to meet my eyes. "She's been thinking about, you know, Trudy and all," he said. "I think she kind of wants to tell someone."
"What? She can't do that. We all swore -"
"Yeah, well, we all promised a lot of things -"
"You're siding with her?" I asked angrily. "You can't back her up, Brandon. She -"
"Don't tell me what I can't do," Brandon cut me off. I gritted my teeth, falling silent. I'd heard that one before. It had been a few months, though.
I tried to quell the anger I felt. "I'm just saying," I said, "that we all agreed to keep quiet about it."
"We were stupid and young," Brandon said. "Maybe we shouldn't have lied. We wouldn’t have had to make that promise."
"But now, all of a sudden, after two years, she's rethinking it?" I exclaimed. "Come on!"
I wanted to drive this car off the cliff in front of me. I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. Melody didn't get it; she didn't get anything, and I didn't think that just because we weren't friends anymore.
"What do you care?" Brandon asked. "You're leaving tomorrow."
I heard the hint of betrayal in his voice, a tone that said I was leaving him. And I guess I was. But he had left me long before I decided to leave him. "So is she," I said.
We fell silent again. I sighed, wanting to say so many things but knowing I didn't have the courage or the time. Part of me just wanted to go back to when we were hanging out at the park, before we went down to swim at the river, before we started drinking, before it got dark, before Trudy disappeared in the current, before Melody got sick of me, before Alex went to Iraq, before Brandon fell out of love with me. But I couldn't go back and I knew it.
Brandon broke the silence. "I'm going to go with her."
"To the police?" I asked.
"Probably to her parents," Brandon said. "They deserve to know the truth, Sadie."
"Yeah, their little girl got drunk and forgot she didn't know how to swim," I said, shaking my head.
Brandon looked at me with disgust. "We're going at noon," he said. "Have a great time in Portland."
He opened the door and got out of the car. I gritted my teeth again. I looked out of my window as he walked by. He avoided my eyes, slamming the driver's door shut. I sat there helplessly as he started his engine and peeled out.
I didn't get to sleep until three. I lay in my empty room, tossing and turning to get in a comfortable position. Everything I owned was packed up and waiting in the living room, waiting to drive across the state with me and start a new life.
I had planned to leave at ten, but my conversation with Brandon changed everything. After my parents took me out to brunch, I told them I was going to hang out with some friends before leaving. They looked at each other, surprised. I could read my mother's thoughts. “What? Sadie doesn't have friends anymore, does she?”
We said goodbye, and I started driving around town. I took every road I could, passing the elementary school I had attended, the park where I had first met Trudy, the library behind which Brandon and I had first kissed. I drove with my window down, my light brown hair moving with the breeze.
Around eleven I ran out of places to go. I drove back to Raven Court and parked across from Trudy's parents' house. It was a two-story light green house with an unused bench on the balcony. I turned off my engine and took the keys out of the ignition. What was I doing here? Melody and Brandon weren't going to show up for another hour.
I stared over at Trudy's old house. We had been walking our dogs in the same park when we met in sixth grade. I jokingly made fun of her dog for being smaller than mine, but we ended up friends. We realized we had three classes together and started sitting next to each other and sharing lunches and cheating off each other’s tests. I laughed softly, remembering when Mr. Trunscott caught us in eighth grade. We had a few detentions, but that didn't stop us, especially in high school.
I leaned over to open my glove compartment. It’d been ages, but I knew the picture was in here somewhere. I found it underneath a few napkins. I pulled it up; a picture of Melody, Trudy, and I. We were getting ready for homecoming, smiling at the camera, our smiles bright as the sun. I bit my lip, looking to the green house to my right.
I looked at the clock. I knew I should just go. It was two years ago. I leaned back in my seat, letting out a sigh. I felt tears sting my eyes as I thought of how much I missed Trudy. How I wished she’d been with us to graduate. How I would still think about calling her sometimes.
Time slipped by. I sat in the front seat, softly crying to myself, trying to talk myself into leaving. Before I knew it, it was twelve ten, and I heard a car roll up.
It was Brandon's truck, and Melody sat in the passenger's seat. The two of them waited in the car for a second, then Brandon got out. He saw me, and we stared at each other for a minute. He walked around the truck and to the front door with Melody, who seemed too distracted to see me.
Trudy's mom let the two of them inside, and I was alone again.
I had come to her house that day. I had called everyone else, but I walked a few blocks to Trudy's house and threw rocks at her window. She had stuck her head out, looking like she had just woken up. I had talked her into hanging out. She came out, her bathing suit underneath her clothes, her blond hair pulled into a ponytail, and we had no idea what was going to happen.
I’d been the first one to lie to the police the next day. Alex followed along, and we later agreed we didn’t want to be involved. I didn’t want to be responsible for my best friend’s death. I’d effectively ignored it for the last two years. Here it was again, though it’d never really gone away.
It wasn’t long before I saw Brandon and Melody come out of the house. After wiping my face, I got out of my car and walked to the other side. Melody was crying, too. She saw me first. She frowned. “What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. There was a heavy pause. “How did it go?”
Melody sniffled, looking at Brandon. He sighed as he scratched the back of his neck. “They weren’t happy,” he said.
I tried to imagine how Brandon and Melody had said it and what her parents had said in response. I crossed my arms. “Did you mention me?”
“Jesus, Sadie,” Brandon said. “It’s not all about you.”
“I was just wondering,” I said.
“We didn’t,” Melody said before Brandon could say anything. She shook her head. “We didn’t mention you or Alex.”
The three of us stood there for another moment. I bit my lip. “Well, I. . .” I trailed off. “I should get going.”
“Us, too,” Brandon said.
“I’ll call you guys,” I said, slowly backing away. I said it without thinking, but now, I realized I might actually do it. I might call them from Portland, tell them about my college classes, my roommate, a new life. I don’t know, maybe it would be easier to be friends if we didn’t really have to be friends.
“Thanks for showing up,” Melody said. I backed into the bumper of my car and met her eyes. She gave me a look that may have been her way of saying it was okay I was such a horrible person.
They got into Brandon’s truck. I opened my door and got into the seat as they drove off. I started my engine and drove for the highway. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Trudy’s number. To my relief, the answering machine picked up before either of her parents did.
“Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Harrison,” I said in a shaky voice. “I - this is Sadie Barnes. I just wanted to call and. . .and say I was there, too, when we were all at the river.” I got onto the highway and accelerated. I felt reckless, like if I swerved into a semi-truck, no one would care. I felt my throat tighten. “It was all my -”
There was a click and then Mrs. Harrison’s voice. “Hello?”
My voice froze in my throat. I didn’t say anything for a moment, and neither did she. I was going to say, “It was all my fault” but now that I knew she was listening, how could I?
I could hear an angry voice in the background, and Mrs. Harrison began arguing with Trudy’s dad, that man we used to fear when we were sneaking out. His voice quieted - maybe he’d fallen silent, or maybe she’d moved to a different room. Mrs. Harrison said, “He’s upset.”
“Well. . .I understand that,” I said. “Look, I just wanted to say. . .I’m sorry.” I fought back more tears and forced myself to put my foot on the brakes. “I was the one who invited her, but. . .I really. . .we had no idea what was going to happen.”
“You should have told us earlier,” Mrs. Harrison said, her voice shaking.
“I know. I shouldn’t have lied. I’m sorry.”
I hung up and dropped the phone on the passenger’s seat. I held back a sob and pushed the gas pedal until my car was cruising at seventy-five. My knuckles turned white as my hands gripped the steering wheel. I drove towards a new life, the sun behind me.
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About The Author:
Emily Ward is an author living in Salem, Oregon with her husband Chris and their two cats. She loosely based the location in this story off of Pendleton, Oregon, where she graduated high school. Along with writing, she loves to read and cook. She's been published in Literary House Review and Pond Ripples E-Zine.
Blog: http://wordsofeward.blogspot.com
Website: http://emilyannward.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/therealemilyw
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