COOKIE NO!
7 THINGS TO DO WITH STORE BOUGHT COOKIE DOUGH:
BECAUSE YOU CANNOT EAT IT
by
Darrel D. Miller
SMASHWORDS EDITION
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PUBLISHED BY:
Darrel D. Miller on Smashwords
Cookie NO
7 Things to Do with Store Bought Cookie Dough:
Because You Cannot Eat It
Copyright © 2010 by Darrel D. Miller
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My wife likes store bought cookie dough. You know the stuff that comes in the tubes (we can't afford the dough in the buckets) I myself however find them repulsive. Most of the time my wife eats the dough raw, which I think is far better an idea, because cooking those cookies is bound to fail.
These cookies piss me off because they are not nice plump luscious cookies. No they are flat, thin things that resemble sweet crackers. Yuck.
In my opinion you should not have to wait for you cookies to dry, before eating them. With that said, here are 7 things you can do (plus one bonus idea) with them, since you cannot eat them.
(note: you should not use Store Bought Cookie Dough for any of the following things. Well, maybe #2)
Christmas tree ornaments (if the children are going to eat the ornaments (we did) then they might as well suffer for it, no point in the GOOD stuff being eaten by naughty children.)
Play Dough (that your kids can eat, although I would prefer my children eat actual play dough)
Slow Santa down to catch (recipe to do such: barely cook the cookies so they are stick, heck cook them as much as you like they will ALWAYS be sticky, then when Fat Red goes for one, they won’t come off, and you will have time to nab that sucker.)
Glue to hold things together (wall putty for your hot pictures of the latest undead teenager of the month, if you are a teenager, or a lonely soccer mom. I mean come on, Twilight is just porn for women, but that’s okay, because it isn’t degrading, oh except to men, who will never act like pouty sparkley pale vampires.)
Spackle (in your dorm room from all the holes you put in the wall hanging up those damned posters of sparkly undead teenagers, or moms)
Air Freshner in Car Vent (put some on the engine of your car (don’t do this) the smell of them baking will freshen you car. Hey they may not taste good, but they sure smell right. And this will be a good thing till mice infest your engine block from the delicious smell.)
Mouse Trap Bait (if the trap doesn’t get them, the dough will)
Sun Tan Lotion SPF 5,000,000 (With this stuff on the only thing that will get burnt is your pride.)
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