YES, YOU CAN: HOW TO HEAL YOURSELF AND LETTING OTHER PEOPLE HELP YOU HEAL.

Dr. Joel Akande

Copyright © 2011 Dr. Joel Akande

Published by Strategic Insight Publishing

Smashwords Edition

ISBN: 978-1-908064-02-8

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Table of Contents

Introduction: I have written this simple and short book as a quick self-help guide for the readers following my observations in my clinical practice that patients and individuals as well as families can do more to advance their own health and wellbeing than is currently done. This book is not a mere preventive guide, its intended to be a proactive approach to individual well-being even after illness had set in on the person. Yes, collectively and individually, we can do more to help our professional care givers in order to help us. I trust readers will find the book useful.

Section 1. Common Causes of Illnesses

a) Infection such as bacteria (E.coli., MRSA), viruses (common cold,) parasites (worms).

b) Genetic diseases

c) Metabolic diseases such as Diabetics or even nutritional disorders such as obesity

d) Environmental Poisoning

e) Degenerative diseases such as dementia,

f) Cancers

g) Mental health disorders such as depression and schizophrenia

h) Accidents, murders and Suicides

i) Absence of credible spiritual guidance in the manner of holistic care.

I will now discuss each of the above topics so as so help us live a healthy lifestyle.

Infections to be aware of and to avoid at all cost are indeed any infection. No infection is a good infection.

a)Viral infections: Beware of herpes infection via kissing and through sex. Papiloma virus can also be transmitted by getting in contact with infected genitals (penis, vagina, cervix and their surrounding areas), anus, mouth and throat. Papiloma and sexual type of herpes may lead to cervical cancer. On its own, papiloma virus can lead to cervical, throat, mouth and anal cancers.

HIV and hepatitis B virus you will remember, is a virus commonly contacted via sex, blood transfusion, sharing of blood containing germs: such as in needles, blades, razors and of course through saliva(for HIV) or body fluids in general .

Other infections to be aware of include, flu infections that occurs sporadically such as “swine” flu and the other common cold flu. Again, this can be transmitted via kissing and inhaling infected air. Other methods of contacting viral infection are by use of tools or household things that have not been disinfected but had been used by infected person. Razor blades, shaving blades are examples. For some viral diseases such as warts, they can be transmitted by sharing common media such as showers floors, mats and swimming pool.

There are other viruses that may be a danger to new born or pregnant women and the baby: They are rubella and chicken pox. They are usually contacted if you get in contact with infected person. In early childhood, measles, polio virus are a serious threat to lives.

Prevention: The key to it all is not to come in contact with them. With the methods of transmission that I have mentioned above, you can identify how to avoid them and to protect yourself from these infections. The other method of prevention is vaccination against them. Some vaccinations such for rubella, hepatitis B, polio (for children and adults), papiloma virus are available for teenagers.

b)Bacteria

Bacteria infections are very common. You can live without them if you are careful. In some occasions, being infected by them has nothing to do with you but your handlers and carers including parents. Nevertheless, unlike viral infection, bacterial infection requires in most cases, a direct contact with them. In some occasions, as in tuberculosis, you can contact them via the air. MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus) , E-coli, requires to a large extent, a direct contact with infected source. Tetanus, on the other hand, requires you get in touch with infected earth or have the bacteria enclosed in your now closed or open wounds.

Getting sexually transmitted bacteria such as gonorrhoea, Chlamydia, and syphilis means you have to contact infected person to get it, although you are as good as getting it if you have infected blood or you are injected with it.

Other methods of getting bacteria are via water and food that we eat. In some cases, this is how E-coli, typhoid and cholera get into a person.

Prevention: Always cook your food well. Wash fruits thoroughly before eating. Bathroom/toilets should be spring clean and human, animal and plant wastes should be well disposed of. Live in a tidy environment. Ensure well ventilated living and home areas. Some infections can be vaccinated against. Example of this is TB (tuberculosis) and tetanus. But there is no substitute for good personal and environmental hygiene. Also, avoid overcrowding. Needless to say that, one way to prolong life is to have all forms of infection and wounds contained and treated very promptly. Have a trusted sexual partner and stick to the person.

c)Parasites: Be wary of parasites such as malaria via mosquitoes. Except you are semi- immune or live in the area where malaria or mosquito is a daily contact, you will need a long and vigilant preventative measure to combat bites and prolong your life. Regular or weekly preventions against mosquito bites is a necessary condition for survival. If you live or visit malarias zone.: Use of medications, netting, insecticides, clean and clear drains or in general tidy environment with good ventilations are means of preventing this deadly disease.

Depending on where you live on earth, there are other parasites like worms: intestinal worms, skin worms and urinary bladder worms such as Schistosomiasis, also known as bilharzia that can be prevented by clean drinkable water, clean food and hygienic environment and taken precautions when operating in infected areas. Often these parasites including malaria are not contagious. You cannot get it by touching or getting in contact with another person although that cannot be said for blood transfusion.

That are many other parasites besides what has been discussed here which are peculiar to different regions of the world. The precaution is nearly always the same in order to contain them.

Fungus such as thrush in the mouth or vagina and indeed athlete’s foot is an opportunistic infection that takes advantage of moist and humid environment. Like warts, it can be contacted where there are mass of people using same facilities such as swimming or bathroom areas.

Prevention: What I have mentioned above should be noted. In addition, de-worm yourself and your children as may be required from time to time. For fungus, it must be cleared with anti-fungal medication. There is possibly no other way.

Genetic Diseases

There are many genetic diseases, some of which are yet to be discovered. Advances are now being made so that doctors can treat some genetic disease but such treatment may be some time yet. However, you may not be able to help your genetic disease but you are in position to prevent your disease from occurring in your children and forth-coming generations. Even at that, gene-therapy is making wave these days and giving hope to otherwise incurable diseases.

Examples of genetic diseases that you can prevent are: Down’s syndrome, in some families, cancer of the ovary, cancer of the breast, cystic fibrosis, sickle cell disease, some dementia to mention the common ones and a few. Just for completion, some diseases, such as Turners, intersex and other gender variations may have genetic origin.

Prevention: Work through your family genetic history before you marry or have children. Ask your doctor to carry out some genetic testing to discover your real you. You can plan your life and live healthy around some of these diseases.

Metabolic diseases

There are many diseases that relates to our organs or the way our body works in general. The commonest example is diabetic mellitus which, sadly, like genetic disease can be inherited. Other example includes liver cirrhosis which may be due to alcohol misuse or viral infection. In a lot of ways, metabolic diseases may be made worse or minimised by the life style you live such as substance misuse, alcohol misuse, overeating and lack of exercise.

Prevention: First, know your family history. Are you carrying any disease without you being aware? Then, lead a modest life-style: Exercise, your mind and body. Eat healthily.

Environmental Poisoning:

In the world today, we hear of global warming. There are deaths from changes to the environment or influences upon humans from the changing surroundings which can have serious health effects. Take the impact of the Sun on the skin for example. Except you take good care and protection via sun shades, sun creams, minimal exposure to sunlight, you risk cancer of the skin in both light and coloured skins. You also need to pay attention to those birth marks on you.

On the other hands, chemicals from industrial pollution, chemicals to aid manufacturing and farming as well as products from vehicles, aircrafts, ships and home/domestic wastes are all discharged into the environment. Some if not all, pollute our foods and water. In turn, we eat and drink them through water and our food with some dire consequences. People could get poisoned if water and food are not properly treated. Skin rashes, breathing problems such as asthma, bronchitis, cancers of bladder and of lungs are some of the results of chemical pollution to our bodies.

Environmental pollution can also be from germs such as from viruses, bacteria, fungi, parasites that are used industrially. The effects are as I have mentioned above under infections.

Prevention: Very often the prevention starts from exerting pressure on governments and intergovernmental organisations to enact laws and execute proper guidance for farmers, factory owners and related industries. At individual level, the precaution under infection as above suffices. Also, there is no substitute for good air, properly prepared food and water and avoiding overcrowding as well as paying prompt attention to our impaired health.

Degenerative Diseases

Apart from possible genetic inheritance of some degenerative illnesses such as Alzheimer Dementia, there are a lot that we could do to ward off some degenerative diseases. The key to it all is continuous and reasonable use of our body and brain even into old age. Unfortunately, as in most genetic disorders, we may not yet be in position to alter the direction and effect of some of these diseases.

Prevention: Suffice to say that rheumatoid arthritis, osteoarthritis may be helped by good nutrition and avoidance of certain foods or addition of certain foods that our doctors may advice. Good exercise, adequate rest, avoidance of obesity is highly recommended as preventive measures.

Cancers

Cancers kills millions of people every year in every countries of the world and in all races. Some are due to genetic disorders such as in breast and ovarian cancers. Others are due to environmental influences such as mesothelioma (due to exposure to asbestos) and melanoma (in some cases, excessive influence of the Sun on the skin). Yet, some are due to infections such as cervical cancers, throat, and mouth cancers (see above).

Many are in fact due to our own habits such as what we eat or what we do not eat. Cancers could also be as a result of social habits such as sexual (cancer of cervix, anus, throat, lips etc) and substance misuse habits such as cancer of the liver in alcoholic abusers or cancer of pancreas.

Prevention: Pay attention to your social habits including avoiding infections and avoiding smoking that causes cancer of the lungs. Physical exercise helps to prevent cancer of the breast, bowel and many more. Taking simple precautions such as protection against excessive sunlight may help as well as good nutritional habits and good sleep. Track your genetic makeup and know your history so as to help you determine where you are heading.

Mental Health Disorders: (See more below)

Many deaths and disabilities are due to mental health illness such as depression and serious disorder of schizophrenia or mania. Death may be by suicide or homicide. In the minimum, in some cases, the consequences of mental health may be self-harm or assault on others or general depreciation of our health. Diseases of the mind may also be due to our own social habits such as substance misuse (cocaine, cannabis, LSD, Speed, heroine, magic mushrooms etc). Yet, a person may break down because of life frustrations such as death in the family or friends, personal illnesses (say cancers, long-standing diseases etc) loss of job, relationship issues, frustration of life ambitions, financial difficulties or general frustrations about not understanding the dynamics of life.

Prevention

Once again, there are social, genetic, family histories and life stressors that can best be avoided to escape mental health disorders. You only need to take note of what I have mentioned above. Also, once again physical exercise, good sleep, good rest, knowing your limit, and avoiding misuse of substances can go a long way to prevent mental health break downs.

Accidents, Negligence, Suicides, Self-Harms, Assaults and Murders

Poor health and death may occur due to the action of other persons around us or effect of decisions of economic and political leaderships. Personal vigilance is crucial in these cases. Death, assault on others or any harm on us or another person may be by our own fault or due to ongoing mental health issues or anger. Imagine if we are careless in driving our car or looking after our health or that of our children. Imagine if other drivers on the road are less careful or simply disobey the law. Simple offensive words may cause mental health problem or even assaults on us or against others (see below).

Prevention:

There is no alternative to good personal vigilance, obeying the laws, kindness to our health and others, treating existing diseases: be it mental or physical as well as ventilating or resolving our life frustrations. These simple measures can go a long way in helping our health.

Spiritual Health. Read here, the benefits and impacts of religion on healthy living

Has it not been said that “Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God?” Clinicians call these combinations of spiritual needs with scientific healing methods holistic medicine (meaning treating the whole person). You need credible religion to remain sane and healthy. There are clear and well proven advantages. You need to have meanings to this complex world. Absence of which can lead to confusion and self-denials.

Section II: Dealing With Persistently Traumatising Mental Health Injury and Painful Memory

The above title under Section II may also be referred to as how to resolve a chronic psychological trauma. The human ability to reason and have memory makes us liable to hurt. Such injuries cause us pain in our mind:

What Traumatises People: The list below will help us to understand what often causes mental pain. They are:

1. Relationship and Rejection issues: We all need one form of relationships or the other. It may be intimate relationships with our spouses, or relationships with our friends. It may be the responsible relationship role we hold with our children and siblings or as parents. It may be business relationships, work relationships, financial relationships with our bankers or health relationship with care givers. In all we cannot escape from forming relationships. We live by it. Nothing causes us such pain as broken relationships such as breach of trust which occurs in intimate relationships leading to separation/divorces/broken hearts. It may be breach of trust in child abuse (see here how to deal with child abuse matters) and lack of trust in employers/employees is some examples. Broken hearts, separation/death, child abuse/adult abuse, redundancy at work, failed school applications, failure at school/examinations, failed business/career and many more are all forms of rejections. You can read more here.

2. Bad News: News of death of loved ones, information about illness, experiencing of financial losses, are examples of bad news that once we receive it may seriously affect our health.

3. Our Own Bad Decisions: Few things if any, may cause us to feel psychological pain as the decisions that we make which affects our conducts and fortunes. Some of the bad decisions may lead us to feel guilty, or experience heavy losses of one kind or the other. Our decision on use of misuse of drugs may affect us for a long time. Such decisions may in fact be irreversible. You can read more here

4. Bad Decisions Made For Us: Our parents, friends and bosses and governments make decisions that may pain us. Some parents do reject or bully their children and bosses do bully employees and school mate do bully vulnerable ones or juniors. Bankers may reject our application for credit or we may be rejected at school. These are examples of what causes us bad and painful memories. You can read more here

5. Inability to Resolve Life Questions: This is the big picture that we cannot deal with such as resolving the question of existence of God or not. Some individuals are troubled by the chaos in the world and cannot seem to come to terms with it. Yet in some persons, they cannot accept the injustice in the world.

6. General Personal Dissatisfaction Often, you are dissatisfied with the way you look or your behaviour. It may also be that you are dissatisfied with the order of things in your family or life in general. You are likely to be unwell if you cannot find a satisfactory answer to problems that you confront. Once you can find solutions to illness, financial issues, job, children and family matters, you are likely to be better off in your health. See here how to deal with impossible situations

7. What was said and by whom? In a lot of ways, words count the most in what affects us. Nothing hurts a person mentally than the use or misuse of words: A word to a girl “you are not beautiful” or “you are not good enough” may lead to depression or personality changes. Also, a word to say a boy: “ you can’t make it in life” may lead to aggressive behaviour. You can read more here.

Section III

How Do You Deal With Persistently Painful and Unresolved Experiences?

In all, whatever the circumstances, you need to decide now to succeed and overcome the challenges. This is the will power and determination not to give in to the problem or give-up because of problems. For our purpose, I will use two examples on here on how to handle mentally painful experiences. I will look at it from the angle of the person who is actually suffering the pain and the intermediary who may be handling the painful news.

In the Short Term: How to Deal with Despair, Hopelessness, and Failure, Psychological Pain, Disappointments.

Handling Bad News and Bad Events

In preparing the reader, I must also advise that, there is no single way of eliminating what is painful to us. Nevertheless, some general and specific guidelines may help us all to overcome the challenges. Starting with bad news, the reader is reminded that the methods by which news are brought to us is by expression of words (written, signed, and verbal). That is, if an event had occurred somewhere, that event has to be broken down into pieces of words. The bearer of these words must now tell the person who is meant to hear it. The bearer is carrying something in the same way as trolley or car carries our shopping. It must be discharged somewhere.

When the hearers have heard this news, he or she may become distressed, because the event is now delivered into his/her mind.

In the same way, individuals who is a direct victim of any form of abuse, witness to tragic events or are subjects of disappointments and failures are immediate receivers or hearers of bad news. These events can cause immediate and long term distresses in these individuals.

Once again, the reader is reminded that all events and occurrences are, in their different types, forms of words in action.

Reactions to Bad news

Reaction to bad news is a reaction to failed expectation that something should or should not occur. For example, that someone in the family should not die is an expectation. If death should occur, then, the person holding the hope will be sorely disappointed.

Depending on the level of the failed expectation, the reaction varies with the depth that is attached to the expectation. Example, if you failed to get some money from a cash point (ATM) that you expected the ATM to have money ready for you, you may be mildly disappointed. But if the money is needed immediately now for an event that will transform your life, then not getting the money then could cause immediate despair.

In the mild form, bad news causes a sinking feeling, and minimal worry that is shrugged off without consequences. In extreme form, bad news can cause deep unhappiness, leading to anxiety, dry mouth, agitation, restlessness, and aggression, and sleeplessness, lack of appetite, collapse, shock, sweating, shouting, tearfulness, criminal damage and if left unresolved or unexpressed, it can lead to persistent anger, depression and despair.

What do you do? What can you do when you receive bad news?

a) About loss and bereavement: The problem here is in the immediate period and possibly longer term. In spite of these, we should not overlook the fact that painful as death may be; we are not in position to prevent its inevitable occurrence. We should bear in mind that at some point, it would come. Perhaps, if we do bear this point in mind (considering human vulnerability), the eventual pain might be less too. Also, we should not blame one another for events for which we can neither help nor be held responsible. If we remember these points, they will help us to cope better in the light of the words that are written here.

b) The victim, and hearer of bad news or person in despair, should have adequate sleep /rest possibly with help of professionals if appropriate. This is important to allow the brain and mind to rest and recover. It will also reduce the anxiety and agitation in the immediate aftermath of the event. Later or in the medium term, having a break, holiday or being removed from the pressure of the circumstances have calming effects in our mind. You can read more here

c) Counselling is crucial as it help us to reflect and provide us advise on what we might otherwise not have realised. Counselling also afford us to express ourselves in a way similar to but not the same thing as prayers. You can read more about counselling here

d) Whatever the situation may be, take a break. Have a good sleep (see above) . The brain and the mind need sleep to recover and to help deal with painful issues. In the end, take a break from it all. Go somewhere, where you will not be touched by the painful events.

e) Seek to receive Good words and appropriate encouraging words: for such words are sweeter than honey. Encouraging words also provide comfort and reassurance.

f) In almost all situations, forgiveness of the perpetrator is a real and valid option. Forgiveness implies that, the victim will not punish or pursue the perpetrator no matter what. It is valid and appropriate because, it allows “bygone to be by-gone”. Also, it allows for a restoration of hope and a fresh start in life without the dragging effect of the injury. Similarly, except forgiveness is applied, the psychic pain will linger on probably forever. It does not mean that there will be no remembrance of the event, but it may serve as a lesson for the future so as to avoid further injury to the individual. Also, forgiveness will allow the victim to work towards prevention of similar event to another person. Lack of forgiveness, on the other hands will cause anger and the victim may have intention to cause similar injury in others. Psychologists say this is how child abuse occurs. Forgiveness will also be a most gracious offering seeing that it agrees with God’s law. In addition, we too may need someone to forgive us in the future for any injuries that we may cause others.

g) Prayer, simply a mere petition that certain things should happen, works through power of words. Who do you pray to? God, of course. Prayer heals us and heals others around us that we pray for. Prayer changes things. Prayer is good for the mind even for the sake of holistic medicine alone. It works.

h) if these routes are not taken, then the victim should consider other management suggestions raised in this article.

i) Seek to reconcile with the other party if possible as in the case of broken relationships. If not possible, simply let it go and "move on".

j) In case of job losses, you will need to strengthen up. Re-train and cast your net wide. Grasp whatever comes into your hand so that you can start or re-start somewhere and then gradually build up your future (again).

k) Financial losses: First, are you entitled to social security benefits? Get it. Then re-plan your life and then re-launch your strategy for better future. Are you not entitled to benefits? Then, double your efforts to get a job. Stay calm under pressure. Nothing lasts forever. Restore your hope.

l) Failed expectation (e.g say childlessness, job application etc): Do not give up. Try and try again. If all else fails in case of child-bearing, try adoption or in case of jobs, employ yourself!

Coping With and Recovering From Broken Relationships

Earlier above, I have dealt with different kinds of relationships. Broken relationship by legal means (divorce as well as separation) or through death is very painful. This is regardless of who is allegedly right or wrong in the ensuing relationship argument or the cause of death. The fact is that a relationship had been broken.

Nonetheless, the reality of life is that divorce and death happens as it has been for thousands of years.

How then, can you cope or deal with divorce and separation when it come knocking?

First, what are the ways in which broken relationships may manifest?

Anxiety, disbelief and ambivalence as to if the break-up is real or not, denial of reality, anger, hatred of anything pertaining to the spouse, frustration, sleeplessness, lack of motivation, loss of energy, unhappiness or sadness are early signs of break-up and are pointers to being rejected.

Suicides (should be resisted) due to break-up in relationship is a known but unfortunate reaction in some individuals that find it too hard to cope with separation. Murdering of spouse and children involved, arson are all possible reactions to rejection. Unfortunately, some persons resort to drugs and alcohol to cope with the loss. Spouses in divorce or break-ups are very vulnerable at this time. People looking for short term pleasure may take advantage of such individuals who are undergoing relationship difficulties as broken-hearts seek solace in the arms of another “lovers”. Later depression may occur. In addition, in some cases, psychosis, mania, schizophrenia may also develop due to the loss of relationship or in vulnerable persons.

Further, isolation, lack of concentration, loss of productivity, rejection of anything associated with the spouse may come to the surface as part of the anger or frustration.

Due to the mental effect of anxiety, loss of sleep, low appetite, lack of interest in normal activities, medical disorders may set in. Blood pressure may be raised in severe cases, peptic ulcer may occur as well as loss of weight.

Short-Term: Grief Phase.

Divorce and separation is a major loss. Thus, it should be considered in the same level as death of loved one save that there may be a little hope in reversing the process of divorce. The point therefore is that, grieving is welcome and is an important coping mechanism in separation and divorce. In all, avoid arguing or being in undue contact with your spouse. Protect the children as much as possible. However:

a) You need to give yourself a break from your normal day-to-day activities for a while say, 1-2 weeks in the immediate period. You need this rest.

b) You need to maintain utmost level-headedness so as to avoid deterioration in your health and to prevent committing a crime as you may not be thinking right at this time. See here on how to maintain your personal dignity

c) You need to be in the company of those whom you are comfortable to confide in and relate to. This may be in company of trusted friends and larger family members. Their role is to console and support you. If this is not possible, you may need to chat more on telephone with them more often to help you express and deal with your loss (see power of spoken words)

d) If you are sure you can keep yourself safe and secure in isolation, you may try keeping yourself away from further disturbance as you may receive unwanted counselling from unsolicited sources. Avoid any attempt to cope with use of illicit substances and alcohol. It may suppress your feelings but will not, in the end, take your pain away.

e) Avoid reacting harshly to the situation of separation and indeed reacting badly to any situation including writing or receiving letters or telephone calls from solicitors representing you or your spouse. Pictures or things you may have shared with your spouse in the past and communication from the courts during divorce process may be very upsetting. Keep calm. Be mindful of what you write, say or do especially if it’s an acrimonious separation.

f) There is a high chance that you may be tempted to befriend or enter into another intimate relationship with another person so soon in order to fill the vacuum left behind by your spouse. Avoid doing so for you may get into wrong hands. Allow things to settle before you think about rushing into another relationship. Besides, who knows, your partner and you may have a change of minds!

g) At this stage, sleep could be a major problem. My advice: Get to the nearest chemist/pharmacy. Get simple sleeping tablets to help you cope: Example, piriton, nytol, night nurse etc may help. Use as directed. Alternatively, get to see your doctor as a matter of priority. Please do not take overdose.

h) Eat, no matter how small. You need the food.

i) Never forget the power of exercise. Do it often. You need the distraction. See benefits of exercise here

j) Don’t neglect yourself. Look after your personal hygiene especially after the grief period.

k) At this acute phase, in addition to counselling, listening to appropriate music, writing your thoughts down and expressing yourself decently may help you cope better. For the religious minded, prayer helps. You may read more here on the healing power of music

l) You need counselling from pastors/priests, good friends and supportive family members or from professionals (doctors, psychologists, nurses). Look for and accept one. Kind words matter.

l) Get away from it all, on holiday if you can afford it. Trust me, you will be better off with holiday.

m) Finally, as you recover, over the initial period, gradually, occupy your mind and hands with productive activities, so as to provide you with some distractions from the troubles.

Mid-Term: Emerging From Gloom

a) Carefully consider your decisions.

b) Continue to receive support and counselling. You need it.

c) Be very careful whose friendship you accept. People may attempt to exploit your vulnerability at this stage as in short term above.

d) Emerge gradually into your new world.

e) Be patient with the recovery process. Remember, you have just suffered a major wound to your mind.

f) Begin to plan for the future and gradually remove any remaining reminders of your spouse (save your children) from your mind and vicinity.

Long-Term: The Recovery and Moving On

Now that you are nearly back or you are back to yourself, take a long view of your future.

a) Decide if you want a new relationship.

b) If you wish, if you have the stamina and your values allows for it, why not try another relationship or remain single.

c) In spite of the break-up, consider if you want to mend fences with your ex-spouse. This is a possibility as you and your partner may have learnt your lessons on how to treat each other in relationship.

In General, Resolving Mentally Painful Experience: Except you make a firm decision to deal with issues at the acute or short and medium terms, you may become permanently “disabled” to the point where you may lose control of your emotions. You may become an angry person, a social psychopath or anti-social self-destructive person (see here how to deal with anger and frustration). Frustrated, you may begin to direct your anger against other persons (adults and children) and properties. Of course, you risk being in out of prison or mental health institutions from time to time. Your ability to beneficially associate with others breaks down. You may be seen as a danger to the larger society or your family. You are no longer able to advance your own cause. In addition, you may become depressed, anxious, sleepless, and no longer be able to function. If despite all the offers of care professionals you still cannot change, well, you may gradually be labelled as suffering from personality disorder (PD) in which case, you are seen as irredeemable. You are now gravitating to a halt and in psychological isolation or be a “burden” on others.

What You Could Do To Heal Long Term Painful Mental Injury: You have a choice here or even before it gets to this terrible point

1. Make a firm decision to help yourself and change your ways.

2. Forgive yourself and forgive all those who had offended you no matter whom, when and how. If you don’t, you may continue to carry baggage of hurt and offences throughout your life!

3. Get occupied. Be productive. Do something beneficial all of your useful time. Have good rest and sleep at reasonable levels. Help other people in need if you can. Use your time and energy in constructive way.

4. Learn from your mistake: Never repeat a painful experience. Learn. Escape from circumstances that causes you discomfort. Do not return there.

5. Keep the law. Cause no harm to persons, yourself or property or else you end up in jail or suffer some legal restrictions. See here why you need to keep the law

6. Cut the past/Change your ways. Once you have received counselling or dealt with the matter let it go. Move on. However, if talking about it helps, talk about it and let the talking be short and sharp. Endless talking or counselling for ages may be counter-productive. Set a limit and move on.

About the Author.

Dr Joel Akande combines law with the medical profession. He has spent over a decade in the speciality of Psychiatry (mental health) as well as in Reproductive Medicine (Obstetrics and Gynaecology). He has also earned a Masters in Business Administration. Joel, an author of several books, including The Key and the Road to Happiness as well as Relationships. What You should Know and Do Before You Enter Into One... And After, is married with two children

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