CANAANITE BARBIE
WHAT THE FUTURE
WILL THINK OF THE PAST
by
Darrel D. Miller
SMASHWORDS EDITION
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THIS POSSIBLY HUMOROUS EDITION PUBLISHED BY:
Darrel D. Miller on Smashwords
A Digital Doomsday
Comic Books on the iPad and Why I Won't Be Reading Them
Copyright © 2010 by Darrel D. Miller
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CANAANITE BARBIE
What the Future
will Think of the Past
My friend and I were sitting around the other day drinking coffee and talking ( I do that a lot: Drinking coffee. And talking ). And we were talking about ancient civilizations. The cultural goods we found that they left behind. One that has always fascinated me is fertility goddesses. They seem like they could be but who knows for sure (the Canaanites). It seems to me that it is more likely that those idols are really ancient barbies (note: barbie is not that old, give her a few thousand years.)
At some point in the future people are going to find our stuff (in general, not your stuff). I don’t mean all of our stuff, just the stuff that survives through hundreds of years of decay. Well, that would be most of our stuff. And what will they make of it, what will they think of it, and more importantly, what will they think we did with it.
I don’t know, but I can guess
I am going to guess that they will get most of it wrong.
Take for example: Barbie (my daughter recently got 3 different barbies, to signify them all, we made Barbie her surname, then gave them first names, she currently has Barb Barbie, Barbara Barbie, and Darbie Barbie (the Irish Barbie: comes with a lot of lucky charms). Try saying those three names 10 times fast.)
What will the future Us think of finding this bustooned lady with a car and numerous homes (not to mention a literally emasculated Ken). Well I can only speculate on their guess, but no doubt they will assume it is some kind of Fertility Goddess and that Men of the 21st century were enuchs (though only perhaps symbolically).
I mean, that is what I think about those Mesopotamian “Fertility” Goddesses with Children, a Home, a Baking Stove: its Canaanite Barbie. I mean Have You Seen Pictures of those Goddesses, the measurements are just as unrealistic as Barbie: Giant Boobs, Wide Hips; A MAN’S DREAM, but not reality to be sure (note to my wife: I don’t know this is not reality, I am just guessing, you are the only woman in my life. So I guess I am saying its not reality as I know it.)
However, Barbie is not the only thing they are going to find. They will also find our sports arenas, more specifically they will find Memorial Stadium located in a very central part of a place once called America: Nebraska.
Now I am not a football fan at all (note from the author’s wife: he once asked if the yellow lines were real). If it disappeared from the universe I could care less, but future people are going to be very interested in this stadium, although what will they make of it? Of course if they have all the memorabilia (they wont) they will figure out that it was some kind of a religious shrine, without that information they may think it was a religious shrine (which it is, have you ever tried to say something Bad about the Huskers? I received disgusted looks while writing this in my own home.)
My point in all of this is to say that we think we know a lot about the past, but I don’t think we really do. So much of it has been lost, and we are puzzling through pieces (and can’t find the damned edge pieces). In many ways it is like we are throwing darts at a dart board which we can’t see the center (and when the future US finds that, with our bosses picture stuck to it, they are going to figure it was some kind of psychic torture device) but without acknowledging we can’t see the center.
So cheer up, someday, future generations will think you prayed to Barbie to get some Action and that religion consisted of praying for rain while watching grown men run into each other, while running after a dead pig.
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NOTE TO THE READER:
This essay, as well as others (soonish)
available on Smashwords.com
http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/DarrelMiller