Oh Tannenbrain,
Oh Tannenbrain
A Living Dead Christmas Poem
By Rusty Fischer, author of Zombies Don’t Cry
Copyright © 2010 by Rusty Fischer
All rights reserved.
This is a work of fiction. All of the names, characters, places and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or, if real, are used fictitiously.
Cover credit: The Image Designs
Oh, Tannenbrain
The zombies were ready
For the first reindeer hoof
As it padded and pawed
On the house’s pitched roof.
They grumbled and groused
And gurgled and drooled;
They’d waited so long
They wouldn’t be fooled!
They weren’t mad at Santa,
Not hardly, no way.
In fact he’d be President,
If the zombies had their way.
No, the zombies were hungry
For stuff other than brains;
They wanted to play
With stuffed dolls and toy trains!
Though their hearts were quite empty
And their souls long past dead;
They still got excited
For the green and the red!
Their lives were so boring
Their mealtimes mundane.
They looked forward to playtime
After another serving of… brain.
It got boring gnawing on
The neighbor’s fat head;
When they’d rather be playing
With Big Wheels instead!
They’d hatched their plan
While watching the Grinch!
“We’ll capture Santa,” one burped.
“It’ll be a cinch!”
And now the fireplace rumbled
As soot fell to the floor
And boots did appear
Where there were none before!
The zombies were hiding
Behind the Christmas tree
Their rotted teeth smiling
Green faces covered in glee.
When the fat man stepped out
The zombies did roar.
Oh, what a playtime
They all had in store!
But Santa grew frightened
As mortals they will
And ran to throw open
The nearest windowsill.
The zombies they trampled
The zombies they ran
And quickly surrounded
The jolly fat man.
They did try to reason
With good Old St. Nick.
But nothing they grunted
Did quite do the trick.
The window it opened
And before he could run
The zombies dragged Santa
Back for more fun.
He tasted quite fleshy
That jolly old man;
The zombies just quite
Couldn’t stick to their plan.
It wasn’t that Santa
They wanted to frag;
It was really quite simple:
They wanted his bag!
And now they sit scattered
All over the floor
The toys and the dolls
And oh so much more.
For it’s Christmas morning
And the zombies all smile
As they play with their toys
In the best zombie style.
And no zombie is smiling
More than Santa himself
Who is having a ball
As a living dead elf!
About this Poem
“Oh Tanenbrain” first appeared in The Undead That Saved Christmas, a charity zombie/Christmas themed anthology, edited and compiled by Lyle Perez-Tinics. Net Proceeds from this book will buy Christmas presents for foster kids at Hugs Foster Family Agency.
Buy it here:
https://www.createspace.com/3485378
… and make someone’s Christmas a little more special!
About the Author:
Rusty Fischer
Rusty Fischer is a professional freelance writer who lives in sunny Florida with his beautiful wife, Martha. They enjoy riding bikes, long, leisurely walks on the beach, romantic dinners and zombie movies; lots and lots of zombie movies! (Well, Rusty does, anyway!)
Rusty’s new book, Zombies Don’t Cry, will be available from Medallion Press in May of 2011. In the meantime, check out www.medallionpress.com/blurbs/zombie_cry.html for updates and blurbs as the publication date nears.