Getting off the Roller Coaster - Page 75
Getting
off the
Roller
Coaster©
by
Adrian Newington
© 1991
Smashwords Edition
“Getting off the Roller Coaster©” the Book,
by Adrian Newington,
and the companion music to the above book,
“Don’t let go of your Dreams©”,
by Adrian Newington,
Are protected by copyright, and are not for commercial reproduction or sale.
The companion Music CD and Cassette Tape “Don’t let go of your Dreams©” and the digitally encoded MP3 sample files are copyrighted, and remains the intellectual property of Adrian Newington. It may not be used for public broadcast or commercial gain without prior arrangement and consent of the composer/author, unless each performance and/or broadcast is registered/documented with APRA, (www.apra.com.au)
This document may also be retrieved from the Internet Home Page of
Adrian Newington, by visiting the site www.stillmymind.net
INTRODUCTION
I was lost, but now I have found myself.
From the experience of great loss, I was forced to begin a search. What ever it was I was looking for, I ended up finding myself.
This book evolved from a fierce desire to know and understand myself, and the way in which individuals learn, grow and develop, (socially and spiritually), and as an expansion of my previous book, “Pools of Peace”. Even though I had more than enough pages completed, I continually found myself thinking of ways to expand its contents as my own personal development and understanding expanded. I decided that “Pools” had the right amount of information within it, and further expansion on my philosophy was best put into a more detailed form.
As my thirst for knowledge of human development increased, the need for this information to be documented became paramount. Not only was there a need to share this knowledge with you the readers, and with those who are close and dear to me, but a strange feeling of wanting to share it with myself. I believe that this came from the need to purge myself of the feelings and thoughts within. It was almost like giving myself a test on this subject that is so close to my heart; a way of laying out my inner self on paper and saying, “Yes!, this is exactly what I am feeling”.
Upon completion of such an exercise, the information seems to slip back into my psyche to become silently, but permanently resident within the core of my being. It is now first nature to me, and I am in a position to act without fear or reserve when any situation comes my way where Love and Compassion are the only answers.
Peace to You,
Adrian Newington.
C O N T E N T S
INTRODUCTION
Getting off The Roller Coaster.
The Struggle of the Ego.
The Concept of “THE NOW”.
Understanding and Working Through Fears.
The Mirror Action of Life.
Conditioned Emotions and Choosing.
Cultivating a New Discipline.
A Good Way to Love.
Affirming your Right to Love.
The Gratitude Principle.
Co-Creating with God.
The Peaceful balance.
APPENDIX I
A verse to meditate on
APPENDIX II
Lyrics to Songs and their stories
NOW available for purchase from,
The Music to
“Getting Off the Roller Coaster©”
entitled
“Don’t let go of your Dreams”
ON CD or AUDIO CASSETTE
7 Original Songs by the author,
Written to Inspire and Uplift.
Professionally recorded in Dolby Stereo.
This document can be obtained from the Internet Home Page of
Adrian Newington, by visiting
Dedicated to your personal and spiritual journey
CHAPTER 1
GETTING OFF THE ROLLER COASTER.
You Are Loved
*************
You Have Worth
**************
Whatever may have happened in your life...
Whatever road you may have gone down...
There will always be SOMEONE willing to
Believe in your GOODNESS.
Whatever things you may have done,
there is always SOMEONE willing to
STAND by you.
Whatever choices you may have made,
there is always SOMEONE willing
to UNDERSTAND.
Whatever sorrow you may carry,
there is always SOMEONE who is willing
to EASE your burden.
Whenever you feel you are lost,
there is always SOMEONE willing to
SHOW YOU the way home.
Whenever life feels like it's going too fast,
there is always SOMEONE willing to
help you to SLOW DOWN...
there is always SOMEONE ready
to help you to...
GET OFF THE ROLLER COASTER.
When I eventually came to an understanding that events which brought me sorrow could be used to teach me... and when I finally learnt to believe in my goodness.
I crossed a bridge.
The bridge I talk of is one that brought me to a recognition of self worth, self love, and of a right to express Self-Love as a natural expression of my humanness.
In this book, I talk about how I turned my life around after the breakdown of marriage and the loss of other chances of happiness, but it’s greater purpose is to share with you, and for you, the way in which I restored peace into my life. It is about understanding of self and of others. It is the way in which I re-discovered myself, and how I came to understand the many different aspects of human nature that combine to form the individuals that we are. It is about developing Awareness, Gentleness and Forgiveness. It is Hope; it is my Hope which has allowed me to unmask myself and the world in which I live, and I now pass it on to those who have travelled down various difficult or melancholy roads in an attempt to share what I have learnt.
Though there are many ways in which our lives can be shaken, there is a universal solution that will take us back to happiness. This comfort comes from a knowledge of Self Worth and Self Love, and the recognition of the good nature that is a fundamental part of each of us.
So often we labour with our mistakes as if they require some sort of ongoing penance, but such thinking is born of an ignorant perception which keeps us from seeing the opportunities for growth that are available every time we misread a life situation and bring pain to ourselves.
It is my desire to share my experiences and thoughts, to hopefully give to you an understanding of Love and Fear which I find has dramatically transformed my life. Through a feeling of faith and confidence, I truly know that you also will be able to find a most perfect understanding of your own situation and your own truth. It is a way in which I am able to give the world a gift, since I am so lucky to have so many.
Although events, people, choices and actions can bring disillusionment or pain, be believing that through it all, you are still deserving of the same chances for a good life that you would wish for anyone else to have. This good wish you have for others, illustrates this goodness within you that I believe in. It is your map on your road home.
In our hearts most of us can be sure of having a simple desire to lead a happy and content life, but life brings about complexities which in turn will bring about various responses unique to each person. Understand that the way you react to a particular event is a reflection of your thinking, and that your thinking is related to all your experiences. By saying this, I am not advocating that we can or should deny any responsibilities for our actions, but it is important to know that the INNATE quality of Love within Human nature, can at times become hidden by a veil of deception brought about by various experiences and inaccurate perceptions from not knowing all other aspects and details of an event in our life. Exposure to any such circumstance whether it be only once, or repeated many times, can obscure our vision of Inner Truth as we get led down roads that we might wish we had never ventured... (Chosen or otherwise).
Through any mistakes or misfortunes, we can then learn of situations, ourselves, and of other people. Through any suffering that comes our way from such problems, we are also able to extract value by observing the life action of Cause and Effect. That is... what ever Action we perform, we must expect the appropriate Re-Action to come back to us as a natural response to our choices. (Further aspects of this thinking are discussed in Chapter 5, The Mirror Action of Life.)
In wanting to learn, we will learn. In wanting to grow, we will grow, so through any event that awakens us through pain, we then acquire an impetus to carry us through the process of change. Our pain then becomes our power in a newly born quest for Love Happiness and Peace. Since our desire for goodness carries great merit, we will strive like we've never strived before as old ways of living are cast aside from the awakening to a way of thinking which has kept us from the Love we have been searching for.
CONTEMPLATION:
The Love that has seemed to elude you,
Has always been within you.
CHAPTER 2
THE STRUGGLE OF THE EGO
Though this book is born of complex issues, it's rationalé is founded in the belief that the complications of life, (which all to often stem from the complications that we put into our lives), have answers which are revealed in simplicity. One of the most profound source of answers lies in our personal or Inner Truth. Within this Truth, resides our freedom. This truth is most easily revealed by developing intuition.
To simplify for discussion purposes, we could say that there are only two emotions, that being Love and Fear, (all others are simply subtle variations), but when they are seen in the light of a quiet frame of mind, fear begins to reduce its strangle-hold over us as we separate our Truth from a fearful and confused state of mind.
This process then brings to the forefront of our thinking the things that are in the interest of our well being. To be able to look at fear in one hand and truth in the other, will enable choices that are not associated with confusion, but rather, have a hallmark of Confidence and a foundation of Love. Such choices will be made with clarity and peace since what is good for us, and what will serve us, will be seen to be more available as we come in tune with our True Self. From this, we can now be confident to express what we are feeling within from a knowing that our motivation is linked only to that which is good and right.
Like other books which deal in personal development and present a description of human nature, I have put forth an interpretation of Human nature which has allowed me to build new and significant understandings. It is the approach I have taken that has allowed me to understand the reasons behind the way I lead my Life. It is my own model of THE EGO.
Immediately I must emphasise the importance of not getting bogged down by the use of the term EGO. Keep in mind that it is only a LABEL. What is truly important is to peacefully understand that it is only used to allow a structure of thinking to be established. This can then allow your own unique and perfect understanding to be pursued and developed.
Theories are all well and good and they have their place, but ultimately what is most important is what we are feeling inside, as well as the right action appropriate with those feelings to bring us properly through our difficulties. We are feeling creatures. We have needs, wants, hurts and desires, and when the expression of our feelings is denied either by ourselves or other people, a most important part of ourselves is killed off.
Be patient as I explain the aspects of my thinking in accordance with how I brought newness into my life. This first Chapter asks you to open up to a new avenue of thought. The essence of the concept I talk of is simple in itself though the implications can be far reaching... that is, they can be as deep and revealing as to the extent that you are willing to pursue them.
-------------------------------------------------
YOU ARE A DIAMOND:
When you come to know a person through either a close association or even from just listening to a description of someone, you naturally obtain an understanding of their nature. You become familiar with their thinking, their likes and dislikes, and in fact, any number of aspects to their identity. In short, we get to know of their personality. This overall concept of people is in fact only that... General or Overall. In common usage, the word Personality is employed to enable us to define character in easily understood and relatable ways. However, just like a Diamond, we are Multi Faceted, and when we care to look deeper into Human nature, we come to see that there many sides to our personality and that all of them shall provide an input into the way in which we lead our lives.
There is a part of us which responds to external events. It operates on information through experience and it is the most dominant aspect of all creatures that walk this planet. Its prime purpose is one of survival. Though it is only one of many parts of our nature, it is in a front line position of evaluating what it sees to bring about the required responses. It is part of our animal heritage.
In this world of matter and form that all animals are a part of, the vehicle we call the body has its natural limitations. It is vulnerable to damage and pain; requires effort to maintain, and is in need of a mechanism to ensure its continuance and safety. Within the animal kingdom, such a survival feature works fine, but within human nature there is a further aspect to consider. We have Spirit, Self Awareness, and a conscious link with the Infinite that no animal has ever known.
Through this link, the survival aspect of the animal is raised into consciousness along side the Spirit. It then sees, feels, contemplates, learns, and remembers. It acts upon worldly situations and relates feelings with events. It is the EGO.
Immediately upon hearing the word Ego, we tend to connect it's usage with pride and its association with vulnerability, (That is... My Ego could be hurt if I was led to feel inferior, or... the Pride we talk of where someone has an inflated opinion of themselves). However, these descriptions which most people readily identify with are only illustrating one particular trait or outward action of the Ego.
Dictionaries typically define Ego as...
“Psyche”...
“I or Self”...
“The conscious thinking subject”.
Here you will notice how each example is essentially describing a level of awareness.
This human part of consciousness that we are getting to know also has a Spiritual counterpart and that is called the Soul. Since being human is to be finite, the Soul being infinite and immortal is then revealed as our TRUE SELF. Our humanness is but a vehicle, and part of that vehicle is the Ego. It has Purpose, and it is good.
EGO IS ONE OF MANY PARTS:
Along with the Ego, there are many other aspects or natures that make up the complete individual. There is a part of you which has humour. There is a part of you which is creative. There is a part of you which is sexual. There is a part of you which gets angry. There is a part of you which is Spiritual, and there is a part of you which hurts. You have your logical thinking parts and your caring parts and they all piece together to form the person that you are. These many parts that belong to all people are all good parts, but sometimes during the course of a lifetime, knowledge and learning can have an association with bad choices or negative situations. It is here that our development as an individual can become misguided as our life unfolds.
OUR NATURAL NEED FOR ECSTASY:
If we have travelled down a road that has made us feel like our life lacks direction or purpose; that it is a struggle; or that it feels like it is without control, then some aspect of our nature has become dominant and brought about disharmony. Many times, ignorance alone, of Life and how to live life, will keep us bound in situations that rob us of the growth and joy in life that we all seek. Through such a lack of harmony and balance, a person can feel like they are fragmented or have lost the essence of peaceful unity that is found within all of us when we are whole. A person will constantly search for ways to ease the burden caused from continued unsuccessful quests for happiness. Carl Jung, forerunner of modern Psychology has these thoughts...
“The human Spirit will naturally seek its ecstasy, and if it cannot
find it legitimately, it will find it illegitimately.”
When I first came across this thinking, I thought “Wow!”, Here was an explosion of information delivered to me in only a handful of words. We all seek happiness, but sometimes the quest for happiness can be misguided or misdirected from the lack of a genuine experience of Love, or that a chosen path has failed to unfold its imagined promises. In the most extreme cases, negative cycles maintained by desires that can only become fulfilled by external means, can in time bring a person to a state of deep emptiness.
EGO HAS A DUTY:
Your True Self is gentle and loving, always content with the simple aspects of life, but the actions of the Ego are essentially one of survival. For all the wrong paths the Ego has led you down, it was only trying to do what it thought was right. It has only ever known the things that it has encountered during its lifetime and the things that you have given it. All these experiences are summed together and become the sub conscious role model for behaviour. Our Egos gather information from the world around us and in doing so have a very hard time when trying to deal with the abstracts or unknowns of life. These abstracts and paradoxes in life are contained in the Spiritual connection we have with the Universe.
Very often after using or hearing the word Universe, I am tempted to think of vast amounts of Space and brilliant free floating Spiral Galaxies, but in a Spiritual context, Universe is used to define All things in creation, and All means All; including those magnificent galaxies, and of course, yourself. Yes! ... you are equal to all things in creation. You have worth, you have value, you have a purpose. You were formed in Love, to grow in Love.
You are the meaning of life.
From what has been discussed so far, we can begin to see a potential for inner conflict as Ego interacts with Spirit thus bringing about confusion or uncertainty. The person living the Spiritual life style has learned that one's True Self is revealed in Spirit, and that a life lived harmoniously is a recognition of the physical world being just one part of one's overall personal evolution. Being Spiritual does not automatically imply an association with religion; the essence of being Spiritual is to be able to identify with Life and Love and the power of Life and Love. It enables a unique bond with the world where suddenly the aloneness of individuality is transformed into a freedom for self expression that enables a oneness with all people from a motive of Truth and Love.
ACTION FROM FEAR:
If I were to become involved in a situation where I experience...
Anxiety; (perhaps a dread of involvement), or
Anger; (from a threat to my own or someone else’s well being), or even
Awkwardness; (where fear inhibited a need to express what was truly within),
I would have gone through three very distinct stages.
From such an event or situation, there will be....
1. The feeling response to the event from the True Self.
2. Fear generated by the Ego from the Implication of the feeling response.
3. The emotional response then trying to protect me.
By learning to tune in to your reactions by simple observation, you will be able to heighten an awareness of yourself. Your feeling response is that silent knowledge that comes from within, and it will always be present before any fear. Though the fear may come charging in at a very rapid pace, it will always be triggered from your original feeling response. These feeling responses do not necessarily always have to be peaceful or loving, there are times when the feeling response might be anger... (perhaps Protective Anger, or an instinctual response that prompts you to rightfully and thoughtfully assert your self). It is when we rationalise or begin to deny what is true for ourselves that the emotional response of the Ego trying to protect us can then be allowed to assert itself. Obviously, in the process of getting to know the subtle interactions of the Ego and the inner truth, one must observe and rationalise these various responses, but when the rationalisations motivated from the fear response are done without awareness, the individual is caught in a blind cycle leaving no room for growth or renewal. The rationalisations of the student of awareness are motivated from Love and a need for growth.
Now you will be able to choose whether or not to respond in accordance with the original feeling response or the fear based response. By beginning to nurture an awareness of that part of yourself that I call Your Truth, then in time you will start to see that you have alternatives to the way in which you can lead your life. It is at this time that you can begin to take control of your emotions and attitude.
Here it can be seen that when we experience any form of fear, it will always be linked to some event, so when the Ego senses a potential for pain, it will activate fear, or an automatic response based on old and long forgotten fears, but still resident within you below the level of conscious awareness, (ie: the sub-conscious). When unawareness in thinking to the responses of the Ego continues, it will sustain a cycle of unconscious or automatic reactions which we sometimes wish we hadn't actioned. Have you ever said ...
“Why did I do that?”
...or...
“Why do I always do it like that ?”.
If you find such ways persisting while at the same time you wish they wouldn't, then your actions and responses are illustrating a motivation of fear. Here is a way of living that has come from the Ego being allowed to govern the outward responses to events. Over the course of many years, patterns become established in our makeup to reveal themselves in everyday situations. These aspects of our nature are learned patterns and are such a common part of the make up of society, we get fooled into thinking that not only is it perfectly acceptable, but that it is normal. However... what is common, is not necessarily normal or acceptable, and if we wish to be liberated from the limitations that fear will cause in our lives, then we must activate a new way of thinking that will replace blinding confusion with enlightening Peace.
EGO VERSUS TRUTH:
Another fear motivated action of the Ego is to disrupt the flow of good and positive thoughts. Since the truth will always reside within us, we will always have a potential for inner conflict when the Ego becomes dominant in our thinking. Here we can begin to play games with ourselves or other people as we deny what is really happening within.
“Should be's”, and “Shouldn'ts” ...are born of conflict from what you are experiencing, (Your Truth or feelings), and what you are fearing through the surfacing of your Truth.
In response to all these paragraphs about feelings and the inner truth, you might begin to say, “These feelings of mine, I wake up on Monday morning and FEEL like not going to work!”... “Does that mean I’m justified in Staying Home.” Be careful... so subtle and lightning fast is the response by the Ego that it’s response can be easily confused for an original intuitive feeling issued by the silent inner truth. You have to practise identifying one from the other.
This truth is as mysterious as our Spiritual nature and requires no justification, ratification or approval. Our truth just IS... it simply exists, and since it is linked to our Spirit, the Ego will always be the cause of our difficulties when as the two operate without integration.
Our Truth is willing to step out into the unknown, but the Ego will want to guard us so it then activates fear. The Ego will look into a library of experiences to compare and evaluate the potential for pain and bring forth a response. Sometimes this library contains...
Unfinished books, (Incomplete learning experiences,).
Others are,
Worthless hand me downs, (Behaviour that may have served another, but is not the Role Model suited to you).
And some are Outrightly false, (Learning associated with assumption and ignorance).
But our truth is a form of Faith. We know faith does not require evidence or facts because it operates on the sense of a certain Rightness or Goodness that resides from deep within. They are feelings of a kind of knowledge which has no questions associated with it. It is the Ego which generates the questions to pollute the purity of such feelings and leave us with choices that can confuse us or even end up hurting us.
To cultivate an ear that listens to the truth offered by these inner feelings, is to you allow your INTUITION to develop and therefore assist you in the task of inner unification. To achieve this would then make you a talented, happy, whole, and fulfilled person.
When we are WHOLE, we have simply looked at all our personality aspects and put them into their proper perspective. All these qualities can serve us in our personal growth when they are united; it is only when they are unbalanced in the input to the life we lead, that they misguide us and coerce us into making bad choices that bring us pain.
CONTEMPLATION:
I am of many parts...
...and my goal is to make
them Equal.
My goal is to
BECOME WHOLE.
CHAPTER 3
THE CONCEPT OF “THE NOW”
Of all the profound concepts of awareness philosophy I have learnt, the one I continually keep on referring to; the one that is so simple in nature, is the one that seems to have it's beauty and value hidden by its own simplicity.
It is knowing that YOU, along with your reality, exist for just that instant we call the present.
When that instant ceases to exist, a new instant will then come into being. It is knowing that the past is only a shadow of what was. It is knowing that the future is but a dream, it is the unborn child.
In one respect we could say that our lives are part of an infinite series of Instant Moments, and when they are all strung together it is then given a name. That name is time.
When the instant ceases to be the instant, it is called the past. The instants that are to come are labelled the future, but the past and future do not exist; they are an illusion and all that REALLY EXISTS...is the present.
All that really matters is “THE NOW”.
ONLY THE MOMENT LIVES:
To understand the value of the Present when trying to obtain relief from sorrow, you must appreciate the link between the truth of the moment that you live in right now, and the illusion that there might be something good for your peace hiding in a mist of shadows and nothingness.
The reflections of clouds on a still pond are not clouds. Though they have beauty; if you were to reach out and touch them, you would disturb the stillness of the water and lose the peace and beauty you once had. The only reality was the water. The clouds you sought were an illusion; just an image.
This link between the present and the past can now be seen as some form of goodness, pleasure or beauty, and when you reach out to be with those qualities, you touch an illusion. From this... sorrow is then born.
REGRET, THE TAUNTING LURE:
If we go through a painful experience, we tend to go through many and varied “If Only” scenarios.
“If only it had happened this way, I wouldn't have this pain”.
“If only I had done this then, I'd be happier now”.
“If only I had this yesterday, I'd have so much more of that tomorrow”.
Among the many whirlwinds within the mind, there are two important areas of concern that you should understand are capable of manifesting pain. They are, a regret of what was, and a regret of what wasn't. I may have become aware of an opportunity that would have been good for me, but through fear, I could chose to remove myself from it. On the other hand, it may have been removed from me against my desire. In another example, I could come to the understanding that something I sought after and experienced has left me feeling shaken and miserable. In each case, I am open to experience pain if I choose to re-live the situation, or dream of how else it could've been.
To maintain...
“If only I HAD done this”,
...is to invent a past that never was and attempt to live in it. Realities that once were can be bad enough, but to conjure up a past that never was, is to inflict nothing less than torment upon yourself. To say...
“If only I HAD NEVER done this”,
...is to deny the reality of a choice.
Through the acceptance of a choice that has brought pain, one can then appreciate that what was understood as truth, is just a reflection of what was, and all that is important is your peace in “THE NOW”.
After my marriage break-up, A dear friend wrote to me and said in her letter...
“When the energies go back and forth between the past and the future, the healing process is delayed”.
At the time, the effect was subtle, and my understanding of it was vague. Since my sorrow was not at its peak, the doors of meaning were not fully open, but planted within me was a seed that was being nurtured by the passage of time.
Slightly more than a year later, my life took another completely unexpected turn. A chance of happiness and friendship vanished with frightening brevity, and its effect was even more devastating than the first. With delayed grief and compounded sorrows, I found myself lost in an ocean of loneliness as the ground was literally washed from beneath me. Inwardly I was crushed, though outwardly I kept a smile on my face. Whether or not this was good, I don't bother with now, for I am what I am, and I do what I do. I react to things in only the way that I am capable of. I try my best. I am a good person.
This was when I truly began my journey to find peace and restoration and it was to lead me down a road that never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would travel.
PROJECTION:
Upon coming out of the event that had brought significant changes to my life, I found myself floundering in a new state of emptiness and insecurity. I would desperately try and find something to hang on to that would restore me to a former state of existence. My first natural reactions were to review my past and wonder where I went wrong; I would wonder what alternatives of living could have prevented my new circumstance. In looking backwards or forwards in time, I would PROJECT my thoughts out of the reality of the present and try to become a part of an illusion.
This very normal practice is called upon many times in everyday of our lives. To refresh our memory after an absence of concentration is to project. To recall what we wore yesterday so we can wear clean clothes today is to project. To be able to understand this chapter, you will have to project so that your feelings can be compared in order to find understanding and meaning.
If we are happy, and we look at a photograph of happy times, our projection re-enforces our existing happiness. Likewise, if we are sad and we dwell on the events that have brought us pain, then our sorrow also shall be re-enforced.
I have found a simple source of Peace from the belief that in the present moment, I have everything that I need for that moment. I say this because I have always had and maintained a belief that no matter what the circumstance, I would always be able to find some aspect of a given situation that could be used for my own good.
This long time belief of mine has now been validated for me through the freedom I have obtained from adapting this philosophy when I most needed it. In trying times, such thinking is difficult to maintain, but for me, somehow this unshakeable belief would always be there for me when all else made no sense. When there is a need for a major adjustment to your life and you are experiencing deep emotions such as Grief, Anxiety, or Brokenness, within the pain of the moment you would think that such thinking would be the last thing you need, but if you yearn for someone or something that gave you Love or pleasure, then the situation that arose to remove those things from your life came about through circumstances that needed attention and a necessity to be resolved. Even when you experience the depths of grief and loneliness, the pain of a broken heart, or any other emotion which seizes upon you, such intensity is serving your personal development through the enforced activation of awareness to Yourself, your situation, and your Truth.
I can now see the separation from someone who was once dear to me as a need. At the time I could not see this since my desires were not being fulfilled. Poets and Lovers say within their bitter sweet laments that ...
“You took a part of me when you left”.
Within such words lies a subtle truth. When we are without peace, it can be said that we fragmented, and when we yearn for a part of our life that no longer exists; there is truly a part of us that is still attached to that aspect of the past. Indeed, that “part of me”, that the poets write about, is in fact essentially somewhere else. Ironically, when we can truly let go of the object of our yearning, that “part of us”, can then come back to unite us with ourselves and allow us to feel at Peace once again. We are then WHOLE once again.
Again in retrospect, since there was a particular aspect of my life that was not serving my ongoing need for Love and comfort, something had to happen in my life that could enable me to live the sort of life I have always wanted. In short... I had something to LEARN. When I felt pain in the separation, it was because I was associating with an illusion, I was not in the present, I was some where else.
Within such circumstances, knowledge can be a saviour that will help us regain our peace. This knowledge has it's roots in the word CHOICES. We do not need to be a slave to suffering, and we need not be at the mercy of lingering emotions. We can choose to stay within our sorrows, or we can choose to acknowledge the past as that which cannot serve us anymore. Here we can also choose to call on courage and begin a new start to life and a new self respect.
To have been hurt by someone whilst we were being kind to them; then from a state of anguish we will project to the past to live in an old happiness, but agitation then develops in the search for answers. Those answers are never there, it's like trying to converse with the images we see on a television. Your answers are buried beneath your sorrow in a very serene place, and only in the stillness of “THE NOW” is when they can be revealed to you.
Take time out to be silent and go within. Lay aside your dramas and begin a process of contemplation of past actions. Identify areas in your life that are repetitive in nature, and the problems they bring you. Deep within you are the answers that can change your life.
Not only must you be willing to seek them, but you must also be willing to employ them. Contemplation is an ongoing process and the benefits are enormous.
Many times for myself, no matter how hard I tried, I was just drawn to my sorrows in an almost irresistible and magnetic way. I just couldn't seem to put them down no matter how bad they made me feel. I had no concentration and many times I was just unavailable to my work, my family, my friends and many other things that were important. The days seem never ending and my sleep would be broken from the calling of memories that refused to leave me alone.
During that period, there was a tremendous source of energy within that needed to be released, and as difficult as it was, it had be expressed. This was the unavoidable time of my grieving process and it had to take its full path. When we are in this situation, all we can do is be kind to ourself as we experience our suffering. We can even comfort ourselves by wishing for Peace. For myself, I would say...
“Peace to Me... Things Will get better”.
There were times when I became so caught up in my sorrows that I became unaware of the reality of the present and ended up distancing myself from the world around me. Though I would desperately try to make the effort, the times that I was with my friends, I found that I may as well have not have been there at all. Through being so established in sorrow I would have no concentration. To raise a smile would even bring sadness upon me as the aspect of happiness I would try to emulate would go on to remind me of better times. When I made plans and appointments, I would often overlook them if I was not prompted by family or friends. Sometimes being with a certain group of people could prompt sadness so I would end up avoiding their company. Though I still yearned to be a part of their lives, I would stay away so as to ease the pain.
It is the Ego which is guiding these actions through a fear of being sad; it fears revealing to other people what is deep within... what is hurting. It fears no one might understand the situation or the grief and only come forth to condemn us for our situation. In this circumstance, the best thing to do is to be patient and keep on trying. Though the friends I avoided continued to mean a lot me, I knew that I had to be patient with myself as I would eventually find a way to share with them what my heart really wished to. If you can link up with these thoughts, then take as much time as you want and know that in time, things Will get Better.
Indeed... things are getting better right now as you read this book and others which have been written with the same intent. Your searching for a better way of living has now been Clearly Defined, and your Goodness and Love is now guiding you home. Affirm your Worthiness at this very moment to a life equal in the happiness and prosperity to that which you have always been dreaming of.
TIME TO RISE.
When sorrows eventually peak, it is then time to activate awareness philosophy. Understand the value of “THE NOW”; understand what it is you are searching for as you project and ask yourself...
“Will I really find what I am looking for in the past ?”
be daring enough to ask yourself...
“Are my answers already contained within me ?”
“Am I willing to search deeply for my Truth ?”
Remember that your pain is brought about by association with the past and an isolation from the truth. The beasts of the Animal kingdom who live perfectly in “THE NOW” do not know of suffering a yearning heart, since they do not have the ability to make a comparison through contemplation of past events. Our pain is relative since we compare what is, against what was or what we would like to be. In the present moment there is no association, there is only existence, so when we stop associating we stop the pain.
Obviously, because of our humanity, a person would need attain great Skill, Knowledge, Discipline and Love to live Perfectly in the present, so until we come to live permanently in such a state, we will always be prone to experience the burden of pain and its seemingly never ending quality. However, through knowledge that de-mystifies human behaviour, we can give ourselves a chance to resolve grief in a much more effective way than we could have if we were to lack such knowledge.
If we give ourselves a chance to truly Experience our pain rather than Bare or Deny it, we will allow the feeling to become complete, and be complete in itself. It will have a birth, it will grow, but more importantly, in time it will die. It is through blocking the development of any emotion by rationalisations or justifications, be they subtle or pronounced, that unresolved feelings are maintained and carried within. Un-cried tears can then block our future vision in the quest for Love and happiness.
Bring yourself closer to your emotion by surrendering to it. Let go of the thinking side and become one with the feeling.
Identify exactly what it is you are feeling and be True to the feeling, then let it pass. I found that many times my sorrow would comes in waves. It was when I would try to go against this force by not fully going with it, that my sorrow would become incomplete and therefore prolonged.
I would try to find answers, but through the questions in my mind, I would only bring alive my original drama and rekindle the hurt. From these actions it seemed like there was to be no end to the pain as wave after wave of sadness would break over me.
When such experiences were peaking for me, I came across a few books which told of the Peace that can be found by knowing of and staying in the present. Now I can see that to have thoughts like...
“If only it were like it used to be”,
...is to sustain or prolong a part of my life that would eventually come to the same conclusion. To continue to think these “If only” thoughts, was to project myself into the past, and since the past is related to pain, I invariably brought that pain back into my reality. It is the Ego which seeks the ways to eliminate pain by wanting me to live the illusion of happier times. When I come back out of my dreaming into reality, I bring pain to myself. By remembering that the Ego operates through survival thinking, it will now conceive a way to eliminate the pain it has just caused. It is here that we could do a thing that might bring later regret. By learning to stop for a moment and recognise the projection of thoughts to an illusion, you give your self a chance to remain within your reality where stillness is to be found.
Unfortunately or fortunately, this way of thinking is only ever really understood when we suffer something like a terrible grief; a broken heart; or an awakening to a very bad choice that may have brought terrible consequences upon us. Even in the moment of doing a thing that can bring us grief, we can most probably be in no pain at all, we could even enjoy it very much. The pain comes when we dwell on the past, so by staying in the present you allow yourself the right to be peaceful. You allow yourself a chance to gain a reserve of strength to sustain you through any unresolved aspect of your situation.
If you are believing of the fact that your pain can truly help you in the process of finding a new direction, then the pain itself can then be seen to be serving you. From this, Despair can be transformed into Hope, so by acknowledging the need for change, we can let go of the past and concentrate on finding our peace. We will now be assured of finding that peace in “THE NOW”.
PEACE WITHIN:
To stay available to the option of peace requires Courage since the Ego will try to take you away from any prompting of anxiety or pain you may be feeling. As you see that Ego thinking will only give you a choice for the immediate pain you are suffering, you will become aware that any option brought about to bring you external relief shall only be a temporary measure. Your greatest peace will be found within, and because it is YOUR peace, it is always available whenever you need it. It takes courage to find it, and it takes courage to call on it.
I have learnt to live my life as a continuing series of packets of time. Since through my humanness, I cannot live ‘perfectly’ in the moment, I have to live in time. Therefore I choose to live with a limited past and a limited future. Some people manage to live a day at a time, and if your life style can support it, that's good. For myself and at the time of writing this book, my life style concerns itself with about a week. A week for me is good. I have commitments and obligations and it works well for me. Beyond that, I must still however remain flexible and open to changing circumstances. I remain aware.
Staying in “THE NOW” also helps to drop the emotional baggage that we cart around with us so much. By giving yourself the opportunity to experience the peace of the present, you will find yourself being able to gently release futile feelings the likes of blame and guilt. To do this, will then allow insights of understanding to filter into your mind to dissolve hurt, anxiety, and other crippling emotions which stop you acting to your truest feelings.
SOME EVERYDAY EXAMPLES:
In regard to projection outside the topic of sorrow, I offer this story to provide a balance to the concept of “THE NOW”. The wife of a friend of mine was under threat of loosing her job through staff cuts in hard financial times. After reviews and recommendations, the outcome would eventually be known with some inevitable casualties. After the staff assessments, my friend came to tell me how his wife had been fortunate in keeping her job, however his face still showed concern. I asked him why and he replied sombrely that “Her job was only safe for a year”. Even though the past few days had given him good reason to be concerned, he still managed to remove himself from being in a happy state from his wife's good news. He immediately projected without awareness a whole year ahead. He had leapt over 365 days of security to be with the pain of a retrenchment that might never eventuate. There was no awareness that his behaviour was normal, justified, or otherwise. There was simply no awareness. His actions were sympathetic of his thinking... his thinking was guided by his Ego... and his choice brought him pain.
Once again, by looking at Ego thinking based on fear, it wanted him not to bear any pain of job loss, so it projected him to the future in an attempt to find answers to a non existent problem. It found none and brought him back with a burden.
The problem lies when we project without limitation, but what is even more devastating is to project without awareness. When we project and don't realise it; when we live in dream world, we are missing the healing peace of the present. To dream “If only” thoughts are a waste of energy since your thinking will not change the past. Similarly, when we worry over an event that we know is to come upon us, we tend to circulate the event around and around inside our minds without producing any positive output. We draw no conclusions and we make no plans; we end up waiting for the arrival of pain (which very often never eventuates), as we dwell on how we are going to cope. We in effect bring extra pain upon ourselves through our own choice of behaviour.
How painful it would be to know what our future is. The past is bad enough as it lasciviously tries to keep the hurt alive through a constant re staging of the original drama.
FUTURE PROJECTION:
Sometimes we have an option to be involved in a future event but in the present moment, we may feel down in spirits or emotionally not available for what ever reason. It is here that a chance becomes available for the feelings you have in the present, to be projected into the future. To say...
“I'm feeling tired and rundown lately and
the thought of that trip to the country
next week doesn't appeal at all... I'll cancel”
...is to project low feelings into the future, and presume that you would still be feeling this way when the event comes around. If you don't have to make a decision in the present moment, forget about it entirely. Living in “THE NOW”, is reality. If your miserable, then acknowledge your feelings. It's O.K. to feel what comes from within regardless of the emotion. Stay with the truth of the emotion and don't attempt to rationalise or validate yourself or your feelings.
Simply experience what you feel and let it go after it has passed. Don't burden yourself with thoughts such as...
“I should be feeling this...” or “I shouldn't be feeling this”,
it's simply you expressing what is true and valid for you, and you know of your commitment to goodness.
MASTERY IN CHILDHOOD:
Children are Masters of “THE NOW”, and children are masters of unconditional Love. Since a child has its needs fully catered for, it does not concern itself with distant future or past events. They are able to freely express their desires and wants with out limitations or restrictions. They are naturally Loving, and they seek and respond without reserve to the Love given to them by those in their care. They consider nothing about the next meal or whether there is enough food in the cupboard, and they are oblivious to the effort behind the care put in for their well being. They simply sense a need, express it, and find themself catered for. A child not having to fend for itself stays perfectly content in the present moment. As far as children are concerned, meals just happen, toys have always been in their room, and there is always a soft and cosy bed to sleep in.
As we leave childhood and pass through all the various stages that take us into adult life, the influences of people and events envelope us as we journey in life. To quote that much used cliche', “The Innocence of Childhood”, is lost. We grow up and experience the world. We come across disappointment and hardship, and we find there are times we have to take a back seat. People can let us down, and we build up a library of memories and feelings linked to experiences.
When profound circumstances in our Adult life make us stop and evaluate where we are going, (usually an event that demands change), we then have the potential to rediscover the gems of childhood which have always been within us. Through this discovery we can then have the best of both worlds. It is in fact when we are reborn through the fire of our pain, and find that there is much more to life than we could ever had imagined. Through a new Love, it is possible to see our link in Spirit. This is when a person is born again of an awakened spirit; discovering the link of Love and Life, and the true connection with life and what it has to offer. All this can come about if we unite ourselves with the wisdom of Adulthood, and the Love of a Child.
A CHANCE FOR PEACE:
To live with ongoing peace after understanding the concept of “THE NOW” will bring great freedom. Start to nurture this state by letting things unfold without your anxious yearnings and worrisome concerns. Deal with problems when its time to deal with them. Obviously one needs to put some attention to future events. The planning of financial budgets, shopping and preparation of meals, holidays, business ventures etc. The preparation of the future is a valid part of the present, but after these efforts have been fulfilled, simply continue on with what requires your present availability... your daily duty. Gather the moment and rest in yourself.
If you think there will be strong winds blowing your way soon, simply acknowledge that fact as your major preparation. Do what you have to do efficiently and peacefully, then go about your business in the meantime. Don't spread your energies around to much at one time. Prioritize your workload against your personal interests. Put your duties first and get them out of the way. When you're very keen to do something whilst at the same time other things demand your attention, there can be a temptation to do a bit of this and a bit of that. When your energies are distributed like this, you are prone to mistakes from frustration since each task is advancing slowly. You will be eager to see some positive output, but because the other duties are calling for your attention, you can tend to rush and end up doing less than your best efforts would otherwise allow.
If you project to the task that you would like to be doing rather than being available to the task at hand, your state of mind then becomes inappropriate to the job you are trying to do. An attitude is then maintained that the job is a drudgery and a chore. However, by staying in “THE NOW” with the reality of the job at hand, you will perform more efficiently and the job will just fly by. Concentration will shelter you and give you peace.
Have you ever had a day where time just seems to whiz past?
What you were experiencing, were a combination of events and circumstances which had called for your present availability. You were in fact living and operating in “THE NOW” in a very refined way. Though you were unaware of it at the time, the scene eventually registered within you from your peaceful attitude. Your peace was highlighted by the lack of worries and concerns within. This type of feeling is available to you more often as you develop awareness and stop yourself from projecting and being concerned when you don't have to be.
The demands of the present are more than enough without added loads brought on by choice. To live in “THE NOW” is to finely tune your ability to manage the day to day problems that will always come your way.
When you become open and available to the flow of your worldly events, you will learn to see situations with greater clarity since fears and concerns shall be framed in a quite state of mind. Many times, fears can be seen as unrealistic. Genuine problems can also be tackled in the most appropriate ways since you are able to see into the truth of the situation. You shall see a problem and through your stillness and refined instinct, efficiently apply a solution. The problem is then no more and you then continue on with our business. Each time you act this way, the benefit that your actions bring you shall nurture your confidence as you learn that the potential for problems is no longer a problem.
Be available to your destiny.
Foster Stillness and Gentleness.
Love being peaceful.
Don't be too concerned or anxious about the direction of your life. As you change your outlook and learn to be guided by your goodness and instinct, good things will then begin to come your way. Opportunities will always present themselves when they can serve a need for your development. Believe this and get the strength to believe it by remembering your link with the Infinite.
CONTEMPLATION:
Anxiety of the future makes us stumble in the present.
Anxiety of the past keeps us in chains.
Only within the Present, is where we will be Free and Peaceful.
CHAPTER 4
UNDERSTANDING AND WORKING THROUGH FEARS
In the years after separation and divorce, my efforts in personal development have brought a dramatic shift in my thinking. At the same time, my music has gone from singing songs at home and simple gatherings of friends, to my life time dream of having my songs selected and recorded for use by other people. One of the most effective tools for songwriting is the ability to conjure up an image for the listener. As such, I have employed imagery with various aspects of this book to allow the essence of subject matter to enter into your mind, to then be seen in another light.
Imagery is the language of the Soul. This is why ancient mythology successfully spans the centuries. Because it does not speak in the language of the day, the use of imagery allows the message to settle peacefully in the heart of the spectator where it is rich in meaning.
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