I
Forgive You:
Why You Should Always Forgive
The
Path of Forgiveness – Book 1
by
Eric M. Watterson
ConsiderTHIS.tv
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Unless otherwise noted, all scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.
* * * * * * *
Table of Contents
The Differences In Our Thinking
The Differences In Our Beliefs
The Differences In Our Upbringing
The Differences In Our Friends
The Differences In Our Desires
The Benefits to Your Perspective on Others
The Benefits to Your Relationships
The Benefits to Your View on Life
It’s Right Because It Expresses Love
It’s Right Because It Frees Up Your Heart
* * * * * * *
The material in this book is designed for Mature Readers Only! Not mature in age, mature in mind. Only the strong, and able, to change will be able to consider this information. Thank you!
* * * * * * *
Introduction
In this life, we have to live with people. People think differently, act differently, respond differently and believe differently. Religion, honor, respect and equality are concepts that would be nice if everyone accepted them in a way that benefits everyone; however, that is just not the case. No one is made to think, act or feel in any specific way. Free will has been given to us all, and people use it freely! You will inevitably disagree with someone. Someone will hurt you in some way, either on purpose or by mistake. Some people will have no idea they have hurt you at all, or even care. The question is not will it happen or will someone upset you, but what will you do when it happens? At the end of the day, the real issue becomes, what will you do then?
In this book, we want to discuss why it's so important that you forgive people no matter what they do, have done or may do. It doesn't mean that you should have tea and coffee with the people that just seem to rub the skin off the left side of your neck; however, the benefits of forgiveness are eternal for you and those around you. So, from this point on, I ask that you keep an open mind as we go through this process together. If you are ready, let's get started!
* * * * * * *
In Our Thinking
think-ing [thing-king] adjective 1.rational; reasoning: 2. thoughtful; reflective:
"Avoid the crowd. Do
your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess
piece."
~ Ralph Charell
A person's thinking explains their actions. When a person thinks a thing is right or true, it causes them to follow that way of thinking to action. If you ever want to understand why a person does a thing, you should first strive to understand what their thinking is in reference to the situation. For example, take a loving mother with a young child. As the child grows up, there will be situations and circumstances that require the child to be corrected in order to understand how to submit to their parents' instructions and, in turn, will teach them how to function as a productive member of our society. However, if the mother views physical discipline of the child as abuse, she may allow the child to get away with the bad behavior, or find another way to correct it. However, if physical discipline as a means of correcting the child is thought of as a form of training and teaching, the mother will punish the child physically to instill the proper training, not to abuse the child. The action is good or bad based on how you think about it.
"The thing that
impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their
children."
~ King Edward VIII
People will get upset and do things that we will not agree with, but may line up with their personal way of thinking. Are they wrong? Honestly, I don't know. That would be between them and God. We cannot control others; however, we can control how they affect us. There will be times when a person will do things for which we need to forgive them. We should take the time to try to understand what and why they did what they did. We may then be able to give them the forgiveness that is needed because we understand that they have done what they have done based on their way of thinking. Sometimes, this may not be possible and you will never understand. Again, it's not our job to agree or disagree or even to understand or not understand. A strong person can adjust their personal mindset to understand another.
"A good listener is
usually thinking about something else."
~ Kin Hubbard
Everyone is raised under different circumstances. Some of us are raised by parents who love sports. Thereby, we are raised to have an appreciation for sports. Others are raised with a high degree of importance given to education, and some are not. The way we are raised is largely due to our parents or environment. Whether good or bad, those influences affect our thinking about ourselves and how we interact with others. If you were raised to hate people of different nationalities or races, you most likely grew up to treat people the way in which you were raised. If you were taught, either directly or by your environment, that people of certain nationalities are less educated, you will eventually treat those people in that manner. Whether it's the correct way of thinking is not the point.
"For as he thinketh
in his heart, so is he."
~ (Proverbs 23:7 - The Bible KJV)
* * * * * * *
be-lief [bi-leef] noun 1. something believed; an opinion or conviction: 2. confidence in the truth or the existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof: 3. confidence; faith; trust: 4. a religious tenet or tenets;
"With most men,
unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another."
~
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
A person's beliefs, in most cases, stand most important above outside reasoning. If I believe that God is, He is. If that belief is true and sound, then you will not be able to talk me out of it. However, if you believe there is no God, until you are open to His existence, you cannot be persuaded otherwise. By definition, belief does not need a foundation of proof. At times, even the existence of proof can be overridden by belief. For example, some women may believe a man loves them despite the presence of verbal and physical abuse. In my personal opinion, a man's love for a woman is expressed in his desire to protect, comfort and serve her. However, despite the evidence of what abuse means, a woman's belief in the presence of love will cause her to ignore the abuse.
A person's belief will often be the cause of how they do or don't do a thing. This may cause a situation to arise where you may need to forgive them. If you see a person as needing to believe in something, it will make forgiving them for that belief even easier. Our job is to respect other people's decisions, even if their decision is not to believe in what you think is obvious or beneficial.
"Man is a credulous
animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds
for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones."
~ Bertrand
Russell
* * * * * * *
up-bring-ing [uhp-bring-ing] noun 1. the care and training of young children or a particular type of such care and training: His religious upbringing fitted him to be a missionary.
"Your parents, they
give you your life, but then they try to give you their life."
~ Chuck Palahniuk
Our parents are the main influencers over our lives. I've heard it said that between the ages of five and seven years-old, your personality has been developed into what it will be for the rest of your life. So our parents and what they believe and how they act will play a major role in your life. However, you can overcome and/or adjust this into something else, even though it may not be an easy thing to do. You will also have to be honest enough with yourself to recognize that how you were raised as a child plays a major part in how you act and respond as an adult.
So, understand that most people may have developed their thinking, beliefs and how they treat you based on their parents or environment. Get an understanding of that and allow them to be who they are. I was watching a documentary one day on the Ku Klux Klan, or KKK, and during the presentation, they slowly scrolled through an image of a group of adults in white hoods, not very surprising, right? That is what they wear. What I was surprised to see, however, in that same large group of adults, was a young person, whom I assumed to be a child, standing just at waist-high to the adults, wearing a white hood, just like the others. What I saw firsthand, was that what they believe has been taught and passed down through generations. Whether we agree with it or not, the people we see wearing the hoods are just doing what they know. The way they think was most likely handed down to them the same way you would give someone a gift. As children, we are too young to fully understand whether what is being presented to us is beneficial. We just accept what is given to us, expecting that the adults in our lives have our best interests at heart. Well, this is not always the case.
"And that ye may
teach the children of Israel all the statutes which the LORD hath
spoken unto them by the hand of Moses."
~ (Leviticus 10:11,
the King James Version of The Bible)
Therefore, you should forgive people. You may never know what they have been taught or exposed to as a child that helped instill the way of thinking they operate in as adults. As far as they know, what they think is right. What they are doing may be the only thing they know to do. It may be what they feel or believe to be best for them. Again, whether we agree is not the point.
* * * * * * *
friend [frend] noun 1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. 2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter:
"Never explain - your
friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway."
~ Elbert Hubbard
During my high school years, I had a friend, whose name I will not disclose here to protect the guilty. His initials were SF. SF and I had known each other since ninth grade, but it wasn't until 12th grade that we started to spend more time together. I think the main reason was that our girlfriends, at the time, were friends, so we ended up hanging out with each other by default. SF was a great friend, a lot of fun and someone I could count on in a pinch; however, there was one major concern I had with SF... He was crazy!!! And when I say crazy, this is not a figurative word. Oh, no! SF was mentality crazy! It was like his parents had dropped him on his head several times as a child, just for fun.
He loved to fight but wasn't the best at it! He would talk rudely to all the teachers, despite the fact they would give him a failing grade. He even had the crazy's on him so bad one day that he literally smacked a female classmate of ours that had like 30 older brothers to which she was the only little sister. Madness! Sheer madness! When I asked him why "The Heck!" would he hit her, of all the girls in our school - Her, his response was, "Because I felt like it and I didn't care about her brothers!" I looked at him in shock for a moment and the light began to shine from Heaven as a voice spoke through the clouds, "This dude is crazy!" I calmly and honestly responded to SF, "Bro, you are on your own with this one. I can't back you up for hitting a girl." "It's cool. I got this!" he responded. So of course, after school that day, within four hours after school, he was met with the level of big brother wrath, the likes of which I have yet to see since! Within seconds, it seemed, the fight drew the attention of several police cars, and blood was rolling down SF's face, while an older brother circled the police barricade like a hungry lion ready to pounce on an injured baby deer.
"A wise man gets more
use from his enemies than a fool from his friends."
~
Baltasar Gracian
I have to say; however, SF's craziness began to rub off on me to the point where I actually got suspended for almost hitting my principal! I had no idea what was going on with me until my girlfriend grabbed me and stopped me from jumping on my principal and said, "What’s wrong with you!?!?! This is not you!!!" Her words rang in my mind like a school bell. I had been raised better than that, and if my mother had seen that, she would have stripped me naked and beat my backside right there in the street for the entire world to see. And if she hears about this now, I may still get a licking, so please don't tell her! The point is, I had taken on the behavior, thought patterns and downright craziness of my friend, SF, without knowing it, until my actions showed the behavior I had accepted as my own.
"When the character
of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends."
~
Japanese Proverb
Oftentimes, people have become the people they spend their time with. The actions they take are a direct result of the influence of these people. We take on a higher level of understanding when we can learn to see people for who they are and not the mistakes they make and the pain they cause us. Sometimes it's very clearly them responding to a situation in a way, based on the moment, and once they calm down and reflect on it, they will realize how foolish their actions were. One of the most famous quotes of forgiveness is found in the Bible (KJV) in Luke 23:34, which reads, "Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." As He was being beaten and mistreated, He forgave His abusers. Now, am I saying you should do that? Well, I'm not sure I could, to be honest. Jesus forgave by His decision to do right in the presence of wrong, based on them not having a full knowledge of their actions. All I'm saying is to consider the person and the situation and strive to forgive them based on that.
“The advice of friends
must be received with a judicious reserve; we must not give ourselves
up to it and follow it blindly, whether right or wrong."
~
Pierre Charron
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de-sire [di-zahyuh r] verb 1. to wish or long for; crave; want. 2. to express a wish to obtain; ask for; request:
"The wise man will love; all others will desire.”
~ Afranius
Desires are often a driving force within a person. What a person desires will lead them to action, even if that action is to take something that does not belong to them. Having said that, we now understand that each person is lead, or driven, by something. When you realize that often we are driven by our desires, you will understand, at least in part, why some people do what they do. For example, if a person robs another, they most likely have a selfish desire for something they do not have, most likely, money. Now, if this desire overrides moral character, they will then do whatever they need to do to obtain their desire, which again, is money. So for them, breaking the law to obtain this desire is a reasonable trade-off. The desire is first, and being a law-abiding citizen, being concerned about their fellow human being, or just getting a job, is an unfair trade-off for obtaining their desire, when other means seem so much easier.
If we simply see that some people do not have the moral fiber to properly judge the situation above their own personal desires, we will see them in their apparent weakness and understand that they are lacking. Once you see a person from the standpoint of their weakness, it makes it easer to forgive them.
"Let your desires be
ruled by reason." (Appetitus Rationi Pareat)
~ Cicero
* * * * * * *
Your Perspective
on Others
out-look [out-look] noun 1. the view or prospect from a particular place. 2. mental attitude or view; point of view:
"To err is human, to
forgive, divine."
~ Alexander Pope
There is one very clear and concise fact that will always remain while we are here on Earth and that is - people are only human. They will upset you. They will treat you in a way you don't feel you deserve. They will say things that hurt you and they will do it repeatedly. Hopefully, not the exact same human, but some human will.
"We must be willing
to forgive without limit even as God forgives; otherwise we cannot be
forgiven."
~ Nels F. S. Ferre
A young baby is new to life, and during the early years of development, they will put things in their mouths; they will cry and they will poop on themselves and that poop is gonna smell bad! But you don't turn them back in to God because of what they do. You accept them for being who and what they are - babies. Likewise, if you let people be people, with their faults and flaws, you will better understand that no one is perfect. So, forgive people for being people.
* * * * * * *
think-ing [thing-king] adjective 1. rational; reasoning: People are thinking animals. 2. thoughtful; reflective: Any thinking person would reject that plan
When you forgive others, you open yourself up to truly being able to understand people in ways that forgiveness allows you to. By choosing to forgive, you are choosing to understand people in ways that help advance your thinking beyond just yourself and how you feel about different situations. The saying that there are two sides to every story is true, and striving to understand the other side of the story or situation helps to elevate your thinking to understand people, and begins to develop the skill of seeing the other side of a situation. Whether you can fully understand why people do what they do is not as important. The main thing is to open yourself up to the possibility that they deserve forgiveness, and it's something that you give by choice, not by feeling.
"Forgiveness does not
change the past, but it does enlarge the future."
~ Boese,
Paul
* * * * * * *
re-la-tion-ship [ri-ley-shuhn-ship] noun 1. a connection, association, or involvement. 2. connection between persons by blood or marriage.
"Every man should
keep a fair-sized cemetery in which to bury the faults of his
friends."
~ Henry Ward Beecher
Our relationships can either help elevate us, or be used to destroy us. The people we choose to spend time with, and gain insight from, can enhance our lives and add pleasure to it through the warm and loving interactions. Or, our relationships with the wrong people can add stress and drain the life and love and peace from us. Despite what relationships you have been involved in, forgiving the past is not to add benefit or even understanding to the past; it is meant to open the door to enhance our future.
There are good doctors and bad doctors. There are good mechanics and bad mechanics. There are good husbands and bad husbands. And finally, there are good people and bad people. By forgiving the effect that negative relationships have had on you, you allow the potential for new, positive relationships to enter your life and help heal the wounds. Forgiveness opens the opportunity for those relationships to show you the love that you have always deserved. As you know, there are good and bad people.
"There is no revenge
so complete as forgiveness."
~ Josh Billings
* * * * * * *
life [lahyf] noun 1. the animate existence or period of animate existence of an individual: 2. a corresponding state, existence, or principle of existence conceived of as belonging to the soul: 3. a living being:
Life is open for possibilities. As the sun sets and rises, a new day begins and with it new possibilities. What has happened in the past has passed. While what will happen today has yet to happen. By forgiving the hurt and disappointments of your past, you release it from holding onto you in your future, and hindering your progress.
"The forgiving state
of mind is a magnetic power for attracting good."
~ Catherine
Ponder
If you can give each new person you meet a clean slate to live by, and let them show you who they are by what they do, you then are showing a maturity and love for people that extends beyond you to benefit others. Of course, you can learn from every situation in life to see and understand the signs that show you who people are, so that you can adjust accordingly, quicker; however, always strive to let people reveal to you the essence of who they are without making an unfair assumption of who they are not. When you make assumptions, you eventually miss some of the gifts that come in the form of a person that could have been sent to you to love and help you, not use and abuse you. But, if you don't give each person the opportunity to prove themselves, you may never know.
"It is of the LORD's
mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
~
(Lamentations 3:22, 23, the Bible KJV)
* * * * * * *
It Expresses Love
Love [luhv] noun 1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. 2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
In every state of our lives, we have to choose. You choose to get up or stay in bed. You choose to shower or stay funky (that's the smelly funk, not the funk attached to groove), and you choose to forgive. By choosing to forgive, you are choosing to love. By choosing to operate in love, you are choosing to operate in an unconditional state of mind that will always benefit you and those around you.
"Love never fails
[never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]."
~
(1 Corinthians 13:8, the Amplified Bible)
There are times in life and relationships where things, quite frankly, just happen. Sometimes a person doesn't mean to upset you or hurt you, but the situation, circumstance or different ways of thinking cause hurt to occur. So, if you take the time to honestly judge a person based on the combination of the sincerity of their heart, along with the actions they take, they may prove to you why they did what they did, and help you understand their side. Sometimes, letting a person explain why they did what they did and opening your heart up to understand their viewpoint may be the love that is needed to cause restoration.
* * * * * * *
free [free] adjective 1. enjoying personal rights or liberty, as a person who is not in slavery: 2. pertaining to or reserved for those who enjoy personal liberty:
Your heart is where you allow people to show you love. It's where you place people that have proven themselves worthy of the precious place they hold there, and expresses how important they are to you. However, if through past hurts your heart remains guarded and closed, you will never allow those special people who are worthy of that special area of your heart to prove to you who they are, and how they can be a great asset to your life. Forgive people of their past hurts and allow the right people to prove to you who they are through time and consistency.
"The heart of a
mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find
forgiveness."
~ Honore De Balzac
The true purpose of hurt is to stop your future. If you allow it to, hurt and unforgiveness will close the door to your future successes by holding you to the hurts of your past. Forgive and allow your heart to experience the freedom and liberty of an unhindered past.
"They who forgive
most shall be most forgiven."
~ Josiah Bailey
One of the most important aspects of life that people don't always understand is that God has created the system to support what you put into it. What you give into it, you will receive from it. In other words, what you do to someone else, will eventually, in the form of harvest, be done to you. Could it be that the time you were hurt by someone, is the return of a harvest where you hurt someone else? So make a point to do to others what you plan to receive from others.
"And be ye kind one
to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God
for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
~ (Ephesians 4:32, the
KJV Bible)
Decide to give to people what you want people to give to you. If you want that person that you have hurt deeply and badly, to find a way to forgive you for what you have done, then you must first find a way to forgive someone else for what has been done to you. The cycle is always working; the only variable is the way it's working for you.
* * * * * * *
When faced with whether to forgive someone, we offer these few things to consider:
- Do you want a person’s negative actions to affect you forever?
- Do you want your inability to forgive to affect you in your future life?
- Do you want your inability to forgive to affect your relationships both now and in the future?
- Are you perfect in every thing you do and have no need to be forgiven of anything both now and in the future? If you have ever done any wrong to anyone, if you want to be forgiven, you must first forgive.
“Judge not, and ye shall
not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive,
and ye shall be forgiven:”
~Luke 6:37 (KJV)
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions…well, you may need help that this book cannot give. However, if you answer “no” to any one of them, you understand the need to forgive.
This life is made up of the quality relationships that we have, both with each other and with our Heavenly Father. So please never underestimate the importance of doing whatever you can to forgive and operate each and every relationship to its full potential.
The choice is yours. Make a quality decision and like the Nike motto says, “Just Do It!”
Forgiveness is almost a
selfish act because of its immense benefits to the one who forgives.
~ Lawana Blackwell
* * * * * * *
People will hurt others and be hurt by others. The other way to avoid it is to move to a cave on a high mountain and live with the rocks. But if you are like me, you don't plan to do that. Since we have to live together, and people will hurt and upset you, make a decision to always forgive and make the most of every relationship.
Please understand that I'm not saying that every person who hurt you should have the opportunity to do it again. Forgiveness and restoration are not the same thing. Forgiving a person of what they have done and letting them stand next to you to let them freely do it over and over again is not what I'm suggesting. I will discuss the process of receiving forgiveness, or restoration, at a later time. The point here is to allow forgiveness to always be in effect so that unforgiveness doesn't hinder your progress or success!
My sincere wish is that you will reach a state of trust in God and people so that no situation or circumstance keeps you from living life to the fullest!
As always, "I'm not
trying to tell you what to do; I'm just offering an idea to
consider."
~ Eric M. Watterson
* * * * * * *
References Used:
- Bible - King James and the Amplified Version
- The Quotations Page (http://www.quotationspage.com)
- Dictionary.com
(http://dictionary.reference.com)
* * * * * *
Thank You
I really hope this book has helped you and your relationships for the better. Life without the people that are important to us to share it with is not really life at all. I sincerely hope and pray that this book has helped!
God Bless!
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