SUPERSTITION
Rana Kelly
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2012 Rana Kelly
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Cover photo used with permission. Copyright 2006 by Kendra Goering
Wilt
your lips uncurl
vines that
strangle
my heart
and leave you
growing
away from me
in someone else’s
sun.
Wish Well
Fissure, slow and deep.
Wide are your eyes within me.
Traveling gravel
my face carries stains,
fingers hold flames.
I send a wish down the river of you.
I send a dream down the well.
Deep down there,
where the misbegotten child lies
with her mother.
And I know her.
Her white covered eyes,
bruise skin.
She has my name
folded and wrapped
in fur and thin.
Holds it under skirts
and speaks it when she needs to.
She knows I come.
She sucks up souls from the shillings,
pulls up all the wish within her,
and yanks me down.
The bricks are now my blood.
She sent away with Ravens
and they cast the stone
that poured her in the bucket
with his seed.
She knows me.
Livor stains and swollen feet,
roots from the Dying Tree
crawl down around
and suck the life from me.
Who is He
that never pushed
but sent two drown.
Threw down
cut the rope.
Dropped the bucket
and turned
and ran.
He holds mother’s hand.
and thinks of feet
blotched and bloated
at the end of all well.
Never tell.
Nor can she.
But she needs.
She wraps his love
round your ankles,
and pulls.
Women and Horses
trembling skin.
come on to me,
slow slow slow,
and know.
wild-eyed and rolling, ready to bolt.
shattered, heaving sides.
shiver, shiver, shake
down your spine.
frozen, still ready to shake loose and hurt me
just in case.
because you know.
run my hand down quaking flanks,
speckled sweat, kiss your face, stroke your lips
storms and lightning in your eyes.
you know the sting and slash of whip-
boot heel, knee, fist.
whatever he had round at the time.
i feel it too, i felt it too.
sweet sweet girl.
with deep and shuttered eyes.
it’s the tight line of your spine when i reach for you,
and you lean and slide, reel and wheel, away.
gather up your strength little girl.
gather up your wind, show it to me.
silent now, lower your face to me.
lower your face to me.
breathe deep, don’t let him see you frighten,
don’t let him see your fear.
low low low, i blow on your skin,
touch the velvet under your eyes.
rim my finger on the seam of your ear.
shh shh shh. it’s all right.
lower your face to me.
ease down your eyes,
drift them down slowly.
lean to me, give me some weight.
I know the look of you-
coiled and strung
like hanging meat.
hooks and things-
until you break
until you break.
i know you.
what i was.
who knows us.
who knows what men can do
but women and horses.
Untitled
you push hard
I just want
to jump
find you broken
below
like me.
so slow is your
eye across me
that I wonder
if you blink
at least once.
I want to
sweep you
from me
and make your
eyes shudder
and squeeze
more
than that
like you did in
December, almost.
Seraphim
Streaks of sun behind your eyes.
Mark my hand with your lips, love
hold on stiff.
Love me like I’ll die today
When the dawn comes
and you slither inside,
Close your eyes and think of selkies.
And know that I love you.
Malted eyes watch you
For a secret She can divine,
And tell me.
A woman
Is just a vessel.
I hold the water of life,
And things
You can’t describe.
I hold thunder
and heartache
You dare not speak your father’s name
for your fear of me.
Spill it all into me.
Lose yourself inside my thighs,
bury it deep.
So your heart is empty
and you can flee.
I’ve known the look of it.
Shoulders slanted down
and curved.
The hollow beneath where your wings
were cut.
Long bone and straps of muscles,
Stiff and proud
and hurtful.
Closer to me than my own
soul,
and suffering.
Severance
Some things mustn’t know
Cry to Death, why came me
Cry to Mother why hate me
Cry to Father left lie.
Can’t tear up laughter
Cracked up to be.
Fingers count and itch to hurt me.
Bullets graze and laugh and
Stutter me.
Left me alive have you.
Have me a party,
Slow dance with my old slippers.
Wonder why she died,
I have live.
Half live.
Cry to Hell, why made me.
Cry to Love, why laugh me.
Cry to Pain, why love me.
Cry to Him, why left me.
Cry too much I say.
Foundering down,
Face in filth,
Why left me.
Why left me.
When’s coming on.
Coming on shortly.
Superstition
I can’t put this down
pushing past loss
leaving skin behind.
And where do you go
when I pour inside,
puddles of wax on glass.
do I shine in your eyes
but falter, gutter, out.
I find myself in flame
over
I’ve no idea.
Many times have you killed me
cannot put name to crave.
superstition
in strewn things
and sweat.
Small lights in the darkness
bright inside of me.
Turn over in sleep
draw deep from you.
flush out the shadows
that crawl across me
when I dream.
Your heartbeat to guard me
your breath to guide me
your lashes to fall soft
brush off the black
that covers me.
Deep under arms and
dark-eyed promise
sleep safe
knowing the sun
will wash your face
in light
and I’ll know you,
quiet and still.
Survive Me
You told me to sleep with the angels
I lay down in blood alone
Waited six winters and the letting came so hard
Time seemed strange
And I forgot your face in dreams
Four years I’m undead.
But yesterday you
Sing to my pendulum,
And she swings to you,
Just like I do,
Lulled by the dark of your eyes.
Not so stupid so, am I.
Blessed black waters flow over me now,
And I want your words against my ears
Like you used to be.
In the fit of my jeans,
Carry you around in crevices like a stain
And you swallowed me so long ago,
Choke on me now
Hold hard in your throat my memory
I won’t let you go,
Easy through my teeth now,
Never so sure as not.
And you don’t know about me
But I do.
And I am complete
Come on and over to me
Hold over for another winter.
Bury yourself in new snow.
Survive me.
difference
the difference between you and me,
i see my head splattered on sidewalks,
when someone looks too close at me,
they find something afflicted
behind the windows of my eyes.
December
These things
supposed to fade
ten days
Friday.
Tick tick.
My eyes wide and worried.
you’re alone with it
I think only
your fingers and your grief
the loss of him
the loss of you
the loss of me
gone
still hurts
like
broken bones;
bleeding
you are Not well
I know you,
alone with it
you swallow hard
to get by
but you fade
and I wilt
but you pull
and I falter
but you fall
and I
stumble-
10 days count
on fingers not yours
my eyes could narcotic
my hands could cathartic
But.
you’re too
and ten away.
Unopened Letter
Before you give yourself to a man, you must make some decisions.
You must decide if you wish give yourself to only one, or many.
I wanted to get married once, and so I write this to you now.
If you give yourself over to marriage,
you must be ready to hate yourself afterwards.
You must be ready to walk away from bright lights.
You must be ready to live with bats and spiders crawling across your soul.
If you marry, be prepared.
The closet door will close on you, and you can never return without consequences.
Before you give yourself to a man, you must make some decisions.
You must decide if it is for love or for beauty.
I wanted a loving man once, and so I write this to you now.
If you give yourself over to love,
you must be ready to hurt yourself afterwards.
You must be ready to walk away from beautiful lines and bunches.
You must be ready to live with soil and filth crawling across your skin.
If you love, be prepared.
The bedroom door will close on you, and you can never return without disfigurement.
Before you give yourself to a man, you must make some decisions.
You must decide if it is for sex or succor.
I wanted to be comforted once, and so I write this to you now.
If you give yourself over to comfort, you must be ready to kill yourself afterwards. You must be ready to walk away from hope and wishes.
You must be ready to live with come and blood crawling across your psyche.
If you seek comfort, be prepared.
The gates of Heaven will close on you, and you will never return without loathing.
After you give yourself to a man, don’t come crying to me.
I told you what it was all worth, and the choices to be made.
I have no advice save this.
Leave off and make your way, because you are a woman.
Leave off and make your way, because you have beauty,
and that is all.
Leave off and make your way because I am your mother,
and I can say this to you.
I can say this to you because I love you.
I can say this to you because I hate you.
I can say this to you because I was there before.
I’ve been there all before. Don’t question me.
Don’t ask me what you should do. I don’t know.
I told you what I did. I told you what I didn’t.
After you give yourself to a man, don’t come laughing to me.
I told you what it was all worth, and what it all wasn’t.
I have no advice save this.
Leave off and make your way, because you are a girl.
Leave off and make your way because you have faith,
and that is all.
Leave off and make your way because you are my daughter,
and you must say this to me.
You can say this to me because you love me.
You can say this to me because you hate me.
You can say this to me because you will be there soon.
You will come to it soon. Don’t tell me.
Don’t tell me what you will do. I can’t know.
I must not know what you do. Do not tell me what you didn’t.
I cannot know.
Blow
when I come knocking down
I die
and tumble
deep from your mouth
and lie.
turn from me colder
push me from myself and
smolder.
I can’t stand you away.
my blood smells like you
when I push my lips up against you
feel you shiver
when I suck deep
and breathe
Untitled
Where was lonely when I was alive,
Some sort of fresh on my skin
Falls off, away from my face,
Leaving gray bones and withered left of love.
No light in the day can find my eyes.
No darkness, save crows that collect the lace,
Sew the shroud, for the day that won’t come,
He who would tie me in gauze and lay me down,
And let crave fall from his dark eyes
away from his lashes like leaves
Tie me up inside, and let him say his grace.
Not by my grave stands him,
Throws petals on the lips of the laughing eyes,
And the smooth white skin.
Ban Sidhe
Come the Voices of the North
to Drown me
Draw me from without the Earth and
sever my stalks.
My leaves are left to leak of my soul
to the Dead.
Leech my Bones by blue light
on black stone.
Hard as the Heart of the Fool
am I.
Last of Ban Sidhe.
I carry on.
My song not swallow.
They left my body behind the Rocks
in the Wallow.
Hold your ears Love, don’t touch.
Wouldn’t wise
but to
Piss on the Gatepost
that closes your
soul to me.
Hold to Wakeful.
Suffer your lips
with your hand
lest you kiss me.