CONSERVATWEETS
By
Rob Hoey
SMASHWORDS EDITION
*****
PUBLISHED BY
Robert Hoey at Smashwords
Copyright © 2012 by Robert Hoey
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Adult Non-Fiction
*****
Introduction
I have to admit that this is not a new idea, this rewriting of tweets sent over time, but I believe you will enjoy what I had to say as an American conservative in response to current events. For ease of reading, I have removed my tweet abbreviations (why is that such a long word, I wonder), and have lengthened the original sentences for greater clarity when necessary. So the normal 140 character tweet, which these entries originated as, have broken the rules of Tweeting. I sincerely hope all of you orthodox tweeters out there will forgive me for taking that liberty; or should I say TYVM?
Names of well-known personages (another word I rarely get to use—kind of like the word “beverage”) have remained intact. When I refer to Michael Moore, for example, as being a fat, disgusting creature, or Obama being what Obama is, I refer to them by name. However, where tweets were made amongst my contacts, I have eliminated their identities for obvious reasons (lawsuits, disavowals, vendettas, etc.).
All the tweets originated from me, but not all of the material comes from me—I have borrowed from the brilliance of others, on occasion. Where a quote is used, I give a citation, and in other cases where it is not originally mine, I say so. All tweets are in quotes and with many, I have made comments to either clarify or get more than my two cents worth of ranting.
There are so many bright, talented, and funny people out in Tweetville and I am making more twitter friends every day. If you don’t tweet, you might check it out—it’s more than just fun; it’s educational, and as long as President Obama keeps his hands off of Twitter and does not tax tweets, it’s free.
Finally, the timeline of the book begins at the end of May 2011 and ends at the beginning of February of 2012. Historically, and with the GOP campaign and constant changes going on in the world, there is no way I can be as timely as I would like. By the time this short book is written, Iran may have killed us all, Israel might just be a memory, and so my timeliness will not matter, But I’m hoping those terrible things don’t happen and that, in the immortal words of Rodney King, I hope that “we can all get along”.
Yeah, fat chance.
May to June 2011
“I just wonder why are they referred to as “Muslims” when Serbs are killing them, but “militants” when they’re killing us?” Of course we’re dealing with a mainstream media that reports the news to suit liberals who demand that we all fund their liberal media outlets like National Public Radio, and other personal favorites like the arts.
“While the Taliban is drooling for nukes in Pakistan, Obama plans for us to cut our nuclear arsenal. Iran is planning a nuke program—what’s wrong with this picture?”
“DemocRATS: always working to tax you better.”
“Liberals get more upset when a tree is chopped down than when a baby is aborted”—Ann Coulter. I saw an interesting tweet, although I’m not completely sure it’s accurate that said something like: “Since 1990, terrorists have killed over 3000 Americans, while abortionists have killed 4000 Americans since yesterday.” I believe the number since 9/11 is significantly higher than 3000, but you get the point.
“If you’re not a liberal by the time you’re 20, you have no heart. If you’re still a liberal by the time you’re 40, you have no brain.” I believe that was a quote of at least a close paraphrase, by Winston Churchill.
July to August 2011
“Aside from being a phony jet-setting polluting sack of s**t, Al Gore is also an opportunistic liar who pees sitting down.” Now to be sure, I have to admit that I have never heard about, nor seen, Al Gore in the process of urinary elimination, but I had to go on instinct. Anyone as clueless as him has to pee in the sitting position.
“Is Obama merely a savant whose speech is eloquent but there’s no wood for the fire?” No, I don’t think he’s really a knowing fool—I think he pretends to be one. I believe he is much more dangerous than he lets on.
“Gary Giordano, the ‘Aruba foul-play suspect’—he may be a member of the Tea Party, according to Democrats—they are still investigating.” It seems like the left will do anything they can to blame the right, but let’s face it, conservatives do it too. It’s just that the left does it in their sleep with one arm tied behind their back while having dreams of Madonna singing like a virgin.
“FLASH: Obama sinks a ‘hole in 37’ on the first green, curiously matching his bowling score.” I believe that as of this writing, Obama has played over 90 rounds of golf since taking office—that should be a record.
“When you lead from behind, you’re bound to be in over your head.” I don’t think that came from me originally, but I don’t know where I got it from. Of course, I’d like to take credit for it, but my team of high-priced lawyers have just advised me against taking the credit.
“Al Gore—earth’s rectal thermometer.” That’s a Rob Hoey original. I’m always amazed at how naive the public is about this loser—he jets around to claim that carbon emissions is destroying the planet. Is that any different than Obama saying we all need to sacrifice, then off he and his family go, taking vacation after vacation on the taxpayers dime?
“Maxine Waters is lucky that her constituency qualifies for mental health services.” You have to be mentally impaired to vote for this woman. I wonder if my saying this makes me a racist.
On problems with immigration I tweeted: “If illegal aliens are willing to come here illegally, then it stands to reason that they would be willing to engage in other illegal activities to get what they want.” If it were up to Obama, and probably even Newt, we would look the other way if they were here “long enough,” and allow them to stay. How “long enough” is determined will be up to whoever runs the show; certainly not the American people.
Regarding the fighting in Libya and the excessive celebration by the revolutionists when firing their weapons in the air: “FLASH: hundreds hit by falling bullets in Libya after massive victory—hospitals filled to overflowing with idiots who have just discovered gravity.”
Obama complained in August about his “bad luck” and I tweeted: “Maybe it isn’t bad luck, #BHO, maybe it’s God’s way of telling you to get our of Dodge.” Have you noticed how our President never ever takes responsibility for any mistakes he’s made? Not once did he admit he was wrong.
Referring to Arianna Huffington: “Huff is just another socialist with a foreign accent (like Soros)—without her husband’s money, she’d probably be a pole-dancer—an ugly pole-dancer.” That was cruel of me, and I admit it, but the Huffington Post is a piece of trash unsuited to line a canary cage. Wait—it actually is suited to line a canary cage.
“Assad considers dropping the ‘ad’ from his name.” Like his father did thirty years ago, Assad is killing his own people and Obama is killing time doing nothing for their sake. Assad’s dad killed about ten thousand Syrians back then—I hope and pray that history does not repeat.
“Maybe it’s time for America to apologize for Obama, instead of the other way around.” He is the first president that I am aware of who apologizes to the world for our good fortune, our culture, and freedoms.
“New York City’s Mayor, Michael Bloomberg’s imam said to have advised him on how to handle the 9/11 Memorial.” This is simply outrageous if it’s true. But whether true or not, there can be no doubt that Bloomberg is a dhimmie for Islam and its desire to form a world caliphate.
“Obama plans to give an inspiring job speech using big words and calling for hope and change and cooperation from those damned Republicans whose fault all of this is.”
“#ObamaJobsPlan calls for the national expansion of Craigslist.” Actually, it’s worse than that—Obama calls for an expansion of unions and a decrease or elimination of “Right to Work” states. This is socialism at its worst, and clearly goes against our capitalist ideals. Obama has tried, and to some degree succeeded, to give Marxist-labeled ‘capitalism” a bad name. Yes, that’s right—it was Karl Marx who coined the term “capitalism,” and discredited it, so no wonder leftists hate it. Even the GOP contenders have bought into some of this crap and are apologizing for being wealthy. We really need to stop being apologetic for being successful, because, my friend, that is what it’s really all about.
“Al Sharpton, after vowing revenge on all racists, runs his head into a brick wall.” After the Tawana Brawley case, it’s obvious, at least to me and many conservatives, that not only is Rev. Al an intellectually limited wannabe; he is also a racist. But when you think about it, aren’t most liberals closet racists when you look closely? They forever pull the race card, like Eric Holder did when he was in the process of having his ass nailed to the wall for Operation Fast and Furious. And they claim that conservatives are the racists because we don’t like Obama. So we have the choice of agreeing with their socialist ideals, and if we don’t, we merit the label “racist.” I wonder how they would have tried to spin it if Herman Cain got the nomination instead of all the left wing media vetting.
September to October 2011
“Jay Carney implied the adult in the room is the President, but with Bill Clinton, it was the adulterer in the room.” Carney forgot to mention that, I suppose. Doesn’t it seem that when a Republican commits adultery it’s a heinous sin, a crime, and an infraction on humanity, but when Bill Clinton had multiple affairs, he was cool and, leave him alone—it’s his “personal life.” Looking back at Cain, wasn’t he guilty without proof but Weiner was defended loudly until he was caught with his pants down for the last time? I hate the double-standard and it’s people like Rep. Allen West (FL) who is finally saying that we’re not going to take it anymore. The Democrats are soiling themselves while he’s in office.
“New Obama cell phone ad, ‘There’s a czar for that’.” His use of the term and the idea of czars is so Communist that it should alert us to who this President really is. His czars are not voted into office and are only held accountable to him—the Monarch in Chief. If you don’t think czars are a problem, you might be a liberal.
“We need a death penalty shush fund.’” I think the Clintons must have had such a fund when you read about all the mysterious suicides and deaths somehow related to them while Bill was in office.
“Ironically, #BHO’s approval rating is exactly equal to his Harvard grade in economics.” But let’s face it, he’ll accuse GW Bush of being the one at fault with the economy, and while any honest conservative will admit that Bush made it worse, in Obama’s more-than-enough-time in office, he has screwed up the economy by far more than any other President.
“Obama gets his ideas for solving our problems with the economy, from Yahoo Answers.”
“Ghaddafi, Qaddafi, Gadaffi, whatever—may still be hiding like a wuss in Tripoli. Call the Marines—they’ve been there, done that.” Since this tweet Qaddafi has been caught and murdered by his own gentle people—it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.
“Obama, with all the work he does, day after day, no matter how hard he tries, he is still a crappy golfer.” But he keeps trying and trying while the USA becomes more and more like Greece.
“Biden basically referred to half of all Americans as “barbarians.” That’s like a special class kid calling the teacher ‘stupid.’” Biden was referring to all conservatives when these pearls of wisdom dropped like fecal matter from his mouth. This is a perfect example of liberal name-calling and divisiveness. Everything Obama said he would prevent, he and his administration have implemented with callous abandon.
“Liberal: “Yes We Can.” Conservative: “Yes I Can.” Which best describes you?”
“Maxine Waters wants a one trillion dollar spending increase. It would take 32 thousand years to count to that number.” I think we’ve lost touch with how large our deficit is. One trillion dollars is large enough to cover an entire football field stacked seven feet high with one hundred dollar bills laid out side-by-side. I believe that not only is Maxine Waters a racist, as her speeches imply, I believe she’s actually an idiot, as her thinking implies.
“Brian Williams—the Master Debater Moderator,” His jaw, if you really look closely, slants to the left. Coincidence or serendipity? You make the call.
“Question: Will the Lockerbie Bomber run the New York City Marathon this year?” It’s disgraceful that he got away with all of those murders because he was “dying.” From all accounts I’ve seen, it’s all about the oil. Did you see how Saif Qaddafi almost kissed him when he got off the plane in Libya?
“Are the terrorists the extremists, or is it the religion itself? Read the Koran to find out.” If you’re interested, I wrote a novel called Jihad Joe that deals with Islamic violence and the religion. You can check it out on Smashwords if you’re interested. It starts out fairly violent to show the reality of terrorism, but the story lightens up afterward.
“#Obama2012Slogans: American, built in Canada.” This was inspired by the campaign buses he bought where the carriage of the bus was made in Canada. And here we have the Hypocrite at the Helm telling the American public to buy American.
#Obama2012Slogans: a trillion for your thoughts.” Even when he moves to raise the debt ceiling, it’s more than a trillion at a time. Yet Obama claimed Bush was unpatriotic for doing it when he was President. Why is it only YouTube that nails Obama for what he said in the past, but nobody calls him out on it? I think Newt might do that if he won the nomination, but I can’t see Mitt going head-to-head with Obama in a clash. This is what worries me about Romney, along with his mandated Romneycare. If Mitt can mandate something at a state level, what is the rationale for him not to do it at a federal level?
“Islam uses our freedom against us, but would give us no freedom in return. Wake up, good people.” The time for political correctness is over. The very idea that a group of individuals can come to a Western country, inhabit it as a small minority, and then use the freedoms of that country to protest the long-standing laws it has held, to be replaced by their barbaric Sharia, is wrong, rude, and outrageous. It’s like a guest coming to your home and demanding you do what they say.
“Weiner tweets his meat, Dems lose their seat, Obama will be beat.” Oh how I hope the last statement comes true, but we shall see. You remember the scandal with Anthony Weiner on Twitter where he showed too much Weiner and was forced to resign, after the Democrats tried to save him. Nancy Pelosi was initially vocal in his defense but later threw him under the bus, or in Weiner’s case, it might have been the F Train. After he resigned, his seat was up for vote and for the first time since the early 20th Century, it went to a Republican—in fact, it went to a Catholic Republican in an overwhelmingly Jewish district. This gives me hope that things will change for the better in 2012.
“#BHO #attackwatch is having a 1 cent sale—turn in one friend and you can burn another for just a penny.” I don’t know if you’ve ever gone to the Attack Watch website, but it’s disgusting to think that in the land of the free and home of the brave Obama would use such Alinsky-like tactics to run his administration. When you look at people like Elena Kagan, Timothy Geithner, and especially Eric Holder, it makes you think that something is going on behind closed doors that you and I will never be privy to, and will turn out to affect us adversely.
“#Obama2012Slogans: pass this bull.” That would be an honest slogan, but that ain’t gonna happen.
“Obama was elected on hope, not fact, not knowledge, not experience, not transparency—just hope. Sounds liberal to me.” This is an example of how liberals think—they “feel” and they “hope,” and things like facts aren’t as important as the way they feel about things. It isn’t important to actually accomplish something; what’s important is that they “tried.” So results are secondary—everybody wins a trophy. All cultures are good, even those that would kill you for being gay, being Jewish, leaving Islam, or for not forcing your wife to cover her body in a cloth tent, like their culture demands—the reason they do this to their women is because of their own sexual impulse control problems. Do you remember what happened to that CBS reporter during the Egyptian riots? She was raped on the streets and one of the rapists reportedly bit off her nipple—this was not reported in the lame-stream media, but in the blogs.
“#Obama2012Slogans: $3 for a $6 solar panel—now that’s Obamanomics.” He was forewarned about Solyndra’s impending problems well ahead of time, but chose to go ahead with the government funding of this green company anyway. Something smells fishy and it isn’t Nancy Pelosi’s skivvies.
“If you’ve felt self-righteous indignation lately, you might be a liberal.”
“If you make success a victim, the successful will leave the game.” That doesn’t sound like it came from me, but I tweeted it because I liked it.
“Obama is still testing Einstein’s definition of insanity with his taxing of jobs policy.” You know what Einstein said: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.” This is exactly what Obama is doing when he thinks that stimulating the economy means to throw money at the problem. I will have more on that later
“Solyndra is to Obama as gerbils are to Richard Gere.” Do I really need to go into detail about this statement? Google it, but use a public computer in case Obama’s watching.
“Michael Moore warns of violence if fast food is banned by Michele Obama.” I made that up, of course, so don’t sue me. It’s clear that the government now wants to get into your kitchen, your restaurants, and who knows what else, if they could have their way. Why must Michele Obama’s food disorder become our law?
“Abbas says that nobody with a shred of conscience can reject their application for statehood. He told this to a United Nations assembly who would like to see the state of Israel shredded.” Why we continue funding the United Nations, providing them with more money than any other nation offers, is beyond me. The UN has become an organization committed to the deconstruction of Israel, the spread of Islam, and eventually, the end of freedom. What will it take for our leaders to see this? The one thing I would like to say regarding the impending election is that all the GOP candidates, except for Ron Paul, is light years ahead of the supposed non-Muslim sitting in the White House when it comes to being realistic about the threat of Islam and its intention of world domination. That is not something to be laughed at or taken lightly—it’s real, and has been there intentions for only fourteen hundred years.
“Palestine’s plans for peace somehow forgets to mention Israel.” Do you remember the Palestinian’s chant, “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free”? If you are even casually familiar with Israel’s geography, you will understand that in order for Palestine to be free from the river to the sea, we’re talking Jordan River and Mediterranean Sea—there would be no Israel, only Palestine—the Jews would all be dead, because that’s what Mohammad, their prophet, wanted—and what imam’s are saying openly. One had even said that all the Jews should gather in Israel because it’s easier to kill them all in one place. And here we have Obama who is the worst ally of Israel since Mohammad was consummating his marriage with 9 year old Aisha.
“A satellite the size of a school bus was heading for Israel. In their haste, Palestinians destroyed it before it struck the holy land, thinking it was an actual school bus, and inadvertently saving hundreds of Jews from certain death. Palestinian authorities say that due to this mistake, heads will roll.”
“Studies find that Americans who hike in Iran have a greater probability of suffering from mental retardation than control groups.” This tweet was based on the story of those college kids who were caught in Iran and held in their custody until they were finally released in September. The only dumber thing I could imagine doing would be to Occupy Iran.
“Obama has as much credibility as Michael Moore’s personal trainer.” When you really get down to it, Obama has as much credibility as Michael Moore, period.
“Ahmadinejad’s new cologne: Night Camel.” Wear it for the ride of your life.
“FLASH: Good News—Iran mistakes yellow urinal cakes for uranium yellowcakes—thus, no harm done, but boy, are they pissed off.” We can joke about Iran now, but we better hope that Israel does our dirty work for us because Obama is a coward.
“Obama hiring now for help in writing job plans.” Stands to reason—he couldn’t write a budget that was worth even one vote from his side of the aisle.
“FLASH: Obama was warned about Solyndra two months prior to his visit/speech. What rhymes with speech and sounds like a Georgia fruit with fuzz?” The taxpayers really got screwed by Obama on this one—he put the private investors ahead of the taxpayers for the deal gone bad, and he probably knew it would. It’s always easier spending other people’s money.
“Palestine will have peace with Israel when Khalid Sheik Mohammad’s son becomes a rabbi.”
“Spending ourselves into prosperity is like eating ourselves hungry or drinking ourselves sober.” But this is how Obama and his economic cretins believe they can fix the problem.
“FLASH: China names a dish after Obama—Sum Dum Poo.”
“The GOP’s secret weapons” Joe Biden and Debbie Wasserman Schultz (or is it Schlitz?)” Whenever either of them speaks, I thank them.
“Freedom is never having to say ‘Obama.’” If it were up to him, elections would be deemed unconstitutional.
“If they’re so great, why doesn’t the White House use solar panels?” On the same note, why isn’t the Presidential Limo a Chevy Volt? I think you know the answer to that. Here is a leader who never leads by example, and never leads from the front.
Job Opening: Personnel Recruiter for religious org. Call Muhammad at 555-1577, “They Blow Up So Fast.””
Fun Fact: Anwar al Awlaki had just finished reading Frey’s A Million Little Pieces.” Then came the drone.
“Obama says we all have to work harder. He needs to stop campaigning and stop golfing and actually work harder too. His motto should be: “Do as I say, not what I do.”
October 2011
“How about a Constitutional amendment revoking the citizenship of terrorists born in the US or acquired citizenship after coming here? Put them on military trial and see what happens.” If that doesn’t fly, just try them on sedition. Of course, that might be very difficult to prove when we still have Obama in office doing that same dance every day.
“Should the media drop the “g’s” when Obama speaks to black audiences or put them into the copy? Which one, or both, would be considered racist?” Listen to him speak to various audiences and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.
“Obama approves of new Bernanke ad—‘The more you spend, the more you save.”
“Michael Moore’s street name back in the day was “Mickey Bag O’ Donuts.” I know I make a lot of fun of the poor rich guy who makes millions of dollars from the documentaries that portray our country in a disgustingly negative light, but I can’t help it—Moore deserves more—he deserves to live in the type of country he constantly advocates for the USA to become. Can you spell Putin?
“Obama say’s that he’s better off than he was 4 years ago.”
“Someone spotted Obama’s resume in Career Builder as a community organizer.”
“With Awlaki dead, Yemen wants revenge. With Awlaki alive, Yemen wants revenge.” It’s laughable to hear liberals say not to attack Islamic enemy stronghold because it will antagonize them and they will try to kill us. Do they mean that they will try to kill us even more than they try now? Because I don’t see how sitting back and pretending the world is full of love has stopped them from killing as many of us infidels as they can.
“Michael Moore vows to protest something.” More of Moore’s self-proclaimed moral superiority without justification.
“Geraldo calling Eric Holder honest is like Obama calling Geraldo conservative.” I don’t think I know of a TV reporter as self-centered as Geraldo Rivera. He cannot help but brag about himself with every story he covers. This from a guy who ducked out of Vietnam.
“Prediction: Based on Solyndra & Sunpower, Republicans will win a majority of the electrical votes.”
“FLASH: Qadaffy wins the 2011 National Hide-and-Seek Championship.”
The next tweet refers to the Occupy Wall Street protest: “Down with the banks, forgive my loan, I need a shower, think I’ll go home.” As of this writing, they are still occupying, but now they’re doing it with a vengeance and becoming the anarchists we knew they were.
“If you see people visiting cemeteries and they look happy, they’re just liberals getting voters registered for 2012.” Remember in Philadelphia how the New Black Panthers kept white voters from getting to the poles by using intimidation? They got away with it because Holder refused to prosecute, and now the Democrats don’t want to have voters prove their identity—it only makes sense if you’re dishonest. They claim the poor will not be able to vote because of this requirement, but I see that as much less of a problem than the one just mentioned in Philly. If we have to prove who we are when we apply for a library card or a driver’s license, why not the same with voting?
“Do you realize it takes 32,000 years to count to a trillion?” I know I mentioned something like this before, regarding the economy, but I felt it deserved mentioning again. Our deficit is larger than we can imagine, literally. If you take 32 thousand and multiply it by sixteen, then you’ll know how long it would take to count deficit dollars when Obama’s rule is overthrown.
“FLASH: Medical marijuana outlets raided by Obama administration but several kilos went missing. Obama said that he will get to the bottom of this as he ate handfuls of cheese doodles and chips.” Obama is “Liberal Cool” having smoked weed and snorted cocaine, but a conservative would be a criminal to them if he/she did that.
“A TV Special Coming Next November: ‘America’s Biggest Loser,’ starring Barack Hussein Obama.” Let us vote then pray.
“I love how libtards compare the Tea Party to Occupy Wall Street: lawful vs. lawless, showered vs stinky, flag-wavers vs. flag-burners, Reagan vs Obama.” The Tea Party paid to use public space to demonstrate, then cleaned it up before they left, making it better than before they arrived. The Occupy people camped out illegally in public space, defecated publicly and aggressively on police vehicles and American flags, and left the place to be cleaned up by the taxpayers. No difference between them, eh.
“#owspickuplines: I’m feeling sad, kind of morose, but sleep in my tent, and I’ll quote you Soros.” Obama attacks the Koch brothers, but Soros gets to slide.
“How long will it take before they blame the abduction of Lisa Irwin on GW Bush?” As of this writing, (February 2012), they still haven’t found that poor baby girl. I wonder if they ever will.
“Israel demonstrates how one Jewish man is worth 1000 Muslims.” This was from the story of the Israeli soldier who was released in exchange for a boatload of Palestinian prisoners. While many felt it was wrong to make such an exchange, an argument was mad by Israel that the life of even one of their own was as priceless as the lives of many others—it wasn’t a question of numbers. Netanyahu was behind the release of the Muslims, but I cannot fault him for it, although in my novel, Jihad Joe, the President of the United States is challenged with the same situation of releasing Gitmo prisoners in exchange for the life of Zed Nill, a Manhattan journalist.
“Big Question: did Perry support Al Gore on global warming? If so, he’s a rectal thermometer too.” Well the Perry campaign has given up their bid to nominate Rick Perry, so I suppose the point is less important that it was. A recent report, however, claims that scientist now show that the earth has not warmed up for the last fifteen years, so the global warming theory is liberal science—you know, it feels true.
“Obama calls himself the underdog for the next election because of the job he did, but it’s a lie because he will claim it was all Bush’s fault when the election rolls around.”
“Henry Waxman or Mister Potato Head—you decide.”
“Uganda has developed an intercontinental blowgun, which is why Obama is having the US attack them.”
“If the Occupy Wall Street protested in a forest and there was nobody there to smell them, would they still stink?” I think you know the answer to that one.
“If global change demanded by OWS actually happens, banks will close, jobs will be lost, the size of the protest will dramatically increase, and OWS will go corporate—my prediction.” One thing is certain, those people who are responsible for this movement (not to be confused with any form of intestinal movement) will get richer while the protesters will simply go home.
“When the Arabs love their children more than they hate the Jews, only then will there be peace with Israel—Golda Maeir.” Those poor Muslim kids—they blow up so fast.
“The Obama Jobs Bill may destroy 238 thousand jobs—change he can be relieved in.” As I write this, the economy has began to slowly spring back, but the progression of growth is incredibly slow. Moreover, there have been about 1.5 million people who have simply given up looking for work and they no longer count in the statistics, so the actual figures are deceptive. Me, I took up writing.
“Michael Moore is calling for an #occupymcdonalds.” Don’t you love Michael Moore and his self-proclaimed moral superiority? He obviously is living off the fat of the land. I notice that he hasn’t made any documentaries on obesity in America.
“Dr. Martin Luther King would be ashamed of Occupy Wall Street, not proud. King did not approve of random stupidity.” But leftists love to put words into the mouths of dead people just as much as they love to put votes into the ballot box of dead people. Obama even claimed Jesus would approve of his tax hikes for the rich—now that’s funny. First of all, notice how liberals only use the notion of “separation of church and state” when it benefits them, but make claims about Jesus and political policies when it benefits them. Nonsense. Jesus should not be brought into this discussion because we cannot put words into His mouth, nor the mouths of anyone not present to verify them. Oh, but verification was a Ronald Reagan idea, so it’s probably offensive to the “feelers” of the country.
“Do not confuse Democracy with Freedom.” Obama did—he thought Egypt would be okay after their revolution and they democratically voted for the Muslim Brotherhood. Now Obama thinks he should negotiate with them. Either he’s a fool or seditious—and he’s no fool.
“Rambobama kills Qaddafi with his bare hands and saves America—vote for him and LOL.” Remember Obama’s speech when “he” killed Qaddafi? He used the word “I” a zillion times and you wanted to check his hands for GSR. What a brave man is our leader.
“Why is the media allowed to show a dead Ghadaffy but not a dead bin Laden?” I suspect the media is comprised of a bunch of sissies who are so afraid of Islamic retaliation that they dare not even mention the word “Muslim,” or “Islam.” Just last month when the Shafia family of Ontario, Canada were all found guilty of the honor killings of their three young daughters and their step-mother, the American media never once used the words Islam or Muslim, yet about 90 percent of all honor killings are committed by Muslims and the victims are usually their daughter(s), wife, or nieces. In many Islamic countries, honor killings are not punished, or if they are, it’s usually not severe. We are talking about a culture that is still living its desert-Bedouin lifestyle and who see all other religions as not only inferior, but subservient to them. So even though Ghadaffy was a Muslim, he was not a religious Muslim like bin Laden, and thereby it was permissible to show his ugly dead face. Remember, the more religious a Muslim is, the more likely he is to sympathize with jihad of the sword—the only jihad in the Koran.
“The protesters of OWS are self-defecating.” Well, actually they tend to be more public defecating and they do it on American flags and police cars to show their disapproval of the things that allow them to do it in the first place. Why don’t we just ship them out to the socialist countries whose form of government they advocate for—oh wait—we don’t do that because they’re allowed to shit wherever they please. America really is the land of opportunity.
“Fun Fact: of the 72 terrorist booty-virgins, 71 are god-awful ugly and the other one is a guy with the body odor of a dead camel.”
“Obama refers to Constitutional process as “nonsense.” I’m not making this up. He swore to defend the Constitution and lied, so why isn’t he being impeached?” He claims that he doesn’t have the time to wait for Congress to act in order to institute policy. He pretends that what he did nothing about for three years, has now become an emergency.
“Headline states: ‘Sharia comes to Libya.’ How ducky.” Looks like nobody in Libya is thanking Obama for the lack of effort he put into helping them.
The following two tweets are definitely not mine. I saw them in an email sent to me by a conservative friend, but I believe they are from someone even more famous than him. Here’s the first: “You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.”
The second: “The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.” I’m thinking this came from Jefferson, but I’ll have to look it up and get back to you.
“Nazis, Communists, socialists, KKK’s David Duke, Democrats/Muslim Brotherhood/Pelosi & Obama love OWS—this is all you need to know.”
“Fun Fact: Michael Moore’s body fat could feed a family of socialists for six years.”
“Question: if Obamacare is such a good thing, why is it an even better thing to get a waiver from it?” I don’t know why nobody posed this question when it was being instituted. Did you notice how Nancy Pelosi’s district in California got the most waivers?
“Out of the million people who attended Obama’s inauguration, only 14 of them missed work.” But they didn’t really do much at work—they were postal employees and teachers.
“If Obama is the answer, how stupid was the question?”
November 2011
“Obama threatens to cut off all supplies of bacon to Iran if they continue with their nuclear proliferation program.” So far the sanctions are not working and they are still developing the bomb. Israel has been abandoned by Obama, but we know how much he hates Israel.
“Ever notice how Obama’s sex life prior to Michele is a mystery—and she a woman with dude muscles.” Again, our most transparent President has a lot to hide. I am not one of those truthers or birthers, but it wouldn’t surprise me to discover Obama is a gay Muslim who has to hide his religion in order to avoid a beheading. What do we know about him before Michele?
“If Mohammad had been a woman, Allah would wear a bra.” Just saying.
“Sharon Bialek would have allowed Cain to grope her if she didn’t have a boyfriend when he tried, she alluded to.” It’s interesting how Cain had to drop out of the race, but it took criminal activity on the part of that scumbag John Edwards, to cause a stir with libtards. Edwards cheated on his wife while she was battling cancer (and eventually succumbed to it) and he and his mistress had a baby together. Now that his case is in court for his misuse of campaign funds, he is claiming to be “suffering from a life-threatening illness.” One can only hope.
“A SHOW OF TWEETS: how many of you would want Obama in your foxhole in a war?” I got a ton of responses on that question and not one person said they would have wanted to fight alongside our POTUS.
“An OWS marriage request—“donations of soap rather than gifts preferred—not by the blissful stoned couple, but by the 53% who had to walk past the dirt bags.”
“#OWS tee-shirt: ‘I occupied Wall Street and all I got was this shirt and a strange rash.” Funny, but not really very funny. There was plenty of illness to go around, but even more, there were crimes that never got reported, such as rapes and assaults. This is what anarchy looks like.
“If Cain should take a lie detector, so should Clinton and Holder.” But that would be too much to ask of liberals to agree with.
“We need a POTUS who loves this country, not one who pretends to.” Comparing himself to Lincoln, FDR, and LBJ is laughable—well, maybe not LBJ. Can you imagine Obama’s likeness on Mount Rushmore?
“Clinton and Weiner will be counseling Cain on sexual propriety and chickens will blacken the sky if you believe that.”
“If OWS was a vampire, soap would be a Crucifix.”
“Obama decides not to decide on the Keystone Pipeline until after the election so as not to hurt his re-election chances. Obama before jobs.” This is akin to his voting “present” in his days in the Senate. He didn’t want to be held accountable and possibly lose the next election. This is how I believe Obama thinks—from election to election, with no regard for his constituents and the needs of his district or country.
“With all the drugs there, is it possible that the OWS people simply forgot to go home?”
“Obama called us lazy this week and says we’re soft—this from a POTUS afraid to make tough decisions.” At least his wife is for the first time in her adult life, proud of her country.
“Nov. 15, 2011—Bloomberg reads the US Constitution for the first time.” This was the day the moron announced to the occupiers that they are breaking the law. He is such a liberal crony it turns my stomach to see his face. And we shared the same OWS tent. (Just kidding).
“Can’t wait to hear how the media handles the OWS debacle. God bless them and Nancy Pee.” I think the OWS movement came back to bite the left on the butt. Just my opinion, but we’ll see how it plays out.
“OWS is similar to the Tea Party because OWS can actually make tea with their clothing and hot water.”
“Fun Fact: if every person who occupied Wall Street and the other occupy places watched MSNBC, they’d still be in last place in the ratings, and the average IQ of their viewers would remain at 47.
“Throwing money at the debt crisis is like enlarging the hole in a sinking ship to let the water out.” Anon, but it may have been my hero, Allen West.
“Ortega-Hernandez thought he was Jesus and Obama the anti-Christ. Well, he’s not Jesus, but he’s half right.” If you remember, Ortega-Hernandez was the young man who fired shots at the White House. Thankfully nobody was hurt and he was caught and taken away where the Obama administration secretly thanked him for making the case for more gun control. Unfortunately, they could not thank Border Agent Brian Terry for the same thing as he was killed with one of the guns that walked from the ATF’s illegal screw-up, but liberals are trying to use that to make the same case. In fact, it may be that the entire Fast and Furious Operation was done to make that case all along.
“Saif Ghaddafi isn’t safe anymore—he was captured—may Allah have mercy on him, but mercy isn’t what Allah generally does, is it?” Mercy isn’t in the Islamic dictionary.
“Fun Fact: Obama got Elena Kagan from Angie’s List.” How she left the Playboy Mansion is beyond me—maybe she just got tired of all the ogling.
“There is a distinct possibility that Chris Matthews killed Natalie Wood.” Of course well all know that Matthews doesn’t have the guts to physically confront another human being—even a woman—but I like to think that he is responsible for all the beauty that is lost in this world. I wonder if his legs have stopped tingling.
“If our debt in dollars were people, it would fill about 2142 earths at our current population level.” I did the math based on the world population we have now, and this number is fairly accurate. I cannot convey strongly enough the level to which the United States has gotten itself in debt. We have borrowed money from China like a junkie with a bad habit. Obama condemned GW for it, but he made it significantly worse at an enormously higher rate of spending. Now that he’s running for re-election, he pretends that things are getting better because we’re spending at a slower deficit rate, but still we keep increasing it. How are we going to explain this to our children and our grandchildren?
“If Obama had a piggy bank and put a quarter in it every time he lied, that money could seriously help pay off the deficit, but the bank would have to be the size of New Hampshire.”
“FLASH: Obama is considering taxing tweets at a rate of $0.10 each.” What the hell, he wants to tax everything he can so why not try taxing tweets? I know he would if he could get away with it, and Nancy Pelosi would say how brave he is to take such a bold step toward saving America and the economy.
“Fun Fact: Bob Beckel weighs 12 lbs. less than Michael Moore but is more full of crap than him by 1.5 lbs.” I don’t know if you watch The Five on Fox News, but Beckel can irritate the hell out of a conservative. On the other hand, listening to him, or any apologist liberal, can be an education in itself. The one thing I finally learned from them is that they will defend the indefensible when it comes to Obama. They will find excuses and twisted logic to make their case. Great case in point is the Susan G. Koman fund for breast cancer, which had stopped funding Planned Parenthood due to its recent negative publicity regarding abortion. Liberal apologists claim that PP uses its money to help women with health issues, when, in fact, they help women kill their babies. That happens to be most of what they do, but liberals will not say that—that will defer to the issues of health rather than death. It makes a conservative crazy-angry.
“Question: How is Obama’s control over the internet going, or am I in trouble for asking?”
“Fun Fact: pepper spray is a great substitute for body spray to cover up foul odors.” If anything looked like a staged event, it was the campus cops spraying the unwashed as they sat on their butts waiting to be sprayed.
“Fun Fact: 99% of the 1% support 99% of the OWS-ers who in total pay only 10% of all taxes collected.”
“Fun Fact: Obama authored two autobiographies but never wrote one piece of legislation as a Senator, and never took a real stand on a vote, using “present” as his way to avoid any political commitment.”
“Fun Fact: when Obama plays miniature golf, he uses a likeness of Joe Biden as the windmill clown.” The hard part is that you have to wait so long for the mouth to stop moving.
“It’s beginning to look like Dr. Conrad Murray will spend as much time in prison as it’s taking the judge to read the sentencing on national TV.” That’s what you get when you kill Michael Jackson.
“Liberals want conservatives to shut up, while conservatives want liberals to keep talking.—Ann Coulter.” The trouble is, liberals will never know how stupid they sound unless they become Republicans. However, Coulter also said that when a Republican becomes a Democrat, the average IQ increases on both sides of the aisle. Perfect.
“We can’t say ‘Merry Christmas’ anymore, but it’s fine to say Eid Mabarak or Happy Ramadan if you’re a liberal.” Are we so afraid of the religion of peace?
“Fun Fact: Democrats opposed the Civil Rights Act of 1866. It was passed by the Republicans Congress over the veto of President Andrew Johnson.” It always makes me wonder why blacks vote Democratic, but I know that it’s because the Democrats have them convinced that they are the party of equality. Again, this is just another case where the facts don’t matter to liberals, but conservatives do nothing to make their case. Allen West makes such a great point in standing his ground against the libtards—it scared them so much that they cut a deal with RINOS to change his Florida district to hurt his chances of re-election. Liberals hate it most when a black man is a Republican because it goes against their argument. So tell me, who are the real racists?
“The Democrats opposed the Civil Rights Act of 1875.”
“75% of the opposition to the 1964 Civil Rights Bill in the U.S. House came from Democrats and 80% of the “nay” votes in the Senate came from Democrats.” But they still claim to be the party of racial equality. That’s why they give poor minorities all those entitlements—it keeps them satisfied and keeps ‘em in their place.
December 2011
“In Obama’s 503 word Thanksgiving speech, he did not mention God even once. He said he didn’t want to be too self-indulgent.” Okay, he didn’t really say the last part, but it almost sounded believable. In his three years in office, Obama has been to church about four time. He invokes the name of Jesus to support his point because he thinks the American people are stupid.
“FLASH: it was just learned that Harry Reid has been dead for the last three years and Nancy Pelosi has been moving his lips all this time.”
“Eight years of Barack Obama would be a Communist infestation.”
“Panetta was Secretary of Offense before being appointed Secretary of Defense but he will always be offensive in my book.”
“If you’re catching flak, you’re over the target.—Allen West” West is a guy who is new in politics, which, while no different from Obama, would put him as a long-shot if he ran for POTUS. However, I believe he’d be a great VP choice as it would take away the liberal finger-pointing at us racists. The left hates West because he’s a conservative who tells it like it is.
“If Obama is not a socialist, Hitler was a Mohel.” If you don’t know what a mohel is, that’s the guy with the sharp instrument that snips the foreskin off of a Jewish boys—never mind—just saying it hurts.
“If Fort Hood was “workplace violence,” then 9/11 was an airline accident.” Political correctness needs a new name. How about Public Concealing?
“Just imagine Obama with Donald Trump’s hair.”
“If Holder and Corzine are innocent, then Louis Farrakhan is white.”
“If Newt and Mitt are guitars, Obama and Biden are kazoos.”
“Breakfast Special: Corzine toast with crow.” How do you lose that much money in a company—you didn’t put it in your wallet and get pick-pocketed. The important question to ask is whether or not this creep will get away with his crime.
“FLASH: Iranian guard has stepped up military readiness—they showered and shaved.” That sounds like a terrible thing to say, especially if you’re a liberal, but Iran is our enemy and I refuse to show them any love.
“If Holder is innocent, then OWS is a patriotic conservative movement spreading Christmas love and joy.” Chicago politics at work—it seems so obvious, but I wonder if perhaps I’m biased on the right. The facts in Fast and Furious cry out—Holder is withholding. He is making excuses and shows anger at those who would dare to question his questionable integrity. It’s a game of smoke and mirrors.
“Holder is to truth, as Obama is to Israel.” I might say the same thing about Ron Paul, but I would risk truth to anger.
“Obama mandates Obamacare. FDR mandated Social Security. Unions mandate membership and dues. So tell me, what isn’t mandated?” My big concern now is that Mitt mandated healthcare in Massachusetts. What would stop him from doing that federally when there is no rationale to differentiate between state and federal?
“Mental health practitioners who are being honest would say that liberalism is a mental health issue.” It’s also a great way to keep poor people poor, when you think about it. When you give people everything they need without their having to work for it, why would you expect them to work for anything they’ll be getting anyway?
“Dear Santa: all I want for Christmas is a brand new President. The one I have isn’t working.”
“Obama said that the economy has been growing since he came into office—then he put his crack pipe down.”
“Obama plans to continue lowering the unemployment rate by increasing the number of people who have stopped looking for employment. He calls this his “Hopelessness Plan.””
“Obama predicts that not only will he be elected again, but he will be elected again and again and again and again, if he had his way.“
“Romney should have bet Perry $15 trillion instead of $2 thousand, to point out Obama’s ineptness.” It made Mitt look arrogantly rich, which he very well might be, but it made no point against Obama’s ridiculous spending. But, as Margaret Thatcher said, “Socialism cannot work because eventually you run out of other people’s money.”
“It’s time to protest the protesters. Unfortunately, they have all the time on their hands while having no jobs to go to.”
“FLASH: al Qaeda prisoners escape from Yemen prison but scent dogs go on strike due to cruel working conditions.”
“Holder should be the last person to speak of American values—he has none.” I believe I misspoke when I tweeted that. Instead of saying “he has none,” I should have said, “his values are Islamic.” Obama may not be a Muslim, but as President, he has done nothing that an Islamic President would not have done.
“Why isn’t the mainstream media reporting the Belgium attack by Nordine Amrani as an Islamic jihadist assault? They must be hoping that by appeasing the alligator, they will be eaten last.” That last sentence was a Winston Churchill quote and boy, how accurate it is today.
“Ever notice how militant atheists never go militant against Islam?” This is similar to the National Organization for Women refusing to advocate for oppressed Muslim women who are being beaten and killed by Islamic groups like the Taliban, al Qaeda, and displeased husbands. It’s also like Gays for Palestine who would be killed by the very people they advocate for—I believe Churchill called them “useful idiots.”
“It takes the arrogance of Obama to destroy jobs and the economy, make countless bad military and economic decisions, lose the nation’s trust, and then refer to himself as one of the top four Presidents of all time?” What cojones Barry has, eh? Isn’t it amazing how a person can think of himself one way while the rest of the intelligent part of the nation sees himself the opposite way?
“If Biden’s son was killed by the Taliban, would he then consider them our enemy?” I certainly do not wish that on him or any American parent or spouse, but for Joe Biden to say the stupid things he says, well, it takes a village idiot.
January-February 2012
“Occupy Someplace: a new movement for protesters with impaired map reading skills.
“I ar smartar then a fyfth grater.”
“If Jon Huntsman had his way in the nomination process, there would be these choices: 2 from column A; 1 from column B; and 1 from column C with tea and rice.”
“If Ron Paul was a piece of farming equipment, he’d be a manure spreader.” I’m really sorry if you’re a Ron Paul fan—I don’t mean to offend, but I also don’t want to give you the impression that I believe he would be a good President. Yes, his knowledge and love for the Constitution is wonderful—wonderful to a fault, because he is absolutely rigid in a world where rigidity will get you nuked. His foreign policy, while it sounds reasonable, is suicidal. Iran will use nukes when they get them. I have absolutely no doubts. First they will go for “Little Satan,” better known as Israel; then they will go for us, “Big Satan.” Remember that the religion of peace is intolerant of all other religions regardless of what you’re told. I speak about taqiyya, the allowance to lie for the sake of Islam, in my novel, Jihad Joe
“Jay Carney is as believable as his last name suggests honest carnival entertainment.”
“A terrorist says: “We all have to die, so why not die the Islamic way?” The religion of peace speaks again—are we even listening?”
“Fun Fact: More is known about the Bat Cave than Obama’s premarital social life and college coursework.” Some theorists say he’s gay, some say they have proof. I don’t care so much about that as I do about his college papers. I suspect there’s a lot of socialist leanings in his younger thinking, which would probably not get him in too much trouble with most of the left anymore, like it would back in Clinton’s time and before that. But we will likely never know because Obama had spent over a million dollars in legal fees to keep that confidential—“the most transparent President ever,” he said.
“FLASH: goodwill Iranians jumping into the sea to be rescued by US Navy.” Just when it looked like we would be firing missiles at Iran, they go overboard for us and have the our navy rescue them, just to show friendship and brotherhood from nation to nation.
“Funny word combo—Allah-Obama.” I believe the latter believes he’s the former.
“FLASH: there are 16 more votes to go in New Hampshire in the GOP primary—once these voters return from their jobs and vote, we should know the results.” New Hampshire is such a small state and the point really hit home when the results were televised and we saw how close Rick Santorum was to Mitt Romney. The original difference was 8 more votes to Mitt, but it ended after several more days where Rick won by a little over 30 votes. Whew—small state.
“Why do ads for medication always come with warnings about its side-effects and dangers, but not our Presidents?”
“Huntsman gets 75% of the New Hampshire Chinese-American vote, which totals 3 votes.”
“Perry’s money is getting so low that he’s handing out business cards in NH.” It almost seems unfair that political winners and losers often depend upon the amount of money they have in their coffers. ‘This isn’t always a hard and fast rule, of course, because if that was the case, Donald Trump would be making an executive order to send the SEALs to infiltrate China.
“FLASH: Santorum’s smile looks less pained in NH than in previous campaigning.” Another thing that often helps in gaining votes is the actual physical appearance of a candidate. John Kennedy got the women’s vote based on his looks, particularly his hairy hair.
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