Fear’s Child
By Joshua Scribner
Copyright 2012 Joshua Scribner
Smashwords Edition
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This novel is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any person or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Chapter 1
The pathetic hopefuls pushed against each other like backstage sluts at a rock concert, all trying to be noticed by the star. Or maybe they were like wild dogs in a pack, all trying to win the favor of the alpha. But this star knew nothing about music, and she would probably commit suicide within two days if she had to live a dog's life and actually fight for her position. The star was Tiffany Miles, aka the head cheerleader, and her sycophants were wannabes for next year. The hopefuls laughed on cue like trained monkeys and donned interested looks when appropriate. Most were rail thin or kind of sport curvy, but there were a couple of fatties in the group, who had no doubt seen the picture of the one fatty who'd ever made the squad in one of the trophy cases outside the gym. But everyone knew that fatty had been the vice principle's daughter, and the two overly curved gals in this group had about as much of a chance of making the squad as they did of being asked by the quarterback to go to the homecoming dance.
Maddy Crandale didn't want to witness the sickening display. She had simply come outside to eat her lunch alone. She was supposed to be in the detention office for lunch, but they never really checked it anyway, and her friend Chloe would sign her in. After her apple and trail mix, she'd find some dude to bum a cigarette off of out in the parking lot.
At least, that was the plan. But now there was something she wanted more than a cigarette. But did she really want to do this today?
Why not? I don't see a reason to be a good little girl.
Maddy pushed through the crowd. A couple of girls looked at her with confusion on their faces, but most barely took their eyes from Tiffany, The Queen of All That Sucked. Maddy made it to the front, where Tiffany gave her a quizzical look. But that look was brief, as if to say, This is definitely not worth my time.
Now that's just not acceptable, ye leader of drones.
"Remember me," Maddy said. "A few weeks ago you were surrounded by a few of those gorillas trying to get in your pants. I was by the pop machine trying to figure out whether I wanted an orange soda or a cherry cola, and you said, 'Hurry it along, ginger. I'm thirsty.' You made all those gorillas laugh, because being the apes they are, they laugh at unfunny jokes if they think it increases the odds of sliding their banana into a hole of their Whore Queen."
Tiffany's expression wasn't the deeply offended look Maddy had been going for. It was more the look a kindergarten teacher might give a student who just said something really silly.
Wow. You're very well trained in the art of blowing off any insult launched your way by just pretending everyone who confronts you is a moron.
Maddy checked around. "My God. Many of the drones have the same look. They're learning so fast. You should probably run for public office some day."
She looked back at Tiffany, who wasn't looking at her. She was smiling like a head cheerleader always should.
"Come on girls."
She walked away, but not toward the front door. She was headed east, toward another entrance. Amazingly, none of the girls bumped Maddy as they walked by. But there was one at the end, one of the fatties, who looked at Maddy as if looking at an angry step dad.
Ah. Someone's seen some bad stuff. Someone knows when it's about to go down.
Maddy rushed past the group and got in the way of Tiffany.
"You know what," Maddy said. "Fuck it. I'm about to flunk all my classes anyway."
Maddy hit their queen with a right hook. A mere 98 pounds, she was glad all the times she'd hit pillows, walls, and Dad's punching bag had taught her how to put every last bit of that weight into a strike. The head cheerleader dropped like a sack of potatoes.
The dumb bitch was at least smart enough to cover her head. Maddy came down on top or her and started walloping that genetically blessed body.
"Fight!" Someone shouted, and then there were shouts from various distances and the sound of clambering footsteps. Tiffany whimpered and begged for Maddy to stop.
Really acknowledging me now, aren't you Princess of Preps.
Maddy didn't stop. She kept pummeling away until someone lifted her and sent her flying. She landed in a crowd of people, her head smashing against someone's knee.
She looked up as the crowd moved away from her. Some muscular kid in a Polo stood over Tiffany. No doubt, he was one of her lover wannabes. How dare this dumbass, who probably thought about nothing but sports and his cock, toss her like a piece of garbage?
And he's just stupid enough to have his back to me.
Maddy couldn't help but notice how tight his butt looked in his jean shorts. And that's where she went. She ran up and did her best to stick the tip of her shoe up that butt.
The jock yelled out and turned to her with a look of rage. She was badass, but not stupid. At least, she was capable of learning. When it had gone down with her dad, she'd learned she couldn't take every single person she fought. If this guy got a hold of her, she'd be at his mercy. But she couldn't run either. That just wasn't her style. The next kick was to his balls. Oohs and ahhs sounded all around. Jock Boy stood there for a few seconds, looking as if he might spring on her like a tiger on a gazelle, but then he hunched over instead.
He's in plenty of pain I'm sure, but still dangerous. Better not get too close. Time to make a glorious exit and hope he doesn't give chase.
She started to turn, but couldn't. The picture in her head of a fleeing jackrabbit wouldn't let her. She wasn't a jackrabbit. She was more of a badger.
Nah. Fuck running. Let's find a weapon.
Before she could start scanning for a rock or maybe a sharp stick, she felt a large hand on her shoulder. Then she was being pulled along.
It was Mr. Peter, the vice principle and bodybuilding enthusiast. She wasn't getting away.
She noted the different looks on the faces of many people. Some were shocked. Some were disgusted. Some were impressed. This school was so big. She didn't know most of them. More and more, they knew her, though.
Mom was going to shit a brick.
#
The red-headed adolescent might as well have been a red brick wall, sitting off in her chair, a blank stare on her pale white face. She wouldn't be open to reason. Sonya Crandale knew this much from experience. She'd been there with her child a thousand times. They never should have let her go to Perryton high. They should have tried some other school, maybe in a smaller town. But Madison had pulled her grades up a little at the end of last year. She'd acted pretty good last summer and even a few weeks into this school year. The real trouble had started around the beginning of the second semester, when she met boyfriend number five for the year and started skipping class to go to his house while his mom was at work. Boyfriend five was long gone now, but the habits remained.
Alex sat on Sonya's other side, with their other child asleep in his lap. Sonya couldn't help but envy little Allison. Why did Madison have to pull this crap? Couldn't she do it on a day when Sonya didn't have to get up and go to work that evening? She envied Alex too. How could he be so calm? Madison's hair wasn't dishwater blonde, like his. It was red like hers. Madison didn't have his healthy peach color either. She had Sonya's vampire white skin. But Madison shared neither of their personalities, and she was daughter to both of them. How could he be so damn calm?
Sonya knew the answer, of course. He wasn't there. He was still in the book he'd been typing into his laptop when the phone rang. She'd not actually seen him at his laptop, being comfortably asleep in her bed at the time, thinking she might be able to wake up around four and have a nice peaceful dinner with her family before working a twelve-hour shift at the hospital. She just knew the look he had now. He was there, but not there, taken away from the here and now like only a novel could do.
Sitting in the Vice Principle's office, waiting for Mr. Peter to come back, Sonya had to fight to stay awake. Her body felt as if it would sink into the chair. Her eyelids felt like lead.
She was very relieved to see the VP come back in the room, even if she knew the news he had couldn't be good.
He pulled up a seat, and then the man who looked like he should be guarding someone at a prison or flexing his muscles on a stage smiled the smile of a politician. "The parents of both the kids Madison assaulted agreed not to press charges, but only if Madison doesn't return to Perryton High."
"Sounds like a bitchen deal to me," Madison said. "You can shove this school right up your tight ass."
Sonya turned to her child. "Hush!" she snapped.
Madison turned her scowl to the wall. Sonya, though she wanted a rock to crawl under, turned her attention back to the VP.
He continued. "As you both know, Madison has been in trouble most of the semester. Skipping school and failing to turn in homework results in detention and other slaps on the wrist. But assaulting other students, especially in such an aggravated and unprovoked manner, can quickly become a legal issue. If charges are pressed, she'll probably be taken into the system."
Sonya knew what he was doing. She knew what he was trying to talk them into, and a little between the lines, trying to threaten them into. She didn't blame him. She'd dealt with this impossible child long enough that she sometimes just wanted to get her away too. She'd even stopped feeling guilty for those thoughts. And Sonya knew what "taken into the system" meant. She'd seen it before with Madison's Aunt Julie, Sonya's older sister. "Taken into the system," meant day treatment, where she'd meet a bunch of kids just like her and exchange tips on the trade of being absolute hellions. Then maybe she'd go to an alternative school with other hellions to learn even more skills. Sonya remembered the times when Julie was home. The girl seemed to lack feelings, and Sonya had been afraid to sleep at night, and not just for herself. She feared her sister would get out of bed one night and not sneak out to have sex and get high, but to gather one of Dad’s hunting guns and use it on the family. Julie really seemed that crazy. Julie had been far away when Madison was born, when she’d finally really hurt someone bad enough to be put away for a long time. Sonya had felt a tinge of guilt, but not for her sister. No, those feelings were long gone. She’d felt the tinge over another feeling, the comfort that the person her sister had put away wasn’t someone Sonya cared about.
Was Maddy as bad as her aunt? No. Sonya couldn’t believe that. But was Maddy headed that way? Would Sonya’s daughter finally hurt someone bad enough to be put away? And it wouldn’t be like it was with Julie. It couldn’t be that way. It was bad to give up on a sibling. It was unacceptable to give up on a child. Sonya would have to visit her daughter and see her in some terrible place, listen to her beg for money or cigarettes to exchange for her safety or who knew what else.
Sonya looked at her husband, who looked back at her and shrugged. She'd have to make the decision, but not now. Now, it just seemed like too easy of a decision. She was tired and she was pissed. There was still time to get some sleep and then get up and talk it over before she went to work.
"We'll have to discuss it," she told the VP. "Then we'll get back to you."
#
"If you take me out of school, I'll just run away. I'll go somewhere you'll never find me."
Alex Crandale heard it, and knew it wasn't exactly an idle threat. No one had spoken for the first couple of minutes of the ride home. He'd had visions of getting back to his laptop. In these visions Sonya went to bed and Madison was relocated to her room for the day. Barney the purple dinosaur would entertain Allison the one year old. Alex would be hammering away, getting out one of the two novels he wanted to write in the next three months.
He looked to the passenger seat, where the woman who had looked like she would fall asleep in the car now donned a face trying to match the red of her hair. She would take the bait. There was no way of stopping it.
"You just told the Vice Principle to shove the school up his ass. Now you're saying you want to go back."
"Yes, Mom. Don't you ever get mad and say things you don't mean."
Why was his wife doing this? She knew better than to enter a verbal war with this little terror. Right now, they were keeping their voices low at least. Allison was still snoring away in the car seat next to her sister.
"Oh. I knew you didn't mean it when you said it. You love school. It's easier to sneak out and go to the boyfriend of the month's house from there. It's easier to find cigarettes and pot there."
To this, Madison had no answer. Maybe the fight was over. Maybe his dreams of writing weren't dead.
"Just push me, Mom, and see what happens."
There was no way Sonya would let that one slip. It was time for Alex to be proactive. Luckily, they came to a stoplight. He turned in his seat and pointed a finger at her. "Shut up. Now." He hated it. He'd never been one for bullying anyone. It brought a certain angst inside, something he couldn't shake. If he did much more he'd be finished writing today for a reason other than familiar responsibility. The guilty angst didn't mix well with the stories in his head.
Madison turned her head and stared out the window. He doubted she'd have much more to say. After he turned around his mind flashed to six weeks ago, when Madison had slapped her mother. Alex had stepped right in. He'd not struck her, but he'd taken her to the ground and held her there. She'd jammed her wrist a little on the way down. It wasn't a bad injury, but she'd milked it for what it was worth. He didn't think it was the pain that had bothered her as much as the sheer domination. Now his own daughter didn't see him in the same way. She was afraid of him. And in a lot of ways, that was for the best. It still bugged him, though.
They made it home without another spoken word.
#
"We have to move."
He'd thought she was asleep. They'd come back to the bedroom after getting home. She'd asked him to lay with her for a while. Sensing her vulnerability, he'd agreed, but they'd left the door open so as to hear if Madison opened hers. They'd already nailed her bedroom windows shut from the outside after they'd caught her sneaking out at night.
Sonya's words resonated in his head. He would never have thought she would suggest it.
She continued. "We've tried everything. The school counselor didn't help. The private psychologist didn't help. We both know what happens if you put a child like her in the system. My big sister and your little brother are proof enough of that."
He had a thought he wouldn't voice. The siblings she spoke of were both in prison. It ran in the family, just like the 150-dollar-an-hour psychologist had explained. Sonya’s sister, who he’d never met, had gone in for violence. His brother, Brad, had been violent too, but it had been drugs that took him down. He remembered watching and listening to his parents try to deal with Brad. He’d even talked to the kid himself. But there was something in the kid, some barrier that wouldn’t allow him to listen. All he could do was rebel, and never for a good reason, just for the sake of rebellion itself. He could see that same barrier in Maddy. He’d seen it when she was a child, never willing to color in the lines, always fighting even the simplest of decisions; like that she had to eat her hamburger before she got her cookie. They’d hope the barrier would diminish over the years. If they were good parents, they thought they could somehow chip away at it. But the longer they tried, the more it seemed the barrier was impregnable. Maddy seemed to contain parts of her aunt and parts of her uncle, both of which she’d never even met. The thought Alex wouldn't say out loud was that they must have been crazy to have kids. He and Sonya were lucky themselves that the social deviant gene wasn't dominant in them.
The logistics came to mind. "But you love your job."
"Yes, I do. But not lately. I'm too worried about what shit she might be pulling while I'm away to be focused on my patients. And I dare say your writing has been disrupted."
Alex nodded.
Sonya continued. "We can't stay here in Perryton. It's too big and too easy for her to find trouble. She's going to end up pregnant, and the last thing we need is for her to be able to hold a baby over our heads."
He saw it. At some point in time Madison would use her own child as a bargaining chip, and they'd have to give in for the baby's wellbeing.
"And I'm tired of this house being a prison. You shouldn't have to be a lookout at night. We need to move somewhere where she has nothing to run to. And I know moving will be a disruption in your work, but it will be very temporary, I promise. Then, when you don't have to play guard so much, you'll have even more time to write."
He liked that idea. And he believed her. "So, what next?"
"Well, I've been looking online at want ads. And there's a nursing home in Cheron that's hiring. It'll be a pay cut, but with you making more writing, that shouldn't be a big deal."
A swell of pride hit him. All the years of her supporting them while he stayed home and took care of the kids and wrote had finally paid off. Even though she'd still be helping, he'd be the main provider. If he kept growing at his current rate, she might not have to work at all by the end of the year. She still would, he knew, but she wouldn’t' have to. Still, there were questions.
"But a nursing home? Don't you think you'll go mad with boredom? I mean, you're an emergency room nurse in one of Oklahoma's biggest cities. I dare say a nursing home out in the sticks will be a little less of a challenge."
She smirked. "After the year Madison's given us, I think I could use the boredom. And I've checked out the high school. It's a closed campus, so the kids can't leave the school grounds until the last bell rings."
Now he smirked. "Well, I'm sure Madison will find a way around that, but still, the kids will be different there. Being the rebel from hell won't be so acceptable."
"Yeah. And if she fucks it up again, I'll quit my job and home school her ass."
Again, the pride hit. She had faith in him. A year ago, he would have wondered if that were the case.
Still, he couldn't imagine her home schooling Maddy. For all practical purposes, on her way to flunking her first year of high school, Maddy would still be a freshman next year. That was four years of trying to teach her, four years of trying to squeeze blood from a turnip.
"It sounds like you've been planning this for a while."
"Yeah. Sorry I didn't tell you. I just didn't want to bring it up. I guess I was hoping by some miracle that I wouldn't have to."
He cuddled up to her. "Yeah. I know."
Chapter 2
The selection at Cheron's little grocery store was somewhat limited, but the prices weren't bad. There was a Dollar General on the same lot, and Alex supposed he could drive twenty miles to the nearest Wal Mart once a week for what the two little stores didn't cover. Or maybe he could drive the sixty miles to Perryton.
Alex had not brought Allison in here to shop. He'd come in here because of the air conditioning. Sonya and Madison were a few blocks away, checking out the high school. The two people working the store looked at him inquisitively as if to ask if he might be someone new, or maybe they were looking at the empty cart he was pushing around. Well, it wasn't exactly empty. A cute little blonde headed child was taking it for a ride. He was always glad to have at least one of his girls with him in public. He was a writer and looked the part. He used to groom more, but the digital era was arriving for books and making public appearance like book signings more of a hassle than a necessity. He didn't spend much money on clothes and tended to wear the old comfortable stuff, even when he did go outside. He got a haircut about twice a year and shaved only twice a week. His goatee was usually long and his hair past his shoulders. Sonya said she liked him that way. She said it suited him more, but he knew he sometimes scared people too.
He was glad to see the other two people he usually liked to be seen with come in the front door. One of them he didn't want to be seen with right now, though. Madison frowned with her arms crossed in front of her. He could almost see the barrier she'd put around herself. Her mom was also frowning, no doubt from the attitude Madison had displayed with whoever they'd met with. Sonya's eyes fell on him and Allison, and she led Maddy their way.
"How'd it go?" he asked, just to not be presumptuous.
"Loved the school," Sonya responded. She looked off at Madison, who didn't look back at her. "Luckily, by law, they have to take her if we live in the district."
Madison shot her glare at her mother. "I'm not living in this town."
"Oh," her mother responded. "Don't you worry. We don't have plans to live in town."
His wife turned to him, the look on her face actually victorious. He knew it was wrong to take small victories from taunting your child, but he wouldn't judge her for it. He'd been there too, many times.
"Speaking of which," Sonya continued. "We have about an hour to kill before we meet with the realtor. How about we find some lunch. There's a mom and pop café down the street, and I saw a gas station with a McDonalds and a gas station with a Subway." Sonya paused, as if for request, but then burst out laughing.
Alex saw what amused her and had to burst out laughing too. The one year old in the basket wasn't too fluent in English as of yet. But Mama had said one of the words she understood. Her lips were puckered out and her eyes were huge. Mama might as well have said, "Wanna suck on a french fry?"
Even Madison had to smile.
#
How far would they take this? Were they really going to move out in the boonies to teach her a lesson? Why couldn't they just see that she wasn't like them? She didn't want to grow up and get a god job like Mom or write books likes Dad. She didn't even care if she stuck around in the world that long. Just because some god, or whatever type of being invented this crap hole of a world, stuck her here didn't mean she had to cooperate and join in rank and file.
It couldn't be real. They had to be bluffing. They'd driven four miles out of the hick town and then turned onto a dirt road. Then they'd gone a couple of miles deep into the country and turned on another dirt road. She could see the house. It was a mile away, but she could see it, because there was nothing else out here but wheat fields.
They're just messing with me. They want to scare me into being what they want me to be. There's no way they'd move out here. This house, the school, even the nursing home Mom visited earlier are all just part of a well-orchestrated act.
They pulled into a long driveway. A smiling woman in a pants suit waited for them near her car.
"Get out or stay in. It's up to you," Mom said, then got out. Dad got out too and gathered Allison from her car seat before joining Mom in the introductions. Soon, they all walked into what looked like a really nice house in this horrible location.
Maddy got out and stood by the car.
God, I'd kill for a cigarette.
It had been a couple of days since she'd stolen the cheap pack from the display rack at the gas station. Dad had nailed her windows shut, but she could still get them an inch open. So she'd sat in her room and blown the smoke out. Could he smell it on her, or in her room? She thought so. He just didn't care. Mom was a different story. Madison didn't smoke when that crazy woman was home or awake. But Dad didn't seem to care. At least, not about a little thing like having a smoke. Oh how she preferred Dad. If they ever divorced, that's who'd she'd want to go with. But a divorce was unlikely. Time to think of the here and now.
How would she get smokes if they lived here? They might decide to leave her out here when they went into town, to really limit her access to anything good and fun. In front of the house was a big yard, the road, and then nothing but wheat field after wheat field. The same was true on either side, short fields of grass and then wheat. Behind her, she actually saw a line of distant trees. Civilization would be a long haul. And there was no way she'd be moving through countryside. There would be too many bugs and other critters.
God, it's starting to seem like this is more than a bluff. They know little creepy things are about my only fear. This is a better prison than one with bars. No smokes. No boys. No beer or pot. Just alone with my stupid thoughts and my stupid family.
There was a privacy fence in the backyard. There had to be a pool in there. That would help a little, but a pool was no replacement for the things that almost made this life worthwhile.
That privacy fence probably isn't even for privacy. There's no one out here to need privacy from. It's probably just to keep the blowing weeds and gunk out.
Maddy started getting really thirsty standing out in the hot sun. Her stomach kept growling too. But there was no way she was going to take the food or drink they offered right now. They were going too far this time. If they really did move here, she'd steal the fucking car to get away, or maybe she could get someone to come get her. She'd have to steal one of her parents’ cell phones to do that, or maybe she'd coordinate it on Facebook.
They finally came out, and it didn't look good. Mom had a really hopeful look on her face, like she'd looked a couple of years ago when she'd thought she might be preggers with Allison.
"I can't believe it's only 100. I'd think they could get twice that."
Doesn’t sound like Mom's going to haggle.
The realtor lady shrugged. "It's really about the location. Not many people want to live this far out in the country."
Madison looked at Dad. He was staring off across the fields. He looked lost in his head, like when he was writing. She knew what that look meant right now. It meant he was imagining something. No, it meant he could imagine something. And she knew what that something was.
Holy Fuck. We're really going to move here.
#
"So do you think she'll try to make a break?" Sonya asked. She was unpacking clothes from a box.
Alex had been working too, but now he was just standing there, having been drawn out of reverie by his wife's voice. What was this? He felt like a little kid, in a way. He just wanted to go outside. He brought back previous thoughts, taking several seconds to gather the answer to her question. Luckily, Sonya had known him to do this before. She didn't usually disturb him when he went off like that, so her question must have been really important to her.
"No, I don't think she will. This isn't like being in town. The yard's sprayed so there won't be too many bugs there, but the moment she steps onto the road or into those wheat fields, the story changes."
"Not to mention there are snakes and other creatures to go with those bugs."
With the owner not living there, they'd gotten into the house very quickly. Ironically, this would have been Madison's last day of school had they not taken her out. She would start at Cheron as a second-year freshman in the fall.
They were so confident that Madison wouldn't bolt that they made the two upstairs bedrooms their room and Allison's room. Sonya would sometimes sleep during the day, and upstairs would be the quietest place. There were three big bedrooms downstairs. One would be Madison's room. One would be his writing room. That had been Sonya's idea. He'd never had a writing room before. He had a laptop after all. He could write wherever he sat. They hadn't decided on what to do with the other room yet, but Sonya was leaning toward a media/guest room.
With Sonya busy working and apparently done with the conversation at hand, Alex stopped fighting the draw into his head. Then, inside his head, he found himself needing to be outside again. There was something there for him, something he couldn't quite put a finger on. He couldn't imagine it would be comfortable out there. The late May sun could be very punishing. But he didn't think he'd mind that.
What was drawing him? Was it nothing more than the excitement of moving here? Maybe it was the openness of the plains and the beauty of the wheat ripening in the fields. He loved those things, but he didn't think they were it.
There just seemed to be something out there.
#
The gray haired Sally Night looked as if she herself would soon be a resident of the nursing home she led. The large woman walked hunched over a cane as she led Sonya through the kitchen. They went through an open set of doors into a hallway where there was a closed set of doors.
"This is the west wing, where you'll be working. I once tried to have the staff rotate from wing to wing, but that didn't go over well. Round here, people aren’t big on change. They want to have their place and to stick to it."
Despite the cane, Sally was able to open one of the double doors. She led Sonya onto the first hall.
"This part of the west wing is for demented, bedridden patients.”
As they passed, Sonya looked into the rooms. Very few people were awake. One lady appeared to be trying to eat her pillow. Another lady mumbled to herself.
The entered another set of doors, which set off an alarm. A girl sitting at the nurses' station looked up and then reached for something. The alarm stopped. They were in a large room that opened to a hall of patient rooms to their left. The room was filled with residents of two types. Some simply looked confused. Others looked like the walking dead.
Sally pointed to the left. "Those rooms belong to our ambulatory demented. As you can see we like to let them wander into the nursing area where we can keep a better eye on them."
A bald old man in overalls who looked like he'd spent most of his life in the sun turning his skin a permanent tan walked up to them. His expression was hard to read. He might have been angry or about to make a bantering joke.
"Hello, Willy," Sally said. "How are you today?"
Willy didn't respond. He looked at them for a few more seconds, before sighing and moving away.
Sally turned back to Sonya. "Well, if it were up to me, we'd let you shadow someone tonight and then you'd be on your own. Lord knows, your credentials and experience over-qualify you for the job. But state regulation says you have to have at least thirty hours on the floor before I can let you be alone. So I'll have you with Laura on nights starting tomorrow for two days and then Olivia on evenings the next two. Sound good?"
"That'll work," Sonya responded.
Sally stuck out a hand, which Sonya took.
"Glad to have you, Sonya. I hope you like it here."
Sonya looked around. "I think I will." She was pretty sure she was lying.
#
At the beginning of the day, the new book had about twenty thousand words. Alex started in his writing room. Some mood music in the background–Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, a little Pearl Jam–he sat in the recliner with his laptop in his lap.
Nothing. He gave it a little time, his hands on the keys. Still, nothing.
He read through the outline. Usually, he outlined the whole book before writing it, but only followed the outline for a couple of days before the story took on a life of its own. An outline was like a map you drew up just to get a general idea of where you were going, only to toss it later on out of fear of becoming trapped on a route that might need detours. Right now, he thought reading the outline might bring back the excitement he'd felt when he'd first conceptualized this book, setting the juices to flowing. But that seemed to be the problem. The juices were flowing. They were just flowing toward somewhere else. He still wanted to be outside.
He left the writing room and went to the spare room. This was where they kept his clothes, just in case his night owl wife wanted to be sleeping while he wanted to be changing. He put on his trunks and a wife beater. He didn't know if he'd swim, but he wanted to be ready, just in case he needed to cool off.
He went next to the bathroom and opened the cupboard. The two gingers he lived with burnt, but didn't tan. The best they could do was a slight bronze, and neither seemed to find that worth the pain. There was always plenty of sunscreen. Alex applied it liberally. He grabbed a water from the fridge and headed out. Gleeful noises came from behind the privacy fence. They'd paid to have the pool cleaned and filled before they got here. Now Sonya was playing with Allison, who, by the sound of it, really dug the water.
He went to the front porch. They would get better furniture for outside eventually, probably a nice porch swing for this area. For now, he settled on the cheap lawn chair they'd picked up at Wal Mart.
It suited him fine. He soon found himself deep in his head again, away from his body and the uncomfortable chair. He was there for several minutes. But when he came out, the only thing he'd produced was a little sweat.
He'd never felt this way before. In a way, he felt like he did when he was writing, sort of zoned off, in a place he generally loved to be, a place that made him feel like a fish in the water. But the story wasn't coming. Something was coming, though. Something that he had no idea about, but that fascinated him anyway. It just felt like it was here, around him. But that had to be an illusion. It was all inside him, in his head. Still, he loved the illusion and couldn't fight it.
What was this?
#
She didn't want to start work tonight. She wanted to play more with Allison, or maybe start planning the gardens she would make around the yard.
Allison had grown cranky and needed her bottle and an afternoon nap. Sonya thought she should take a little nap too. She'd gotten out of practice at staying up all night.
After putting the child down, she went back downstairs to tell Alex what she was doing. If he was writing she'd leave him alone and let him figure it out on his own. She didn't think he'd been writing, though. He'd been outside and even come to swim with them a couple of times. Allison had loved the little game of catch, with her as the life-jacketed ball. Sonya wondered why Alex wasn't writing, but didn't fret. He actually seemed kind of content with where he was.
Alex's writing room door stood open, and he wasn't inside. She peeped outside and saw him on the front porch. He was gazing off at the fields, very still.
Maybe he was just getting back into it. With Madison's latest stunts and the further distraction of the move, he hadn't been off in his place that much. He'd been too caught up in this world, which was a sin in its own way. What he was doing now could be like a transition back. If it was, he deserved it. She'd leave him alone.
She went back upstairs and checked on Allison. The child was out and would probably be out for a while. Sonya recalled how she used to check on Madison obsessively. Maddy was her first child, and first children seemed so fragile. She'd been so wrong about that kid. That kid didn't need much protection from the world. More and more, it seemed like the world needed protection from her.
God, Sonya hoped this move worked. She didn't really see how it would. One thing she'd learned from Madison was that you could only make choices for a child to a certain point, then it was up to the child. Alex liked to say that children were little people, just as invested with a live spirit as adults. There was only so much a parent could do. She hadn't believed that before trying to raise Madison. She had believed that all any child needed was love and limits. But now she knew even that wasn't always enough.
She stared at the child in the crib. She wasn't anything like her older sister hat been at that age. Even at one, Madison's temper and strong will had been clear. Nobody had taken it too seriously at the time. A year later it had been, Oh, she's just a typical two-year-old. Then it was, All three year olds are stubborn. At some point in her elementary school years, the trite comments took a turn. They became, You just can't get through to some kids, and You're in for some rough years when that kid hits adolescence.
But Allison was a curious and cheerful little thing. Her personality was as bright as her blonde hair. Maybe the second time around would be ever bit as easy as the first time was hard.
Sonya heard a door open downstairs. She thought it had been the door at the side entrance.
Was he coming up? She was still in her bathing suit. One kid was asleep and another hidden in her room. This could be fun, she thought.
#
Alex felt like he'd been in a sauna or maybe just a mild oven. And the book just wasn't happening right now. When was the last time he sat down to write and been unable to? He couldn't remember, but he knew it had happened a lot more ten to fifteen years ago. Then, he had just forced the words anyway. He had whole stories that were crap as a result. He even had a few novels he'd spent weeks on that now had a permanent place on his hard drive, where, at best, they might get finished by another writer in another life.
But writer's block didn't happen any more. He now knew all the tricks of getting his mind going. He could work a puzzle or watch a movie with a complicated plot, anything that would get his brain churning, and that would touch off not only an ability to write, but also a need to write. And he needed to write now. He just couldn't get back into the book. Maybe he'd have to junk it.
After slamming most of a water bottle, he made his way up the stairs. He grabbed a towel and wiped off the sweat before spraying down with some body spray. He'd shower later, but right now a nap just sounded too good. He opened the door to the bedroom, and thoughts of that nap became as elusive as the thoughts of the book he was supposed to be writing.
Had she planned it? Maybe. Probably. But he didn't care.
As soon as he had walked into the room, Sonya, facing away from him, had lowered the bottom of her bikini.
He'd not had sex with another woman since he'd first had sex with her. And he supposed that had little to do with a sense of morals. He'd cheated on every girlfriend he'd had before he'd met her in college. He suspected his fidelity to his wife had to do with the fact that he just couldn't grow tired of her body. She was the whitest woman he'd been with by far, but her skin was flawless, and there were no visible veins or nerves. It was the contrast that always got him. Her beautiful red hair and baby blue eyes stood out against that skin. But right now, it was the two openings and the two pink lips that stood out. His mouth began to water as his cock swelled. Sonya stepped out of the bottoms, then turned around.