How to Succeed on OkCupid
By Nabil Gulamani
Published by Nabil Gulamani at Smashwords
Copyright 2011 Nabil Gulamani
IMPORTANT NOTE BEFORE YOU START READING:
MonkeyDates is not affiliated with OkCupid. The information included in this E-book should be used for entertainment purposes only. MonkeyDates is not liable for any direct or indirect damages out of the use of the information provided. The information in this E-book should be used at your own risk.
A Brief Introduction to why I wrote this E-book
When I started online dating, I was a little skeptical about it and thought that it was for men that didn’t have a life and/or for men that were really desperate in getting married right away or having a relationship. However, as I found myself getting really busy during the day I realized that I had no dating life. How on earth do I reach out and talk to more women with my busy everyday routine? A few years ago I came across an internet dating website called OkCupid (www.okcupid.com) and have fallen in love with it ever since. Why? Because the company has done a great job of creating a user friendly platform which attracts a diverse group of amazing women that any man can connect with.
Before I signed up for an account I was afraid that it would be one of those websites where I would be shown multiple pop-ups and would be asked to pay a monthly membership fee. However, once I signed up I was happy that I could message women for FREE! If you are not an OkCupid user, I would suggest visiting their website and signing up for an account. All you men reading this each may have a different goal in mind; some of you may want to just hook-up with women and some of you may be looking for something more serious. Regardless of what your dating goals are, I can assure you that the following tips will help you a lot in having more success on OkCupid. Although the tips apply specifically to OkCupid users, you can also use some of the fundamental principles on other online dating websites as well!
The Online Dating Mindset
I didn’t want to write this book to give you a “quick fix” or “magic pill” solution to your dating issues. Even though I am going to get straight to the point and give you online dating success tips, I want all of you to get the bigger picture of my writing. To have success in any area in life takes a shit load of discipline, dedication, and repetition, so that you can master a skill and know exactly what is working and what is not. Do not think that “success tips” will solve all life problems. All of you will come across dating and relationship challenges. Some of you will also get really frustrated with online dating and feel like giving up because nothing will be working for you. The fact is that if you keep persisting and trying new approaches, you will eventually find what works best for you. I am going to make your life easier by providing you with some tips that you can use, but remember that without persistence and dedication you will not progress. I encourage all of you to spend at least 1 hour a day on OkCupid every day and work on improving your skills.
Let’s get started with the fun part now….
Profile Pictures that Attract Women
Adding the right type of pictures plays a major role in determining the kind of women that you attract (and whether you attract any women at all). In addition to reading your profile description, a woman will also take a close look at all your pictures to determine what kind of man you are. The first impression is very important, so you want to make sure that you add pictures that attract women so they feel like messaging you or replying back to you.
The key to getting any woman’s attention is to add a diverse range of pictures. Do not add a picture of yourself standing in front of the mirror without a shirt. A woman looking at this kind of picture will just start laughing and ignore you right away. Your pictures should portray your true character and should be very natural and authentic. The key to getting a woman’s attention is to show her that you have a great personality, therefore adding three to four pictures of yourself engaging in different activities will tell her a lot about the type of person you are. If you enjoy the outdoors, add pictures of yourself running on the beach or taking a hike (ask your close friend to take a picture of you). If you have a deep passion for playing guitar, it makes sense to add a picture of yourself playing a guitar in your recording studio.
Here is an example of a “three-picture combination” that you may want to add on your OkCupid profile:
Picture 1- Stand next to your favorite restaurant (make sure that you are not shirtless unless you are a rock star!).
Picture 2- Engage in an outdoor activity: shows her that you are adventurous and have a life outside of work.
Picture 3- Picture with your friends (take permission from all your friends first): shows her that you are a social person.
Remember that in online dating the first impression is very important. Take the time and effort to add pictures that are congruent with your personality type. You are not talking to a woman face to face therefore she will easily judge you by your pictures. The cool thing about OkCupid is that the pictures are high resolution when you upload them. You don’t have to pay someone to take a professional picture (unless you really want to).
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” - Mark Twain
Key Phrases/Words to Add on your Profile Description
Are you paying attention to the way you write your profile description and the words that you are using? OkCupid has a wide variety of very intelligent women, and if your profile has poor grammar and word choices, she will skip it right away!
Examples of POOR Words/Phrases to use:
“I like getting shit faced every weekend”- Tells her that you just like getting drunk all the time and have nothing else going on in your life.
“I have no clue what I want to do with my life”- Tells her that you are not too sure and confident about yourself. She will not enjoy being around you.
“I like procrastinating”- Tells her that you are lazy!
“I spend a lot of time thinking about sex”- Tells her that you are not interested in connecting with her.
“I am not too sure about the whole online dating thing, but I will just give it a try and see where it goes”- Tells her that you are not serious about online dating and that you are taking a “half-ass” approach!
“I don’t know what I am good at, I am still trying to figure this part out”- Tells her that you lack clarity and purpose in life.
“I am looking for a one-night stand”- Tells her that you just care about sex.
Examples of GOOD Words/Phrases to use:
“I spend a lot of time thinking about the future and my goals”- Tells here that you are goal oriented.
“On a typical Friday night I will spend some time with close friends and maybe grab a few drinks”- Tells her that you value your close friends a lot.
“I read a variety of books that give me an open mind and expand my vision”- Tells her that you are opened minded and enjoy learning new things.
“The first thing people notice about me is my positive personality”- Tells her that you are optimistic (a man’s optimism will turn on any woman!).
“I love challenge and getting outside my comfort zone”- Tells her that you like to challenge yourself. A woman loves being with a man that is constantly living at his edge and pursuing his deepest passion.
“Staying fit and healthy is important to me”- Tells her that staying fit is a priority for you. She doesn’t want a man that sits on the couch all day watching TV.
“Having balance in life is very important for me”- Tells her that you have a life outside of work. She wants a man that is passionate about his career but also has time for her when she needs him.
“Don’t try too hard to be young. Be who you are.” – Tony Danza
Use the “Search Box” to Narrow Down your Options
The search box is located on the top right hand side. If you know exactly what type of women you are looking for, you should use the search box more often. OkCupid will display users that have the same keywords that you typed in. For example, if you typed in “running” or “skiing”, you will be shown women that have included those exact keywords on their profile description. All the keywords that you entered will be highlighted on the woman’s profile description. This will bump up your chances of finding your match and you won’t have to waste your time clicking on every single profile to see whether the woman shares the same interests as you.
“That's been one of my mantras - focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it's worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.” –Steve Jobs
What to Write on the First “Introduction” Message
The introduction message is the most important part of any conversation that you have with a woman. If you do not introduce yourself the right way, she will block your profile or won’t reply to you at all. Sadly, most men do not know how to write their first message and they will write something that will turn a woman off right away!
DO NOT Write the Following:
“Hey babe how are you doing?”- Shows a lack of intelligence. She will just think that you are a typical horny man that has nothing better to say.
“I have a Mercedes and make over a six-digit income”- Tells her that you are insecure. Your success will turn her on, however if you show off your material wealth, it won’t show her your true natural confidence.
“You are really hot….What is your number?”- Tells her that you are not interested in talking to her. She won’t give you her number.
“I work out every day and have a six pack”- She enjoys being with a man that can keep his body in good shape, but if he starts showing off and talking about his six pack, it will show her that you just care about your body and don’t have a brain!
“Want to hook-up?”- Shows her that you want a piece of ass right away. If you are trying to get laid with a woman you meet online, you will have to build connection with her initially so that she can trust you.
Below are some GOOD Examples of how you can Introduce Yourself:
“Hi my name is ****…. I am aware that you mentioned that you enjoy being in the outdoors a lot. Have you taken any cool hikes lately?:)”- Tells her that you have actually read her profile and are interested in getting to know more about her passion.
“Hi my name is ****…. Just wanted to stop by and introduce myself. What got you really passionate about art?”- This also shows her that you are curious about her passion.
“Hi my name is ****…. I came across your profile and wanted to introduce myself in a mature way. I didn’t want to come up with a pick-up line like most men on this website. How was your day?”- Tells her that you or not like most other men that come up with a cheesy pick-up line. This message will stand out compared to the messages that other men send to her.
“Hi my name is ****…. I wanted to say a couple of things about myself. I don’t like talking about myself because I am not good at that. However, I can laugh at myself and make others laugh as well. How was your weekend? Did you do anything fun and exciting?”- Tells her that you don’t take life too seriously and feel comfortable in your own skin. Women always love being around a man with a great sense of humor!
“Above all, a query letter is a sales pitch and it is the single most important page an unpublished writer will ever write. It's the first impression and will either open the door or close it. It's that important, so don't mess it up. Mine took 17 drafts and two weeks to write.” - Nicholas Sparks
Message Women that are Younger than you
Messaging women that are younger than you will increase your chances of getting replies. Women usually feel comfortable and secure with a man that is older than them. Many times if you send a message to a woman that is older than you she will reply back saying something like, “Thanks for the message…But I am looking for someone older. Good luck!” However, although you should keep this in mind, don’t totally ignore women that are a few years older than you. Some women don’t mind connecting with men that are younger than them.
“By prevailing over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination.” – Christopher Columbus
Message Women that Show a High “Match Percentage” on Their Profile
OkCupid is constantly working on improving the algorithms for their matching system so that they can match users with their desired partner. While you are browsing profiles and trying to decide which women to contact, pay close attention to the Match % which is displayed on the far right hand side of the user’s profile picture. Women get stormed with a million messages in their inbox and they have a limited amount of time to go through all the messages that get sent to them. If you message a woman that shows over a 60-70% match percentage, you will bump up your chances of getting a reply back from her. This is because she is always keeping her eyes wide open and waiting for that perfect match to come into her life. Therefore, she will want to open a message sent by a man that shows a 70% Match rather than waste her time replying to a man that shows a 20% Match.
“One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular.” – Tony Robbins
How to Avoid Women from Blocking your Profile
It is very typical for a woman to block your profile if she is not interested in talking to you. She will do this for many different reasons, therefore it is important for you to be aware of why she does this so you can avoid being blocked in the future.
If she takes a long time to reply back, do not message her all the time asking her why she hasn’t messaged you back- This shows her that you are needy. She will be able to smell your neediness in a second; therefore she won’t waste her time dealing with you and will just block you instead.
Don’t sell yourself- If you message her trying to sell yourself and crave for her approval, it will show her that you are just one of those talkers trying to show off.
Avoid sending a very aggressive first message- Sending her a very aggressive message may pull her away and make her not ever want to talk to you. An example of an aggressive message is if you insult her and/or are a total jackass. This does not mean that you shouldn’t tease her; just know your limits!
**Keep in mind that the captured image shown above can also mean that her profile doesn’t exist for various other reasons as well (not only because she decided to block you).
I love women. I'm trying to do beautiful things with them. I'm not trying to insult them. My life is not about that. – Calvin Klein
Helpful Books you Should Read
The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida- Deida understands women really well. His writing has had a major impact in men’s dating and marriage lives. He encourages men to live up to their values and follow their purpose and mission in life (which leads to having a more fulfilling relationship with their woman).
The Female Brain, by Louann Brizendine - Author does a great job of organizing the writing in a way where readers can understand how the female brain works in different stages of their life.
Comedy Writing Secrets, by Mel Helitzer- A great book to read if you want to understand how to write funny and act funny also. If you feel like you need to work on your humor, this is a book that you should definitely get.
The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle- This book requires a lot of focus so make sure that you give it your undivided attention. Once you get to understand the deeper meaning of it, you will be able to control your over-analytical mind that dominates you and causes anxiety. You may need to read this book two to three times to understand how to apply the principles into your dating life.
Unlimited Power, by Anthony Robbins- Robbins provides techniques and exercises that help you get rid of limiting beliefs and all your fears that are holding you back. This is a great read if you have anxiety of approaching woman.
Hopefully the information that I have provided has been helpful. Once again, remember that in dating (and in other areas of your life as well), you have to put in the effort and persist if you want to grow and improve at any skill. I want all of you to save this information somewhere where you can refer back to it again in the future. Please ask your friends to download a copy of this e-book also if you feel that it will help them! Feel free to connect with me and send me an email on nabil@monkeydates.com…..I look forward to connecting with all of you and providing you with more helpful content in the future to help you improve and enjoy your online dating journey!!