THE MONSOON SEASON
by Nobo13
Copyright 2011 Nobo13
SMASHWORDS EDITION
*****
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The Monsoon Season
By Nobo13
White lies
White lies
Shining bright as any star in the night sky
As I gaze on through your smile
Star crossed lovers
Walking away from each other for the last time
As echoes of a love that had been ripple on
I've said so many things
That even I cannot tell you the whole truth of it
As I dye my words a darker shade of grey
And as morning arrives
I see the harsh reality of it all unfolding before me
That my love was nothing more than a phantom
Like a shadow
Hiding foolishly behind this tiny heart of mine
Telling me nothing but sweet little white lies
Teardrop
Within a teardrop
I learnt the burden of love
So heavy but small
Death poem
Bury my body
Not your memories of me
There I’m still alive
Dull skies
Among the hustle
I came to realise silence
~ Wonderful days lost
Somebody please…
Somebody please show me the light
I have been in the dark so long I sold my eyes
Somebody please give me some might
I have been alone so long I made my heart's demise
Somebody please shout out my name
I have been in silence so long I ripped off my ears
Somebody please take away my shame
I have been left in the dark for years and years
Somebody please tell me my name
I have been isolated so long I have forgotten
Somebody please return my flame
I have been crying so long I have become rotten
Somebody please give me some love
I’ve been hating for so long I cannot remember
Somebody please find me someone to love
I have been cold for so long my love is but an ember
Somebody please, somebody please
Can you hear my voice?
Somebody please, give me some ease
So that I may rejoice
Stubborn stains
This morning I walked into my heart to empty my wardrobe
Of all my wasted dreams that had gathered dust
And among all those clothes were stubborn stains
That reminded me immediately of you
Among a myriad of stars those stains would strobe
A nostalgic light that followed a warm gust
That easily awoke my memories bond by heavy chains
Taking me back to the time of just us two
You kept me going, kept me straying from the light
You'd hold my hand in the most tragic of times
And breathe softly words that had no weight but moved me
You were my happiness, my world, my light and day
But elsewhere needed you, it took you away in the night
Faster than my tears could fall, hitting the ground like chimes
But somehow you knew our time together wasn't a guarantee
And you left these stains, knowing they would stay
Again, you've gone beyond and reminded me of common happiness
With simply a red stain, you've held my hand tighter than ever
I've dusted my dreams off, and place them back inside
That is where they belong, with you always by their side
Wherever you are,
As you stare at the stars
Has my words reached you?
You're gone but your stains remain,
Softly I say to them
"Thank you,
I love you"
How much can I sow?
Take my life and lay it in front of you
Take each little piece and stare
Each memory a shade of blue
With no one in sight to care
And as you stare, you will see
That it continues on, seemingly endless
These pieces of blue that are to be
I wish to stop and be moving less
All I ever wanted was an end
To know how far I could go
All I ever wanted to know my friend
Is how much I could sow?
Echoes
As I wander round
I see echoes, not people,
Of someone I knew
A smile ripples
Long forgotten memories
Of someone I loved
Day and night repeat
As I try to remember
Someone I forgot
Echoes ripple on
As I cry not knowing why
There isn't ‘someone...’
That someone I loved
That someone I forgotten
That someone is gone...
Forever an echo to me... echoing on.
You have the last laugh
You would be the beautiful night sky
If your tears were twinkling stars
But each drop is filled with bluest sadness
That makes me feel contempt at fate
For I know no one else who shoulders more
Than your share of life's fondest miseries
Only the irony of you always smiling
Stabs my heart more than any real knife could
Yet nothing torments my soul more
Than these useless hands of mine
That can never reach you, no matter what
Yet, brittle as they are, I reach out
Your tears rusting these harsh feelings
Allowing a smile to crack through
A simper made and meant for you
Look how far I got without you
Look how far I got without you
See how I walked away from you that day
I've seen turtles dance, done even more
Than you ever said I could do
I'm such an amazing person now
Yet...
All I do is look back to the past
Turning around to see that day
I'm always comparing everything
To when I left, saying how far I am
But all I ever wanted was
For you to be close to me
Look how far I got without you
Look how sad I am
Look how much farther I could go with you
If only I didn't get this distant from you
My hands can't reach that far
Holding nothing but the moonlight
As I wander further into the dark
Always telling myself
"Look how far I got without you"
Goodbye my Gardener
Without knowing it
I became a gardener
Sowing little seeds
There exist something
So beautiful in this world
That it breaks your heart
Inside everyone
Is a flower called 'Goodbye'
Waiting to blossom
Without knowing it
I had watered your flower
With all my feelings
Until it matured
Into tear coloured petals
Simply called "Farewell"
And that's when I knew
You had been my gardener
Taking care of me
Watering my seeds
With all your feelings of love
Into finally…
“…Goodbye”
These tiny pieces of mine
Just sitting down to think aloud
Of memories that make me sad and proud
Of people, where are they now, what are they doing?
And last of me, where am I going?
These tiny pieces of mine
My hand is shaking
I'm sad, but I'll be fine
Together, this future we're making
Tiny things stir my heart around
Makes my heart beat a thundering sound
Of all of my tiny pieces, that shine
Yours is the one that makes me divine
These tiny pieces of mine
Look how they laugh and cry
Everything is ok, it is in line
Though I may stop right now and die
And when we are old and crooked
So many pieces lost and hooked
It means all the more for our minds
Our whispers lost on the winds
These tiny pieces of mine
They are bigger than me after all
Everything is dark, I don't think I'm fine
And now my tiny pieces fall
Friends, family, pets, and sacred secret things
That shines, beeps, sings, and swings
All that that which makes me happiest
These tiny pieces of mine are the best
These tiny pieces of mine
They are long lost and forgotten
These tiny pieces of mine
My heart without them, becomes rotten
These tiny pieces of mine…
These tiny pieces of mine…
No one to kiss me goodnight
Dressed in an armour
To hide myself among wolves
I leave my Mother's hand
And venture forward without looking back
Any tears that flow
I store in my heart for later
What pains that may come
I treasure them within a crooked smile
And soon I am home
Safe and sound while night drops
Mother kisses me goodnight
And I drift away one more time for today
But soon the armour is irreplaceable
I never take it off
Those wolves' words leave my mouth
Shouting and growling!
I bite my mother's hand
A tiny drop
Leaves
Her eyes as she submits before me
Blind with
Power I carry on without her
What a fool I have become
A little lamb roaring into the night
On and on...
Away and lost...
And soon the armour breaks
Leaving me naked, alone
With tears I saved up
And pains behind a fake smile
And no one is left
To kiss goodnight
This scared little lamb
Pretending to be a wolf...
Her reply
We stood together one last time
At the station waiting for the train
The cold air showed me your breath
As I stood closer than usual
This would the last time we will meet
The last ever chance
In a foolish instant and turned to you
And told you how I felt
In the time it took
To say those three words
Your train came speeding past
Blowing steam as it stopped
I stood there in despair
As I watched my words
Like a paper airplane
Drop to the cold ground
My words never to reach you
They were lost forever
I could never tell you
How I truly loved you
You rushed to check your things
You hopped on board
As you asked if I said anything
I sigh with a smile
And said "Nothing at all"
I stare as the doors close
The bell signals departure
I smile weakly as she waves goodbye
And in the glow of the train light
I heard her reply
White out
A tiny shape
That was a town
Can be seen here
Hidden under
A thick snow fall
That left everything
Bare
Fond memories
Are also there...
Under another kind of snow
One that has settled
In a long Winter
Deep inside of me
A barren land
Still and silent
Stirring no one's
Heart
Lost under snow
I rove about
Not sure of what I may have lost
Not sure If I knew the way back
In this white out
Condensation on my memories
A white sky greets me as I stir awake
From a dream or a memory that's fake
Cold from the sudden loss of my cover
A wet dew slowly condenses over
My memories of you, those happy times
Those thoughts hover over me and my crimes
Barely forgotten but blurry for good
I try to remember all that I could
~ My feelings for you haven't changed a bit
~ It's this thick dew that stops it to transmit
No me, no you
I met someone who said death was his second fear
I asked what was the first and he replied ‘life’
I asked why he was crying and to me he replied
"So I don't forget the important things to me"
He seemed in pain so I asked why carry on living?
He replied, "It's all I have" with a trembling voice
His eyes were dark with sorrow so I asked why he was sad
He simply shook his head and replied I would understand one day
I didn't, and I hope I will someday, I said goodbye
Goodbye to the person in the mirror
Because you know best
Had you said goodbye
Along with I love you then
I might have moved on
Had I not loved you
I could have forgotten you
I wouldn't be sad
Because you're gone now
Without saying a goodbye
Without an ending
I carry on cold
Not loving anyone else
Only loving you
Living in the past
Not wanting to forget you
But still trying to
Because you know best
I trusted you with my heart
Knowing it was safe
Because you know best
I believed you wouldn't die
How silly of me
I'm waiting for you
You who is longer here
Waiting to move on
Because you know best…
I keep telling myself this
Believing it still
Today, tomorrow and yesterday
Today will change your life
But Tomorrow doesn't want you to know
Yesterday is your wisdom
But Today will make you a fool
Tomorrow has your dreams
But Today always tries to steal them
We continue on
Wanting to be more than Yesterday
When we have regrets
We want Yesterday to be Tomorrow
When we are sad
We want Tomorrow not to come
But above all else
We want Today to go as we want
I had lost it in a single tear
I had loved someone
So long ago
Loving them one-sidedly
Until my feelings broke
In a single tear
I had lost it all
All of my love fitted
Along with some salt
Inside a single drop
That continues to fall
Till this very day
Six feet from heaven
And I got on the elevator,
Only to have my heart stolen,
She pressed the 20th floor,
So I pressed the one above,
The hum of motors
Making our potential stronger
Was a choir of cupids to me,
As I stared through the corner of my eye,
To that angel returning home
I felt harmony for the first time
And at six feet from heaven I realised
How I loved her so dearly
To love someone so passionately
And not have a place in their hearts
It is like saying you're hungry
To a keeled over starving child
I see love grant the wishes of everyone else
Yet give me only bitterness and hate
I'm tired of being alone
Petrified of when the elevator will stop
But it comes so normally
As I watch her leave
Not even giving me a thought
She never showed me her face
Never showed me her smile
And in the end
I descend down to purgatory
Six feet from heaven
Is the most I could manage
Was the most my love could climb
And in the end
I didn't need your name
Because you won't call for me
Because you won't answer my call
So I smile on my elevator
My tears fall back down to earth
Taking my love with it
Hope
I've been walking on the straight path,
But the ground fell before someone's wrath,
I fell upon a sinking ground of fear,
A spiral of despair, whose walls were sheer,
And no matter how fast I ran
The spiral would be faster as it span
And for dear life I kept out the waters
Which calls Death and Hate its daughters
I'm clawing at the floor with my nails
But no such forces exist that prevails
I'm been drawn in, sucked into despair
With each of my follies a weight I must wear
The dark waters reach my head
As my very soul begins to dread
I'll struggle through it
I'll crawl on my face
Just to carry on
Even with despair
Just so I can live
So I can find hope
I will crawl and crawl
Disgusting small worm
That I truly am
I don't want to drown
So I'll bite onto life
Dragging it down too
When truthfully…
I walked away from you
On that hot summer's day
When truthfully I wanted to stay
And be with you forever
I gave you a cold stare
Didn't say a word when I left
When truthfully all I ever wanted to say
Was that I love you
I didn't answer your calls
Gave you the wrong times and location
When truthfully I always watched you
Worrying about you all day
I told you to leave me alone
That I didn't give a damn
When truthfully I was in love
Utterly, helplessly in love with you
Smile + Tears = Rainbow
I came upon a rainbow that lost its way
It asked me to draw a map.
Without knowing it I led it to my heart,
Where the rain had kept pouring
Through the love that once shone.
There it shines for me
And then I remembered
How you smiled on that day
That I had fallen for you
And the tears you shed
On the day I left
The smile like the Sun
And the tears like the rain
Gave birth to this rainbow
That had lost its way
Melody
The curtains are drawn
From my eyes as I clearly see
The band comes to play
As my heart sinks, no, disappears
And as I stand here
A melody plays
With each tear
Hitting the ground
Hitting notes on my heart
Pulling the strings
Of emotions locked up inside me
As I stand
I begin to unwind
To the sweet melody of my tears
To that beautiful song they play
So tragic and so sad
Yet shining like a bright star
Sweet melody that was inside me
Doesn't stop playing
As my soul overflows
Through my eyes
Who knew that I cared so much for you
And that only after you're gone
This melody plays for you
Never stopping
Always playing
Decisions and their consequences
When a time comes to decide
Be it illogical or suicide
Fear steps aside
Leaving oceans wide
Courage becomes violent
From the devil sent
Blazing all hell bent
With a soul as rent
Hands grasp the light
Struggling against the fight
Holding on despite the fright
Disappearing into the night
I know it is so,
Life is as such
Despite love and kindness
Cruel intensions lie ahead
Correct mistake
One, two, three, four
Another mistake,
That I pile up,
I've made so many
It's pointless to count
Ten, eleven, twelve
But the worst of them all
Was falling in love with you
The saddest was trying to love you
The cruelest was having to leave you
Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two,
So many mistakes,
Is the world really that bad for me?
Thirty-three, thirty-four,
And the funny thing is,
I still love you
That mistake that keeps on going
Daisy ~ S.I. unit of love
I fell in love
With love's child bright
That even I couldn't stand
Being away from their side
But my petty feelings
Fluttered into the air
You who is so loved by everyone
What possible need for my love did you need?
Such a petty thing my feelings
Like a daisy in a bed of roses
It hurt me that my feelings couldn't measure up
For you are loved so much by everyone
Why bring a biscuit to dinner party
Why use a cocktail umbrella in the rain
I've been measuring my feelings in centimeters
While your heart was in kilometers
Could it be that's why I never confessed?
That a microbe of a feeling will never shine
But even so, my feelings are true
Resting in this tiny heart of mine
But then under the TV light in a dark room
You revealed in me for the first time
That of all the roses growing in the flowerbed
There was but one magnificent daisy shining bright
You admired it more than the rest
That someone special had planted it
How silly of me, I now realise
I now understand how special I was to you
I understand now you can't measure love in centimeters
You measure it in daisies
The monsoon season
I could feel it here
The humidity dropping
Something cold inside
As rain begins to fall, I try my best
To forget it all, memories undressed
The monsoon pours down
But my tears hide its torrent
Dark clouds in my eyes
I lost something precious so easily
Like a drop of water into the sea
Yet the flow of gloom
Is so calming for my soul
That is still crying
I’ve learnt that no one can drown in their tears
Pity, living on is part of my fears
Thunder starts to boom
A quick flash of hope or joy?
The monsoon goes on
I’ve shed enough tears, yet I continue?
Give it back, I forward my detinue
Ever since you left
You took my joy from my life
No, you were my joy
And now that you’re gone, all I have is this
A monsoon of tears as I reminisce
Teardrop by teardrop
I sink further down from you
The monsoon season
Where you forgot me
I can squeeze my head
For a thousand dreams but yet
Only you are lost
My heart is broken
A broken lost time machine
That no longer works
As long as I know
I've been meaning to say this
'Please don't forget me'
But the words are lost
And myself falling so fast
That I too am lost
I only see you
In my dreams and sadness
Where you still know me
And of the real world
It is but sad misery
Without you by me
Like endless raining
Or lost in the dark alone
A pain that hurts deep
Could it be that you
Were my only happiness?
I think it is true
I say 'I love you'
But it will never reach you
Through the dark and rain
Where you forgot me
I've made a home and life there
Remembering you
Star seeker
Every star is a lie
They are long gone
Dead and cold in the sky
Their phantom very sly
Their light a trick well done
But still just a lie
My heart was the same
With feelings always double faced
Songs without tune
Who was to blame?
The Love that Hate chased?
Or a man on the moon?
But you never listened
Always carrying a star in your smile
They called you star seeker
What you were christened
Always chasing the stars your style
You made my sadness that weaker
Star seeker, reaching out
Grab a star without a doubt
Just like love
Just like love
I have seen the sea many times
But I never dared its waters
Now I am so far away
That the sea is but a word
Just like you
I have ran through the fields
But I stopped running long ago
You, the super sonic speed star
How was I ever suppose to stay with you?
Just like truth
My heart beats for you
My feelings were certain that day
But not they're forgotten and lost
I've never been so confused
Just like light
You filled my days and glowed my nights
Gave me the joy of hope and life
But I'll never see you again
Driftwood in the void of space
Just like reality
I've learnt to live without you
It's what I feared the most
I'm so scared of my dreams
It is just like me
If
What, what if my friend,
I told you this was the end?
Would it strike you to cry a tear
Or would you be willing to hear
And what if my pal
Lies had become your rationale
And what if you could restart
Fix that broken heart
What if you fail a goal
Would you cease being whole?
What if you loved a person
And your relationship is worsen
If is a abusive word
An intrusive comment heard
You never ask what if
You mustn't ever ask yourself what if
Lady on the bus
I could paint a picture of her
Though she was so plain looking
And carried no fancy clothes
She seemed so elegant
And pure in carrying her soul
She's smiling in her reflection
But wears nothing but her burdens on her face
Her eyes showed a deep longing
A void that was under her skin
Homesick or perhaps tired
She couldn't feel the gravity of life
Dressed in black; only her soul
Her sin a subtle snow fall
It was only then I knew
I too was on the bus
Consider me
Consider me dead
If you were to leave me
Consider me damaged goods
If you ever doubt me
Consider me gone
Should your lips meet another’s
Consider me fed
If you will not dine with me
Consider me lost in a dark wood
Should you ever forget me
Consider me overdrawn
On your love if you love me
Consider me in your head
When you lose your way
Consider me as your heartwood
Of your family tree
Consider me as a song
That will sing for you forever
Consider me yours...
Forgotten notes: A song of voids
I've been listening to a sweet tune
For so long it became stuck in my head
Only realising I forgotten it too soon
When I was left in the silence dead
I cannot remember its sweet tones
Of its low and high cascades
Now I am frighten to my very bones
In the silence passing decades
I know not what I forgotten then
But only know I am filled with a gaping hole
Waiting forever, not knowing when
I can return again to being one whole, one soul
Forgotten memories written on a sheet music
How bittersweet it sounds as time goes by
Forgotten notes: A song of voids
Playing silently for you and I
I have yet to find
I have found food that has satisfied my stomach
I have found literature that satisfies my mind
But I have yet to find and embrace an ache
That makes my body to pain bind
I have yet to found a love that satisfies my heart
An experience that fills my soul and makes me alive
Yet to find something to fill this hole from the start
A forgotten dream I may still revive
Happiness had been hidden away
So that just no one could have it
If you could search for it and not sway
Then happiness's embrace you may submit
Too tired I've become, I will rest today
Hoping for an embrace tomorrow
A love that will always stay
And again your courage borrow
I have yet to find my end
A place to stop and rest
These words yet to send
That I loved you best
Forgotten but not gone
Missing inside the sofa of your conscience
Forgotten but not gone
Trying to understand your science
To bring about remembrance's dawn
Crying as you go happily along
With the rest of your life forgetting
Pleading to hear again just once your song
But there will never be the right setting
Please remember, recall your feelings now
To keep them alive, yet on the tip of existence
You did not need us, never made a vow
But please remember us, close this distance
I’d like to love again
I'd like to love again
I'd like to love myself again
Instead of pleading with myself
To end it all for today
I'd like to love again
I'd like to love my life again
Rather than dread each waking day
Scared and cold with dismay
I'd like to love again
I'd like to love you again
But the pain and scars are still there
So I know all too clearly
...
It would be a long time
Before I could love again
What I called love
Today my love had shattered
My heart got yet another chip
What I called love
Was really just sorrow
She had forgotten me
Before I even confessed
What I called Love
Was really just fear
Now I sit quietly in the dark
Even colder than before
What I called love
Was really just dependence
Bitterly I throw my dreams away
Realizing how small they are
What I called love
Was really just jealousy
But in a panic I cry
Picking them up to hug
What I called love
Was really just reassurance
Unable to give them up
Unable to make them real
What I called love
Was really just nothing at all
All you’ve ever done
All you've ever done
Is blame someone else
For your sins and problems
All you've ever done
Is wait for a hero
When someone needs you
All you've ever done
Is love your shadow
Giving out cold shoulders
All you've ever done
Is cry about your pain
While blind to others' woe
All you've ever done
All you've ever done
I'm sorry for what I have done...
What I’ve stepped on to get here
It took five years for me to realize you loved me
And by that time you had left me for someone else
Then, I had blamed you for breaking my heart
But now I’ve come to realize your feelings
Waiting and waiting for me to blossom
Only for a long Winter followed by Autumn
I was just a shy foolish boy- I still am
Still I blame you for the glass pieces in my chest
But now I know how selfish I truly am
You did shattered my heart
But it was I who shattered yours first
Without knowing it, I made your love into hate
Now I know why my life is so lonely
Why my path is so difficult and unbearably painful
What I’ve stepped on to get here
Are the pieces of your broken heart
Supermoon
Under the gathering of lies and stars alike
I've found myself alone and lost again
It's not like I've lost my way but...
It's not like I know where I am going
A cold breeze brings in fog and confusion
Such that I didn't see you approach
That lonely dark spot always next to me
Shone brighter than ever before
We talked and chatted as I fought the urge
To spill everything I keep inside my heart
And as time trickles on I realise how futile I am
How I always gazed at a moon so far away
But today you are closer to me than ever before
I can truly see how brightly you shine
So for now, I can smile ignorantly in bliss
Just for tonight, you are my supermoon
(Written 19/3/2011 Night of the supermoon)
###
About the author
For those who are tragically obsessed, Nobo13 was born 1987 in Cambridgeshire. He spent four years doing a Physics degree but spend most of the time doodling and writing. Currently he is training to be a Science Teacher.
Nobo13’s pen name is derived from using his surname, just look above! His more unusual hobbies are collecting headphones, staring aimlessly out the window (which consumes much of his time) and messing about with musical instruments- at the moment these are ocarinas and ukuleles.
Please check out my website and my other works, thanks for reading!
More from this author
I currently have a short story collection and a child’s sci-fi book that are available from the following links:
Smashword profile: http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/nobo13
Tuesday: Story of the Cosmos-
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/105610
Half a Century Alone:
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/117799
You can also search ‘nobo13’ in the ibooks store!
Connect with me online
My website: http://www.wix.com/pmasterkim2002/nobo13
My blog: http://nobo13.wordpress.com/
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