FINDING YOUR ROAD TO SUCCESS
How to get there without getting lost
Patrick Daniel, CA
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2010 Patrick Daniel
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The more you get out of this book, the closer you’ll get to success!
I don’t want you to read for the sake of reading - I’d like you to read to understand and learn. I know that when I read a book from cover to cover, I only retain about 20 percent of the content once I’m done with it. A book contains too much information for me to understand everything the first time I read it.
Let's pause for a moment and get some firm ground under our feet. One reading comprehension study says that readers retains 60% of what they read, but I beg to differ. If the reading material is in story form, the 60% is probably accurate. But if it's instructional material, the average reader might retain 40% or less, depending on their interest in the subject matter. Why? Because the mind can only consume small meals at a time or it gets indigestion. Don't read for the sake of reading. Read to understand and learn.
It is a proven fact that a person must be exposed to the same material three times before they can fully retain it. The first time, the reader gets acquainted with new material and soon forgets it. If he reads the same material a second time, he recognizes a familiarity with the subject, but he still forgets it. The third time he reads it, he thinks, "Aha! Now I understand that," and he puts it into practice. However, if he doesn't continue to put it into practice, he'll still forget it.
So I’ve developed a different reading habit. Each time I read something interesting in a book, I take notes or mark the page with a sticky note so I can reread those sections later. I can only retain something by reading it a few times. I prefer this approach instead of reading the entire book a few times. I encourage you to use a similar approach while reading this book so you can get the most out of it.
Reading tips to help with your comprehension
* Highlight the areas that most apply to you, or underline them, or put sticky notes on the pages. At a later time, you can leaf through the book and easily find the places you marked.
* Read each chapter as often as you need to understand all its contents. If needed, read a chapter twice before going on to the next one.
* As you read my suggestions, ask yourself how you can apply them to your life. And, at every opportunity possible, apply them in your day-to-day life activities to see what results they produce.
* Once a week, revisit your highlighted text or sticky notes, and reread this information to refresh your memory.
This would be a good time to go get that pen, highlighter, sticky notes, or whatever you want to use.
Dedication
This book is dedicated to my departed father
DANIEL HANNA DANIEL DANIEL
who has truly inspired
me to be the best that
I can be.
In Christ you believed and with him you rest.
Table of Contents
Chapter 2: DECIDE WHAT SUCCESS MEANS TO YOU
Chapter 3: PREPARE YOUR ROADMAP TO SUCCESS
Chapter 4: THINKING THAT SUPPORTS YOUR SUCCESS
Chapter 5: ACTIONS THAT SUPPORT YOUR SUCCESS
Chapter 6: MANAGING YOUR MONEY
Chapter 7: USE POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS
Chapter 8: HOW TO STAY ON YOUR ROAD TO SUCCESS
APPENDIX 1: MY CONTACT INFORMATION
APPENDIX 2: QUOTES LISTED THROUGHOUT THIS BOOK
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
You are holding this book today because of the many people who have helped me enjoy success in my own life. I’d like to give my heartfelt thanks and gratitude to
* God, the source of all fulfillments, who makes all things possible. Thanks for giving me the strength to help me help myself, and for carrying me through the rough times. I thank you for giving us your only son Jesus, and for sending Blessed Mother Marie-Alphonsine as my guardian angel for each step I take in life. I love you and without you I would not be anything. You are my rock!
* My beautiful wife Sandra, who brings me much joy and happiness each day. Thank you for your comments and support over the years that I’ve been writing this book. My journey has been a success because you have been a part of my life. Thanks for believing in me.
* Both my parents. Mom, you have always been by my side encouraging me to reach out for my dreams. I am truly blessed and proud to have you as my mother. Dad, not a day goes by without me thinking about you. I hope I have become the man you would have liked me to be. Can’t wait to see you again. Love you both!
* My brothers, John and Michael. Not only are you my brothers, but you’re my best friends. Thanks for all the special moments we’ve spent together. You have made my journey through life so much more enjoyable. Without you, success would not be possible.
* Pixie, our dog, who brings unconditional love and happiness into our home. Thanks for cheering us up when we are feeling down.
* My dear friends, who are way too many to list. Thanks for all the great experiences and memories we’ve shared together.
* My dear family, Renee, Hanna, Rose, Zakaria, Nabil, Regine, Nadia, Antoine, Hani, Samia, Mimi, Elias, Dina, Mark, Debby, Olivier, Laurent, Rania, Rami, Wadie, Yazan, Daniel, Paul, Jordan, Kareem, Giovanni, Teresa, Roberto, and everyone else related to me by blood or marriage. The happiest moments in life are the ones created with family. Thank you for all the special moments.
* My editor, Linda. I was nervous in having you mess with my book, but I really should not have worried. You just made my book better. I appreciate all that you have done for me.
PREFACE
In this section you will learn that:
* If you expect to be successful, you’ll be successful. If you expect to fail, you probably will.
* You’re in control of everything around you.
* The road to success is a journey, and you need a map.
You may know the story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
Does this sound familiar? This is the story of our current society because, sadly, we live in a world where we all expect someone else to do our job, and yet we claim that no one could get the job done better than us. And when something goes wrong, we start to play the blame game - it’s never our own fault and always someone else’s. No one takes responsibility and, unfortunately, no one succeeds.
“The superior man blames himself. The inferior man blames others.”
- Don Shula
This book will help you to realize that you’re the biggest obstacle to your success. If you expect to be successful, you’ll be successful. But if you expect to fail, you probably will. My hope is that by reading this book, you will learn that before someone else can start to believe in you, you have to believe in yourself. You have to take matters into your own hands, for you and only you have what it takes to succeed. Others can’t do it for you! If you feel that your life is not going as you planned, it’s most likely your fault. Don’t forget, the biggest obstacle to achieving your success is you.
The road to success is a journey, and you need a map for that journey that shows a clear final destination. Without a final destination, how do you know where you need to go? You don’t. You’ll just be going around in circles not really knowing what direction your life needs to take. But drawing up your life’s map and pinpointing your final destination doesn’t mean that everything in life will come easily. You’ll encounter obstacles - potholes, closed roads, construction, accidents, detours, and one-way streets. As you encounter each obstacle, keep in mind that there’s always an alternative route that you can take to put you back on the road that leads to your success.
I wrote this book as a personal mission; it’s something that I have been thinking about for a few years. The idea came from friends and co-workers, who often seek my advice and opinion. I seem to be “the guy” who everyone comes to for advice - they are always interested in what I would do if I were them, or how I “did it,” or my opinion on what they should do. Since I’m the go-to person, I figured that I must be doing something right.
“It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.”
- William James
Most of my writing reflects my experiences, observations, and personal views and thoughts. You may find yourself disagreeing with things I say, because what works for me may not work for you. If you find that you strongly disagree with what I say, I encourage you to write to me (see my contact information at the end of this book). We all grow and better ourselves through sharing different views, opinions, and experiences, and I’m sure I can learn many things from you.
As you read further, I hope to spark in you a deeper awareness of the powers that you possess. Once you have that, you’ll be able to start altering yourself and making the necessary changes to the way you think, the way you deal with obstacles, and the way you feel. You’ll notice how these changes start to affect your attitude in a positive, constructive way, and finding your road to success becomes easy.
* * *
The Donkey in the Well
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided since the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. So, the farmer invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed shovels, and began to shovel dirt into the well.
All the other farm animals were very upset about this, because the donkey was their friend. But they discovered there was nothing they could do to help him.
At first, when the donkey realized what was happening, he cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well, and was astonished at what he saw.
With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off, and take a step up on the dirt as it piled up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well, and trotted off!
* * *
Life is going to shovel all kinds of dirt on you. But each trouble can be a stepping stone with the right attitude and roadmap. What happens to you isn't nearly as important as how you react to it. You can get out of the deepest wells just by not giving up! When you find yourself in a well, shake it off, and take a step up!
Chapter 1
- INTRODUCTION -
In this section you will learn about:
* Who I am.
* The game of life, in which you need a bit of an edge to separate you from the rest of the pack.
At a young age, I knew that in the game of life, everyone is playing the same game with the same deck of cards. It’s like a blackjack table at a casino. Everyone is at the same table, with the same dealer, playing with the same deck. Most of us lose every now and then, but in each round there’s one person who wins. To me, losing at blackjack is a metaphor for losing in the game of life, which for me would be finding myself stuck with a 25-year mortgage and running the rat race trying to survive in a very debt-intense world. There’s nothing wrong with losing at the blackjack table. After all, the odds are against us and everyone loses at some point, so it doesn’t make us losers - it makes us normal. But that’s exactly what I didn’t want to be. I’ve always wanted to be better than normal, which to me, was my measurement of success.
Reaching my “above average” goal
Early in my career, I began to use most of the money that I earned to get it to work for me. I invested in real estate and the financial markets, which produce passive income. This passive income became the main source of funding for much of my living and entertainment expenses (I provide some tips on how to best manage your money in Chapter 6.)
By the time I was 31, my net worth was more than that of the average person aged 65 years or older, according to American and Canadian statistics. I was making good money, I had no debt, and I had no mortgage on the house I owned. (This last point is particularly important, since a mortgage hurts you financially over many years.) I’m very good at handling my financial affairs - I have five credit cards with a combined limit of over $40,000 but my total balance owing each month is zero.
You may think that my life must revolve around work so that I can make as much money as possible, but that is not the case. My success is not only financial, and there’s more to me than just work. I travel frequently in the wonderful company of my wife Sandra - to date I have visited over 20 countries.
“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.”
- David Brinkley
When I’m not traveling, I love spending time with my family and friends. There’s no one more important in my life than my family - my wife, mother, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, and everyone else related to me by blood or by marriage. I love spending time with them and try to do it as often as possible.
My friends are definitely next on my list, since I also consider them family. I truly believe that I have the best family and friends in the world.
I volunteer regularly. I’ve been part of the Big Brothers program since 2002 and enjoy spending time with my Little Brother. I also like to volunteer my time at homeless shelters serving meals, handing out food baskets, and fundraising to purchase Christmas toys for underprivileged children. You might also find me on the streets talking to the homeless and buying them sandwiches.
Last but not least, I dedicate some time for prayer each day. I am a practicing Catholic and enjoy visiting the church frequently to light candles and pray for my family, friends, and all the suffering people in the world. I’ve even had the opportunity to volunteer for Pope Benedict XVI during his visit to Lourdes, France, in 2008. Being able to serve over 150,000 pilgrims and seeing the Pope in person was one of the greatest experiences of my life. It was absolutely priceless.
These are things I hold dear to my heart, and I always make sure that I make enough time for them. They are what make my life “above average” in ways that have nothing to do with making money and being successful financially. Life is great!
So what’s the secret?
Why am I so happy with my life? It’s simple - I have discovered the secret to my success. And with this success comes the feeling of great pride - pride in who I am and what I’ve become, pride in what I’ve achieved so far in my personal and professional life, pride in my beautiful and supportive wife, and pride in my family and friends.
To me, success doesn’t mean being extremely wealthy - as I have already said, it’s more being financially better than average. So, my goal is to make enough money to be comfortable, to be able to travel at least twice a year, and to be around for my kids without having to spend all my time at work trying to provide for them. I still haven’t achieved all of these goals, but I’m definitely on the right path.
“Success doesn’t come to you. You go to it.”
- Marva Collins
The goal of this book is to share with you how I got to where I am - how I make sure that I’m winning the game of life, and the day-to-day habits that I have incorporated into my life. I also share how I worked on changing my attitude into a more positive one, no matter what happens in my life.
I explain what my dreams and goals were, and how I mapped my life to achieve them. Without my roadmap, I’d be lost - I wouldn’t know where to go. My map includes how important money is for me. To prepare the map, I had to get a good understanding of how much money I needed, how to save it, and how to stretch it to the maximum. I also had to include the other aspects of my life in my roadmap.
Once I got an understanding of all of these facets of my ideal life, I was able to unlock the secret to my success. I finally knew where I had to be to achieve my success. From there, it was a matter of execution. With my map in hand and the secret to my success unlocked, I was ready to begin my journey.
Now it’s time for you to unlock the secret of your success and let your journey begin!
Before my map began
To help you better understand my route, where I’ve been and where I currently am, let me tell you a bit about myself and my life. A little later in the book, I’ll tell you where I would like to be in the future, as I still have many goals that I would like to achieve as I grow older.
Here is my story to date …
I was born in Saudi Arabia in 1976 to wonderful parents - my father moved to Saudi Arabia in the 1970s to open a computer company, and my mother stayed home to take care of three boys, me being the middle child.
Since I’m from a Middle Eastern background, you might expect me to have a traditional Arabic name, but I don’t and neither do my brothers. My parents wanted us to travel and make the most of the world, so they gave us common names that were easy to pronounce and would not expose us to discrimination: John, Michael and, of course, Patrick. Since English is the international language of business, my brothers and I were sent to American and British schools to learn the language, and we learned the Arabic language at home.
“Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship."
- Buddha
Traveling was my family’s favorite pastime, and we often spent summers and holidays with family in different countries. After nine years in Saudi Arabia enjoying the frequent traveling, a good English education, and the hot days in the desert on the weekends, my family opted for a change. In 1985, my mother, my brothers, and I moved to the European island of Cyprus, while my father remained in Saudi Arabia to run his company. He came to visit us at least once a month.
Cyprus was completely different than Saudi Arabia. As non-Muslims living in Saudi Arabia, safety was always a concern, and we were unable to practice being Christians openly. But now my mother felt liberated. She could leave the house without covering up with a veil each time, attend church and drive herself around, all of which were forbidden in Saudi Arabia. Cyprus had a lot to offer in terms of lifestyle, freedom and safety.
My brothers and I were at the age when we needed to start socializing, and Cyprus let us do that. It was ideal because my parents did not have to worry about us when we were outside playing and making many new friends. We went to a private British school and met lots of new people. What great memories I have of Cyprus and, looking back now, Cyprus was like paradise!
But in 1987 everything changed. My father passed away from cancer at the age of 36 in London, England. This devastated the family and posed a big challenge for my mother, who was left alone to raise three devil kids between the ages of 8 and 14.
One of my father’s dreams was to see at least one of his sons obtain a university degree, and my mother decided to honor this dream. With a courageously strong will and resolve, she packed everything up and moved us from Cyprus to Montreal, Canada in the summer of 1988. She did this against the will of both my father’s family and her own family, who wanted her to move to either Jordan or France so that they could help her raise us. My mother, being strong and independent, stuck true to the Canada plan by having my paternal grandmother come with us.
And so, a new life in Canada began. Everything was different and new - the country, the people, the school, the house, the language, and the culture. I had skipped two grades in school, but found myself in trouble a few months later when I was forced to continue my schooling in French, as that was a requirement for all new immigrants to Montreal.
Now in a French school, I watched my grades slip drastically, and ended up having to repeat tenth grade twice. Times were hard for me but I wasn’t the only one experiencing difficulties in this new life. My mother, widowed and wanting to provide the most for her children and mother-in-law, was running out of money quickly. She was forced to get a job, so she went back to school and got her real estate license.
“Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine."
- Anthony J. D'Angelo
For my mother and I, getting back on our feet was hard and took time, but it ended on a positive note. My mother became one of the most successful real estate agents in the area, and I got to learn a new language. Although studying in French was difficult, I made it through high school and was accepted into an English-language college in the commerce program, thanks to my strong mathematics grades and a well-written letter explaining why my high school grades were so poor. From there, I obtained my university bachelor’s degree in commerce in 1998 and a graduate degree in accounting in 2000. Later that year, I wrote and passed the national Canadian chartered accountant exam on my first attempt. I was the second of my father’s sons to achieve his dream of us getting a university degree.
The game begins in earnest
As I approached the end of my university studies, I knew that the day for me to find my first real job was quickly approaching. My game of life, in which I had to play at the same table and with the same set of rules as everyone around me, was about to start. I knew that I needed a bit of an edge, something that would set me apart from the rest of the pack. I was determined to be the winner on the blackjack table, so I needed something to tip the odds in my favor. My grades weren’t spectacular so I couldn’t use them to my advantage, and in terms of contacts in the work force, I had none! So how was I to make it in such a demanding, aggressive world? After some time and much thought, it occurred to me that I (me, myself) had all the power to make things different. I had to work on myself to make things work in my favour. My attitude needed to change and I had to think of things differently. No more complaining. No more following the crowd. I had to separate myself from the pack or I would find myself in the same boat as everyone else. I would be normal! And that was my biggest fear.
One of my dreams while I was an accounting student was to work for PricewaterhouseCoopers, one of the biggest accounting firms in the world. Although I had good grades in university, they didn’t meet the minimum requirements to work for PricewaterhouseCoopers. I was disappointed but I did not let it discourage me.
I ended up starting my career as an external auditor with a smaller accounting firm. Fresh out of school, I was eager to learn and very dedicated to my work. I asked my supervisors a lot of questions because I wanted to know everything about how they did things and why they did them. Within six months my responsibilities were increased to those of a senior auditor, which generally takes two years to accomplish. A few months later, I advanced my career by joining my dream firm, PricewaterhouseCoopers. I felt like I was on top of the world.
“Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today."
- James Dean
Over the years to come, my career excelled to the point where I was experienced enough to start my own accounting practice and become my own boss. My accounting firm specializes in providing services related to an American securities law (called the Sarbanes-Oxley Act) of 2002.
In addition, I wanted to try something outside the financial world. I opened a theater production company with the intention of reviving a great British comedy television show from the 70s called Mind Your Language. I also got involved with the start-up of two other companies, one that uses laser technology to engrave three-dimensional pictures of people in a crystal cube, and another that sells various products online.
Working on companies outside the financial world was very challenging and very rewarding. I was able to rise successfully to some challenges, which made me feel great, while I learned great lessons from some other challenges. I discovered that the hardest thing about owning a few companies simultaneously was that I was not able to devote my full attention to all of them. Within a year or so, I finally realized that my strength was in the field of accounting, not theater or crystal products, so I refocused all my energy on providing accounting services. I was back on focus. I found my success, I enjoy my life, and I live very happily.
Chapter 2
DECIDE WHAT SUCCESS MEANS TO YOU
In this section you will learn that:
* Only you can define your own success.
* True success is a well-balanced package, not just based on money and fame.
* Everyone needs to define their Ultimate Success.
* * *
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a driver’s license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
----------------------------------------
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a driver’s license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
* * *
In the game called Success, you begin on square one. You and your game piece then take a long journey - one that lasts a lifetime. The board is a maze, so you must navigate by making a series of choices. Along the way, you encounter many thrills, obstacles, setbacks and surprises.
The problem with the Success game is that none of the players are born with a set of instructions for how to play. The game is very complicated, and when you’re in the maze it’s difficult to determine where the final square - what I call Ultimate Success - is on the board. Life would be so much easier if we had the instructions!
Since we don’t come with instructions at birth, our responsibility is to figure out how to play Success. We must devise our own set of instructions, and clear objectives on how to win.
Society’s definition of success
Let’s begin by discussing how our society defines success. My interpretation of society’s definition is pretty simple - you’re considered successful if you can answer yes to at least two of the following questions:
* Do you own a big house?
* Do you drive an expensive sports car?
* Are you an Ivy League graduate with a master’s degree?
* Are you a doctor or lawyer?
* Are you a millionaire?
* Are you famous?
* Are you the CEO of a multi-billion-dollar company?
As you can see, society’s definition of success doesn’t take happiness, family, good health, religious faith, or good ethical values into consideration. It’s simply based on education, money, fame, and material possessions. But does all this really matter to you? To feel successful, do you need any or all of them?
“Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other”.
- Erma Bombeck
Sadly, the media and people around us would have us believe that money is the most important element for success. But I don’t agree with many of our society’s beliefs. When I look at famous actors and actresses, who have lots of money and all the fame one can dream of, I question whether they are truly successful, because they are missing some elements of success that I consider important. I can’t deny that their achievement is a success story, but are fame and fortune all that are needed to be really successful? How about their turbulent personal lives, with multiple divorces and bad habits such as alcohol abuse? Shouldn’t those factors be considered in the evaluation of success? Are they surrounded by love and support? Do they have strong family ties? Is there any happiness in their lives? Most importantly, do they feel successful with their lives? I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I do know that I would not trade places with most of them even for ten million dollars.
My definition of success
You may see nothing wrong with society’s definition of success, but to me it is only a small piece of the pie. Money and a good job simply aren’t enough for me to feel successful. I started to realize this in the beginning of my career when I was working hard trying to make as much money as I could. The money was coming in, but the harder I worked, the less happy I felt. I missed my friends and family, and something just didn’t feel right. How could I be working hard and making money but be feeling miserable? That’s when I realized that I was trying to satisfy society’s definition of success, not my own. I started to develop my own definition of success - one that includes the small things in life that make me most happy, rather than just what society expects of me.
Since then, I haven’t allowed society to impose its definition of success on me because, in all honesty, society doesn’t know me or what my pleasures are. I refuse to let society push me in the wrong direction. I’ve never been the type to let others tell me what to do - as a child, I challenged my parents’ authority when I disagreed with their methods, opinions, or disciplinary actions. Ironically, most of these instances resulted in me getting a spanking! But despite the punishments I received, these early experiences have served me well. I still stand up for myself when I truly believe in something, regardless of the consequences.
How do I figure out what success means for me? It’s pretty simple: I have to know what truly makes me happy. When I say “me,” I really do mean me - not my brothers, my parents, or my friends. No one knows me better than I do, so this task can’t be done by anyone but me. Nor can I define success for anyone else, because I don’t know them the way they know themselves. What I consider as being a success may not suit someone else.
Success takes a step at a time
As a kid, I always loved playing with Lego. In fact, I still enjoy building things with Lego. A few years ago, I underwent laser eye surgery to correct my vision. The doctor’s orders were not to watch television, read, or use a computer for a few days following the surgery. In need of some entertainment, I bought a kit for building a Lego motorcycle that had over a thousand pieces. It kept me busy for several days, during which I started to realize that success is very much like a Lego set.
A Lego kit is comprised of many pieces, some big and some small. At first, you can’t imagine how they will all fit together, and the task before you seems very complicated. But once you start to put the pieces together with the step-by-step instructions, your creation slowly starts to take shape and becomes something recognizable.
Each piece that I snapped into place brought me one step closer to finishing my motorcycle, and each piece made the motorcycle more recognizable. About a week later, when I finally placed my last piece, I achieved my final success: a big, beautiful model of a Harley Davidson motorcycle.
“If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all.”
- Anna Quindlen
So what does Lego have to do with success? Each day in life is like a single piece. If you use up your day correctly, it brings you one step closer to your goal, your success. Some days have big achievements while others have small ones, just as the Lego box has some big pieces and some small. But here is the key to it all: the step-by-step instructions. They gave me a roadmap to follow on the journey that began with a thousand disorganized pieces and ended with a unified whole that gave me a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction. I realized that if I hadn’t had the instructions, it would have been virtually impossible for me to build the motorcycle accurately. The instructions were the key!
The game of Success also needs step-by-step instructions. As you’ll read later on in this chapter, the instruction sheet - your roadmap - becomes one of your most valuable possessions, because it shows you the correct path to follow to reach each success in life on your way to achieving your Ultimate Success.
Success is a feeling
When thinking or talking about your success, be careful with the words you choose. If I said “I am successful,” others could disagree. They might not understand that success means more to me than earning money and having prestige. They could compare me to someone like Bill Gates, and argue that I’m not particularly successful. But if I say “I feel successful,” that changes everything. Nobody else can tell you how you feel, challenge your statement, or prove you wrong. Many will try to rob you of this great feeling because they’re envious, but as long as you don’t let them get to you, your feelings are untouchable. This is why it’s important that you and only you define your success. You’re the only person with control of your feelings, and you’re the one who knows what it takes to feel successful.
Successes can be large or small
Before you begin the task of figuring out what success really means to you, it’s important to remember that when we talk about success, we’re not talking only about something huge in your life. Even the smallest accomplishments can be considered successes.
For example, let’s say that one of your goals is to get your university diploma. The journey to achieve this success is comprised of many small steps, each of which can be seen as a sub-success. Each homework assignment that you complete is a success. Each quiz and exam you pass is a success. Each midterm and final examination you pass is a success, as is each course you pass. Passing all your courses is also a success. And once you’ve done that, guess what? You have achieved one of your success criteria by obtaining your diploma.
“No matter how far you fall down, you gotta be ready to stand up.”
- Akon
As you can see, your achievement starts with one sub-success, which leads to another, and yet another, until you obtain your diploma. Each step along the way - the small ones and the larger ones - is a success towards your end goal. But not all sub-successes are necessarily needed to achieve a success. An important point to remember is that if you fail at one of the steps at the sub-success level, it doesn’t mean you can’t achieve your final goal. Just because you do poorly on an assignment does not mean that you’ll fail your final examination. Giving up shouldn’t be an option - you just have to change your strategy. Take that failure and learn from it. Figure out why you did poorly and then take action to make sure you don’t repeat the mistakes. Maybe you didn’t dedicate enough time for studying, or maybe you simply didn’t understand the lesson and need to revisit parts of the course. Not all sub-successes are required for you to reach your ultimate goal, and not all failures mean that you can’t achieve that goal.
What’s the difference between success and sub-success? They are the same, except a success will most likely be made up of many sub-successes. When I mention success in this book, I mean everything from small sub-successes to major successes that take many years to achieve.
Your definition is unique to you
Everyone has different desires in life, so no one can define success for you - you have to do it yourself.
Just to show how we are all different from one another, here’s a partial list of all the pieces that will need to fit together for me to achieve my Ultimate Success goal. As you read through the list, think about how your criteria compare to mine.
* At a young age, one of my desires was to make a million dollars by the time I reached 30 years old.
* I wanted to obtain a graduate degree in accounting.
* I wanted to be married by the time I was 30.
* I want to be a parent by the time I’m 35.
* I always wanted to see the Pope in person.
* I try to devote as much of my time to volunteering as possible, because I’d like to make a difference in people’s lives.
* Taking a vacation twice a year to travel is a must for me.
* I want to be semi-retired before I’m 40.
* I’d like to spend part of my children’s younger years at home raising them, so I don’t miss their growing up.
* I’d like to spend part of my life living and working in Europe or the Middle East.
* I feel content when I’ve read a new book each month to expand my knowledge.
* I try to get enough exercise by forcing myself to be active at least three times a week.
* I must spend time with my immediate and extended families at least once a week.
Now take some time to prepare a list of the things that you believe are important to your success. How will your list compare to mine? What will you add? What will you change? Are there any points that you will delete? Label this List 1, and keep it to use in Chapter 3.
Why is defining success so important?
There’s a joke about a client who asks a Chartered Accountant “What does one plus one equal?” The accountant replies, “Whatever you want it to be.” Although this is a joke that usually only accountants find funny, it holds some truth. Accounting is an art that requires some creativity - in some situations, two accountants could come up with different numbers and both are correct! Accounting is not always right or wrong, black or white - there are gray areas in which accountants use judgment, which may lead to different results.
“Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.”
- Dr. Joyce Brothers
Similarly, there are many gray areas in life, and in the meaning of success. The beauty of success is that it can be whatever you want it to be. You have the power to make it anything you want. You’re in the driver’s seat and you’re in full control. But what is your definition of success? This is the million-dollar question, and you must answer it before you can advance any further towards your success. This is where many people fail - they don’t know what their true desires are and ultimately end up feeling unsuccessful.
What happens when you follow someone else’s definition of success? Simple: you aren’t happy, and you don’t feel successful. One of my goals is to live and work in Europe. If that isn’t something that you want, but you end up doing because you’re following my definition of success, you probably won’t be happy with your new life and, consequently, you won’t feel successful.
I have come to realize that if we don’t sit down to think about what success means to us, and if we don’t define our own success, then it will be defined by our family, friends, society, or other influential forces in our lives. When this happens, we may not be truly motivated to achieve success because it’s not really our own and has no true meaning to us. Don’t get trapped in someone else’s definition of success - once you’re trapped, you’ll most likely feel like a failure.
“Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.”
- Mark Twain
The next chapter provides a step-by-step guide for how to draw a roadmap to get you to your success destination. But before you get to that stage, there are two things you need to do - figure out what your Ultimate Success is, and what makes you truly happy in life. When you’re clear on these two points, only then can you begin to follow your path to success.
Identify your Ultimate Success
It’s very important for you to develop your unique definition of Ultimate Success - the biggest success of all. Ultimate Success is not something you can achieve in a few months or even a few years. It takes an entire lifetime to achieve. When you have arrived at your Ultimate Success, you have fulfilled the main purpose of your life, and have met your overall goal.
What is Ultimate Success?
Everything you do in life should help bring you closer to achieving your Ultimate Success. When you look at it that way, it becomes clear that each success throughout your life is a journey, not a destination. Each success moves you ahead on the Success board, bringing you ever closer to your final destination, Ultimate Success. That’s why it’s so important to decide what Ultimate Success means to you, and to keep your eyes on your roadmap. Without the map, you may end up going in the wrong direction and never arrive at your Ultimate Success destination.
A story from my own family may help to illustrate what Ultimate Success means to a person. When I was 22 years old I was in France visiting my grandparents for the Christmas holidays, as was our family tradition. As a young woman my grandmother had always wanted to become a nun, but obviously my grandfather had convinced her to marry him instead.
On this Christmas Eve, while the whole family was gathered around playing games and singing carols, I saw my grandfather lean over to my grandmother and say, “Look how beautiful our family is. Isn’t all this better than being a nun?” It was a very touching moment, bringing tears to many eyes and a beautiful glowing smile to my grandmother’s face. At the time, I didn’t really understand the significance of what my grandfather had said to her. But now that I understand the meaning of Ultimate Success, it has become clearer.
At that moment, he must have felt fully satisfied with all his achievements in life, and with how proud he was of his wife, children, and grandchildren. I’ve also come to realize that it was probably the moment at which he felt he had achieved his Ultimate Success. He couldn’t keep this great feeling to himself so he shared it with his wife. I’m so grateful that I was there to witness this great moment because I’ve learned much from my grandfather.
Sadly, he passed away a few months later. This is how powerful achieving your Ultimate Success is - it’s like safely arriving at your final destination, winning your game of life, and snapping that final piece of Lego into place. It’s the most fulfilling feeling you’ll ever feel in life, a feeling of complete happiness, satisfaction, and inner peace about your life’s journey. I believe that once you achieve your Ultimate Success, you will no longer fear death - you will have achieved all your successes, you will feel ready to die with no regrets.
“The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will.”
- Vincent T. Lombardi
What will Ultimate Success be for you?
My grandfather’s story is about him achieving his Ultimate Success. But how does a person know what Ultimate Success is for them? I’ve given a lot of thought to this, and I’ve found that the best way for me to define my Ultimate Success is to envision myself on my deathbed. I know that many people don’t like to think about death, but this is necessary in order to define your Ultimate Success.
I start by imagining what it would be like if my doctor told me I had only two more days to live. How would I feel? Would I regret things in life that I hadn’t seen or done? Would I regret not being rich? Would I feel ready to die? I don’t know about you, but I’m far from being ready to die. If my doctor gave me this news tomorrow, I would die with regret because I have not yet achieved my Ultimate Success.
I don’t deny that I feel very successful about my life so far, but I’m not ready to let go of life just yet. There are still many things that I haven’t done or experienced, one of them being fatherhood. I want to have children and experience the satisfaction of watching them grow into positive role models. I want to see them happily married, financially stable, with beautiful well-behaved children of their own. For me, once I have the comfort of knowing that my grandchildren are in good hands, my purpose on earth will have been fulfilled. This is my Ultimate Success … which is very similar to my grandfather’s.
Now it’s your turn to identify all the components that will contribute to your Ultimate Success. Picture yourself on your deathbed. What are you thinking? How do you feel? What are your regrets? I’m guessing that most of your regrets would involve family and people you know. Perhaps you’ve lost touch with someone special in your life, or you had too much pride to fight for someone or something you didn’t realize was worth fighting for at the time. All regrets count because they all indicate aspects of your life that are important for you to include in your life goals.
“Happiness is not by chance, but by choice.”
- Jim Rohn
Make a list of all the regrets you would have. Then meditate on your list to figure out which potential regret is the biggest and most important for you. Which one, once fulfilled, will make you feel like you’ve reached your ultimate satisfaction in life? Once you are able to pinpoint your biggest and most important regret, that will most likely be your Ultimate Success. Then put the remaining items on this list in order, so your biggest is at the top and your smallest is at the bottom. Label this List 2, and keep it to use in Chapter 3.
Happiness and fun are important too!
There’s more to life than achieving your Ultimate Success. Life is a journey that is meant to be enjoyed. If you aren’t having fun along the way you probably won’t reach your final destination because, somewhere along the road, you’ll get bored and turn back.
To avoid this happening, you have to make your game of life, your quest for Ultimate Success, fun. Think of yourself on an around-the-world trip. Won’t it be a shame if you don’t stop at all the interesting sites to see what the world has to offer? The same holds true for your journey to success. Every day of your life is like a small section of your travel route. You should make many enjoyable stops along the way, even though these stops may not appear to bring you closer to your Ultimate Success. In fact, they will help you reach your Ultimate Success, because they will bring you much happiness. With happiness comes better health, which generally leads to longer life expectancy. Living longer gives you more time to fulfill all your successes, and the more success you achieve the happier you will be with the outcome of your life.
So, it’s time to make List 3: What makes you happy as you travel down life’s path? It’s surprising the number of people who have never thought of this! As a starting point, look back at your List 2, your “deathbed regrets.” Think about it: if you’re on your deathbed and you have regrets, those regrets must be about things that you truly value, and things that you would have liked to do differently or more often. When you frame these ideas in a positive way (as things you would like to do rather than things you regret not doing), they become statements of your true desires.
Since fulfilling these true desires will contribute to you having a happy, successful life (assuming that one of your goals is to be happy), you should definitely include them in your roadmap to success. The ideal success roadmap includes a mixture of “true desire” goals and your “Ultimate Success” goal. Remember that balance is the key - you need some fun along the way, but don’t get sidetracked by pursuing too many desires at the expense of reaching your Ultimate Success.
Be sure you want every item on your list
Take some time to consolidate your three lists into one Definition of My Success list. It’s a good idea to translate the items in List 2, your anticipated deathbed regrets, into positive statements. For example, if you listed “didn’t spend enough time playing tennis,” translate that to “play tennis more often,” or something similar. You may also want to merge two or more similar items into one, and making these changes may give you ideas for more list items.
Every item on your consolidated Success list should be something that you truly desire. You won’t feel motivated to achieve a goal that you don’t truly desire, or, when you do achieve it, it won’t bring you happiness. To find out if something is truly desirable to you, ask yourself “Why do I want it?”
One of my success factors was to make a million dollars by the age of 30. I went through a long, tough thought process before I added this to my Success list. I realized that I truly desired to make a million dollars by age 30 because I’ve never wanted to be one of those fathers who works long hours each day to provide for his family. Those fathers are missing out on a very important thing in life - spending time with their wives and watching their children grow up. So I figured that if I made a million dollars before I had kids, I wouldn’t need to work so hard and long when I began a family of my own. With that kind of money, I would be able to afford to spend less time at work and more time at home. When I asked myself “Why do I want to make a million dollars by the age of 30?” my response was “Because I want to be able to afford spending time with my family,” not because I wanted to be rich or buy myself nice stuff. Spending time with my family is part of my plan to achieving my Ultimate Success.
“Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.”
- Dale Carnegie
Test each desire
I don’t add a new item to my Success list (or change an existing item) until I’ve put it through a test. I assess the goal using four criteria to see if reaching it will make me feel successful. If the goal meets all four criteria, then I know it’s worth pursuing and I add it to my list.
The four criteria that each of my desires must meet are the following:
1. My desire has to make me happy in the short term or bring me closer to my Ultimate Success.
2. My desire has to be healthy.
3. My desire has to be morally and ethically correct.
4. My desire has to be reasonable - something I am able to achieve based on my abilities, talents and finances.
These criteria are straightforward and simple. If a given desire fails any of these four tests, then it may be a waste of my time and money to pursue it. A desire really serves no purpose if it doesn’t bring me closer to my Ultimate Success or if doesn’t make me feel happy.
When is the best time to define success for yourself?
If you feel that your career isn’t going as planned, then you should do something about it. If you’re not happy with the amount of time you’re spending with your family and children, this is the time to react and make some necessary changes. If you don’t feel fit and healthy, start exercising - if you don’t find the time for exercise now, you’ll be forced to make time for sickness later.
It’s never too late to make changes in your life, so there’s never a bad time to discover and be clear on your definition of success. I always try to be proactive and avoid procrastinating as much as I can - why wait to do things tomorrow when I’m able to do them today?
* * *
Life is short. Enjoy every moment!
My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. "This," he said, "is not a slip. This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached.
"Jane bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the occasion."
He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me. "Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you're alive is a special occasion."