Romancing Grendel’s Mother!
Fear & Loathing on the Internet
Mike Knowles
Copyright 2011 by Mike Knowles
Smashwords Edition
Introduction
Charity
The Dreadful Fall of the Trollbuster General!
This is the second book in a trilogy about some of the cyber trolls I ran into on a popular Internet pen pal site. The mad, the bad and the ugly. On the other hand, as the photo above shows, this one was really quite good looking. And, although cyber trolls come in many flavours, they all share the following traits: They like to pick arguments with other people and they like to manipulate them. In other words, they’re just like politicians!
This makes them fair game for the Trollbuster General. However, in this instance I can’t take the moral high ground. I regret to say that I became a troll myself. Instead of keeping her at arm’s length, I established a relationship with this dreadful woman. And then I set out to manipulate it. But those familiar with the story of Beowulf will know that Grendel’s mum had an adverse effect on men.
The Sad Tale of a Billy No-Mates
This book is about a tempestuous cyber affair with a troll. A troll I came across by accident after I joined a pen pal site called Interpals. However, let me start by making one thing perfectly clear: I’m not, by any stretch of the imagination, a gregarious person. I didn’t go on there looking for friends. If this were the Middle Ages or Victorian England, I’d be a hermit. In fact, if such a thing were possible, I’d make friends with a hermit. Why? Because they like nothing better than to be left alone. So you don’t have to talk to them, sort out their problems or buy them any presents. I short, they’re easy to manage.
On the subject of hermits, I recall learning that some rich Victorians actually employed people to act as hermits on their estate. A job that would have suited me down to the ground or, in this case, the cave. A hermit was regarded as a landscape gardening accessory, like a bird box. Except in this case it wasn’t for the purpose of breeding. Hermits, being solitary by nature, do not breed. At least not voluntarily. In other words, if you wanted them to breed you’d have to force them to do so. And I regret to say that I find this proposition rather intriguing. So the reader has learned that I’m not only an introvert, but that I also have perverted sexual fantasies. Still, they say confession is good for the soul.
The Belgian Binge Drinker
So what was I doing on this pen pal site? I was, in fact looking for someone who might have had some information about one of my relatives. It was a long shot, but long shots sometimes pay off. But I’m also a writer and people fascinate me. So, instead of hunting for lost relatives, I threw all caution to the winds and struck up a friendship with a female Belgian binge drinker who later confessed that she was an American called Charity. Her profile was intriguing. It looked like she’d had a few too many when she wrote it out. I tend at times to be rather sarcastic, so the temptation to have a pop at her proved too great. And it wasn’t long before we were trading insults. My descent into Trolldom had started.
That in itself would have been bad enough. But I was a glutton for punishment. And before very long we ended up having a tempestuous cyber affair. Together we must have sent each other more than a 1000 emails. I remember at one point doing a word count and mine alone came to over 200,000! That’s when I knew how Tolstoy must have felt when writing War and Peace. Although, to give him his due, his book is probably far more artistic.
A Sad Record of a Wasted Year!
This book contains a selection of her emails covering the year 2008. And, although I saved some of my emails, I’ve only included a few of the better ones. After all, I have my reputation as a writer to consider. Not only that, I can also indulge in a bit of censorship and leave out any embarrassing bits.
From the very beginning Charity fascinated me. It was she who introduced me to the cyber trolls on the site. A subject I covered in the first book in the series, “Randy McNob: Fear & Loathing on the Internet.” Calling myself The Trollbuster General, we had great fun hunting them down. However, I’m not that gullible and I suspected Charity was a troll herself. For a start she’d pretended to be someone else. But, to be fair, using a false identity doesn’t automatically make you a troll. There are all sorts of reasons why people wish to remain anonymous. I’ve used false identities myself. But I’ve always either mentioned they were false or I’ve left clues as to my real ID. Trolls, however, never reveal their true identities.
The Troll’s MO
The clue lies in the ID itself. Is it a provocative one? Trolls infiltrate social sites and forums, so we look at what the individual has posted. Have they gotten into several arguments? If so then you can bet there’s a troll behind it. Charity’s profile was provocative because passing yourself off as an argumentative Belgian female alcoholic is just asking for trouble. Especially from other Belgian women who think you’re giving them a bad name. The fact that she was all too ready to trade insults with all and sundry merely confirmed what I already knew.
There was just one problem. Like Grendel’s mother she turned out to be a very articulate and alluring character. She was also mercurial with sudden mood swings. However, instead of putting me off, these mood swings merely fascinated me even more. So the temptation to write a book about her proved impossible to resist. However, at that time I had other projects to work on so the idea was put on the back burner. On top of which, there was yet another troll who was stalking me. The eponymous Pink Coat and her brother. For them trolling had turned into a family affair.
Like Puppets on a String!
After becoming emotionally involved with Charity I sought to manipulate our relationship. But then so did she. Indeed, we were both pulling each other’s strings like a pair of demented puppet masters. Neither of us believed that this was a genuine romance. As for myself, I had to swallow my pride. I was no Ronnie Wood or Hugh Heffner. In my view, anyone over 60 who falls for a woman less than half their age is just plain sad. And any tears that may have been shed during our relationship were of the crocodile variety. Later I was told by others who knew her that this was a game Charity had played on others.
Part 1: Charity’s Emails
From: Charity
To: Mike Knowles
Dear Mike,
You are so silly, hehee, what a big goop, wicked sense of humor, splendid just splendid I tell you. I posted on your wall by the way, I have unblocked you, just because you spoke Katherine Hepburn's name with my own in one sentence! You have redeemed yourself and now worthy to post. You know, yes this is odd, you and I were in a rumble a few days back, now look at us, shaking hands ,sharing our fascination about McNob, talking over a cup of tea. I'll have you know I laughed at nearly every posts of your cruelty towards me. I especially recall one in which you refer to my face as a "bursted sausage", oh geez I'm am laughing again, how the hell did you come up with that one, too funny. When I look at my own profile picture with my shawl thing, for reasons beyond me I think of the phrase " I pulled down your pants". ????
Well you have done a lot in your life, you have accomplished a lot with the writing processes. Congratulations on everything, and it's not over yet I see. I'll volunteer to be one of your characters, perhaps a sausage faced teenager going through puberty. Eeeee, never mind that. I know a couple of writers, one from Norway( very private, publishes nothing) who writes mainly erotic stories fused with psychological energy. Then a older man from Canada, he concentrates on teen adult themes and plays. The latter has a rough time getting his work published. I myself have never tried to publish anything I've written, mainly poetry. I have this proclivity to carry along a notebook and pencil with me at all times( i don't like using pens) simply because I have too many thought streams brewing in my mind that literally I am prepared to jot down anything that is ready to be designed. I literally have a huge box full of notebooks with pure thoughts written in them, in a sense I have captured time on a paper. The same with photography, I capture time and memory. I'm good at poetry and riddles, but many people have a difficult time understanding what I write, they have lazy brains is all. The ability to capture my words and to work and decipher in between the sentences is there outlined for them, but still most don't have the inspiration or desire to use their brains perhaps. I don't have the desire to make my work known, I care nothing for the "spotlight", in fact I hate mainstream. Unlike most Americans, I prefer being in the shadow of things, not the spectacle, but rather the observer. The mainstream is tainted, it's a disease, artists typically lose themselves there, they cheapen their art. Please, do take this light heartedly, I am in no way speaking about you here, at all.
So you're from the UK, I believe we have a significant time difference. I never felt I had a solid footing in this country. The roots of my heart long for Europe. I believe it all started as something as small as the love for the scenic places. The grand old architecture. The amazing history of it all. Then more details thickened the yarn. For instance, my obsession with art , I think I prefer it to sex. NO! Seriously! Anything with the art process has a hold on me, be it music( I play piano), writing, photography , theatre and the list goes on. There is nothing else that comes close to genuine happiness. So that's why when I read you went to the school of art where Lowry studied, I had a dual effect, on the one hand I was envious, and on the other I felt connected to the painters of old. The museum I work in is the J. Paul Getty Museum out in LA. It's not just that i'm biased, but I think it the best museum in LA. It is situated on top of a cliff next to the 405 freeway. They have a garden section that is just so terribly soothing to the soul.The 3rd floor on the West building I believe, overlooks the whole of LA, at night this my boy is a spectacular sight to behold. I just got a new digital camera made for shots just as these, I will try and capture some imagery there soon. At night glancing onto the 405, the cars golden headlights and red tail lights form a wonderful looking ribbon band from a distance. Anywho, so yes I love art, but this museum isn't a dinosaur museum silly, and it's Rob Schneider not Adam sandler who has a museum movie out, silly pants. I saw the movie, it was very childish but I found the comedy up my alley. Back to art. The first painter my eyes got a hold of was Van Gogh. Instantly he became one of my top favorite artists. Not only his work but his personal life as it corresponds to nearly every painting of his.THe mind of this man was beautiful. Therefore, it comes as no surprise I now own a 1948 1st edition Paris published set of a 3 volume book set of the "Van Gogh Letters", over 2000 pages easily. I would say the most tender book I have read thus far. I then did a 180 and turned to discover the wonderful Dali and Munch. Their work spoke directly to me the instant I saw them, I saw a bit of myself in their work. THey understood.
Hmmm, so "sarcasshole" how ya doing? I have a sarcasshole uncle, he doesn't have so many friends. With comedians as yourself, either you are liked through and through, or you are hated through and through. It doesn't matter, if it did, we will forever try and please others and that's impossible. I went into my psychological mode on a mail I sent to you when we were enemies. It was me deciphering, attempting to anyhow, your character. Then I wrote something like" you sir look to others for support and acceptance to fit in" and blah blah blah, tell me, did anything my intelligent ability have truth to it? You might have erased that letter though. I have an annoying tendency to try and break people down to their core and it turns into philosophical prose, I hit bulls eyes many times. All one has to do is go deep into a very alert conscious level and listen to words and the dots connect.
Aye aye, so I was born and raised in southern California my whole life! thus far. The end. Arrrgg. Ok ok. I have traveled up and down this state that I venture to say I can find my way in it even by sleep walking. Since a little lassie , I have fit the bill for an "eccentric", i just didn't like the "norm", never understood it. Kept to myself a lot of the times, not out of shyness for that I wasn't, but innately my place was that of an observer, and I didn't mind it, still don't. There's this curse or blessing that comes attached to artists, and that's the sensitivity to life, the acknowledgment of the deeper ramification of life and mystery. You will notice and pick up that my paragraphs are written as thought streams, so it may change to extremes from sentence to sentence, I may even drop a subject altogether while in the middle of it to talk about something on the opposite side o the spectrum. OR sometimes talk about something totally out of place. Bear with me. It depends on my mind, it's ever changing in thoughts so i maneuver with it.
One of my favorite quotes is "I never wanted to be different, just wanted to be me". Let me get to the "Now". I don't understand what "identity " is, and I will eventually touch on that subject. I was studying psychology as my major, but again we humans are fickle. My heart seem to be settled in the creative forces, I was going for a major in Art history. Well, now I 'm thinking my heart is as a historian:)I love ancient artifacts. I 'v always had a curious path for history, it's just so incredibly fascinating as far as everything goes really. Furthermore, how the "today" is somehow uniquely connected to the "then". History is a universal specimen, it touches every corner of todays world and it is highly fused with the past. It's funny, the earth itself doesn't need history, it doesn't need it or us to survive. I'm thinking, humanity as a collective whole has disturbed it, we have interfered with it..that's why it's all collapsing, we simply are foreign invaders to it. Look at where our existence is paving the way ...to mass ruins that's where. If that's the case I ponder, why on earth are we here?....I mean, we grow food , we eat...we grow food we eat..., we overpopulate....all the while people are like "what, what's going on, we are we doing here?". We're interfering with the natural process, and earth isn't liking it very much. It's almost taking itself out of misery, hehee. Wow, that's sounds incredibly pessimistic of me, but again, an observation.
So now I'm working on two minors, one being philosophy and the other creative writing. I take on various subjects of interest of course. Such as theatre and psychology.I dislike school, I dislike "professionalism", yuk. I dislike suits and briefcases and those black shiny businessmen tapping shoes. I welcome originality.
Oh geez, forgive me but I am seconds away from dreamville. I am too sleepy. Ordinarily I only have time to email during moon hours which I am sleepy by then, and don't fret over not writing longer mails, at times I won't be able write as much as i'd wish to either. But boy at other times can i throw out here some Magnum Opus. Plus, TIME and tea time will let us get to know each other better.*yawn* wow, what a boring email this one huh? ARe you still alive?
~Charity
From: Charity
To: Mike Knowles
Dr Einstein!
By golly goose goose! Dust my ears, do they deceive me? I shall alert the science field at once! This bullet proof theory of yours declaring mental illness is indeed fused with madness is off the charts! This is madness I tell you! Newton is crawling out of his grave. I hear you're in the running for the Nobel prize lad, congratulations!.....
(the stage is set out doors on a grassy university campus in Cambridge, sun shining, birds chirping, footsteps ascending. The winner speaks into the microphone) Thank you all for my award and deeming me worthy. I am humbled by this moments energy traveling through the electromagnetic field and charges in my brain.The brain......it's truth.... indeed mental illness drives people mad. This is my theory and I'm sticking to it. I would however like you to acknowledge a dumb friend of mine, his name’s Mike Knowles".
Oh, sorry, looks like someone else beat you to the idea.Better luck next time.(ooo,good one)
I have deleted my InterPals profile. Ooooh dear, here, yet again another tissue for your tears, you are a cry baby. Honestly, I had about enough. I 'm tired of coming across bottomless pitts, not you of course. Before this profile, I had one from August of "07. I met some fine people then. When I left 3 months later, I took with me 8 people. It's the quality not quantity. I am lucky. I left back then due to the rapid changes, or rather additions and the new waves of people crawling in. It's as if stupid people alerted their stupid friends to sign up and now it's infested with stupidity. Come to think of it, no one I met back then is on there any longer. On average I give people 3 months tops before they give up. You would have been proud of me and liked my original profile. I didn't describe myself at all, a character is to be discovered not described. Instead I wrote this deep impacted passage about thought streams and searching for other soul and truth seekers and I requests deep people. For the life of me I can't recall what I wrote. I do remember vaguely on the REQUEST section I wrote something like ....... " everyone is welcomed aboard my ship, regardless of gender, race or blah. Just have working brains please and bring your own conscious with you. If not, the plank is to your left". I had a male from Egypt visit my profile constantly, back then I used to display images of my face as I did now, but only the eye portion. I manipulated photos I put up. Once I did a filmy purple overlap and I colored my eyes like the rainbow and added some chrome tear drops. This Egyptian man kept posting on my wall, saying things like " I don't get you, you confuse, but I like. You have evil eye, are you satanist?" I used to take my intentions more seriously then. I received a ton of mail, only 8 interesting people, 9 counting you.If that's what is reflective of the world, I am ready to pack my bags.
Hehee. That binge dinker picture with the braud wasn't even me. UUrrrr. The one with the shawl was me."When you locked me out of your wall", sorry, that sounds too funny for some reason. Well, I locked you and the other 4 that were all tossing verbal grenades at me all at once! What else is a damsel in distress supposed to do. I lied and said I had finished my data collection but that was bullshit, I was distraught that my expereiment was blowing up in my face all because of one small mistake of mailing that "goldbar" fool. By the way, "goldbar" is McNob! Yes, so you my dear called McNob "McNob" on his wall posts. He must have asked you something you reponded something like " I'm trying to juggle two conversations with a girl who may not be from Belgium and Andy McNob", wow! What he must've thought, probably too stupid to even figure it out.He;s ben around since September of '07....His earliest forum I know of is "007_Brad" and he has Brad Pitts picture. And you did go too far! I will accept your apology once you buy me a lillipop. A red one!
You're far too kind to me. Thank you. Oh and fuck J.K Boring. Bitch. Make way for Knowles. I like that last name, it's catchy, it sounds grand.
I love created riddles. I've been doing it for a good while. It's not something i think of doing, they just fly out so fast on their own. So my pencil is ready.
Aaarrrggg!!! The Japanese are to slaughter thousands of the whale creatures this year for research! Research?! You brainless fools these animals are to be extinct in about 20 years! freaking poachers man!!! (hippy bolted to verbal exterior).That's what they are, poachers hiding behind a science degree, what a sorry excuse for man. I wish to know nothing of this as I can't do a thing about it which causes me to feel rather helpless. Stop wearing lipstick girl, love how it turns the lips to a pout but it is made out of whale blubber. Viva la whales! Now let's go and stick egg rolls in the poachers eyes and rice down their throats.
I don't watch Tv, no I mean I really don't. I used to keep one in my bedroom but I said bye bye. It just has no substance, it represents the plastic people. I want no part. Well, I lied, sometimes I do watch TV in the living room, but only PBS and shows such as "antiques roadshow", masterpiece theatre, Globe Trekker and such. Now I only watch history channel and science channels and national georgraphic and such, I saw McNob shooting an elephant on that show so he's a hypocrate. Mostly I stick to google documentaries. some of the finest you can find. I saw a special last night on the universe, I love these shows. A few years back(1995) the hubble telescope caught astonishing imagery!!I could not believe what I was seeing and dust my ears, because I thought they'd decieved me. We get so caught up in life that we forget how enormous the universe is, well, not I, and certainly not you I don't think?. The notion of Black Patches have been around ,nothing new. The idea is that every black patch we see in the sky isn'y black at all, that there is something occupying every space with some kind of matter. We just can't see it due to the relatively long distances of these objects, billions of light years away, wow, imagine that. Well, the hubby suddenly one moment stopped in its rotation and stared for 10 straight days into one of these patches. What was found was humbling. About 3,000 galaxies were found in that image!!!The milky way itself holds 500,000 milllion stars, we are one amongst them of course. Can you imagine that, what a shocker. If that's the case, it appears silly to think our star , our planet is the only one to harbor life.
Having Indian ancestry bloodlines my beliefs lay deep within mother nature and cosmos and spirituality. There's an interesting belief called Gnostic. They are not atheist. I claim nothing, but that's another story and I will spare you. Its very hard to be, but I do long for a spiritual path it might seem to find divinity within existence in a sense. To me, in a sense everyday is a celebration. A celebration of light, of beauty, of living... not of material culture, but rather the celebration of the simple pleasures of beauty... rich color, beautiful flavors, the smile on a beautiful soul's face...the search for existence and harmony within each soul and a sense of pure equality... its really differently approached than the way it is traditionally looked at in the west and by both orthdox and the europeans... Just thought it neat and thought i would share. There are those who stand out and make it known that they are very much in tune and passionate about their ancestral roots, and those who still exist as part of that culture are astoundingly diligent and loyal to their convictions of life and culture. I am always deeply touched by the beautiful passion and spirituality when I see something about the native american people on tv.
Oh, bosch! how can I forget. Hanging on my wall is his "earthly delights" painting, oh and yes of course it's the original, he gave it to me himself. I love art. We had a wonderful exhibitipn on "impressionist" a few months back. We aquired a number of Van Goghs and Lautrecs. Oh and please feel free to send my ay any of your work of any type. Most interesting. Oh and Jack Keorac, have you been in my bookcase Sir Knowles? He's only one of my favorite writers from the beatnik generation. The first book I ever read was "on the road", still have it, about 9 years now. I remember having a crush on Deam Morriaty and Sal.
Nice work by the way. That Tapeworm isn't you is it? I'm on my way to the WB lot, I'll be back. I really like it, it has spunk, imagination, it's whimsical, and it's secretly brewed with something odd and unexplainable, something parralled to god knows what, me likes. Your attachments are great! I really like your style on things, you have your own pazzaz on your creations.
Oh dear, I will get to this "ps" about philosophy and such next time around. I am catching zzzsss.I do agree, about pholosophy and fusion of psycholgy and how text material is falling behind. It doesn't matter, I only read the book becaseu I need to, I have my own philosophy and theories that very eerily are in line with todays radical new stream of science and philosophy. I have some interesting books with latest concepts, but I find loopholes constantly, much like with all else.
On a seperate email I will send some of my manipulations. I will also send a poem of mine.
~The Queen
From: Charity
To: Mike Knowles
Ahhhh, mmm, rrraaaaawww. I'm just rising and shining. That was me yawning by the way. Sounded like a whale calling. My head hurts though, why? I woke up I checked my email and siting there was 3 mails from you, then my head grew more, now it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
I'm only quickly passing by. I read the word"COCK" and that was my alarm clock, now I'm wide awake, forget the coffee people. You are writing an article about McNob, well then I just can not wait to read it. To add more fuel to your engine, let me give you additional aliases I know of. Here's the run down.
fastguy , do_nothing, goldbar, 007_Brad, sa_sexy, toucan (you are right), sanremo, and there are many more! I just can not find my list, yes I was serious enough to jot down his aliases.
Let me tell you about sanremo...its a female profile, and dumb ass posted on that wall using his profile of "goldbar", these two profile both came from "Morocco", but check out the BLOG indicator, they both have the same website! and it's a bullshit website, its fake like he is. So maybe he posted on his own wall because he has so many profiles he actually forgot that sanremo is actually himself. I have an inkling he is also "easybreezy" and "TheMidlandGirls". Some of these names you will find under your "profile viewers", others you can search them up. For reasons beyond me, some of these names do not show up when searched through the search box. Funny, I found some of his profiles that he has not sign in for over two weeks. Yes I am quite the detective sir, but he has over 11 profiles, I am certain because I once came across all of them , but can not find the list. Believe me that he most certainly has more than 11. There is one for instance, whose profile name includes "knight" and I forgot the rest of the name, I like this character because he talks a ton of shit. On his profile he goes on by saying " read my profile before you send me anything otherwise I may respond and your feelings will get hurt. Do not leave me messages saying "hi, how are you?". I am cynical, pessimistic, ......." one girl posted "hi" and he posted " LISTEN, DO NOT POST ON MY WALL SAYING DUMB SHIT LIKE 'HI' " ..hehee, what a jerk.
Oh, heheee, I have a wonderful secret up my sleeve, the plan will be SMASHING, but I will tell you in time, in time, lad. Patience.
Bye bye for now.
From: Charity
To: Mike Knowles
Dear Knowles,
How rude of me not to have answered your proper question whether it would be ok to bother my poor little inbox with your constant nagging messages.I GUESS I don't mind, I GUESS you can . No, but honestly go right ahead, no problem. Oh boy, again, just label me "Rude" already, come on out with it, go find a stamp and ink pad and stamp my forehead already. I have by passed I don't now how many of your questions! They just go unanswered! I apologise, I'll clean up my act. Do not be mistaken and let it cross your mind that the questions are of no value, they are, but I have that annoying proclivity to over look sometimes. I will go back and answer them now.
Correct me if I am wrong but when you and I were not on speaking terms, and before you called me a exploded sausage with apple dip, did you tell me through a wall posting that your wife worked for a bullet factory? I could be wrong. I don't like bullets, I don't like guns, and I don't like wars. No offense, I do respect the brave that embark on these selfless themes . I also know that alot of them are assholes. I know that most have the right intentions. I feel for the ones serving right now, as if dieing wasn't bad enough but expiring without the merit of what the military is about, "just" wars, this war is pointless, it's not "just", its just stupid. I think, wars are awful and for the most part do not accomplish much, except they divide the human race even further apart. On the flip side , it would be naive to say I don't understand it, I mean considering the ways of the world. The first thing the popped in my head was no no of course wars are bad horrible thing that do not accomplish anything, but then I thought about it a bit more, and war is still awful and I don't support it but I think is necessary evil of mankind that still serves purpose at times. Look at people like Hitler, he would have taken over the world really fast if there was no war to stop him, or the Civil war in my country, southerners were not going to just let their slaves go without anything short of what occurred. It is very easy to see the bad side of war, but much harder to see its few benefits (this is a case by case basis, Iraq has no benefits at all, neither did Vietnam) I think wars come down to what are you fighting for, we fought Hitler because he was a mass murdering fuck-head so I think we had to do it yes. We fought the civil war so an entire race of oppressed people could be liberated so yes that was something that had to be done. These are not situations where peace talks work.... you can't sit down with Hitler and say "okay man you had your fun, let's wrap this thing up please" no he will only respond to violence, which is sad but true. Look at the French revolution, people were literally dropping dead of starvation in the streets, and the winter time in Paris is no picnic either, while the monarchy, Marie Antoinette, went on huge and lavish spending sprees with their money from over taxed poor people. Yes war in that case was probably necessary, if I was a starving peasant on the streets of France and I knew I was going to die before not to long, well yeah war would break out I bet, so this goes against my nature and everything deep down I believe, but yes I am going to type it, I think sometimes wars are necessary and sometimes we need them to put people like dictators, tyrants, oppression, and corruption in check. I consider Bush a tyrant ,not that I want anyone to declare war on my own country, but I could not honestly blame them if it happened. Man is a creature of separation.
Silly, it is not "sponge bob & squared pants" it is "spongebob square pants" and I love that cartoon! I have all the season on dvd! In fact, screw writing you, I'm watching some cartoons. It's a good cartoon, if your ear is trained for comedy you can pick up perverted things here and there that small children wouldn't, so this cartoon is fabulous and slick in how it targets both older people and children alike.
In my younger days in elementary school and high school as well, I always was rather independent in mind , thoughts and at a odd angle with others, thank goodness I was never picked on, but even if I were I wouldn't be in their world so I wouldn't be capable of acknowledging a word from their mouths or caring enough to place any value on it. I 've always lived in my own realm with my introspection, even at such a tender age. For some odd reason I've always relate better to older people, I got along with my peers but there was this struggle to keep up with what they thought would be normal, I found myself bending who I was to distorted proportions. I mingled with classmates throughout elementary and high school, but only to an extent, not out of being shy this I'm not, but rather my place was more that of an observer, always very intrigued with complexities rather than kicking a ball. I sometimes avoided separating myself from other people in the thought or otherwise, feeling arrogant or stuck up. But it's unavoidable when I am among people, talking and listening to people ,and I know I'm different. The thing I realize is that I am only differentiating myself horizontally, not vertically, I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else, just different. Now I'm in college and much hasn't changed except for my deeper ramification into the world and mankind and my own discoveries on self and in my mental evolution. I have very few people I call friends and even those friends seem like total strangers a lot of the time. The truth is as a 24 year old college student, I have never come close to talking to someone with whom I feel I deeply relate to. Sometimes this is hard, what adds to it is I don't "fit in" with all the social partying and drinking, that hasn't appealed to me. At other times I feel unique and endowed with some kind of unusual passion and inspiration. My moods vary all the time and my conscious focus on the biggest questions ever dreamed by mankind and are constantly on my mind, while others worry how their hair looks. For instance my latest ponderings have been while studying 50's Beat poets, Ginsberg and Plath. Intriguing how many poets minds have driven to suicide..Plath and Woolf...And the troubled minds in music as well Syd Barret is particularly interesting.S o much sadness..and so much beauty created of sadness..artist are said to bring out the truth in life..is life dominated by sadness and by those poetic voices who see more clearly? Is happiness bliss and really born out of ignorance? is it worth lying to yourself to bring your mind to some sort of contentment about life? Just some things I've been pondering .
That's it and that's all. I'd rather be cursed I suppose, with an overactive brain than one that is in a state of malaise for a lifetime. Painful as it can be..it's much better state of being.
Allow me to pick up my brains. I can not find the screw though...
Your confession, about your intentions on signing up for InterPals, what exactly was it you felt guilty about? You say you are embarrassed to be serious.....alot of comedians have that same defense mechanism that I never fully understood why. I don't want to include the usual scientific explanation of "what happened to you as a child? did someone you really love hurt you?" , I want to know in a quantum level why this is, but it's all relative. I want to know many things. I am eager to know things, too eager. It could very well just be as simple as what you said, you are embarrassed. I somehow have the whole yin yang on it without feeling embarrassed. However, I lied, because why is it there are certain people in which we just can not be ourselves with? It must all be so relevant, it must be with the energy of certain people, sometimes it clashes with our own.
"According to the "New Scientist," evidence from a new experiment involving quantum particles suggests that time itself may be an illusion. Coupled this with the equally disturbing evidence from quantum mechanics that we may be creating the universe simply by observing it". I have thought of this many times before! I have thought that perception is vital, it is why we can essentially "be". You remove perception we have a blank state of mind. Perception is not only connected to the 5 senses, it is embedded in our thoughts as well. That is all we are, thought fused with perception. .....???hmmmm. interesting. Thank you for telling me this.
Your work is great! You know why I enjoy it? well firstly it is funny. Second, it is so much different from my own, so it is very new and interesting to me. Then we have that uniqueness, that wickedness, that witty flavor, all fused with something Inexpressible of the mind of Knowles.
If you happen to have any photographs of old architecture or anything historical from around the UK, please be kind enough to send me something to my inbox. I would do the same but our country isn't interesting in that way, it's a virgin country. You have all the history on your side, lucky devil.
Yes sir! right away sir! whoa, calm down! I'm only taking the creative writing course because I had a gun to my head. I have to take it for my minor....., General Sir. Colonel Mustard, get a CLUE. I loved that board game. I never won but i loved it.Oh and thank you for you saying that I didn't need to take this on, but really, my head is far too big. In fact , please let me know if you see what looks like a hot air balloon tomorrow over the skies of the UK, I want my head returned.
Funny, us? intelligent species. Well, again that is relative. To figure out what I mean, it;s like numbers. To figure out whether a number is to be considered big or small, one must compare to another number. Thus, if we compare humans to animals, we are the intelligent species. Animal are extremely intelligent do not get me wrong. However, humans have something they don't, and that's the degree of consciousness. We have the ability of complexity. So if one must compare two things to deem one in a higher intelligence category, then we have the human species higher than animals, but we have nothing else to compare human intelligence to declare it the highest intelligence. We need something else to compare it with, forget animals that has been done. Therefore, we can not say that we are, because there might be something smarter out there .So the gate is left open, ready for the new comparitable ( this is not a word is it? well I just made it one) to arrive for comparison.
Enough! I am catching ZZzzsss now. Have a delightful weekend master.ore pictures at your request, I too am polite to ask. I wasn't taught , I'm just a innate prude, and I wash my hands after using the toilet are such prudes.
~Charity
From: Charity
To: Mike Knowles
Dear victim,
Sorry to bore you to pieces.
I suffer from slight insomnia. I feel the earth will suddenly stop rotating and just finish the job. Wow. Oh, amazing! I just received an email from you! Here we have been, both typing our ass off simultaneously! What a small world.
AS a collective whole humans are trained to believe in a certain way. To refuse to deal with problems and to refuse to face anything which has been labeled "bad". They prefer the numb. Sometimes one has to slap others the other from the numbness. Stop! Do not go around literally slapping passerby!
I'm referring to crushing people when they prefer support. Let me explain. My father is a very bold person, some even say his stare or glare match his being, cold. I admit to having picked up after him to a certain extent. What others see as rough and cold I see as strength and energy full of truth .The observer quickly questions things, including peoples actions, and deciphering. This leaves one in the corner at times, but people fear truth they prefer the false numbness. Out here in the west, I 'm beginning to gather perhaps it's actually a universal problem not just out west, have the tendency to live life as happy as possible and no worries, avoiding problems setting them aside until the pile grows and blows down, just check out US economy for proof. The thing to be realised is that what one prefers at a moment of sorrow or a moment of despair or just a moment of vulnerability, the best way isn't always to respond towards that person with empathy, that would only pile the bill higher so to speak. The world has enough people practicing empathy , we need no more, it gets nothing in the end but temporary relief. What the world needs is shakers, people who will spit the truth not for evil gains but for the need to flip this place to reality, let go of the plastic, turn away from the illusion, wake up world! This whole planet we call earth, is currently in a state of illusion, we live a mirage, it's upside down in the face of a mirror. What's more frightening is that we have these governments that are run by what seems a mob with hidden agendas, the saying " governed by the people for the people" is another illusion. It's a control system putting the people way at the bottom of the totem pole. Should we be scared? fuck yes, we have officials calling themselves "leaders" of this planet, where the fuck does that come from? It's a big shamble, as a collective whole we are here to lose, as individuals we can win. Wow, i suppose that sounds incredibly pessimistic of me, but that's just my observation and I am such a realist at times. To end this rant, support in the way of empathy doesn't heal all wounds, it merely covers it. The true healer is time and truth, that my boy is the hearts shield. In fact truth no matter how cold it's served, brews intelligence , it makes you grow. Think it over, it makes sense.
Sometimes I wonder about places I'm not. For instance what is happening at home when I'm in piano practice. Or what you're doing this second while I write. I remember riding home with my uncle to his house in Big Bear one day& then watching him drive out of sight over the hill & wondering if he's still there. Almost as if everything is just as far as you can see &just a void that fills in when you top the hill, then everything behind becomes a void. I use to try and force myself to be at two places at once. For instance while my uncle drove away I was mentally trying to continue and see what he was seeing, it took me away from my own state of mind, if that makes sense. Do you follow? I've always been fascinated with the idea of the 'places I'm not'. I hope I can explain this properly........but it's like this. When I was a child I would spend the summers in Big Bear and every August when it came time to go back to the city I would leave with such a heavy heart. And I used to try to leave a piece of myself there. I would imagine that I could leave for the city with my parents but also simultaneously leave a piece of my consciousness on the mountain and essentially be in those two places at the same time. I was a very emotional kid and would feel such a draw to things that gave me comfort that I developed this coping mechanism so as never to go without security and comfort. Some of my earliest memories were of leaving for school in the morning but trying desperately to leave a piece of myself back at home where I would be safe from lack of friends or the discomfort of the classroom. It's just so hard to explain...
Another feeling I would have would be imagining some far off distant dead end street lit by a singular street lamp in some far off corner of the world that in all of it's silent existence and peaceful serenity exists despite all of the turmoil of the world. This one place where things are calm and the woosh of the wind casts shadows of the rustling leaves on the blacktop just persists no matter what the world outside of it does. It exists even now.....somewhere.....as we speak! It's indifferent to the changes that swilrl around it....to birth, death, the milestones of life.....it just exists in a parallel reality. I've always been sort of fascinated with that concept. And while there's revolution in the world, starvation, weddings, funerals, war, heartbreak, jubilation, car accidents, fires, art, plays and the performances of life there is always this peaceful place. Maybe that's what I find it so appealing.....the idea that no matter what the world does to churn your waters there's a safe place somewhere away from it all that exists and cannot be touched.
That sounded a bit twilight zone did it. THat show continues to play on tv till thi sday. It's played on pbs. Although technology and all its advances has paved the way for what is called a more "animated" experience, I can still appreciate and enjoy the ways of the old films take Lan Cheney in the black and white film Werewolf movie. Or even Dracula where the effects of the light to cast a shadow on Dracula's face looked like such a primitive effect. Or the string clearly exposing the little hanging bat under the caves. I watched that film "signs" with Bruce Syphilis and it did put chills up my spine. However, at the very end there is this computerized alien being that completely depletes any eerie sensation I had initially. Some films do an exceptional job at ruining the endings. My point was that the new wave of technology as oppose to the old doesn't warrant or guarantees satisfaction simply because it is up to date. I like seeing the strings hanging off the plastic bat.
There is always an internal struggle going on and the opposing force is everyone outside their minds. I read some parts of a book called Shades of Loneliness about depression, schizophrenia and other mental illnesses and their relation to society and the way society can even be a huge contributing factor to these illnesses. technology and advancement in communications has led to isolation and the dependence upon electronics and computers for just about everything, and the group of people who are truly savvy at these innovations, the "experts," are the people in which everyone places their trust. The general population puts every care onto the expert who really knows how things work, and just want the benefits of what that thing does. It seems that the number of new technology innovations and communications techniques keeps growing and growing while the group of elite "experts" behind it is shrinking. I feel like some day it is all going to come crashing down and there won't be enough people who know how to fix the problem in time to safe society's way of life. Wow, I suppose that is extremely pessimistic, but it's just an idea that popped into my mind. Doesn't seem so fantastic. Even really smart human beings make mistakes. Everything we've built on earth is teetering on top of a thin balance beam of intelligence in which we place our full faith and dependence. It's just a matter of time....
You know something, I think I'll stop here. I am tempted to read your mail, and perhaps I will, but I will respond tomorrow as I am sleepy now. I must check back in with Interpals, see what has happened. OH! I have found 3 more possible aliases. Let me quickly go check out the names. To the untrained eye these are all different people. However, when he rejects placing animal pictures up pay attention to the details of the pictures. They appear at low pixels, thus causing the imagery texture to look unwell. There is perhaps half a dozen of these so called low pixel quality profiles out there. NO! perhaps more.
There is Keane_16 who has a kangaroo as his picture. Then there is STEVEENGLISH. Woah, so many. I will jot names tomorrow on my suspicions. Give me the word and I'll blow his house down. I will pay you a visit tomorrow on there and I will introduce you to another one of my characters which I've yet to invent. I have to creep into his other profiles and strike while the iron is hot. Let me know how the date turns out with bubble girl. One more thing, many many times this man McNob posts on his own wall with his other profiles. Not only that, but I am following hidden moves he makes and unraveling more aliases precisely because the sucker posts on his own walls. Moreover, I follow the storyline, when he posts on some woman's wall for example, he will sign in as another one of "himself" and post to the same female in close proximity of timing.
Yes, I know..call me Sherlock. I know, I know.
O O, I read your email and it had the word "perception", one of my favorite and most used words! Oh, ok, I understand my job now, I am good with ripping theories to shreds. No, but I did take an IQ tests and I saved the results, and here it is ....
"The way you think about things makes you an Information Organizer. This means you have an eye for detail. You can scan a page and find the one mistake on it. You're also able to organize things in a way that makes sense and arrange information so that it is easier to understand. This makes you a very valuable resource for others who aren't organized or who have trouble catching their own mistakes. It's often difficult for traditional intelligence tests to pick up your particular set of abilities because the talent of organizing information and spotting inconsistencies is much harder to measure than other abilities.
How did we determine that your thinking style is that of an Information Organizer? When we examined your test results further, we analyzed how you scored on 8 dimensions of intelligence: spatial, organizational, abstract reasoning, logical, mechanical, verbal, visual and numerical. The 3 dimensions you scored highest on combine to make you an Information Organizer. Only 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combination of abilities". Mm, then they warn me at the very end, the fine print which we must all be aware of, that this is in not to be taken as an actual measure of my IQ..what a bummmer. BUT, I must agree with this small section of the test results.
K, talk to you tomorrow. Have a delightful day Sir Knowles.
~Charity
From: Charity
To: Mike Knowles
Mike,
Just woke up for a glass of water. You should have seen me just hours ago typing away here like a maniac on drugs to your inbox. I even left the laptop running, now my battery level indicator is the size of a slither. I checked my email and read top portion. I bet you came up with the genius idea of arrangement with our mail because that last one I sent was simply awful and lacked any theme whatsoever. I apologise I just ran with it. A tissue for my tears please. I think I'll sign up to that club of arrangement, 1. for you, 'cause if I continue my ordinary rant style and you do not I will only give you a hard time while you give me a easier time, that i snot fair..... 2. you make organising sound fun... 3. may be good for my sanity
So then, what category would McNob fit in? Into the mitty or ,what is that other one called....oh, lifestyle? I must remember to study the category meanings, I have even more homework now, thanks to you. Well this is quickly about McNob. While drowning my water like a drunkard does his beer, I poked my head on Interpals. I followed Goldbars and Senremos messages from mine back to your profile. I have read what both had to say, and what you had to respond with, hehee, silly Knowles. You are too convincing, I don't even know whose side you are on just now. No, but I think, well I don't think but I am thinking what I have always had an inkling, this McNob is not a stupid one.He might be onto us perhaps. Ahhhhh. WE will see then.I must come up with something.
Now, back to sleep for a bit longer.
~Charity
From: Charity
To: Mike Knowles
Great, now I must train my eyes to feel little and light to fall alseep again. The dumb laptop lighting caused my brain to feel alert. I don't want to feel awake, I want my eyes to feel little, light so I can slumber. That great feeling where the yes feel drowsy and the brain feels like a wondering zombie fool. THere are sugar plums dancing in my head, I must seek. Thou for art not ready to re join the wretched state yet, thy needs slumbering peace.
Ok, here I go.
From: Charity
To: Mike Knowles
Dear Mike,
I listened to the State of the Union address tonight. My opinion is the same as other opinions I get with these speeches. What I say is that is sounds good, but talk is cheap. It's typical for a president to talk out of his ass. Most of his plan layout sounded attractive and alluring. It takes action to convince. His comment on global warming and reduces greenhouse emissions did fall well with me. Why? He had numerous occasions to pass a global warming bill to force companies co-operate through specific guideline to reduce these emissions. He never signed any such bill nor did he pay much interest in the problem. He had a "just" war to think about with all those weapons of mass destruction and all. I will touch on global warming after this thought stream. It's about my country .
I always knew there were countries other than the US. I always knew there were other people occupying space in countries other than the US. I always knew that those countries held unique ways of life and cultural traditions. I just never had the knowledge in details in my mind. I blame that on my country to a large extent. I love my country for many reasons, I dislike my country for many reasons. Our education on the world, or lack thereof, is a problem. Oh but it's intentional.
As far back as my memory allows me to recall, history class revolved primarily around our US history .Of how great our forefathers were. Of how we were to be a INDEPENDENT country that would make it, hopeful in all its potential and promises. Well, obviously they took independence too literally because the only mentions of other countries in class was with effort to place them in the shadows . Excellent job. In large part due to that I had been walking down a dark empty road growing up when it came to geographical locations and cultures.
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