The Threat Is Real
by
Mike Busch
Smashwords Edition
* * * * *
Published by Mike Busch at Smashwords
The Threat Is Real
Copyright 2011 by Mike Busch
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Dedication
This novel is written in memory of Stuart St. John Wells. An amazing father, a fantastic friend and a staunch supporter of even my worst writing. Stuart, I hope someday I can be even half the man you were.
Rest In Peace Stu.
June 22, 1971 - Sept. 20, 2011
=== Scout Ship ===
Chapter One - Getting Lost For Fun and Profit
Captain Ignath bounced the high density polymer ball off the wall of his cabin for the four thousand seven hundred thirty-fifth time today. He knew this number because he had tirelessly counted every single throw, all day long. Being a scout ship captain was a very prestifious occupation but between all the parades and the medals and the money there was a heck of a lot of boredom. Of course every modern scout ship had diversions to help with the boredom but how many times could one watch last years' ultraball championship before the end lost its surprise?
For a bit of variation, today he was bouncing the high density polymer ball off the wall opposite the door, near to the corner so that it bounced twice before coming back to his hand.
Four thousand seven hundred thirty six. Captain Ignath had gotten really quite good at this over the months and years he had been flying scouting missions. He could throw and catch with either hand. He could throw to any wall or the ceiling from any place in the room - even lying down. He was so good he often invited other crew members to come and watch but for some unknown reason they always seemed to have more pressing duties.
Four thousand seven hundred thirty seven.
Suddenly, in mid-throw, someone rang the doorbell. Fumbling the ball as he stumbled off his automatic skin-moistening chair (deluxe model - only available to Captain's rank or higher) he started mumbling to himself, "One, two, three, four, five, si..."
The door abruptly slid open to reveal Ignath's second in command, Groob, hopping from one pseudopod to another. He looked agitated like he needed to use the waste elimination facility. As soon as he saw Captain Ignath's face, Groob stopped hopping and asked, "Did I ... interrupt? ... something Captain?"
Ignath gave Groob the kind of cold, hard stare that is normally reserved for condemning death to murders, rapists and those who eat your last container of pudding. "You made me lose count! This had better be good."
Groob gulped and pulled himself up to his full five foot ten inches and blurted out "Sir! That mass detector thingy on the bridge lit up! You told us to come get you if that ever happened!" He was never really good at those science thingies and he tended to get nervous when superior officers looked like they wanted to disembowel him.
Ignath sighed and started trudging to the bridge. It was probably just another ball of ice, just like the other one hundred and forty-one planets they had found this time out. The computer was programmed to only flag masses of a certain size, density, distance from the sun and possibility of having liquid water, but the computer sometimes took liberties with the paramters. Captain Ignath was convinced the computer did this because it was bored.
Captain and first mate made their way down the three hundred ninety-four steps worth of corridors to the main bridge. Did I mention how incredibly boring it could be on a scout ship?
Two hundred and seventeen steps into the journey, Groob slipped and fell in a patch of mucus a careless crew member neglected to clean up. This was not an unusual occurrence - Ignath, Groob and the entire scout ship crew were members of a race not too different from highly advanced, bipedal slugs called the Dribblins.
As a race, Dribblins are long-lived with the average life span ealily reaching into three hundred years and exceptional specimens living well into the five hundreds. Dribblins also are a very prolific race owing to the fact that their species is very fertile and they enjoy the reproductive process. The combination of these factors means that there are always lots of Dribblins around and real estate agent is the most competitive occupaton in existence.
Out of the thousands of scout ships deployed by the Dribblin Empire, this particular ship, named the DSS Floom, was assigned a sector out on the rim of the galaxy. Captain Ignath was firmly convinced that he was being punished for some obviously undeserved accusation of transgression against a superior officer. Captain Ignath also believed his feet were edible so people learned to take his theories with a grain of salt.
Ignath and Groob arrived at a bridge abustle with frenetic activity. Klaxons were blaring, lights were flashing, people were yelling from their duty stations and junior officers were cleaning the inevitable slime that was being flung around the room with abandon. Ignath yelled "STOP" at the top of his breathing organs but with all that was going on his voice was just a drop in the bucket.
Ignath sighed. It seemed no matter how many times they drilled on procedure this always happened. When the detection alarms went off all hell broke loose. Ignath was coming to the conclusion that the crew liked the excitement as a break from all the monotony. Ignath was not the most keen observer of Dribble nature.
Ignath stepped back out into the corridor and used the comm panel on the wall to make a call. "Engineering. Lieutenant Oobla reporting."
"Oobla? Where is the Chief?"
With some hesitancy Oobla answered, "He is... indisposed. Sir."
Ignath sighed again. "Of course." Chief Snall was an exemplary officer and one of the best engineers Ignath had ever seen. He just had one tiny quirk. He was dreadfully afraid of engine maniforlds. He required heavy tranquilization to even set foot in the Engineering department. Day to day operations were generaly handled by Oobla although Snall would supervise anything tricky over an audio connection.
"For the one hundred forty-second time, I need you to cut power to the bridge for five minutes."
"Of course, sir. Just one minute."
Oobla was well rehearsed in the procedure having done it, according to the Captian, one hundred and forty-one times prior. He even had a special program he had written in the control systems to safely simulate power loss without actually cutting the power. The first time he'd cut the power to the bridge, the main computer assumed they were under attack and closed all the air tight hatches all over the ship and wouldn't release them until it could be convinced there was in fact no one out there using super-secret stealth technology.
After counting to precisely sixty, Ignath and Groob pried the door open and walked in. The bridge crew was standing at parade rest looking like guilty Dribblings caught with their limbs in a cookie jar. Ignath strode into the room and looked at each officer in turn before flopping his somewhat squelchy mass in his command chair.
Ignath had been through the routine enough times that he timed his bulk hitting the chair exactly as power came back on, and with that the spell was broken and everyone went back to their stations.
"Report!" yelled Ignath. Everyone had been through this drill enough times that they had the routine down pat.
"Sir, we have found a planet in the life zone and spectrum analysis reports a nitrogen - oxygen atmosphere." The science officer was giving his report from a hand - written piece of paper. There were plenty of display screens and reading tablets - Juflim couldn't see them. That was the only way he could see the words. Electronic displays were completely invisible to him.
Ignath rubbed a pseudopod across his face and asked "How far away? Can we investigate?" Sending a comprehensive report back with pictures and analytial datra would triple his finder's bonus.
"it's only twenty seven light years away, sir" Reported Navigator First Class Arith who was standing at his post as always. Navigator First Class Arith refused to use the bridge chairs claiming he was incapable of bending at the waist in public. At maximum speed we could be there in 4 years, sir"
Ignath started weighing the factors in his head, with the two main contenders being his greed versus the amount of time that could be used finding another new planet with another bonus. 4 years was really just a small drop in the bucket, especially compared to the one hundred and three years they had already been on survey and this planet really sounded the most promising of any they had found. Besides, it would really give him the chance to count the time until they reached it!
In the end having something new to count won out. "Plot a course Arith. Let's take a peek at this wonderful place you interrupted my ball game for."
"Yes sir!" shouted Navigator First Class Arith.
***
As soon as the Captain left the bridge, the chatter started. Dribblins tended to be Mathematicallay inclined anyway and the chance to bet on something new was too much to pass up.
"Thirty five quatloos that we explode on the way!" Science Officer Juflim always made the same bet, even if they were betting on what was for lunch.
"If we explode how would you collect?" asked Navigator First Class Arith. THat, too was a common argument.
"Do I have to remind you that I sleep in an escape pod?" asked Science Officer Jufilm.
"Oh, here we go again" said Junior Officer Grolsch under his breath. Grolsch was one of the junior officers cleaning the slime during all of the excitement.
"What was that, Junior Officer?" Yelled the Security Chief. Somehow he always managed to hear everything.
"Nothing, Sir!" shouted Grolsch.
"It had better be nothing, mister!"
Grolsch went back to his task of polishing the stainless steel decorative railing running around the front of the bridge, grumbling to himself about senior officers and abuses of power.
Around the bridge conversation returned to the important task of betting on different events that might happen during the flight to the new planet.
"I bet seventy quatloos that the new planet has poisonous seas" said Communications officer Woo. She had the curious habit of ducking her head to the left every time she made a statement and to the right after questions. The net effect of which was during the course of conversations she looked like a shadow boxing fighter. This behavior has had the unfortunate side-effect of having real fighters take a swing at her during a normal conversation.
"If the seas were poisonous it would have shown up in the long range spectral analysis. The poison would evaporate with the water and show up as a trace gas in atmosphere." said Science Officer Juflim.
"It makes more sense than the ship blowing up" Communications Officer Woo said petulantly. "You say that for everything. Don't you have any imagination?"
"I have plenty of imagination. I can imagine the ship blowing up by hitting a meteor. I can imagine the ship blowing up from a fuel malfunction. I can imagine the ship blowing up by being attacked by a hyper intelligent gaseous cloud. I can imagine the ship blowing up by..."
"OK! OK! Do you think about anything other than the ship blowing up?" asked Communications Officer Woo.
"Oh, of course I do! Do you think I'm crazy or something?"
"Well, that's good to hear. What other kinds of things do you think about?"
"I think about all the air leaking out into space. I think about all the food running out and having to resort to eating each other until only one is left to starve to death...."
Communications Officer Woo covered her face and said "You are a cheery one, aren't you?"
"Not my fault that space is a dangerous place" grumbled Science Officer juflim.
***
Four years later the new planet grew bigger in the ship's sensors and the ship had conspicuously not blown up or run out of air or food or any of the other doomsday projections that seemed to compulsively haunt Science Officer Juflim.
"Five thousand three hundred and eighty eight. Five thousand three hundred and eighty nine. Five thousand three hundred and ..."
BONG! BONG!
Captain Ignath was so startled his ball of high density polymer hit him in the head. He yelled "WHAT IS IT?" and punched the button to open the door as hard as he could.
First Officer Groob was in the doorway again, with a look like he wanted to be any place other than right there, right then. "Sir? We are approaching the new planet. I thought you might want to be on the bridge when we get there to lead the survey."
"Do you know, Groob, how many times you have interrupted my count?" Groob waggled his nose in the negative. "Twenty three thousand four hundred and nine. Do you know how many times I have finished?" Again the negative waggle. "None. Zero. Zip. Nada." Ignath held up a shiny pseudopod in emphasis and said "Just once I would like to finish. Just once."
"But sir, I have been... privileged ... to watch you play your 'game' for seval hours. How do you know when you are done?"
"How do I know? How do I know? I'll tell you how I know. I..." At this point Ignath faltered. "You know, it has been so long I've forgotten how to know when I win."
"Uh, right. Sir? Are you going to come to the bridge?"
"Oh, right."
Just like they did four years ago, Captain Ignath and First Officer Groob made their way to the bridge. Again, Captain Ignath sighed at the chaos he found and called Engineering. When all the excitement had settled and Captain Ignath was again in his command chair, he barked "Report!"
Science Officer Juflim, once again with his handwritten peice of paper started reading, "Just as we saw, sir, the planet is firmly in the life zone. The atmosphere is about seventy eight percent Nitrogen, twenty one percent oxygen and some trace gasses. The planet is about three quarters liquid water with frozen polar ice caps but the equator is warm. There is a twenty three degree axial tilt which will give rise to seasons over much of the planet, with far north and south zones experiencing rather severe weather shifts. Oh and it looks like there is an intelligent life form inhabiting it already."
Captain Ignath blinked his eyes affirmatively through the survey and finally said, "That is very good. I foresee large bonuses for us all." This news was met with big cheers and excitement. "Juflim, we are going to need an analysis of this life form so the high command knows how to handle the situation. Assemble a team and go down to the surface to make an initial assessment."
"Yes sir. Of course you are aware, sir that we are not equipped to do any in-depth biological analysis?"
"I realize that Mister Juflim but we need to give High Command at least some kind of assessment so it knows what kind of action is needed to sterilize the surface for our use. Now, if there are no further useless questions, please assemble your team and get down there."
"Yes, sir!"
***
Meanwhile, the blue-green marble below the scout ship remained blissfully ignorant of the threat hanging above it. The ape-descended life forms had not yet developed any kind of scanning technology to detect threats from outer space.
Chapter 2 - They Came From Outer Space
News of the survey mission spread through the ship like wildfire. Within moments, every boredom-crazed crew member that could fit was jamming their way into the corridor outside the bridge, clamoring for a spot on the mission.
"Take me! Take me!" yelled Communications Officer Woo. "You'll need someone to talk to them!" She yelled in an impressively loud and rather shrill voice.
"No! Take me!" yelled the Head Chef. "You'll need someone to analyze what they eat so we can see if we can poison it!"
[insert more crew members and humorous reasons ]
Even the janitorial staff was represented. "You need us to tell how hard it will be to clean the dirt out of the houses after the planet is settled!" they yelled.
having already made his decision, Science Officer Juflim made his way to the quietest place he knew of on the ship - the escape pod he called his quarters. Once there with the door sealed behind him, Juflim sat down to make the first of two calls.
"Mersa" came the voice from the other end.
"Yes, Mersa, this is Sciece Officer Juflim." There was an excited squeak from the other end. "I'm sure you know by now that we are forming a mission to go down to the surface?"
"Of course sir! Right away, sir! I will gather my equipment and meet you at the landing bay!" came the excited reply.
"No, no! I'm afraid you have jumped ahead of me. I'm not taking you, but since you are bunkmates with Biologist Ess and he never carries a communicator, I want you to tell him to meet me in the landing bay in one hour, ready to go."
"Oh. Of course. Biologist Ess. I'll tell him." came the dejected reply.
***
Science Officer Jufilm, Biologist Ess and Survey Geologist Isol clambered into the clam-shaped probe ship. Dribblins had long since settled on the fact that all planetary landing craft should be clam-shaped because it made them easier to stack in the landing bay. Also, many primitive species had an irrational fear of molusks and the natives generally didn't waste time splitting hairs about water-based versus flying molusks when running away in terror.
The fit was very tight and the three crew members had to wedge themselves in at odd angles due to the fact that probe ships were never designed for full-sized Dribblins. Probe ships generally carried a type of biologically-engineered sample collection drone which was much smaller in stature than a normal Dribblin. Sample collection drones, however were generally engineered on the spot by larger, better-equipped missions to be planet and mission specific so scout ships generally didn't have the capability nor the time to create them. They just carried the probe ships for cases such as this where a quick trip to the planet surface was all that was needed.
Quick or not, the trip down was cramped and uncomfortable and the three crew members were getting more and more cross with each other each passing second. "I think we should head to the ocean" said Biologist Ess, "It is a well known fact that the oceans harbor the most diverse selection of life."
"Well that's pretty stupid" said the geologist. "Why would I be along if we were going to survey an ocean?"
"I don't know," said Biologist Isol, "Comic relief maybe?"
It was an old rivalry that flares up every time a biologist and Geologist get in close quarters. The biologists tease Geologists for studying boring rocks, saying "How difficult can it be? You don't have to outrun them!"
Geologists generally counted by saying "At least my subject doesn't try to eat me." Geologists were generally not known for their witty repartee and generally lost these sorts of arguments.
Geologist Ess started trying to get his pseudopds on Biologist Isol and making pretty good progress despite the tight quarters owing to the natural lubrication on his skin when Science Officer Jufilm asserted himself between them and said, "Enough! Both of you! We are land-based creatures and so is the intelligent life form. We will be surveying the different land masses for viability and to provide preliminary data to the High Command."
"Why did you bring me along, Sir?" asked Geologist Ess.
"Mainly because you are the only othe scientist we have on board and we needed someone to run the recording equipment."
"Oh" said Geologist Ess, slumping back into his seat in a huff.
***
This was not, in fact, the first survey mission to find the particular planet in question. It was the third.
The first race to find the planet arrived before life had a solid foothold. they came from far, far away - even by their standards. The entire survey mission started as one ship captain setting out in search of a truly good cup of coffee but owing to the fact that coffee hadn't been discovered yet, the entire crew died on the search.
The second race to find the planet was a race of teachers. The entire race. Eventually they got bored teaching themselves the same things over and over so they all boarded space ships and scattered themselves around the galaxy. One of those ships happened to come upon a tribe of the small, furry bipedal mammals gathered around a watering hole and observed them for a time.
The teachers eventually determined that the creatures were hopelessly backward and instead of waste time they could be using to help a more deserving species, they dropped a robo-teacher shaped like a big black stone monolith at the watering hole and moved on.
***
The survey mission orbited the planet a few times to take photographs and to decide where to put down. Geologist Isol was running the camera and kept trying to get the others' attention every time he found a likely spot to land but they wouldn't pay any attention to him.
"Hey, look! There's a great spot right there! Major land mass, different climates. Hey! There's a really cool canyon! Can we go there? Come on! Let's go there!"
"How many species do we need to collect data on, do you think?" asked Science Officer Juflim.
"Well, we need to know if we can use these animals for anything. Food, clothes, travelling circus shows, that sort of thing, so we will want to survey the major intelligent species and probably whatever he has domesticated." said Biologist Ess.
"There is an area with some organization. Let's set down there." Said Science Officer Juflim, pointing to an area on the Northern Hemisphere that showed cultivated ground but low population density on the day side.
They set the clam-shaped ship down in the middle of the cultivated land. From the air they could see a biped and a quadraped in the field but it wasn't immediately apparent which one was controlling the other. They were both hooked to some primitive earth working machine and as the ship came in for a landing two things happened. The biped dropped to the ground unmoving and the quadraped tried to run off.
Science Officer Juflim looked at Biologist Ess and Biologist Ess looked at Science officer Juflim. Biologist Ess asked, "Which one do you think is the intelligent species"
Science Officer Juflim thought about it a moment and said, "Well, I'd say that the one who ran away is smarter. Let's get pictures and tissue samples."
"What about the other one?"
"They drop dead so easy like that, I doubt they can be used for anything. Take some pictures and leave it."
***
Back on the scout ship the betting was fast and thick.
"Fourty quatloos says the probe ship blows up!"
"Hey, that's Science Officer Juflim's prediction. Are you trying to steal his game?"
"No - he told me to bet for him while he was gone."
"Thirty quatloos says they use half their fuel on the trip!"
"Twenty-five quatloos says they leave Geologist Isol behind!"
That last was met with a chorus of voices proclaiming "I'll take that bet!"
Captain Ignath was busy marking down the bets and enumerating them on a computer screen and seemed to be enjoying himself.
***
In the Sick Bay, Chief Medical Officer Guh was preparing to analyze the samples. Being a scouting ship, they really weren't ready for the type of analysis the invasion ship would do but he could at least send back some pictures of whatever micro-structures these things used as building blocks. Of course there was no way to send back the samples so pictures would have to do.
Chief Medical Officer Guh checked the microscope by putting one of his favorite slides under the lens and looking at it. Over the years he had surreptitiously collected samples from each of the crew members. A bit of skin here, some of the skin moisturizing mucus there. A little bit at a time. Some of the samples he had collected when the crew was in for routine medical procedures. Others had to be done in a more stealthy manner, when the crew was asleep.
This particular slide was a sample from Communications Officer Woo. She had come in for pain in the midsection and Chief Medical Officer Guh took a biopsy of her digestive organ and saved the sample. He only brought it out on special occasions because, well, let's face it - he got very aroused looking at it and that tended to get in the way of his work. The extra slime secretion alone made instruments very hard to handle.
Chief Medical Officer Guh put the slide back into its specially-designed storage container and put it back in the safe from which he had retreived it earlier and took a deep, shuddering breath. Walking over to the wall, he pushed the communicator button and and said , "Chief Medical Officer Guh to Captain Ignath. " "Ignath here." "Captain, I have made Sick Bay as ready as I can. Have you gotten any kind of word what type of samples Science Officer Juflim, Biologist Ess and Geologist Isol will be bringing back?"
"Not yet. They reported some trouble with a quadrapedel life form and bony protrusions from its head. Apparently the civilization still uses beasts of burden and the major intelligent life form will use those protrusions as a weapon when cornered. I expect them to be finished and on their way within the hour."
"Very good, Captain. I will be awaiting the samples. "
***
In main Engineering, Second Lieutenant Oobla was taking the down time to do a much needed overhaul of the fuel injection system. For the life of him he didn't understand how Captain Ignath expected Chief Engineer Snall to keep the enginees in operating condition if they never took them offline for maintenance. Why, didn't Captain Ignath realize it had been 7 years since the last maintenance? These systems really shouldn't go more than 5 years between overhauls but what were you going to do?
Suddenly the communication panel beeped and Second Lieutenant Oobla got out from under the intermix chamber to anser it. "Oobla here. What do you need Sir?"
"Did you remember to ground out the high voltage capacitors?"
"Yes sir."
"Did you clean the jets? Last time we did this, the number four was badly fouled."
Of course he remembered, he was the one that did it! "Yes sir."
"Oh, I meant to tell you, we should probably replace the negative power coupling outside of the auxiliary plasma conduit. It is showing some degredation in efficiency and I would hate to see it give way in the middle of the next mission."
"Of course, sir. I had a new coupling fabricated and ready for installation, I'm just waiting for the relays to pop off before I unhook it."
"Good man. Let me know if you need anything. I'll be in access junction 37 rewiring the sensor harness."
"Yes sir."
***
Captain Ignath went over to Chief Communications Officer Woo's station and looked over her shoulder, shuffling his lower pseudopods and acting as if he had something to say. Chief Communications Officer Woo was used to it. As one of the few females on board the ship, and a rather attactive one, in her own opinion, males tended to get a little tongue - tied in her presence. She had learned over time to ignore it and press on as if nothing were wrong.
"Something I can help you with, sir?"
"Oh! Um, yeah. I was just wondering if, you know, you had, um, well....prepared! Yes, prepared all of your...equipment for the big message I'm going to give you. To send! The message with all the data for the High Command. Are you ready?"
Not above a little harmless flirting, particularly when it so obviously kept the males off - balance, she replied, "Oh, sir! I am ready and willing for anything you want to give me."
Captain Ignath made a choking sound and stammered out, "OK. Good. Keep up the good work." and rushed off to see to other preparations.
For what it was worth, Chief Communications Officer Woo was too intelligent to let herself be influenced by a male in such a manner. While it was true Dribblins were very active, sexually, it was also true they are very fertile and having a pack of little Dribblings running around would kill her career very quickly.
Cheif Communications Officer Woo actually did have some preparation for the data to be sent. Their typical reports were not much more complex than a few sets of coordinates and a suitability rating along with maybe a bit of raw data from a spectrum analyzer and a mass detector or two. But this planet was special, or at least that's what she gathered from all the chatter amongst the science types.
The data packet they were sending back would have high definition pictures from practically every angle that could be measured starting from a couple of light years out to a full orbit mapping. Of course they couldn't send any biological samples back but pictures and reports and analysis data could be sent, such as it was, from their small Sick Bay.
Literally everyone wanted in on the reporting of this planet since it was such a unique jewel. There would be a general finder's bonus for the whole crew but there could also be individual bonuses given for exemplary reporting. She herself could be in lind for one of those bonuses if she could find a way to make sure the data was organized or compressed better than usual.
When the Captain walked over she was in the process of double-checking all the data transmission busses between her console and the main antenna array. Of course the message would be sent using and obscure and complicated law of physics that no one had discovered yet to actually make the message arrive five minutes before it had been sent. This, of course, required extensive licensure and training to insure the Communications Officer involved would not use this ability for personal gain - or at least not enough personal gain that they toppled the government or stopped being Communications Officers.
Satisfied that all was prepared, Chief Communications Officer Woo turned her attention to more mundane tasks and waited.
Chapter 3 - [Insert Witty Title Here] Junior Samples Was Here
Science Officer Juflim used Survey Geologist Ess's body as a shield to protect himself from the quadraped they were attempting to sample. [All forms] None of the forms of communication they had attempted had resulted in any kind of coherent response from the being.
"I think waving your arms around like that is just making it madder, Ess."
"If you have a better way to tell it to stop trying to run us over I would really appreciate it" Ess said in a more than slightly paniced voice.
"I wonder why the Universal Translator isn't working" said science Officer Juflim. "I know I put batteries in it before we left."
"Maybe it doesn't have enough data to make a translation," said Isol. "The being doesn't talk much."
Inspiration hit Science Office Jufilm, "They must be telepaths!"
"If that's the case" said Survey Geologist Ess, "Then why can't it read our minds that we don't want to hurt it?"
This question caused Science Officer Juflim to pause long enough for Geologist Ess to slip out of his grasp. Science Officer Juflim rubbed his face with one pseudopod and said, "We must no speak the same mental language. Biologist Isol, would you stop playing with that thing and get your sample!"
This last was in response to seeing Biologist Isol sneaking up behind the being with the sampling tool poised near what they were assuming was the posterior end of the being. Fortunately for Isol, the being kept its attention on Survey Geologist Ess for a few more [minutes] moments until Biologist Isol could get close enough to shove the sharp, pointy end of the probe into the being's flank.
This produced an immediate outburst of activity and voice from the being, which the Universal Translator [continued to] stubbornly refused to interpret. The being charged straight for Survey Geologist Ess, knocking him over in the process of running away from these crazy people.
***
As they were boarding the probe ship Survey Geologist Ess rubbed at the spot between his eye stalks and asked, "Is there a mark? I'm sure there is a mark. I'm going to be scarred for life, I just know it."
"There is no mark" said Biologist Isol, "Unless you count the top of your body where your mouth is."
"Funny! Funny man, here! I am permanently scarred for life and he's making jokes. What did you get your mother for her birthday? A salt shaker?"
"Hey! You leave my mother out of it you slimy vertebrate!"
Science Officer Juflim broke in before the situation could degerate further, "Enough, both of you! Let's get this equipment loaded and put this mud ball behind us."
They silently loaded their gear into compartments located at various places around the outside of the clam shell. When all the cameras, sample storage containers, tripods, probe boxes and tools had been stowed, the three crowded in to the ship and prepared to lift off.
"You don't suppose we got the wrong one do you?" asked Survey Geologist Ess.
"I am a highly trained biologist! I believe I can tell the difference between a sentient being and an animal!"
"OK. If you say so."
***
Back on board the ship was a flurry of activity. Predictably, everyone wanted a crack at analyzing the data. Geology wanted the soil samples, Biology wanted the water samples, Sick Bay was given the tissue samples without question - who wanted to handle icky alien bits, anyway?
Chief Medical Officer Guh put protective covers over his pseudo pods and lifted the vial of blood and chunk of tissue out of the protective sample case with an almost reverent air. He held the blood sample up to the light and thought, "Red! What a unique color!" and settled himself down to the most exciting evening he'd had in longer than he could remember.
Of course the first thing Chief Medical Officer Guh did was make his own personal slides for inclusion in his shrine. He already had all the materials ready, and had even created a completely dirt and fiber free clean room for the task. Before going into the clean room, he very thoroughly scrubbed and dried his skin. He absolutely could not allow these slides to be contaminated by his own shed waste products.
He ran the sample cases through the air shower to remove dirt and particulates that may have been picked up on the planet or the ship. The air shower also acted as an airlock and pass through so he left the case there while he put on a garment that was only slightly less confining than a full space suit.
After going through a Dribblin - sized air shower and air lock, Chief Medical Officer Guh walked over to retreive his precious case and materials. Very carefully he set the case on a work table and gingerly opened it to gaze on the materials inside - again.
With slightly trembling pseudo pods he took the sample of cells from the being that was to be enshrined in his collection and lovingly set it in a specially designed receptacle, made for slicing thin samples off of things. He set the thickness at only a few microns and cut off a couple of slices. Each of these slices he mounted very carefully on a glass slide and put a glass cover slip over the top.
Of course there were much more sophisticated analysis methods, some involving electrons, some involving neutrinos and even one extremely accurate method that involved making the sample into a sandwich and eating it, then chemically analyzing the researchers excrement for the next twelve hours. But for Chief Medical Officer Guh, absolutely nothing could compare to the method of looking at samples through magnification lenses. It was like the difference between playing with dolls versus having a real female mate.
Chief Medical Officer Guh pored over the cell samples, choosing exactly THE right one. This sample was the one that would be enshrined forever in his collection. It had the potential to dethrone Comminications Officer Woo's sample as his favorite and he briefly let his mind wander over the possibilities of spending days switching from one slide to the other deciding which one was his favorite. Good thing the clean room suit caught all the skin secretions!
Chief Medical Officer Guh also prepared several slides of the blood collected but it just didn't hold the same ... fascination ... that the somatic cells held. From a purely academic standpoint he was fascinated by the red fluid. Of course, proper blood was green colored due to the central copper atom that oxygen attached to in order to be transported around the body. Of course in Medical School he had learned the theory that other central atoms could possibly carry oxygen but he had never seen it personally. The scientists at High Command were going to have a field day with this.
Chief Medical Officer Guh kept working through the hours, completely forgetting to ingest nutrients or take a rest cycle. As any good medical officer would do, he took copious notes, pictures, readings. Finally he packaged all the data into a single file and sent it to Communications Officer Woo for inclusion in the bigger data package destined for the heart of the Empire.
Chief Medical Officer Guh suddenly realized how tired he was and how long he had been working. Fortunately for him, no one had come in requiring medical attention. Dribblins on the whole were a fairly healthy species but accidents happened. Unfortunately, a small scout ship such as this one didn't expect to have many health problems so the medical staff was light - well, actually, he was it. Biologist Isol could help assist or provide emergency first aid if necessary but was certainly not a replacement for a fully trained doctor.
Chief Medical Officer Guh put away his instruments and cleaned up his work space thinking of all the fun he would have his his new slides. He left his clean room and took off the clean room clothing and dropped it into a bin for cleaning later. Finally, he could think about rest. He made his way down the corridor to his quarters with little else in his mind.
***
[this section probably belongs at the end of this chapter]
Captain Ignath had much better things to count than the nubmber of consecutive bounces of a high density polymer ball against his wall.
He had a representation of the planet on a display monitor with mountain peaks false-colored an annoying pink color.
"Fourteen thousand nine hundred and thirteen. Fourteen thousand nine hundred and fourteen. Fourteen thousand nind hund...."
At that point the communicator beeped, demanding attention.
Captain Ignath hit the activator button a little harder than was strictly necessary to answer the call, "WHAT?"
Communications Officer Woo, always the flirt, said "I thought you might like to know that I am ready to insert your big data package in my communications array, sir."
Captain Ignath stood with his finger on the communicator button, completely speechless for a few moments before simply replying "Thank you Mr. Woo. I'll be right there."
Captain Ignath spent a few moments getting himself under control before making his way out of his quarters and into the corridor. Counting the number of steps as he went helped his mental state and allowed him to walk into the bridge projecting the air of command necessary to keep the ship running like a clock.
"Report!" He yelled to no one in particular. After so many years together the crew was used to it and worked out beforehand who was going to speak. They only occiasionally had the wrong person give the report as a joke. Captain Ignath pretended not to notice so they could enjoy their joke.
Communications Officer Woo was actually a little nervous with the importance of the message she was sending and for once dropped the act. "We are ready to transmit sir. Just waiting on your approval."
"You may commence transmission at your discretion Mr. Woo."
"Yes, sir. Transmitting now. ... Thirty percent. ... Forty percent. ... Fifty percent." Communications officer Woo knew the Captian's obsession with counting.
"Severnty percent. Eighty percent. Ninety percent. Transmission complete."
"Good work everyone! Navigator, please plot a course that puts back on track for exploration of this sector."
"Aye aye, sir"
***
Survey Geologist Ess and the Geology section excitedly pored over the mission photographs, seeing real landscape for the first time in many long years. They were as giddy as giant, bipedal slugs could get about all the strange and new landscape that Survey Geologist Ess got to see with his own eye stalks. They were all very jealous.
"Cinder cones on many of the continents indicates an active and molten core" said one.
"Ooh and look at the polar ice caps! " said another.
"You can tell where there was glaciation that has receded." said Survey Geologist Ess. "And look at this continent - it has actual fjords! I just love fjords - gives a continent such a baroque feel."
"Look at that continent on the Northern Hemisphere - near the equator that looks like a meteor crator filled in by the sea."
"We can see by the craters on the planet's moon that there has been a lot of meteor activity in one point in time. "
"A meteor strike that big would have killed virtually every thing alive. It is a wonder that enough life survived to repopulate the planet."
"Too bad their days are numbered!"
At this point they all laughed heartily.
"Hey, Ess, what about this life form you found? Was it really as stupid as it sounds?"
"Well I'm no biologist but once we cornered it, the thing just stood there looking at us. Whenever we tried to get close it would point those hard protrusions at us and act like it wanted to gut us. Hostile and stupid. Couldn't even talk properly."
"I heard that Science Officer Juflim thinks lthey are telepathic. What do you think Mr. Ess?"
"I think that's a load of crap. We have never been able to prove telepathy exists and let's face it, the thing was scared out of it's mind but near a settlement. If it could communicate it would have called for help."
"Maybe the telepathy only goes a short distance."
"That seems kinda useless. The only reason to develop telepathy as a communication strategy is to be able to communicate in a way that predators can't hear, either to warn others or call for help. This being was certainly threatened enough it would have called for help but yet no other beings showed up or threatened us in any way. As a matter of fact, the only other creature we saw was that animal pushing the ground - tilling implement and it seemed to die of fright. They seem pretty useless to me as life forms. Maybe High Command can find some use for them."
Conversation continued in this vein, with the geologists making notes for inclusion in the data package to be sent back to the home world.
Survey Geologist Ess had another motive, though. As soon as was feasible, he slipped off back to his quarters, sneaking furtive glances over his shoulder the whole way. When he got there, safely inside with the door closed and locked behind me, he opened a hidden panel in his desk and pressed a few buttons. It would seem that Comminications Officer Woo was not the only one that could send messages over a distance.
"Agent Ess. Report." Came a voice from the hidden speaker.
"You should be receiving the data packet within the hour. Analysis of this planet and the major life form was simplistic. Technological levels are primitive. No electromagnetic signals detected, no flight capability, not even a Starbucks."
"They must really be backward. I thought those places were everywhere."
"Approximately seventy percent of the planet falls within usable parameters with another ten to fifteen percent being suitable for our beasts of burden. My quick summary is this planet is exactly what we have been afraid they would find."
"I see. Noted and understood. Unfortunately, the initial discovery bypassed The Agency so we were unable to control this one. "
Suddenly there was a knock at the door and the communicator came to life "Hey, Mr. Ess! You have to come see this! We found an erupting volcano! It's so cool!"
Survey Geologist Ess quickly broke the connection and returned the covers for the hidden communications system just as the door to his quarters burst open.
"What are you doing in here Mr. Ess? All the excitement is in the Geology lab. I mean, you are like a hero! You got to see actual DIRT! It's been so long I don't think I even remember what it looks like!"
"It's brown and it's dirty. Is there anything else?"
The junior officer took a step back and said in a wounded voice "There's no need to be snippy, sir. "
"I'm sorry Jarl, it's just been a long and stressful day and I was trying to organize my thoughts and maybe make some notes in my personal log before taking a rest cycle. I get cranky when I haven't had enough rest."
"Oh, of course sir! I am sorry for botheing you. I'll just see myself out,."
Survey Geologist Ess slumped in his chair and let out a deep breath. That was close. How could he have forgotten to lock that door?
Ess really wasn't lying when he said he was tired and cranky. He made his way to his tank and climbed in. Ahh, the perfect mixture of minerals.
=== High Command ===
Chapter Four - It Comes Home To Roost
Undersecretary Groob moved away from the communications equipment after the link with Survey Geologist Ess was broken, contemplating the ramifications of what he had learned. Of course he would have to bring this before the Council for their consideration. This new planet was perfect for their plans but a new colony [would not be] could not be allowed.
[Standing] Sitting at his desk, he reviewed the data as it came in. It really was quite a find. It would do nicely for the next step in their plan. He started the electronic communications program on his computer and started composing a note:
========
TO: All Agency Senior Members.
FROM: Undersecretary Groob
SUBJECT: Advancement of Project 3874
I have just intercepted scouting data [from] showing a newly-discovered planet that should be considered for advancement of our highest priority project currently in existence. I recommend we convene a meeting for the night of two days hence to examine the data and decide how to move forward. In the meantime I will monitor the situation here for report.
==========
Undersecretary Groob sat back to await the replies. Of course the message went out instantaneously but some members would not be able to either read or respond for some time.
***
The Senior Members of The Agency were small in number relative to the size of the Empire and the amount of monitoring being done. Each member was kept extremely busy due to the sheer number of underlings reporting to them. Of course most members found that their actual attention to the reports could be replaced by a very small script but there was always more work to do. The data from the reports had to be analyzed and possibly acted on or possibly just reported on to the rest of the Senior Members.
Dribblins lived in what could loosely be described as an Empire - many planets controlled from one "central" planet with the nominal top of the government being called an Emperor, with all the trappings of royalty - big mansions, big attending staff, big hats - but in reality the true power rested with an elected Prime Minister.
The Imperial system was a holdover from the very distant past and the number of royal families was rather limited. Every 10 years a new emperor was selected from the pool of eligible royal members however after so many eons of inbreeding, family trees tended to look more like lumpy sign posts than an actual branched structure and likely candidates suffered for it. In a word, they were all idiots.
Many methods had been used [over the] to perform the actual selection of the Emperor but one method had been used most effectively for the last hundred or so Emperors. It was called the "Open Room Method" wherein all of the candidates were placed in a specially designated room inside the castle called, unsurprisingly, the Selection Room. The Selection Room was rather plain inside - simple nutritional materials and waste facilities in case the test went long, as it freqently did. The Selection Room had four unlocked doors, each one opening onto a plain corridor. All corridors led to a single place: a desk with an appointed goverment official [whose task it was to record the name of the first candidate to make it].
At the designated time, amid parades and parties and Empire wide excitement, all of the candidates are brought by Royal hovercar to the castle and placed in the room with very simple and direct instructions: "Get out of the room as fast as you can." The first candidate to successfully make it out of one of the [an] unlocked doors, down the corridor and to the desk is crowned the new Emperor.
Immediately after the [new Emperor] candidate has reached the desk, a clean up crew is sent in to the Selection room to remove the bodies of those who could not figure out how to feed themselves and clean up the mess from those who used the waste facilities incorrectly. It was a much coveted job which members of high society competed and trained for the entire 10 years [of] between Selections.
***
Undersecretary Groob noticed that the responses to his electronic communication were starting to come in.
========
TO: All Agency Senior Members.
FROM: [Insert Name Here]
SUBJECT: Advancement of Project 3874
I would like to review the data and I agree that a planning session is needed. If the planet really is as good as Undersecretary Groob says, we must be prepared to take action against the powers that be.
==========
========
TO: All Agency Senior Members.
FROM: [Insert Name Here]
SUBJECT: Advancement of Project 3874
[I agree that a meeting is] That meeting time is acceptable. We need to adjust our timeline if a suitable planet has been found.
==========
========
TO: All Agency Senior Members.
FROM: [Insert Name Here]
SUBJECT: Advancement of Project 3874
I am concerned about the viability of the project. Will wait to discuss.
==========
Many more responses came in, some good and some bad but all said they would be in attendance. Undersecratary Groob started preparing for the meeting. There was much to do to summarize the current state of the project as well as make plans for how to deal with this newest development.
***
Prime minister Slurg looked at the planetary survey data with naked greed. This planet represented more opportunities than he could count.
Prime Minister Slurg came from one of the oldest and wealthiest families in the Empire. His family had connections in every industry as well as massive amounts of political influence. They literally either occupied or had influence in every political office in the empire.
Prime Minister Groob spent a particularly long time on the survey photos, [planning] fantasizing where his personal vacation mansion would be located. He even started thinking about where colonies would be located, which resources to exploit first, what types of industries to move in.
[He shook himself out of that fantasy and began some serious planning. ]
Suddenly, a lone piece of data rudely interruped his fantasizing. The planet was inhabited. By a somewhat intelligent life form. Well, that was a problem. Of course, it wasn't the first time the Dribblins had encountered alien life on a planet they wanted. In a way this was even better. Now there would be not only a colonizing fleet (which a branch of his family would build), there would also be a sterilization mission. Maybe he could even find a place for [that idiot cousin's son] the kid that his idiot cousin kept bothering him about. What was the kid's name? Grumble? Bobble? Fribble! That was it, Fribble. What an absurd name. He would arrange it - there was very little way the kid could screw up a mission like that and it would get the [kid] idiot cousin out of Prime Minister Slurg's way for a few decades. Yes, that would work nicely.
Of course the entire High Command had been expecting this data and they had [a] the first planning session planned for later that afternoon. All of the scientists and specialists had to have time to review the data and advise the planners and policy makers. Then, of course came the endless hours of debate and planning and more debate. Really, it boiled down to a few very simple questions: How quickly could the sterilization mission start, how quickly could it finish, when could they send the colonization fleet, and where were the damned drinks they'd ordered?
***
Undersecretary Groob leaned back in his chair facing the wall of high definition video monitors, each one showing the face of a Senior Member of The Agency. Most of them were on different planets, all of them in key positions in the government or [civil service] private sector.
The meeting had just started and Undersecretary Groob was summarizing the situation:
"Project 3874: Up to this point only a very few key individuals have known the entire picture however the game has changed and it is time to bring everyone together on the planning.
"Project 3874 is, to put it simply, The Agency's project to [build] genetically engineer a race of super soldiers to use for our own ends. [We have] One branch of the project has spent many centuries culling the perfect genes to use as models and templates. Another branch has been monitoring the Empire's scouting missions in order to find [the perfect] a planet suitable to start our experimentation on without a huge amount of modification.
"That planet has now been found. The problem before us gentledribs, is the planet is too perfect. Our agents inside the scouting arm of the military was not able to intercept the information before it got to the High Command and even as we are meeting, they are starting the planning for sterilization and colonization of the planet.
"It would be rather awkward to be conducting quasi-military experiments on the same planet as a new colony so we must, to put it bluntly, find a way to sabotage the High Command."
At this last statement there was a dead silence. The type of silence that follows after a group of sentient beings realize they will soon be dead, that is. Because even though The Agency worked on it's own agenda which sometimes coincided with the High Command and sometimes opposed it, they all knew fully well what it meant to sabotage a mission of this scope. The entire Empire knew how well connected Prime Minister Slurg was in the empire and in the private sector. They all undestood at a visceral, gut wrenching, [knees to water] cold slime inducing level that they would have to do each and every step perfectly and remain perfectly anonymous through the entire operation or they would risk not only their own lives but the entire Agency as well. No pressure there.
Seemingly on cue, the entire assemblage heaved a great sigh and everyone started talking [together] at the same time. In the chaos of voices, a few questions stood out and Undersecrtary Groob eventually managed to regain control by sounding an airhorn into the audio pickup of his own setup.
Once the other Senior Members realized the sound was not a particularly long and obnoxious bout of flatulance, they calmed down to listen.
"Yes, there are questions, not all of which do we have answers for at this moment. The High Command is meeting even now and our people on the inside will continue giving us detailed reports what happens in there. For now, let's start addressing some of the questions we can answer right away. Who has a question?"
Unsurprisingly, Undersecratary Groob was treated to another cacaphony of sound. In a similarly unsurprising manner, the Senior Members were treated to another flatulance-esque [toot] blast of the air horn.
"OK, we'll do this the hard way. I'll call on you one by one. Agent Flertz, What question would you like to ask?"
Agent Flertz, an older and distinguished-looking Dribblin currently occupying an environmental engineering professorship in the Polytechnical University of Kath drew himself up in his seat and said in a deep and resonant voice, "I fail to see why we have to risk not only [our] the agenda we have worked so many centuries to bring to fruition, but also our own hides on this particular planet when a bit more patience could possibly bring another planet to us."
There were several murmurs of assent to this statement to which Undersecretary Groob held up his pseudo pods in a "wait" signal. "Agent Flertz, would you mind telling us what aspect of the project you have been involved in?"
"Planetary exploration and evaluation."
"So it has been your job to evaluate if any planets are suitable for the next phase?"
"Quite right."
"Then you would mind telling us in the last three hundred years how many suitable planets you have seen?"
"Well, it's a very complicated issue. There are many factors to consider and to be honest we have not been at a point of actually *needing* the planet for the next step."
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