THE SHADES OF NORTHWOOD 2:
CIRCLE OF ARMS
Wendy Maddocks
©2011 by Wendy Maddocks
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Where we left…
“Give ’em hell, honey!”
Katie waved to her father from the start line. The half of the town that wasn’t’ running in the race had turned out to watch and were chucking loose change into buckets on street corners for the parent and toddler group.
“Such a healthy, trusting place,” Mom had cooed first thing that morning. “What a lovely town to live in.”
“Yeah, it’s great.” Katie made herself smile way the tiredness inside. The week had been exhausting but a day of undisturbed sleep yesterday had cured most of her aches and pains; a six o’clock wake up at the weekend was just too much. Things would shake out once that old adrenaline started flowing. “My friends are all lovely and the academy – I haven’t been in yet, classes start Monday – but it looks so nice.”
“I’m so glad you’re happy, Katie. You are happy, aren’t you?”
“Yes, Mom. I’m happier than I’ve been in ages.” And, surprisingly, that wasn’t a lie. Even being so close to death all the time didn’t seem so bad. I think I needed the fresh start.”
“You will come back home won’t you? Dan wanted to come but she has that sicky bug going round but she’d love to see you when she’s well.”
“I’ll call her soon,” she said, dodging the first question. And tell her she can have my room. “Oh, there’s Marcie. We’re running together.”
“But-“
An official looking man blew a whistle and Katie lost herself in the ranks. Some-one shouted out, “I’ll see you at the finish line!”
Chapter one
“I’m so proud of you, Katie.”
Mr Cartwright stood in the corner of the open car door and held his arms out for a hug. Katie only hesitated for a moment before going to him, knowing her friends were crowding the front window and watching her. It didn’t matter though, Katie loved her parents and she wasn’t planning to cover it up to save face.
“It can’t have been easy to race when you hardly know the place and we didn’t mean to come and put more pressure on you.”
“Dad, you couldn’t.”
“We were trying to be supportive,” Mom defended from the passenger seat of their Fiesta. “We tried to call but when we couldn’t get through…”
“Flat battery,” she explained quickly. Lainy had fielded a call on the house phone and told them to come up. “I’ve loved having you up here today. I just wish you didn’t have to go so soon.” There must be a guesthouse or something around here somewhere.
“We should really start getting back for Dan. Mrs Ricci won’t have her forever.”
Katie rolled her eyes. Even she used to get sick of her little sister after a couple of hours and looking after her when she was ill… her former neighbour deserved a medal. “It’s a long drive. Make sure you stop for a rest.”
“When is the daughter supposed to take care of the parents?”
“Dad, I mean it. It’s getting dark and the lights aren’t that great around her.” She had actually surprised herself by telling her own parents to take care. It had been just under two weeks ago when they had said that to her before leaving her in this old house and driving off. Taking care of herself had become natural over recent times so it wasn’t too much of a leap to extend that to the people she cared about. Moving/ to a new town to share a house with a bunch of strangers had been a huge step and one none of them had expected Katie to take for at least two more years. But take it she had and her housemates had hardly stopped gushing about how well she was getting on.
“Honey, you’re coping okay aren’t you?” asked Mom. It was a mother’s job to worry about her children and even leaving home couldn’t erase that instinct. It made it worse because Katie was no longer under her watchful eye. “Because there’s still time to come home.”
I am home. This was the only place she had felt like she belonged for months. A few months ago, something had happened to her old city and she no longer felt safe walking the streets she had learnt to ride a bike down, sleeping in the room she’d been born in, even reading in the library before it closed. Too many dark places, too many corners bad people could hide behind. It had stopped feeling like home. “I’m fine,” she didn’t quite lie. “I told you, this was the fresh start I needed.”
“But-“
“Mom, I can’t come back with you. College starts Monday and I’m really looking forward to it. I have friends, I’m not starving and I’m wearing clean clothes. The survival of the family name is assured.”
Her father lifted his eyebrows so high they almost flew off his face. Uh-oh. Katie had not meant to say that.
“Not like that!” she promised her father, counting herself as the luckiest girl alive that the comment had completely blown over her mom. “Just ‘cos I can look after myself now doesn’t mean I can do it for a little living thing too. Remember the flour baby thing at school?” Not something anyone was likely to forget. The cookies had been delicious though.
“I’ll cancel the Christmas puppy then,” he grinned and gave her one final squeeze before getting into the car and giving the ignition a few violent twists. It choked a couple of times and then turned over, not sounding very happy about it. “We should get going.”
“Oh, honey,” her Mom piped up, looking up from the street map on the new satnav. “We meant to ask. The letter from the police… anything we need to worry about?”
It took a few moments to remember exactly what letter she was talking about. Katie could imagine the blank look she was wearing but she honestly couldn’t – oh Christ, how had she forgotten about that?
“No, nothing. Just wanted the new address.”
“It’s the worst thing in the world to have happened, Katie. Please tell us if anything changes.”
“I will. But I’m fine. Honestly.” Katie tacked a smile onto the end and hoped her mother believed it more than she did. But her parents wanted to rush home to look after the sick daughter they still had at home. “I just want to look forward. Which-“ she glanced pointedly at her watch and tapped the luminous dial at her father. “You need to be doing now. Thanks for a great day. Now, go!” And it had been a good day. Well, if great meant exhausting in this universe. She’d come 12th in her race this morning and second in the Under 18 group – which was amazing in itself, considering just getting to the start line had been only a distant possibility – then her parents had taken her to the shopping centre to buy a new laptop and then a greasy chemical takeaway. Back home to meet her friends, set up the new computer and then eat a huge house meal before hanging her old cloudburst curtains and then saying goodbye. Katie wondered if she might not fall asleep standing up.
“Love you, honey!”
“Ditto, kiddo.”
“You’re really gonna make me say it.”
“Not leaving until you do!” Only the car was already halfway down the road, coughing and growling like all motor vehicles seemed to do in Northwood. The few that made it in town anyway.
“I love you!” she called after them, hoping that they were too far away to hear and close enough to do so. Teens never liked to tell their parents they loved them but somehow Katie didn’t feel like the average teenager any more.
“Be good!” one of them shouted. Mom, probably.
Behind her, Katie heard the front door open and heavy soles stomped out to stop next to her. A hand extended itself and she grabbed for it, twisting her fingers in. Not a word passed between them but Katie closed her eyes, breathing deep of this familiar smell – old leather and straw and something she had decided was the stench of death – turning her head to one side and resting her cheek on his shoulder, watching her family leave once more and imagining the look on Dad’s face. Mom was probably trying to calm him down right now, and convince him not to turn the car around and save his baby girl from this… this man. She grinned and let herself relax against this hard body beside her. Even though she had not looked around once, Katie knew who she was leaning on. Jack. He was the only person who could make her feel this safe – safe enough to let her guard down.
“How do you do it?”
“Do what?”
When the car was out of sight, Jack curled his arm around her face and stroked her cheeks. “Keep smiling.”
She straightened and looked him straight in the eyes. “Do I look like I’m smiling?”
It depended which part of Katie you looked at. Her mouth was smiling but it didn’t touch her eyes. In fact, if you looked closely there were tears glistening in the corners of her brown eyes. “You look happy and sad all at the same time.”
“That’s actually not a bad description. Is confused available?”
“I’m confused if it helps.”
Katie shook her head and went to sit on the low wall that edged the front garden. Or the three square feet of gravel and grass she liked to call it. “You’re the reason I’m confused, Jack. I mean, how can you be here? Last time I saw you, you were dying. Scrap that – you were dead. I cried over your body and you were dead.”
“You can’t kill a ghost. Well, I guess you can but we come right on back.”
“I watched that man flay you alive!”
“I started healing the minute you got him away from me, Lady Katie.”
“You heal fast then. There’s not a mark on you.”
Well, nothing that wasn’t there before. But she didn’t need to know about any of that yet. “We all do. It takes energy for us to stay in human form – to stay solid I mean – and keepin’ all these cuts would be even harder. You remember when I punched the seats down at the stadium to prove I was real.”
“Not really,” Katie admitted. Most things to do with Jack in their first week of knowing each other were all fuzzy. She knew something had happened but only because there was a gaping black hole where those memories should be. It was one of those paradox thingies the scientists were always going on about. “But I kind of remember seeing you in the hospital and thinking there was something wrong with your hand.”
“Well, it was too hard to keep up that image. So I just took a little more energy than usual from Adam and made it go away. You thought my unbroken skin felt wrong ‘cos your brain somehow remembered me hurting myself.”
“Why? You took all my memories away, didn’t you?”
“Your memories, yeah. But I can’t do nothin’ about your senses or feelings.” And that was one of the few things he was grateful for.
Katie was glad too. She didn’t quite know how she felt about Jack but she was pretty sure she might start to hate him if he ever tried to manipulate her emotions. She wanted to work out how she felt on her own and in her own time. God only knew what was rushing through her body right now but she was content to just ride this wave of feeling comfortable with him. “You can’t just play with my head, Jack. If I forget you again… if you take away any of the seconds I get with you…”
“Katie, I only did what I did to protect you.”
“I don’t need protecting. I need to remember the good times, the bad times, I need to know you. I need to… Jack, I just want to be in charge of my own mind.”
“And I never wanna take that away from you.” He fell silent then and just held Katie the way she liked to be held and wished with all his heart he could kiss away all those tears and fears. It would do more harm than good. But she leant into him and closed her eyes. Just a minute to think of nothing. No-one had ever warned her that thinking all the time was so exhausting. The silence was absolute, just the stirring of the autumn breeze disturbed the peace. There was a flat surface below her – namely, the ground – and a lifesize teddy bear by the name of Jack to provide comfort. What was to stop her just sinking to the floor and sleeping here? Definitely tired enough. Bed was so far away.
Then it hit her. For a couple of days there had been this odd feeling inside and she couldn’t remember why she had it. But now… now it came back like a brick dropped from heaven. Katie lifted herself away from Jack, squeezing his hand hard enough to grind bones in anyone else, and took herself off into the old house, unsure whether she wanted him to follow or not.
Turning right beyond the front door, Katie slid her trainers off and kicked them into the pile, found her bunny slippers from another heap and walked past the kitchen where three of her housemates were pretending not to have been watching the action from the window. The person she was looking for wasn’t among them. That person was in the front room, flicking through a sports science textbook to fast to be reading it. Katie walked a little closer and saw the familiar white wires of earphones trailing the arms of the settee. Whether anything was playing through them was another matter – certainly there was none of that tinny beat overflow that drove her parents mad. She yanked the earphones away, kissed the top of the studiers head and tried to vault over the back of the settee and land on the empty seat like on TV. It ended badly.
“Hey Jaye!” she squealed down the tiny girls ears. They had seen each other just a few minutes earlier but they hadn’t really spoken in a couple of days. There had been this huge distance between them, it seemed.
“Ow! I hope you’re happy about making my ears bleed.”
“Umm…” Katie pretended to think the question over. “Yeah, I think I’m okay with it.”
“So glad to hear it.” Jaye snapped her book shut and tossed it to the floor. “Think I’ve read the same sentence a hundred times. Your parents seemed nice?”
“You’d love my sister. She’s as hyper as you.” Katie dodged the implied question. Her family were just that – family. Blood and name. No need to discuss how she felt about them. That was a minefield she had no desire to wade through just yet.
“How was it?”
“Too short.”
“Always is.”
“Do you ever see your family?”
Shadows flicked over Jaye’s delicate face. The look was instantly recognisable to Katie – which was disturbing on levels she hadn’t even known about. It was something all the Shades she knew did when there was something they didn’t want to talk or think about.
“My parents…” Jaye began and stopped. “They’re staunch Catholics. You know, when you’re gone, you’re gone. They think that going to my funeral was their last chance to see me. Don’t answer the phone, letters get return-to-sendered. I was the oldest of eight, if you can believe that, and they mostly believed I was still around but my parents convinced them I was just in their heads.”
“Jesus!”
“Brings a whole new meaning to the words you’re dead to us.”
“I can’t imagine my parents ever saying that to me.” Of course, she couldn’t predict their reaction when Katie died – which, one day, would happen. Knowing what she knew – the idea didn’t really scare her the way it had done. “They’re just…” shrugged, unable to find the right words. They’re just Mom and Dad.
“Just because I pretty much hate them now for that doesn’t mean I don’t still love them. Don’t look at me like that, I can’t explain it either. And stop feeling sorry for me.”
The thing was, Katie didn’t feel pity for her friend. It was easy to assume everyone who knew your secrets was going to feel sorry for you – she knew that well enough and mostly because it was true. She was doing her damned best to feel some sort of empathy but there was nothing there. Giving up on any attempts to form words, Katie shifted in her seated and wrapped Jaye in a hug, wishing she could pour all of her emotions out of her arms and into her friend. After a minute, the smaller girl flapped her arms and slapped blind hands all around, trying to connect with flesh. Katie loosened her grip but didn’t let go, suddenly certain that if she let go then Jaye would fall away from her. She had to hold on. You must find a way.
“Being dead doesn’t mean I don’t need to breathe,” Jaye gasped, finally realising she was short enough to just duck out of the circle of arms.
“Seriously?”
“Deadly. Wait. Seriously what?” Adam came onto the front room and started rummaging through the mess of board games on the bottom shelf of the bookcase.
“Seriously going to bed.”
“Not joining us for-“ he grabbed a box and yanked out a classic. “Snakes and ladders? Okay, who brought this?”
“Not unless you want to be carrying me up.”
Adam looked her up and down and then shook his head, passing the game to Jaye to set up. “No offence but I don’t think my back’ll take it.”
“No offence,” Katie shot back, “But I don’t think so either.”
“Meaning?” Jaye leaned across and whispered something in his ear, grinning wickedly. Adam suddenly looked hurt. “Right, you two are heading for smacked bums.”
“Promises, promises.”
“Yeah, Ad, don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
It was best to leave Jaye to the shameless flirting, especially since Lainy was clinking mugs outside the door. Katie held it open and tried to get past without knocking everything to the floor.
“Night.”
“Sweet dreams.”
Upstairs, Katie grabbed a pair of clean pyjamas and headed for the bathroom. When the bath water had run hot and was inching up the side of the tub, Katie kicked her dirty clothes under the sink to deal with tomorrow and climbed into the bubbly water. The quick post-race shower had barely touched the soul-deep aches and pains. Not that many of them actually stemmed from the exertions of the morning. Most of the fatigue she was feeling came from nerves, not enough sleep and nearly dying far too many times lately. As she started washing herself, Katie reminded herself how lucky she was not to still have any of the scars and marks she should have. A few days ago, she had been covered in cuts that would have made her look like some kind of monster had they scarred. Explaining those away would not have been fun. Interesting, but not fun. What did it cost? Katie vaguely recalled the streams of dark energy, the overwhelming power, she had touched that night, and lay back, wondering. What if it changed me?
But her brain wasn’t quite ready to process any of that just yet. Some kind of spongy wall had sprung up in her mind and all the sharp, fine details were kept safely behind it. How long would it hold back the flood?
Katie stayed in the water until it began to cool, drained the tub and shivered into her PJs. She squeezed a ling stripe of toothpaste onto her clear brush and stared at herself in the tiny mirror on the sink. There was a large mirrored panel propped in the corner of the bathroom, ready for Adam to fix to the medicine cabinet next time he went on a DIY rampage, to replace the old shattered one. The girl in the reflection looked sleepy but fresh and bright. That cannot be Katie, who felt about as fresh as a month old banana. Bruised, wrinkled and way past its’ best.
She jammed her feet back into bunny slippers and padded out. Voices were drifting up the stairs as Lainy, Adam and Jaye were squabbling over their game. A quiet beat sounded through the door next to her room. Not loud enough – the front row of an Aerosmith concert would not be loud enough – to disturb her sleep tonight.
But Katie didn’t get her silent wish and she dreamed. But she dreamt of just five words –
You must find a way.
Chapter two
“Are you ready to say goodbye?”
“No. Not yet. Can I have a little longer?”
“Of course, but you should really go get some rest. She’ll be here when you come back, I promise.”
“I don’t see her much, you know. It’s just hard to leave her for even a minute.”
“I understand.”
“Every second could be her last. I don’t want to risk it… missing it, I mean.”
“The machines are working hard to keep her alive, Mr Bayliss. She’s not going anywhere without your say so.”
“Just a minute or two more.”
The door to the side room opened wider and a nurse walked out and straight past Katie, too engrossed in her blue files to notice her.
“Dina, please. Why did you do this? Is it because of the divorce? Did you think it was your fault? Is it having to fly ten hours to see me? Please. If I had any part to play in this, I’m truly sorry.”
Katie blinked and took a deep breath before entering the room. “Excuse me. Sir?” She touched the older mans arm and he twisted his head to her, grasping his child’s thin hand in both of his. Unashamed tears were rolling down his face. “I was – am,” she corrected, “Dina’s housemate. Katie. I just dropped by to sit with her for a while.”
“She never mentioned you.”
“I’m new to town. We only knew each other a few days before…”
“You didn’t know her very well then?”
“No but she was part of my college family.”
“You have any idea why she did this? She came out to America with her friend Jaye – you know Jaye, right?” Katie nodded and stayed silent. Mr Bayliss looked as though he were having enough trouble speaking about Dina without her interrupting and making it harder. “She seemed fine then. Never stopped talking about the academy and all her friends. I don’t know how this could have happened… not without anyone noticing. I don’t think we ever will now.”
“Don’t speak like that.”
“These machines are breathing for her, pumping blood for her. She’s dead.”
She felt her own tears start battering at her eyelids and touched his shoulder, trying to be comforting. Inside, a huge shock hit her. Dina was dead. And she hadn’t come back.
“I need a walk and some coffee. Real stuff, not the mud here. I’ll e back later, baby girl.” Mr Bayliss bent down and kissed Dina’s head, watching her for long moments afterwards to see if he had magically provoked some kind of response. Katie could tell by the awkward set of his body that he felt uncomfortable showing such affection with an audience. Sweet to watch as it was, Katie turned her back and faced the window to give him some privacy until he left. When the door had creaked half shut and footsteps had faded down the hall, Katie sat in the seat he had vacated and thought for a moment. What good was it going to do, her being here? What did she hope to achieve sitting here and feeling sad? The logic of her visit seemed irrelevant as she looked over at Dina – her pale but still brown skin almost paling into the off-white bedsheets. She looked thinner than she had before. The first time she had come down here had been so hard, that was before it had nearly been her lying in the net bed, but she had learnt to just ignore the machine that beeped and display jerky lines. Something important was happening in those noisy boxes. Something she needed to think of. Something she filed away for later.
The list of things to think about later was already getting long and how much longer would it be tomorrow when she had lessons and homework to think about? It even sounded scary. There was a library somewhere downtown – Leo had already found it and she could stalk him there in the week – but there was bound to be one at Levenson Academy for Sports and Action. At least a quiet place to do her homework was sorted. And her student ID gave her access to the academy network. Katie vowed not to say it out loud but this new freedom made her finally feel like a grown up. No longer was she relying on other people to tell her what to do or to put a plaster on a scratched knee. Maybe, just maybe, and the thought came like a door slamming in her face, that was what Dina had been craving, what she had failed without. Everyone needed a hand to hold sometimes. If I’d known… I could have been that hand to hold.
Could you though? Would you have been there to stop her when you were dying yourself?
Logic again. Damn thing! No, she wouldn’t have been there. Maybe it was selfish but hey… she shuffled forward in her seat and took her friends cold hand in hers. She could, at least, be here now. “Everyone thinks of you. Every single day. Jaye goes one better, she thinks of you every minute. We miss you. I know you did some stupid stuff but we all do. Just… God, this is hard… just come back to us and stop everyone being sad.” Katie sat back again and let the stillness in the room wash over her.
You have to find a way. You must.
“How? What? Dina?” She looked at the girl in the bed and frowned. That voice. Had it been in her head? Or had Dina woken up, said those words, and then slipped back into unconsciousness in less than a second? Because that had definitely been her voice. “I wanted to thank you for saving my life last week. I think you can hear me. I wish you could just talk to me and tell me to stop worrying - that where-ever you are, you’re fine.”
“You think she is?” Mr Bayliss was drinking from a polystyrene coffee cup and running his hand through a birds nest on top of his head. The man looked as though he had been sleeping in the hospital room for the past two nights – maybe he had, time had seemed to blur into one since Thursday morning – and no less refreshed for his short walk.
“I don’t know.” Thinking was getting to be a bad idea as most of the thoughts she had were of dark, cracking energy, blood and people saying goodbye. “I hope so. Look, one of the others will come soon – go to ours, shower, rest. I have to go.”
“Thank you for coming. I know she appreciates it.”
Katie gave him a smile so thin and tight it might break, shrugged her baseball jacket back on and hurried out of the medical centre. She didn’t even know where she was going until she got to the reached the tiny gym at the sports stadium. There was a large one in the college building which was open but it was pretty much packed out when she peeked in on the way past. Being trapped in a room that many heaving, sweaty bodies – pass. To the tiny arena gym it was. The place was big enough for three bikes, two rowers, three treadmills, two cross-trainers and a set of free weights. It was more than enough to keep Katie occupied for an hour or so and work out her frustrations. A couple of male students were finishing up with the weights when she entered so she had the place to herself.
The gym was too close to other people to put her MP3 player on and start singing her head off but Roy, the caretaker, had left the radio on and she couldn’t help humming along. It was almost noon on a Sunday – there was school to get ready for tomorrow, a computer that needed sorting out and Lainy was making a proper roast dinner. What was she doing down here? The answer was obvious – she had come to thinking – but she was too busy trying not to think to notice. The events of Thursday morning were pushing at her brain but to let those memories rush back would force Katie to realise things she didn’t want to know. Like how close she had come to dying, how close she had come to losing Jack, how she had watched Dina walk into the arms of death and ask for her help, how she had refused to be the victim for one more minute. And she had saved Jack, hadn’t she? It made her shudder to remember that stormy night.
“Hey Roy,” she said to him as she went outside and reached for his book to sign out. “Sorry I didn’t speak earlier. Bit zoned out.”
“That’s awright. Me and Bernice watched you run yesterday. Not surprised you pooped.”
“Pooped? Right, that’s a pound in the swear jar.”
“I hear what all you stew-dents say. I’m an angel!”
She glanced at his mad-scientist grey hair, the face so wrinkled even a steam iron would have given up on it. “Yeah, I guess you are,” she sighed. Realising that sweet old Roy was either dead or dying hurt almost as much as losing Grandad had. How she could feel this deeply about so many people she hardly knew was quite a shock. “So, what you got for me today?”
“You been watching the news? Some darn freak storm the other night. Louder’n a jet over my house, I reckon.”
“Must’ve slept straight through it. When was it, again?”
“No-one was hurt, they say. S’pose that’s the main thing.”
“Yeah, no lasting damage. Always good.” Would Roy be upset if he knew Katie had died? Would anyone be upset? Maybe grief was a defunct emotion in Northwood – there was no point in feeling sad for the dead because they’d be back at your side in… how long did it take? “You came to watch me?”
“We likes to watch all the stew-dents when we can. Course, we can’t get about like we used to…” He slid his signing in sheet back behind his little hatch and waved her past.
“I guess I better go see if Lainy’s managed to blow the house up yet. And if she has… you and the missus have got yourselves a lodger.” It was meant as a light-hearted threat but Roy looked at Katie like he was deep in thought. Then his face dropped.
“Sorry, the landlord says maximum occupancy is two. Though I don’t see as how you’d take up much room.”
“I was only joking Roy. See you soon.”
“Are you inviting Jack?” asked Jaye when Katie got home and dumped her things. “Lainy’s used to cooking for six so there’s plenty.”
“Can I? I mean, I don’t know if I should.”
“I don’t have a problem with him being here.” There was conviction in her voice but the kind that was deliberately put there.
“If you’re sure. I’d like to ask him but, you know, I don’t want things to be awkward.”
The last time Jack and Jaye had seen each other, there had been some kind of confrontation and, she thought, a promise to fight. Jack had taken the last bit of life Dina had left in the hospital so he could materialise and be with Katie. That had sent her into flatline and she had been in a coma ever since. From Jaye’s guarded expression, the tension had not faded away but nor had it grown. Hmm… if they could get through a dinner perhaps it would put the two of them on speaking terms again. “Everything’ll be fine, babe. Trust me.”
“Trust you with what?” Lainy came into the kitchen brandishing a potato masher and began attacking the spuds in one of the pans on the stove.
“Katie’s inviting Jack for dinner. I was saying how cool it’ll be to have six people round the table again. Even if it’s not the right six.”
“Sweetie, don’t you think it might be a little short notice?”
“I showed him a short cut.”
Lainy nodded and the shooed both girls out of her kitchen. Jaye made a beeline for the bathroom and the shower started a minute later. Katie sat herself in the chair furthest from the kitchen, right in the corner of the living room. Just in case she made any noise. Then Katie closed her eyes and reached down inside her for a ball of – well, she didn’t want to be dramatic and call it her soul but whatever it was that kept her going. Essence? When she called for him, he would need to draw on that.
Jack? I want you to be part of us for today. You know you can come through me if you want to.
She felt an invisible hand stroke hat knot of energy inside. Just the slightest tug in her stomach, slowly creeping up and then finger writing words in her head. You must find a way.
Jack, is that you? But she knew it wasn’t. And just as this gentle touch reached for her ball of whatever in her stomach again, another hand grabbed for it and the gentle one left. Like losing an unborn baby or phantom limb syndrome, she just felt her body empty out. The tender touch had left. And it had torn of a string of her life source and it was unravelling behind it. The other hand, the rough one, snapped at the thread but it was strong as steel and thin as hair. Katie closed her eyes and tried to let herself see this internal scuffle but it seemed that she had missed most of the action.
“Lady Katie.” A cowboy with green eyes tipped his hat to her with his free hand – the one that wasn’t currently looping itself around a running thread of silvery energy.
“Where’s it all going?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.”
“Please hurry. Before it runs out. It’s all I have left.” Katie was tired from her workout and needed a change of clothes before dinner.
“It shouldn’t be like this.” The cowboy shook his head and closed his hand around the silvery thread. “It was never this way before.”
“Jack, come on. I’m tired and I can’t give you anything else.” Katie clenched her fists and stared at the shrinking ball of life before her, holding on to it with all her might – willing it to be just enough. Her outside body probably looked stupid – her concentrating face had her tongue out and her fingers in rigid ET positions – but inside was all that mattered. “We can talk about this later.”
“What if this is important though? It’s all going away, running away from whatever I grab onto.”
“There’s enough.” I hope. “Just… ow!” She stumbled in her concentration as Jack grabbed for a strand with both hands and pulled.
Katie tried to open her eyes but the sudden pain of her insides being pulled on shocked them shut again. Breathing deep, she tried to let herself relax and let the pain wash over her. It wasn’t pain really. It didn’t even hurt if you didn’t fight it. The theory sounded good on paper but in reality… yeah, it hurt. Not the oh-my-God-I-think-my-guts-are-about-to-explode kind of pain but the good kind, the oh-my-God-I-think-I’m-gonna die kind. Instead of focussing on Jack and his process of coming into the real world, Katie put everything she had left into strengthening that silver string inside. For a split-second, the thread shimmered purple-black but it was so brief she might have seen nothing more than a strange bend of the light.
You have light in your head? Wow. Cool head.
The tiny voice that only ever pointed out problems was right though. A trick of the light inside her mind. Maybe I saw something.
As she puzzled that, Katie opened her eyes and looked up to see her green-eyed cowboy smiling down at her. She had barely felt him coming through her this time so making that ball of energy stronger seemed to have worked. Of course, she felt even more tired and drained than she had before.
“I don’t like this. I hate using you to come here.”
“You’re here now and I’m fine.” Well, she would be when she had slipped her PJs on and emptied a can of Red Bull down her throat.
“There has to be a better way.”
She had been hearing that a lot lately. Best not to mention it. Not yet anyway. The last thing Katie wanted was another emergency situation in which she found herself running for her life. She hadn’t really recovered properly from the last one… any of them, honestly, but taking time off from life would be bad. She just felt it. Her body had come through with no scars or breaks – a miracle in itself – just a bone-deep exhaustion that only time would get rid of. Her brain was wilfully blocking out too many memories but she remembered blood and violence and a man with hate in his eyes. Recovery took routine and pushing yourself and convincing everyone you were fine because then it might be true.
“One that doesn’t hurt,” he went on.
Katie blinked and shook the thoughts from her head. She had been right on the edge of something else, something that was going to be important but it was gone the moment Jack’s voice touched her ears. Nothing else mattered for a few hours. They would eat a Sunday lunch together, fall asleep in front of the TV when they were full together.
“Lady Katie, have I ever told you you’re amazin’?”
“Yeah, most of the last week. But I’m not stopping you from doing it again.”
“After what you been through, I think it’s incredible you can even stand, let alone bring me across. And you still look like Lady Katie, not some haunted, hollowed out wreck of a girl.” But that was exactly how she felt. “You’re beautiful. You’re strong. You’re-“
“Taller than you in heels!” singsonged Jaye, as she danced into the living room, dragging her hairbrush through her chin length black tangles. “Or she would be if she ever let me take her shopping.
If you were about to say special, I will kill you with my bare hands! she silently warned him, earning a cheeky but very disturbing grin from Jack. Duh! She knew he could read her thoughts – they had spoken like this before. How could she have forgotten that? Did he know everything she thought about? There were definitely parts of her mind that were strictly for her eyes only. “Nice try Jaye.”
“I’m not giving up on you yet, babe.”
“I need to get out of these.” Katie peeled her sweat-sticky t-shirt from her back, aware that not all of it had come from her gym session.
“I’ll get you looking like a real girl one of these days.”
She traced her fingers across Jaye’s palm as she headed for the door and shot a look back to Jack, fearing what would happen when she left the room. “Play nice.”
Little more than an hour later, six people were sitting around the dinner table finishing up the roast lamb dinner Lainy had made. It wasn’t the selection of housemates it should be but enough laughter and happy bitching buzzed around that Katie felt just as comfortable with Jack and Mr Bayliss as she had with Adam and Dina, whom they had temporarily replaced.
“I want to thank you and your husband for having me in your home.”
“Oh, we’re not married,” Lainy said quickly. “We can’t get-“ she caught herself before she said more than she wanted to. “We couldn’t let you find a café and eat all on your own. Not when you have friends here.”
“You’re not married? But you have the same name. I just assumed…”
“Just a hell of a coincidence, I guess.”
Katie knew it was a lie but she just smiled and carried on chasing peas. Lainy had conveniently forgotten about everything Katie had said the day she woke up. That or she was pretending it had never happened. She knew, though, that the mysterious disappearing injuries had not been so easily glossed over and was dreading the shit hitting the fan.
“Are you two looking forward to your first days?” Lainy asked. “Be honest.”
“Just school ain’t it? Only you’re a bit older,” grumbled Leo. “I thought I left all the homework crap behind in college.”
“Why the fuck are you here if you don’t want to work?” That earnt Jaye a sharp watch your language look from Lainy and the table shuddered as she sent a light kick her way. “Seriously? I mean, you want to doss around, the academy is so the wrong place to do it.”
“I’m excited. I’m nervous too though.” Truthfully, Katie was crapping herself about it. It was probably the anticipation that was sending butterflies through her stomach.
“It’s understandable. You’re hours from home, it’s all new, you’re on your own.”
“I have all these worries. What if the classes are too hard? What if the other students hate me? What if-“
“Katie, Katie,” Mr Bayliss interrupted. “Am I right thinking you’re the youngest here?” She nodded. He continued. “You must be a very talented young lady to gain early admission.”
“On a full scholarship too,” Jaye added sounding proud.
“If I keep my grades up.”
“Which you will.” Jack squeezed her hand under the table – just a bit of pressure on the back of her hand, hardly a touch at all. “No problem.”
“I’m sure all your friends here will help you with any schoolwork.”
The idle chatter carried on for a few more minutes and then Lainy piped up once more. “Sorry, gang, no dessert.”
“Elaine, dinner was lovely and I thank you for letting me join in. Dina always told me you were all so kind.” Mr Bayliss glanced down at his plate and looked sad for a moment, then he raised his head with a determined sigh and started piling the dirty plates. “You and the girls go have a nice rest in the front room. Katie, take your young man with you. This gentleman and I will clear up.” He jerked his head towards Leo who did not look at all happy about it but, for once, didn’t grump about it. In fact, he looked a little bit frightened by Mr Bayliss. Being parented when he thought he had left it all behind. His childhood coming up to bite him in the arse. Brilliant!
“Jack, I’m upstairs when you’re ready. We need to talk… in private.” Katie bolted off upstairs and left the other three to it. When she had come downstairs in her PJs and slippers Jack and Jaye had been deep in a conversation that had ended the moment she had entered the room. Mysterious sure but they hadn’t torn each others’ throats out so Katie was assuming the little chat had been civil with possibilities of friendly. No bloodshed – always good. She pulled the chair out, sat down and switched on her new laptop, ready to start work installing software and registering programs but all she did was stare at the shiny screen. The old one was scratched, battered and cluttered with games – probably the real reason Dan had wanted it.
There was a knock at the door. How long had she been sitting there doing nothing?
“Yeah?”
“It’s me.”
“I know who it is. Are you coming in?”
The door opened a crack and Jack slid in, leaving the door open an inch or two. There was something about having a parent in the house, even when it wasn’t your own, that made everyone act on their best behaviour. It was kind of funny.
“How do you feel?”
“Seriously? My whole world’s basically turned itself inside out this summer and you ask how I feel? Unbelievable.” It was rare for a man, dead or alive, to show interest in female emotions so she was definitely holding on to that one but wow… they knew how to pick their moments. “Okay, here’s the rundown.” Katie swivelled around on her chair and started counting down on her fingers. She took a deep breath and got to “stressed” before Jack circled his arms around her waist and pulled her down to the bed with him.
“Bad Jack. Very bad Jack. Would you have done that if it was my dad down there?”
He snorted. “No. Your dad treats you like you’re made of glass. And I’d definitely be payin’ damages if he knew how I handle delicate objects.”
“Cool. I’m delicate.”
“Yeah. I wanna take care of you if you’ll let me.”
Oh, Katie wanted that more than anything. But he’d tried that before and look at what had happened there. Being taken care of didn’t work.
“Give it a try, Lady Katie.”
She twisted in his arms and looked up at him. The only thing she saw in his eyes was this burning need for her to trust him. Lying in his arms was the best place she knew. It didn’t matter that somehow, he was always linked to whatever trouble she found herself in-
You must find a way
This was the one place she felt safe.
And then the dam broke.
Memories came cascading into her head and she screamed. No! Don’t let me drown. I can’t die like this. She didn’t know if she had yelled the words out loud but she really believed it. And it was all too much. The wall in Katie’s mind had finally snapped under the weight of the last few weeks of memories but somehow, the ones in which she nearly died weren’t half as scary as the ones she had buried much deeper. Jack sprang off the bed and bent down next to the girl, rubbing her back, unsure how best to help. All he could do was stand there and let Katie scream it all out… then footsteps pounded up the stairs and Leo shoved the door open.
“Get your hands off her!”
“I’m helping her. Katie had… a shock. She’ll be alright soon.”
“And you had nothing to do with this shock.”
Katie could practically see the air quotes on shock and, if she looked up, he might well be making them, but right now she couldn’t seem to stop screaming and crying. Her breath was starting to run out and agonised gasps were making their way out instead. In her mind, though, a hundred days of hurt was pouring out of her mouth. And then everything stopped – feeling, seeing, remembering – it all stopped and left her lifeless and sitting on the floor.
“Who’s to blame for this is not the problem. I don’t know what to do.”
Leo popped open one of the cans of Red Bull Katie had stashed under her bed and tilted it to her lips. She drank the amber liquid that formed on the lid but didn’t move. Jack looked on not understanding. “Sugar rush,” Leo explained. “I used to do it for my mom. Cures a lot of things. Sometimes it makes things worse.” He put his arm under her shoulders and nudged her back onto the bed, still keeping the drink by her lips so she could sip, slowly – very slowly – coming back to earth. “I don’t suppose they taught any of this when you grew up. Katie said you’re about 150.”
“A little more if you count my age when I died.”
“Whatever. Let’s just say you’re real old. What did you do?”
“Nothin’! We were just sitting here and she just… broke?”
“I ain’t kidding, Jack. If you’ve hurt her… You know how easy it is to hurt people without realising it. I’ve lain awake in there,” he jerked his thumb towards his room and held Katie more tightly, “listening to her nightmares for the last time. I don’t know what she dreams about but it’s your names she shouts when she wakes up, so I’m guessing you have something to do with them. Right?”
“Okay, I s’pose I owe you - hey, she’s startin’ to come round. Is she okay now?”
Leo glared at Jack. He had seen Katie in a drugged out stupor last week, lying unconscious in this bed last week, all slashed and torn just hours before that – was there even an okay after that?
Chapter three
“Where’d he go?”
Katie blinked and the world lost it’s safe, blunt edges, becoming lethal corners and angles again. There was a sticky sweet coating on her lips and she sucked at it desperately, not quite sure why. She was aware of an arm holding her up against her head board – a human arm, with the bulk and weight that not even Jack could emulate. She turned, saw it was Leo and instantly tensed every muscle in her body. It was an unconscious reflex she had to being touched by any man who wasn’t her father or Jack. It had come as quite a shock to find herself relaxing completely with Jack so quickly but that was the effect he had. Leo on the other hand…A few inches taller than her but quite wiry in build, he had some air of danger about him. Although he was helping Katie now, she couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit afraid of him.
“Where’s Jack?”
Her words hadn’t yet gained the accusing air they would do later; this was more of a sleepy and mildly curious question. But Leo had already felt her go hard next to him and eased his arm from under her head, moving to the other side of the room to give her space. “I told him to go.”
“Why? Why does my mouth taste like I just drowned in syrup? Why are you sitting here with me?”
“Slow down.” Leo put his hands up and heaved himself up onto the desk. He glanced down at the laptop. “You need to do a reboot. What’s this?” Something silvery glinted from the mess of black wires and program user guides written in just about every language but English. He held up a seven pointed star and twisted it to catch the soft evening light.
Katie shrugged. Something, a memory, was trying to fight its’ way out of the jumble in her head. She tried to squint at the star but the way it was catching the light was too bright to make out much.
“You got some weird shit, bitch,” he said, tossing it onto the bed as he yanked the door open.
“Leo, wait!” He paused. Katie wondered why she had just said that. It wasn’t as though she wanted him in her room any longer than was necessary. And yet, something tugged at her. “Everything I told you last week… it’s all true. All of it. I hate it, I really do, and I know you probably don’t believe it but it’s going to happen. You’re going to die.”
“Yeah?”
“Fight it, run from it, ignore it, do what you want. But it’s real Leo. And I think I figured something out.”
“What? Two and two is twenty two? Fetch the engines, bitch is on fire.”
“Fine, get out.”
He just stood in the doorway, not moving, not saying a word, just staring at her with those hard blue eyes and knowing she would crack under his glare.
“I’m not playing stupid games. Get out of my room!” She opened her mouth, getting ready to scream, and he bolted out. Katie threw a pillow at the closed door in frustration and threw herself forward on the mattress. After a minute of just lying there and refusing point blank to think about anything, Katie stood up and stumbled around, half-asleep already, filling her new messenger bag with stuff she thought she might need for her classes tomorrow. Giving the bag a test lift, she decided against about a third of the books and notebooks she had planned to take, doubting she would be asked to handwrite a novel on her first day. Was it seriously only the first proper day tomorrow? Katie felt as though she had lived a lifetime in Northwood.
Over the course of the first morning at Levenson Academy of Sports and Action, Katie found herself in a group of ten students her age with another group of teenagers a year older taking over the other half of the classroom. They were given their timetables which gave them English, maths and science lessons together, four elective classes with lower ability but older students and then an hour and a half each day given over to sports. Not counting the time people might want to put in before or after hours. She spent the morning puzzling over her schedule and trying to figure out how she could get from drama to psychology when one finished as the other started on the other side of the building. By some amazing stroke of luck, that Friday afternoon clash was the only overlap in her classes. The group she was in spent the rest of the morning doing team-building exercises and ice-breakers. None of which Katie had the least bit of interest in. Not while her head was crammed with the memories she had unlocked last night. God, there were so many things in her head this morning. Remembering her tutors’ name – Mr Conroy – five minutes after he had finished speaking was a minor victory. The afternoon would be some tests in their three core subjects to get their levels and make sure the work set wasn’t too easy or too hard. Although Katie usually did quite well under pressure, she wasn’t looking forward to them today. She didn’t like things she hadn’t had chance to prepare for.
Yeah, like anyone gives a crap what you want.
It was a harsh truth, but a true truth. Okay, the English exam was going to be a fail! Nearly dying hadn’t been on her to-do list, nor had killing a man to avoid it. Watching a girl walk into the open arms of death – not on the list. Being raped, treated like a criminal, leaving home when she needed her family most – not there either. But those things had happened whether she liked them or not. And that wasn’t even counting the things she had found out this weekend.
“Hey, wakey wakey! Don’t make me touch.”
Someone was waving a tanned hand in front of her face and talking as if they had been trying to catch her attention for a while. Katie had taken advantage of the lunch break to find a quiet corner of the cafeteria and let her brain switch off for a few moments. Being a college full of teenagers and barely-out-of-their-teens, hush was impossible but the constant chatter was rhythmic enough to ignore.
“Huh?”
“Earth to planet Katie. Y’in there?”
“What do you want Leo?”
“Answers.”
“Yes, you’re a shit. Get lost.”
“How’s your morning?”
“Probably the same as yours.”
“You’re not worried about anything?”
What was she meant to say? Yes, I’m worried Dina really is dead and my boyfriend was the one to kill her; I’m worried that I’m so tired because my life is running out and not because I’m still getting my strength back; I’m worried that I murdered a man and I’m worried about… I’m just worried about me. So she grinned and hoped none of those thoughts were showing in her face. “Screw the civilities, Pointer. Not in the mood.”
“I’m trying to help you. You looked terrible last night. Jack said it was nothing to worry about but you look worse today. I might be able to help if you tell me what’s going on.”
“Very Christian of you.”
“The Bible tells you to help the weak and the stupid, not that you gotta like ‘em.”
“It’s - it’s hard to explain here. Later, okay?” She had less than zero intentions of talking to him about anything later. “Jaye!”
A tiny girl with a backpack that looked as though it weighed more than her waved at Katie and started moving through the crowd, shouldering through the people she could and melting through the rest in that supernatural way she had. No-one seemed to notice. “Hi!”
“Glad to be back?”
“Oh, yeah. First day exams – what every girl dreams of.”
“At least you knew they were coming.”
“So did you. It was in your student starter pack.” Katie glared at Leo. “It came Wednesday and I thought you were a bit too busy to bother reading it. I was trying to help.”
“Help?” She laughed, a little too high and loud to be genuine. “Man, that’s a good one.”
“Seriously, if you can spell your name, count to ten and know the formula for water, you’ll cruise them.” Jaye reached over to her food tray and stole a handful of spicy wedges. “Why does food always taste better when it’s someone else’s? Anyway, you two looked knee deep in serious thought – anything interesting?”
“She won’t say.”
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