Survival
By
A.M. Hargrove
Copyright 2011 A.M. Hargrove
Smashwords 2nd Edition
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Acknowledgments
I’d like to thank my husband, Henry, for all of his encouragement on my journey of becoming a writer. Without him I never would have taken those first daunting steps into this new world.
I would also like to acknowledge my daughter, McIntyre, and her friend, Mary Scott Bennett, for lending me their personalities (minus the clumsiness!) on which I based the development of Maddie! A big thanks to my son, T.A.C., for his love, friendship, and shared cooking interests.
I would also like to thank my friend, Karen Sims, for having to endure reading my first and extremely rough drafts of both Survival and its sequel.
A huge thanks goes to my dear friend, Kathie Bennett, who provided me with great encouragement to move forward with this project as well as an in-depth knowledge of the world of publishing.
And finally, I’d like to thank my editor, Sarajoy Porter, who really made this all possible my taking my written words and adding her special magic to them, turning them into a fun, enjoyable read.
For more information on The Guardians of Vesturon, please visit my blog at www.amhargrove.blogspot.com
Find me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/guardiansofvesturon
Follow me on Twitter at www.twitter.com/amhargrove1
For Henry
Table of Contents
Maddie
Prologue
Maddie slowly cracked opened her eyes to see the brilliance of the morning peeking through her tent. Squinting, she poked her nose out of her sleeping bag to test the temperature, and just as she imagined, the frost in the air nipped at her. She knew she would have to get up soon to use the facilities, if you could call the outhouse that, and also to make her breakfast as well as break down her campsite.
She was so warm and cozy though, the thought of moving didn’t really appeal to her. But… it was Christmas morning, and she wanted to spend the day roaming the Smoky Mountains, enjoying the scenery. She knew that if she delayed too long, she would have limited time since it would get dark so early this time of year.
She quickly unzipped her toasty sleeping bag, slipped her boots on, threw on a jacket, and unzipped the door to her tent. When she got her first glimpse of the morning, her jaw hit the ground, and she sucked in her breath. She was standing in a winter wonderland, complete with a three inch blanket of snow. She broke out in childlike laughter and jumped around like someone had just handed her a million bucks. She ran around in a circle and then suddenly let herself plop backwards in the snow. She flapped her arms and legs wildly and then stood up to admire her handiwork. Out of her pocket came her camera, and she commenced to snap photos of the awesome snow angel she had just created.
Maddie was in heaven! This was the first time in her life she had ever awakened to a white Christmas, and she was going to milk this one for all it was worth. This was absolutely the best present she had ever received, and today was the first day since… well, she wasn’t going to let herself think of that. She simply felt sheer, unadulterated, uncomplicated happiness.
She took care of her outhouse business, headed back to her tent to make breakfast with some hot cocoa, and sat down to enjoy the view. She was still shocked at her luck. Snow hadn’t been in the forecast, so this was the greatest surprise… ever!
In a flash, she had everything packed up, and she was ready to head out of camp. She had spent the night up at Mount LeConte and was now going to head over to the Appalachian Trail. Her next stop would be the shelter at Peck’s Corner.
When she was all geared up, she headed for the trailhead, yet quickly, she realized that she may have some difficulty. The snow had completely covered everything, including the trail, and it might be a bit tricky staying on track. She worried about this until she noticed a single set of footprints that started right at the trailhead and led her in the right direction... down the Boulevard Trail. It was as if her guardian angel had been there and created it just for her. She paused to consider it for a moment, but then, she quickly moved on as she had a lot of ground to cover today and didn’t know the condition of the trails ahead. She said a quick thanks to her “trail guide” and headed down.
As usual, while she hiked, her mind wandered and started drifting in the direction of her parents. She could do that these days without getting weepy about it. She had college and her roommates to thank for that. It was Christmas though, and she felt she was entitled to think about her parents. That’s how she spent most of that day... until she passed the stranger coming toward her. She felt her first cause for alarm when she laid eyes on him, but never expected how that chance meeting would alter her destiny forever.
Chapter 1
I was running down the soccer field toward the goal, preparing to receive a pass from the center forward when my eyes abruptly flew open. My dream had been interrupted by the first hints of cinnamon as it wafted into my room. I threw off the covers, bolted out of bed, and took the stairs two at a time as I headed toward the kitchen. I came to a screeching halt when I saw my mother standing there staring at her watch.
“Well?” I asked.
“2 minutes and 10 seconds,” she replied. “I believe that’s a record.”
She was referring to the amount of time it took me to awaken from a dream-filled sleep and get to the kitchen after she had pulled the tray of her yummy homemade cinnamon rolls out of the oven. Just the thought of those deliciously gooey, sweet concoctions made my mouth water, but the scrumptious smell was totally off the charts. My mother made the best cinnamon rolls known to man. Whenever I recollect them, I can still taste and feel their sweet melting texture in my mouth.
* * * * *
I shook my head as I pulled myself back to the present and away from one of my favorite memories. I stared at the imposing structure before me-- my new home. I was moving into my college dorm at Western Carolina Unversity, located in Cullowhee, North Carolina! My trepidation mounted, as did my excitement. My roommates should be here any minute so I threw a bag across my shoulder and stuffed a box under my arm. I joined countless other students trudging in and out with various items in tow, including futons, TVs, and other strange things that made me wonder where they would stow them all.
The dorm was one of the new ones on campus, thankfully. When I entered the building, I was greeted with all kinds of flyers and posters stuck everywhere, announcing this function or that party. It was mind boggling at first to even contemplate all the activities that would be taking place on campus. Now my excitement began to mount. When I walked up to the door of our suite, there were all of our names listed in alphabetical order: C. Kittredge, C. Newman, M. Pearce and J. St. Davis. I was “M. Pearce,” short for Madeline Mariah Pearce, and I was officially a college student!
I felt a huge grin spread across my face. I just stood there and stared, until I heard someone say, “Well, are you going to stand there all day, or are you going to walk through that door?”
I spun around and looked… down… to see an itty bitty, blonde girl with a big grin and eyes that sparkled.
“Are you—?”
She interrupted me, “Catherine Newman… but just call me Cat, and I hope to heaven you’re Maddie!” She said as she held out her arms and pulled me into hug that nearly squished the air out of me. That little thing was strong!
“Yes, lucky for you, I am Maddie. Actually, Madeline Mariah Pearce, from lovely Spartanburg, located in the magnificent upstate of South Carolina, where the air is pure and the sky is blue and the…” I said in an exaggerated Southern accent before she interrupted me.
By this time, she was guffawing, yelling, “Stop! I can’t take any more!”
Cat and I hit it off fabulously. She was half my size. Ok, not really, but it felt that way. She stood all of five feet (I think she was only four feet and maybe ten inches, but she swore she was taller than that!), had steel grey eyes and a head full of really curly blonde hair, which appeared to be as unruly and uncooperative as mine. It so went everywhere… but it suited her.
Cat was full of life. There was just no other way to describe her. From the first moment I met her, I knew we’d be BFF’s—and I mean forever. She was my soul sister, AND we were so much alike it was uncanny. Like me, she was constantly in a rush, and she always looked like she had just survived a hurricane. When Catherine made up her mind about something, well, that was it. She was as hardheaded as a cinder block, again, like me, in that regard—and funny! OMG, that girl could make me laugh until my sides were killing me.
She was born and raised in Asheville, North Carolina, so it was easy to find one thing we both loved. That was, no surprise, hiking. She had spent two weeks over the summer hiking the Appalachian Trail and was hooked.
Moments later, two adults appeared, which I correctly assumed were her parents. We quickly introduced ourselves and then the question I had so been dreading was popped.
“So Maddie, are your parents here?”
I felt my head swim a bit as I was thrust into another disturbing flashback.
* * * * *
It was still difficult, after all these years, to think of the day when the doorbell rang, and the police were in the foyer explaining to my dad and I about “the accident.” That’s how we came to label it. It wasn’t her “untimely death” or “the day she left us” or even “the day she died.” It was simply “the accident.”
We were home doing the usual things late one Saturday morning, when a police car pulled into the driveway. I dashed to the window to look out, because in our neighborhood, it was a rare occurrence to see a police car, much less one in your driveway.
“Daddy, the police are here!” I yelled as the two officers rang our doorbell.
“Hello, young lady. Is your daddy home?” they asked.
By that time, my dad had entered the foyer and said, “Can I help you officers?”
“Are you Henry Pearce?” When my dad nodded, they continued, “Mr. Pearce, are you married to a Mariah Pearce?”
“Yes,” Dad hesitantly replied. “Why? What’s going on?” he choked out.
“I’m so sorry to inform you sir, but there’s been a terrible accident.”
Another car had crossed the centerline and hit her head on. She died instantly they told us. She was on her way home from the grocery store.
When I heard the news, I started to feel a buzzing in my head. I couldn’t make out any more words… it was like the voices I heard were coming from the next room. I thought back, and it occurred to me that I never told her goodbye or that I loved her. The next thing I remembered, I was lying on the sofa with a cold cloth on my head.
I was eleven years old then, and I couldn’t help thinking there couldn’t be a worse time to lose your mom. Who would I to talk to about periods, boys, prom dresses? Who would help me tame my unruly red hair? What was I going to do? My guts had been ripped out, and I was dying.
The funeral was a blur… I couldn’t even tell you who was there. My stomach hurt constantly… I couldn’t keep anything down. I stood with my dad, squeezing his hand with all my might. It took my mind off the possibility of vomiting everywhere.
My life changed dramatically after that. The fun had been sucked out of me, leaving me pathetically miserable.
* * * * *
“Maddie, are you ok?” I head someone asking.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I guess I am a bit excited with everything here.”
“I understand,” Mrs. Newman replied. “Honey, are your Mom and Dad here?”
One part of me wanted to lash out and say, ”Um, that would be a big ‘NO’ seeing as they’re both dead,” but I knew that would be rude and totally uncalled for. So I went with my usual response instead.
“No, ma’am, they aren’t. It’s just me, myself and I today,” I said with a tug of a smile.
Mr. and Mrs. Newman both gave me a surprised look that quickly turned to pity… something else I abhorred.
“Don’t worry, it won’t be a problem. There are all sorts of students they have recruited as ‘Moving Aids’ out there. You can find them by their t-shirts. They are the ones wearing red,” I supplied.
“What a wonderful idea,” Cat exclaimed. “I wonder if any of them are cute?”
“Cat, I don’t think this is a time when you need to be worrying about that since you have loads of stuff to do,” Mrs. Newman admonished.
“How about we head back down for another load?” I suggested, saving Cat from any more comments.
In reality, the “Moving Aids” really were a blessing and we all made short work of hauling everything up. I only had one “oops” too. Let me explain that. I was horrifically clumsy and had been my entire life. My mom did her best to rectify that to no avail, bless her heart.
I had been lugging up a plastic bin filled with all of my intimate items, such as panties and bras. As I walked through the door to our suite, the toe of my tennis shoe caught on the threshold and I tripped. I shot like a rocket across the room, trying my best to prevent a crash and burn. Unfortunately for Mr. Newman, he was standing in the wrong place at the wrong time, and he took the brunt of my momentum. My plastic bin burst open and we both tumbled to the floor. When I finally was able to sit up, I was mortified by what my eyes beheld. Mr. Newman was lying on the floor with all of my panties and bras mounded over his head. He was a vision in thongs! Cat and her mother were in hysterics, slapping their knees and hooting. Apologizing profusely, I quickly dashed over to him, stuffed everything back in the bin and scurried to the bedroom. What a way to make a first impression.
Our suite was actually pretty cool. In the center was a main living area with a non-cooking kitchen. By that I mean it had a microwave and full size refrigerator, but it didn’t have a stove or oven. That was fine by me because I couldn’t adequately boil water.
Off the main living area ran two hallways. On either side was a bathroom, a vanity area, built in dressers and two walk-in closets. The hall ended at the bedroom, which was quite sizable for a dorm. It contained two lofted bunk beds and two desks with chairs.
I looked around trying to decide where to put everything. Once we got to work, we set up the room in no time flat and then started the unpacking and stowing of everything.
Our other two suite mates, Carlson Kittredge and January St. Davis, were doing the exact same thing so it wasn’t until the evening that we were able to convene in the living area and start getting acquainted with each other.
Admittedly, I was dreading this part as well. It wouldn’t take time before the famous questions would hit. I had prepared myself for the inevitable queries, but they always rattled me nevertheless.
“So Maddie, why didn’t your parents come?” Cat asked.
“Well, it’s sort of a long story,” I said.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand.”
“No… actually, I should probably just get it out of the way.” So I began the story of my terrible years as a teen.
Chapter 2
I started with “the accident” and moved ahead, explaining how life without my mom was sheer hell, and how I had blindly groped my way through middle school and then high school.
“I missed her incessantly and was in a state of acute and abject grief but didn’t know how to cope. You never realize how much you depend on someone until they’re not there any more. Thank heaven for my dad.”
“That first year after ‘the accident,’ Dad and I spent nearly every weekend backpacking. It was our escape from the pain; sleeping under the stars while marveling at the splendor of the Smoky and the Blue Ridge Mountains was the perfect antidote.”
“We loved going to the Great Smoky Mountain National Park or the Pisgah National Forest. We gained a sense of peace and serenity there that we couldn’t find back home. Shivering from the cold or drenched in sweat, we loved it all the same.”
“Dad taught me all the tricks of living outdoors—how to tie every kind of knot known to man, how to pitch a tent in the best spot, where to find water, how to protect your food from the bears, how to start a fire, how to stay dry in a deluge, how to stay warm in the snow, and how to cook using a teeny tiny camp stove. We did some serious bonding on those trips,” I finished.
Cat finally interjected, “Maddie, I am so sorry for all of that. It sounds horrific. I couldn’t imagine going through middle school and high school without my Mom.”
“Yeah, it was pretty bad, which is why I don’t usually mention it. It’s not exactly party talk.”
I went on with my story because I knew if I didn’t, those awful moments would eventually resurface. After all, these people would be living with me and they wouldn’t just ignore the fact that my parents were mysteriously absent all of the time. What I didn’t know then was that January, one of my other suitemates, had experienced something much different, but equally as tragic. I didn’t find this out for quite some time.
“My Dad was my rock. He was there for everything and always had a positive attitude about things. He kept me grounded.”
I continued with my story, because what they didn’t realize, the worst was yet to come.
“My senior year began and school was going great for me. Running cross country and hanging with my friends kept me pretty involved. You could say I had finally re-engaged myself in life. My eighteenth birthday was on September 14, and my dad wanted to throw a party for me. It was awesome of him to want to do that, but some kids would have tried to sneak in beer and liquor, and I didn’t want my dad to have to deal with that. So I told him my preference would be for him to take several of my friends and me out to dinner somewhere.”
I told them how we ended up at a local favorite, Yanni’s, where we chowed down on pizza, subs, and salads. And afterwards, how they all surprised me with a huge Bruster’s Ice Cream cake—my very favorite. It was lots of fun, and my dad was a great sport, considering all the girl babble that took place. Things had begun to work out for me, I recounted to them, and I found myself actually enjoying my senior year. Then October hit, and preparing essays for college applications monopolized all of my time.
“In mid-October, October 14th to be exact, another devastating blow turned my world upside down. I was sitting in my AP physics class when an announcement came over the intercom asking me to report to the principal’s office.”
I told them how I grabbed my stuff and headed for Mr. Emery’s office. “When I arrived, Mr. Emery, the principal, Mrs. Overland, the senior guidance counselor, and Mrs. Woodburn, the school nurse, were all there.”
I relayed to them how Mr. Emery dropped the biggest bomb ever when he informed me that my dad had suffered a heart attack at work and died. I tried my best to explain how I couldn’t breathe, how I had tried to inhale, but how the air seemed to to have been sucked out of the room.
“I woke up on the floor of the principal’s office, and Mrs. Woodburn had a cool cloth on my forehead and was taking my pulse. I heard Mrs. Overland saying, ‘She MUST have some next of kin. Are you saying she’s ALONE… no cousins, aunts, uncles, anything?’”
“When I tried to sit up, but the room began spinning, making me sick to my stomach. ‘Maddie, is there anyone we can call?’ they asked. ‘We need to release you to someone…’
I told them how I started screaming about not having any other family and how I was all alone.
“Then, the school nurse took me down to the emergency room, and there he was. At six feet tall, my dad was a fairly large man, yet he looked so small lying on that table. You could tell they had made every attempt to save him. He was still hooked up to a bunch of tubes and wires. Then, some woman came in and asked me where they should send the body. I had no clue what she was asking.”
“The names of the local funeral homes weren’t something I could just spurt out . My mind went blank when I tried to remember the one my dad had used for my mom’s funeral. Not to mention that the thought of leaving my dad was killing me because I knew this would be the last time I would ever lay eyes on him.”
“Mrs. Woodburn, the nurse, took me home. I wanted her to take me to school to get my car, but instead, she took my keys and said someone would be dropping it off. When I got home, there sat my dad’s empty coffee cup on the kitchen counter and his empty cereal bowl in the sink. His bed was made, as it usually was; his bathroom was neat and orderly. There was nothing unusual to make you think that he hadn’t felt well. I climbed on his bed and held his pillow to my face. That’s when the tears hit and I cried myself silly.”
Hours later, I recalled how I heard pounding on the front door. “I kept hoping it would go away, but it was relentless. I finally got out of my dad’s bed and answered the door. It was all the girls from the cross-country team. They pushed their way in the house. They had all kinds of food and drinks. One of them, Lillie, had brought her mother.”
“Lillie’s mom, Mrs. Mack, kept telling me how sorry she was and invited me to stay with their family. I refused, of course, but luckily for me, she took over making all sorts of phone calls. She, along with my attorney, Jay Dennis, literally saved me…they took care of all the arrangements for the funeral and Mr. Dennis handled everything else that had anything to do with finances. I couldn’t have gotten through it all without them.”
Chapter 3
By the time I finished telling them of my unfortunate past, tears were streaming down my face. Ironically, my sympathy went out to Cat and the others. How could they have realized the can of worms they were opening when the question was originally asked?
“I’m sorry for getting so sappy,” I apoligized.
“Are you kidding me? My gosh, after everything you’ve been through you deserve to be able to vent. I didn’t realize all that Maddie. Seriously, I am so sorry. Listen, if you ever need a shoulder or anything, you let me know,” Cat said, her voice quivering.
Great… I hadn’t wanted to make her cry too. Yeesh!
The other two girls chimed in with support. January knew my whole story since she and I had been in high school together. But when I glanced at Carlson, I almost had to suppress the urge to laugh. She had this ridiculous look on her face—like a deer in the headlights. I didn’t want to make any judgements, but from the looks of her, the worst thing she had ever dealt with in her life was possibly a broken nail. She was a society girl from Raleigh, North Carolina and it seemed her life had been filled with lots of parties, debutante balls and the like. She now looked positively… distraught!
“It’s ok Carlson. Really, I’ve been dealing with this for almost a year now. It’s improving all the time. Seriously, you look like you might have a heart attack yourself,” I said, trying to inject a bit of humor into the situation. Everyone kind of chuckled and then I added, “Hey you all, I am starving! Anyone up for some dinner?”
That got a resounding,”Yes,” so we headed out the door in search of food.
* * * * *
Cat and I seemed to jump into college life with both feet. We both joined the local hiking club. One of the reasons I had decided to attend Western Carolina was because of its location. It was situated a mere handful of miles from The Great Smoky Mountain National Park and my love for hiking and backpacking pushed me in this direction. Cat and I had promised each other we would do weekend trips to the Park as often as we could.
On a completely different tangent, we decided to go through rush. Boy, what an experience that turned out to be!
We had to dress up for parties and make constant conversation with a bunch of strangers. I was incessantly worried about tripping over my own feet, my dreaded problem I was saddled with, and doing a face plant in front of the sorority girls. Talk about a migraine. It was also a major pain in the ‘you know what’ to endure the mindless chatting that went on. I would make things up just to move the conversation along, but Cat was the best. The stories that girl could contrive would have you on the floor, bursting at the seams with laughter. Oh my gosh… she told one girl she had a pet goat that was blind and she told another girl she had spent the summer living in a Tibetan monastery! Where ever did she come up with that stuff?
Considering four of us were living in fairly close quarters, we all got along amazingly well, but I was worried about January. As I said, we were both from Spartanburg, South Carolina and had actually attended high school together. We weren’t close friends… January was actually two years younger than I. She was unbelievably bright and had skipped a couple of grades in elementary school. So we knew each other well enough as we had shared many classes, but she didn’t really hang out with anyone in our class. January was unbelievably kind and was always thinking about everyone but herself. But sometimes she seemed to withdraw into herself, like she had some deep, dark pain of which she dared not speak. She, like me, had no one there to help her move. She never spoke of her parents, and avoided any attempt at conversing about them. She would, however, talk lovingly about her younger siblings; she positively adored them. There was quite a big gap in their ages. Her little brother was eight, and her sister was six. She loved them fiercely and would write them letters all the time.
January was super busy going to school full time as well as working two jobs. She was burning the candle at both ends, and though she never complained about anything, I could sense there was something so not right with her. I tried once to open up a discussion, and she cut me off and said she didn’t want to discuss it—end of story. So I respected her wishes, and we never discussed it.
Carlson, Cat, and I intended to pledge a sorority. January declined, saying she was too busy with work and school and wouldn’t be able to afford it anyway. In the end, Carlson was the only one of us that actually pledged. Cat and I decided we were not cut out for it. Neither of us wanted to deal with the obligations that came with Greek life. Even though we didn’t pledge a sorority, there were always parties and mixers going on and we met tons of people, male and female. The guys were pretty cool for the most part, but I was mostly interested in friendship versus dating. I wanted to focus on my classes, and with all the other things I had on my plate, dating just didn’t seem to fit into the schedule.
One disappointment Cat and I shared was that we didn’t have much time to get to the park to hike or backpack. Cat and I laughed about it because initially we swore we would try to go every other weekend. In early November, we both realized that we had only gone one time, and we had completely missed the colorful leaf season. We promised each other we wouldn’t let that happen in the spring.
Chapter 4
It was hard to believe I was nearing the end of my first semester in college. Thanksgiving was in a couple of weeks, and then two weeks later we would be heading home for the Holidays. Finals were just around the corner, and I was expecting to be studying around the clock.
“Hey, Cat! How about hitting the park this weekend? I would love to get away before all the Holidays craziness starts.” I had just come in from the library, and I dumped my books on my desk.
“Hello! Are you crazy? We have that semi-formal dance on Saturday!” she said. Cat was stretched out her bed studying.
I checked the calendar. “Oh, no, I forgot about that!” I threw myself across my bed.
“What are you gonna wear? And who are you going with?” Cat wanted to know.
“Jonathon. Oh my gosh, I need to go shopping! I don’t have a thing to wear. I hope Jonathon doesn’t mind dancing with Gimpy over here. I just hate dancing; it’s so humiliating! Not to mention I look like a complete moron,” I rambled. I must have been making a ridiculous face because Catherine started laughing.
“Oh, come on now! Fess up already! You know you love it. I know you do. You have become quite the show girl.” She was referring to my dancing antics. I was such a horrible dancer that I had taken to exaggerating my movements for the fun of it.
“I really can’t figure you out, though.”
I rolled my eyes at her.
She continued, “You’re so athletic. I mean you’re a natural at any sport you attempt, graceful, in fact. One would think you’d be pretty decent at dancing. You know, you have to have some kind of rhythm if you can waltz across a soccer field the way you do. I SO don’t get it.” She let loose a big sigh. “In any case, you will definitely have a blast with Jonathon. He’s so sweet and so easy on the eyes too. Since he’s seriously in love with you, he won’t care a bit when you squash his feet!”
“Would you please stop it with the ‘he’s in love with you’ stuff already?” I barely knew the boy. “Besides, like I always say, I’m just not interested in going out with anyone.”
“Whatever. You know I’m right about Jonathon though, even if you won’t admit it. What about all those texts you get from him?” Cat hopped off her bed and grabbed a bag of chips. “Want some?”
“Naw… he does send me a lot of texts though. Never really thought much about that. But, hey, do you want to go to town tomorrow? I’d like to get this over with. You know how I can’t stand shopping.”
“Sure thing. What time?” she asked, as she continued to crunch on the chips.
* * * * *
We headed to the local town of Sylva the next afternoon to look for dresses. Believe it or not, the town actually had a great clothing store for college girls. They had unusual things that you couldn’t find in the bigger department stores.
I found a dress, shoes, and accessories in record time. It was a good thing too since shopping, in my humble opinion, was the antithesis of fun. My dress was a basic black, off-the-shoulder, cocktail number that was versatile enough to wear to a variety of functions. Since we had an hour to spare before we needed to head back, we wandered down the street to the local coffee shop to get a latte.
On the way there, Catherine noticed a strange man following us.
“Have you noticed that man following us down the street? I saw him before we hit the dress shop, but didn’t think much of it. He’s behind us again. It’s kind of making me nervous.”
“Don’t worry. It’s broad daylight, and there are two of us. Just think about it. This area attracts some weirdos anyway—you know how the mountains always do.” I acted a bit more sure of myself than I actually was as we continued walking.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right, and I’m just being paranoid.”
We sat at the coffee shop for around forty-five minutes and then headed back to our car. Cat looked around to make certain that man was gone, but she was not pleased with what she saw.
“Maddie,” she gasped, “there he is again.” She put a death grip on my arm. “This is definitely starting to creep me out. What should we do?” she asked anxiously.
“Yeah, it is kind of creepy. I read somewhere once that if you were afraid of being followed, you should go directly to the police station. Do you know where it is?” I now shared Cat’s apprehension, but I didn’t want to alarm her.
“I think it’s on the next block. I don’t think it would be a good idea to go to our car. I don’t want him to know what we’re driving or what our tag number is.”
“Good idea! Let’s head to the police station.”
When he saw our intended destination, he turned the corner and went the other way. We told the police about what happened, and they took down a description of him and escorted us back to our car. After that day, we never gave him another thought.
Big mistake… very big mistake.
* * * * *
The dance was a complete success, and it was way different than the few high school dances I had attended. Jonathon was the perfect date: sweet, gentlemanly, funny, and an excellent sport about getting his toes constantly trampled and saving me from nearly falling several times. He escorted me home, but I think he wished we had spent more time together that night.
When Cat came home, we recounted our evening.
“Jonathon is definitely hot after you. The word was out everywhere. All his friends kept asking me if I thought you were interested in him, as a, you know, someone to go out with. I told all of them that they would have to ask you and that I wasn’t your keeper. So, Maddie, what do you think about him?” she was yanking her dress off as quickly as possible.
“Oh, no!” I groaned. “I mean he’s really nice, sweet and all, a good sport, and pretty cute, but I just don’t want to go out with anyone yet. I don’t mind a date here and there, but I’m not interested in just one guy.”
“Maddie, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
She had that ‘you should’ve listened to me’ look in her eye.
“A blind person could notice that. My gosh, he practically drools whenever you’re around. What in the world are you running from anyway?” Cat demanded from me, as she pulled off her jewelry and threw it in her drawer.
“Nothing. I’m not running,” I insisted. “I just have my priorities. I think that school is more important, and I don’t want to have to dedicate time to having a boyfriend or anything. I have enough on my plate right now, and that would complicate things even more,” I explained as she raised her brow and gave me that ‘I don’t believe you’ look.
“Why don’t you just admit it, Maddie? Own up to the fact that you’ve erected a wall around yourself that’s twenty feet high and three feet thick. You won’t let anyone through no matter how great they are.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“You know what I mean. Quit trying to pretend you don’t. You can fool yourself if you want to, but you can’t fool me,” Cat retorted.
“I’m not trying to fool anyone!” I exclaimed with exasperation.
“Oh, yeah? Then why won’t you even consider hanging out with anyone? Jonathon, by your own words, is a perfect gentleman. And he obviously thinks very highly of you, yet you won’t even give him a chance.”
“I told you why!” I exclaimed again. By this point, our voices had risen to the point of yelling at each other. “I don’t want to get involved with anyone!”
“Maddie, stop! If you won’t admit it, I’ll admit it for you. You’re afraid. You’re afraid you may actually like him and that he may like you.” Cat continued to badger me.
“No, that’s not it. You don’t understand. You can’t possibly understand,” I insisted.
“What? That you’re afraid of losing someone again? Is that it?” Cat was very perceptive. When I didn’t respond, she continued, “Maddie, if you don’t ever put yourself out there, you’ll always be alone.”
“Well, maybe it’s not so bad that way. I’ve made it this far, haven’t I?” I asked.
“Yeah, and look at everything you have. You know, you’re going to have to break down those walls sooner or later or you’ll be a lonely old woman someday,” she blasted back at me.
“What could you possibly know about loneliness?” I snidely asked.
“Not nearly what you know about it, but that’s not the worst, Maddie. The worst thing of all is that you have lost all faith and hope—faith in your fellow man and hope that your life can be everything you want it to be. You won’t let yourself feel either of them and when you’ve lost faith and hope, you’ve got nothing left. I feel sorry for you, Maddie, and not because of what you’ve already lived through. I pity you because you won’t have much of anything in the future without faith and hope.”
“I wish it were that easy, Cat; I really do.”
“And I wish you would change yourself so that you can really live again and not just go through the motions. You should be having the time of your life right now, living the dream and all, but you won’t let yourself. Don’t wait too long, Maddie; you’ll regret it.”
“How did you get to be so wise, Cat?” I asked. She said things to me that needed to be said, even though I didn’t want to listen to her.
“I’m not wise. I’m just observant. And I care about you like a sister. I want you to embrace life again and not just pretend you are. Can you promise me you’ll try?” Cat asked.
“Yes, I’ll try. But I can’t promise you any more than that. OK?” Cat nodded, and I continued, “Besides, I just don’t feel any chemistry with Jonathon, if you know what I mean. I think that’s my issue if you want the truth. Every guy that shows an interest in me leaves me with nothing but a blah feeling. Can you unzip this thing? I’m stuck.” I glanced up to see Cat standing there with her mouth hanging open.
“OMG, if he doesn’t blow your skirt up, I doubt anyone ever will! He is totally hot, and I just think you’re making excuses,” she chided as she grabbed the zipper and released me from my prison. “So, on a different note, what do you want me to tell Jonathon’s friends? I know my cell is going to be ringing off the hook tomorrow.”
“Yeesh! I hate this!” I yelled. “Just say that if they want to know they need to ask me! That will shut them up!” I picked up one of those pre-moistened facial cloths and started rubbing off my make-up. “And, for the record, I swear I’m not making excuses!” I said adamantly.
“If ya shay so. But it wouldn’t sprise me if dey all call ya. Ya know haw dey’ll keep afta you till ya tell dem sumtin,” she slurred out around her toothbrush and toothpaste.
“So what did you think about your date tonight?”
“Hang on.” Swish, rinse, ahh. “In a word: hot! No make that two words: really hot!”
“Shut up! I wouldn’t have known that by the way you were both draped over each other,” I teased.
“He was awesome! I had the BEST time!” she gushed, as her cheeks turned pink from excitement.
“Did you all hook up or anything?”
“Yeah, and he would have gone for more if I had let him. You know me, though, after my last disastrous experience, no encouragement in that area,” she added firmly.
“I wish they would just quit trying to do that; it gets so old. It seems like that’s the only thing they ever think of,” Maddie declared, rolling her eyes.
“Not all of them are like that, and Scott wasn’t like that at all. He was really nice about it, and I am definitely ‘in like’ a whole bunch. He’s supposed to call in the morning. He said something about lunch tomorrow,” Cat said excitedly. “I haven’t been this thrilled about a boy in, shoot, I can’t remember when!”
“Awesome! I hope he turns out to be exactly what you want. I’m going to crash; I can’t seem to keep my eyes open. Thanks, Cat. I know what you’re trying to do, and I really do appreciate it, even though I may act otherwise.”
“I know and just a little FYI: I WILL keep hounding you about this whenever the opportunity presents itself. I’m just warning you. Good night, Maddie,” Cat finished.
“Night,” I said as I switched off my light. As I lay there, I thought about everything Cat had said. She was right… one hundred percent dead on. I had built up a wall around myself for protection. I wouldn’t allow myself to feel emotional pain for anything. I had my fill of that. But, she was also wrong about something. I did not feel a thing for Jonathon… or any other boy I had been with for that matter. When Jonathon had kissed me, I might as well have been kissing a brick wall. There was nothing there for me… no sparks, no butterflies, nothing at all. Maybe there was something wrong with me, I thought as I drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 5
Thanksgiving arrived, and Cat’s family begged me to join them for dinner. After a ton of cajoling and enticing, I finally agreed. I didn’t want to intrude on them but the thought of spending Thanksgiving alone, threw me back in time, to painful memories that brought the darkness upon me.
* * * * *
One Year Ago
Thanksgiving was around the corner, and I hadn’t thought about it until the Monday before. We didn’t have school from Wednesday on, giving everyone a nice break. Well, everyone except for me. I didn’t have anywhere to go for the traditional Thanksgiving dinner. I think all my friends assumed I would be going somewhere, but in the end, since I had never learned to cook, I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It was pathetic, but it was out of my hands. I decided that I had to make some kind of plans for Christmas. There was no way I could do a repeat of this. It was simply too depressing.
The Friday after Thanksgiving, I decided to keep up our family tradition and buy a fresh tree. I went to the place by the YMCA, where we always got our tree and picked out a really pretty one. I had the man tie it to the roof of my jeep so that I could drive the six blocks home. When I got it home, though, I had to get my neighbor to help me get it in the house. It was simply too heavy for me to do on my own. I had a doozy of a time trying to get it straight in the stand. After it fell over a time or two (well, maybe more like ten), I finally had it looking pretty decent. Ok, it wasn’t great, but it would do.
I pulled the decorations out of the attic and put some Christmas carols on, determined to make this a happy event for myself. Christmas had always been my favorite time of year, so I wanted to keep the great memories flowing. That sure did backfire though. After I got the lights strung and started hanging ornaments, I began thinking about the presents we normally had under the tree, and that’s when the tears started to flow.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself, Maddie, I kept saying. But in the end, that’s not why I was so miserable. The dark cloud of heartache had imprisoned me, and I was saddened by thoughts of all the Christmases I wouldn’t have with either of my parents. I realized that it wasn’t the holiday that I had always craved, but it was the closeness of the family relationships that I loved so much. I turned off the music and the tree lights and went up to my room. A week before Christmas, I took down the tree. It had become a symbol of something I could never have and made it nearly unbearable for me to walk in the room where it stood.
On Christmas Day, I woke up at five in the morning and decided to go for a run. I desperately needed to get out of the house, and I knew running would offer me an escape. As I made my way to the street, I could see a few houses in the neighborhood coming to life. Through the windows I saw glimpses of lights turning on and figures moving back and forth. I imagined the little ones were waking up and dashing to the tree to check out what Santa had left them. Oh, how I envied them. It was still dark out, so I decided to peep in one of the windows of my neighbor’s house. I know—kind of creepy and all— but my desire to be near someone and watch their joy on Christmas morning overrode any hesitations I may have had.
The little kids were flying around, their cheeks pink with excitement. I could see their frustrated parents trying to calm them down so that there would be some sense of order. Chaos ruled in the end, and the little ones had a blast, wrapping paper and toys flying everywhere.
When the sun started to lighten the sky, I backed away, afraid of being discovered, like a peeping tom. I didn’t have the energy for a run anymore, so I went back home and changed clothes so that I could attend the early church service. I slipped in at the last moment and sat in the back row to avoid seeing anyone. I didn’t pay much attention to the service. I simply reminisced about the previous Christmas when I sat there with my dad. When it was over, I realized I had barely heard a word.
I couldn’t endure going home, so I drove around town for a while. Eventually, I ran out of places to go and ended up back at my house. I changed once again into some exercise clothing and headed down to the woods. I decided I would stay there as late as I possibly could. I ran and ran and ran until my legs felt like dead weight and my lungs were on fire. I ran to chase away the demons, to forget about being alone, to remember the good times, and to release all of my sadness. I ran until I couldn’t run another step. I ended up on the big bridge over Lawson’s Fork Creek and sat there until it started getting dark.
I had lots of conversations that day with God, my parents, and the grandparents I never met. I begged for their help, because somehow, I knew there was a reason for all of this, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what it was.
It was an oddity because when my dad was still alive, I always thought our lives were so full of everything—friends, family, love and so on. I never thought about it only being the two of us, never thought about not having any relatives to visit or cousins with whom to hang out. I was always so happy with him; it never dawned on me that being completely and totally alone was only a heartbeat, or lack of it, away.
The sun had set, and the darkness was rapidly encroaching when I pulled myself off the bridge and made my way home. I didn’t have any idea how long I had sat there, but I was shivering from the cold. By the time I unlocked the back door, it was pitch black outside. I was not the least bit sad to kiss that Christmas goodbye. I decided that day I would not spend another Christmas in that house. I was going to call the attorney, Mr. Dennis, to find out what I needed to do in order to sell it. I had to move away from there. I would buy a condo or rent an apartment or something. There were too many memories there. I needed to move forward in my life, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to if I stayed there.
Life could really suck. I thought it was awful when my mom died, but this was much worse. There were no words to explain it. I was in a place that I hated, but I seemed helpless to change anything.
I made the decision then to head up to the mountains the next morning. I would go on a two or three day hike. I would start at Newfound Gap and head toward I-40. Getting out of Spartanburg was a must. It would be a great escape and help divert my thoughts away from the holidays. In fact, this would be my plan for all of my Christmases in the future. The time had come for me to move forward and make my life my own, with a new future, one that wasn’t overshadowed and burdened by the past.
My time in the mountains was excellent and upon my return, I put the ball in motion to move and surround myself with new things. I was quickly approaching graduation and the thoughts of establishing a new life for myself was uplifting. I was fortunate enough to be financially set, as my dad had ensured that with his investments and life insurance. I wouldn’t have to worry about finances for college, living expenses and would most likely have a nice nest egg for the future.
* * * * *
I yanked myself back to the present. My flashbacks tended to put me in a funk so I was relieved when I felt the darkness begin to lift. I was eager to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with Cat’s family; it would be something new and different for me. I would follow her to Asheville after classes finished on Tuesday and stay until Friday, when I would head down to Spartanburg, to check on things back home.
The Newman residence was wickedly wild on Thanksgiving, and I absolutely loved it! I had never experienced anything like it—a big change from all my past Thanksgivings. There were four kids in their immediate family, with Cat being second in line. She had two brothers and one sister. Then her five cousins and aunt and uncle were there, along with her grandparents. It was quite an event. Her mom was totally calm, cool and collected. I didn’t know how she managed it all.
All the women pitched in with the food. Cat’s grandmother brought the mashed potatoes, the sweet potato crunch and two pumpkin pies with homemade whipped cream. Her aunt made green beans and corn soufflé, and she also brought homemade biscuits and rolls.
Cat’s mom made everything else—turkey, stuffing, gravy, and all the fixings, plus a homemade chocolate pound cake. It was all so wonderfully delicious. I couldn’t remember ever being that happy… and stuffed!
We had a blast that night playing all kinds of games, and we ended staying up until two in the morning. I adored Cat’s family. They were such warm people, and I envied their closeness. I would have to remind her of that when we got back to school. When my head hit the pillow that night, I felt like Harry Potter when he visited the Weasley’s. It was warm fuzzies all the way.
We woke up the next day around noon. I felt more relaxed than I had in forever. This visit with the Newmans had been the most perfect time ever. I hated to think of leaving, but I needed to head to Spartanburg since I hadn’t been there since August. That afternoon I was headed home down I-26 for the rest of the weekend.
After all the activity in my dorm and all the noise and mayhem at the Newman’s, the silence at my house was a bit unsettling. I had so gotten used to having people around that I found myself craving the activity and commotion.
Chapter 6
When Sunday finally arrived, I was more than ready to head back to Western. Catherine had beaten me back. I noticed her car in the parking lot. I grabbed my stuff out of my car and ran up to my room, colliding with Cat as she was headed out the door.
“Hey! Where are you headed?”
“I’m gonna grab a pizza. Wanna come?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m starving.”
We headed to the local pizzeria and caught up on our weekend.
“So how was it?” Cat asked.
“Oh, it was nice to see all my friends, but the house was scary lonely. The other thing, I don’t feel like I have as much in common with my friends anymore. And, if you can even believe this, I missed you!” I said.
“Hey… what do you mean ‘if you can believe this’? I can’t understand why everyone doesn’t miss me!”
“Shut up! What about you? Did you have fun?”
“Well, after beating up my brother a time or two, I guess it was ok.”
“Hey, I’d trade with you in a heartbeat any time. Don’t knock it,” I admonished.
“Just kidding! No, really, I missed you too. And I had fun with my fam. They’re good peeps for sure. They all loved you, by the way.”
“Tell ‘em I feel the same. They’re awesome! It was great being with you all for Thanksgiving. Cat, I don’t think I’ve ever had such a great one.
Cat was fidgeting with her napkin, twisting it around, and I sensed something was on her mind.
“What’s up? I can read you like a book.”
“That obvious, huh?”
“Yeah. What’s going on?”
“My parents want me to move back home and go to UNCA, University of North Carolina at Asheville.”
“What?” I was dumbstruck and felt the beginnings of panic begin to course through me.
Cat’s parents were tight for money and didn’t know if they could afford her tuition and boarding expenses. They thought it would be a better decision for the family if she would move back home. I could see how upset she was, and she was trying her best not to show it.
“Can you apply for scholarship money?” I inquired.
“I’ve already done that, and I’m also applying for financial aid. But I don’t know if I can swing it. They said they would help me with tuition, but that they can’t help me with my room and board. So, basically, I’m screwed.”
“No, let’s think about it. I can help you. I have money, Cat. I can loan it to you, and you can repay me whenever—no time frame or anything. No interest either. I… you can’t leave here.” I reached across the table and squeezed her hands. “You are my only family, and I’ve just found you. You can’t leave me now,” I said brokenly. I was heartsick by the prospect of Cat not being here. I couldn’t stand the thought of it.
“Hey, Maddie, don’t be upset. Ok? I don’t want to leave you, but I can’t take your money either,” she said sadly.
I felt like a jerk. Here she was trying to comfort me!
“What about a job?” I asked.
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